All night long, at the Louisiana state line, I could not lose––not with Kylie blowing on the dice, not with her full California lips smooching sweet luck into our numbers––making them sizzle, making any-sevens every time. When luck courts your woman, you know your woman's fine as they come, and Kylie surely was. And for a hundred-fifty miles I watched that fine woman sleep next to me, the morning light gracing her thigh where her short, flimsy, green dress rode way far up during the night, and I knew if I didn't get me a piece of that booty soon, I'd run our Totyota pickup into an old cow fence.
But I also grown real hungry for food, and my eyes left my wife's black panties in search of someplace to eat alongside the long Texas 10. Our trip to the riverboat craps table had paid big, leaving a sweet seven-hundred burning in my pocket, so I itched to reward Kylie with fresh croissants and espresso, but such a thing doesn't exist between Huston and San Antonio, and I instead pulled into a diner boasting the best waffles in Texas.
Kylie began stirring as our truck bumped up the pounded dirt driveway and crunched into the gravel lot. I then noticed the building directly behind the diner, and followed through to its larger lot. It belonged to a titty-bar, and I saw a sweet chance to get a little rise out of my wife.
She ran a hand through her spiky brown hair as her turquoise eyes twitched open and peered through the bug splattered windshield. She immediately read out loud the sign mounted on the building's tin roof. "The Road Hump Gentleman's Club?"
"We've got ourselves seven hundred bucks––time to have a little fun!"
"You'd better be kidding me, or you're about to be two balls short of a pair."
I bounced out my door and went around to hers. I took her hand, leading her out of the cab, and as her back lifted away from the vinyl seat, I could see her dress was soaked down her backside.
"Damn it! I'm so done with the constant sweating. How did you ever live here?"
"Easy, baby––we Southerner's, our hide is thicker, like tire tread." I pinched the skin around my bicep to prove it. "And I was broke in––humidity on me all day and Southern girlies on me all night."
I began leading her towards the diner, but she stopped.
"Albee, come on, there's nothing remotely vegetarian here. Can't we just get to San Antonio?"
"What about the best waffles in Texas? I've seen you eat eggs!"
"
Organic
!"
"
Damn
, can you be more difficult?"
I gave her a push from behind, making her march towards the diner. "I gotta eat something, sugar shackles. I'll get you some toast and coffee, and we'll stop again at some hippy hangout in San Antonio where you can eat hummus and sprouts and I can burn a fatty."
She walked ahead of me and spoke over her shoulder. "Eat what I do for one week and you'll feel so clean inside you won't ever wanna eat this crap."
"Well, maybe you oughta eat some crap for a week and pack some meat on your bones." I raced up behind her, reached around to squeeze her boobs, and let her know exactly where I imagined that extra bit of packing would go.
"You ding-dong! You sure are full of yourself this morning. And if you don't like my tits, I know plenty who do."
Her twenty-five-year old perky tits were perfect, and she fucking well knew it, so I had to give her shit, 'cause it's the only to keep a heart stopper like Kylie interested. She wouldn't have married some punk gushing all over her––she'd craved a leading man.
The sun had just broken off from the flat lavender horizon, and Kylie rubbed her eyes while I pulled the glass door. As my wife made her way to the single bathroom to brush her teeth and take a paper towel bath, I took a counter seat and tapped to get the waitress' attention. She was in her fifties, with a face that aged nicely around her wide smile.
"Hi doll, what can I do you for this morning?"
"Two coffees, and couple pieces of toast, and big OJ––all to go, Ma'am, if you don't mind."
"Not at all. You want a couple of the little jam packets with you're toast?
"No thanks, Ma'am!"
Business was slow, and I felt bad for ordering so little. I sat at the corner of the counter, close to a booth occupied by a sleepy looking trucker. I was itching with excitement, and the silent, worn out, little diner begged for some noise. I swiveled my stool around and asked the sleepy trucker where he headed.
"Going out to Blanco, and then wherever Central Freight sends me next."
The waitress had come around to pour him more coffee. "And all these years I thought you just come our way for a piece of Manny's apple pie."
I couldn't resist her kindness anymore. "Ma'am, I'll take a slice of that on a plate."
"You betchya, doll!"
The trucker smiled at her as she headed back behind the counter, and then flagged me to lean towards him.
"Don't tell Darlene, but I really comes through here for the pie they serving round back at the Road Hump." He winked at me and I smelled whisky on his breath. He must have slept in the big truck parked along the very back of the Road Hump lot, about thirty feet from where I parked my Toyota pickup.
"There's gotta be more churches than 7-11s in this town, you telling me they let that kind shit fly here?"
"Hell, Sherriff knows what's going on, and he always come back for more––
ha
!"
I then saw a chance to rile up the mood, and brewed up a little lie.
"Good to know! Though, it's a shame ya gotta be on the road tonight, 'cause Road Hump just got themselves some new stock."
"You ain't talking about that cute thing come in with ya?"
"Sho'nuf am!"
"Sweet mother of pearl, she is damn sho' cuter 'n' anything set foot on that stage in my ten years riggin' through here. She gonna make a mint."
I whipped out my wallet and flashed the trucker the seven-hundred we won at craps. "That's one nights work in the French Quarter. Lots a table dances in that stack, but most gets made around back." This time
I
winked.
"Well I'm passing here at least two times a month. What's her name––'cause I sho' is hell gonna ask for her."
I told him, and he seemed to brighten up like he swallowed a chunk of sunshine. He introduced himself as Colin, and we shook hands. My pie arrived then and I turned back around for a couple of bites. Kylie stepped out of the single bathroom and we both looked her way. She looked so fucking good as she walked towards us––a little dirty, a little tired, and a bit fogged over from our wild night at the riverboat––all of it divulging she was more badass than this little town could handle. I introduced her to Colin, she politely smiled, and then I told her to finish off the pie while I quickly hit the head.
As I stepped through the bathroom door, I looked back to see Colin eyeing up Kylie as she hunted through the pie for chunks of apple. I figured the trucker wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut, not with the big smile he had going, and he had no idea what messing with Kylie meant. That trucker was gonna trigger a mouthful outta her fo' sho'!
While pissing in the head I heard a loud crash. I shook, zipped, flushed and ran back to the diner. The trucker sat in his booth wiping off his shirt with a napkin, as the waitress rushed over with a damp rag. Apple pie had splattered all over his front side, and shards of plate were on the floor. Kylie was gone.
"Shit! What happen to you?"
"That bitch of yers is crazy, that's what happened to me."
I slapped a twenty on the counter. "For your trouble, Ma'am." I then turned to the trucker. "If I gotta come back in here, it's gonna be bad!"
The waitress froze in fear, but the trucker remained calm. Still, he knew better than to say what he must have been thinking, so I went for Kylie.
She sat on the lowered tailgate and eye-balled me crossing the lot. "Did you tell that old gross trucker I was a dancer?"
"He wasn't that old and he wasn't that gross."
"The way he looked at me was totally gross, like I was on the menu."
"Well, I might have said something about you starting at the Road Hump."
"Goddammit, Albee, why would you tell him such a thing?"