I'm Vietnamese by birth. I came to America as a teenager, and I can't imagine ever leaving. The American people are the finest people in the world: cheerful, hard-working, generous to a fault, and almost too hospitable to be believed. I couldn't quite believe what I'd been told about America until I got here. Even today it sometimes seems unreal.
I even found love here. That sometimes seems unreal, too, and maybe I'll tell you that story some other time. But there are aspects of being married to a white man that I never grasped until I'd done it. There are aspects of being married to a Catholic that baffled me as well. Some of them still do.
Mark is a dear. He's hard-working, affectionate, sweet-natured, devoted to me, and absolutely reliable, come rain or shine. Though he's several years younger than I am -- I'm 35, and he's 28 -- he's at least as mature. Though we've only been married a few months, I can't imagine ever wanting to be with anyone else.
But he has an aversion to pleasure. Not to enjoyment; he has a number of hobbies and pastimes he enjoys greatly.
Physical
pleasure, though, seems to cause him a lot of stress. If it feels good, he backs away from it. His unease about pleasure was obvious from the day we met. It inhibited me from touching him for a tragically long time.
Yes, he brings that reluctance to bed with him. I should say he took it with him, until a short while ago.
***
One of Mark's hobbies is target shooting. He's very good at it; he has to be, as his job involves marketing sporting firearms wholesale. But there are certain hazards that go along with a visit to the rifle range -- and they don't all involve high-velocity lead.
A couple of weeks ago, Mark and his friends spent an entire Saturday, fourteen hours, shooting, drinking beer, and eating...well, I suppose it was
technically
food. There were probably even traces of nutrition in it. But it was a far cry from anything that would ever appear on my dinner table.
Mark may be young and strong, but he's not invulnerable. No one can cram his belly full of garbage for a whole day and not suffer for it. Mark certainly got his: a bout of constipation that had him in tears from cramps and praying for relief. When he told me he was suffering too greatly even to go to church, I knew things were serious. Mark
never
misses Sunday Mass.
He spent most of that Sunday morning on the pot, straining without result. It was painful to listen to. (Yes, the door to the bathroom was closed; that's how loud he got.) After a few hours I couldn't let it go on any more.
I nudged open the bathroom door and stuck my head around the edge. There he was -- I know; where else
would
he be? -- and saw him squatting there, head down, face contorted in agony, tears leaking from his eyes. His legs quivered from the strain. He was rubbing his belly with both hands, hoping that with a little mechanical encouragement he might get started. From the deep red marks on his abdomen, he'd been trying it for a while.
"Sweetie?"
His head flew up, his eyes met mine, and his face turned the deepest red I've ever seen.
"It's not working, is it?"
He shook his head once and looked away.
"Would you like me to help?"
That brought his head back around. "You can?"
I nodded. "If you'll let me. But you'll have to trust me." I swallowed. "A lot."
I took his grimace of pain for assent and entered the bathroom.
***
I suppose I should mention that I was once a prostitute.
Yes, Mark knows. And he understands. There aren't a lot of ways for an orphaned fifteen-year-old girl in Vietnam to support herself. My sole assets were my body, and the fact that Oriental men in general are sexually drawn to underage girls. That, and the willingness to endure what I must to survive, were all I had for several weary years.