The Jokes On Who

Author's Note:

This flash is my entry in the April Fools' day contest. The inspiration came while driving to work one morning. It is told mostly in dialog, and is shorter than most of my other submissions. I hope you enjoy it!

Thanks to Guinahart and SBrooks103x for editing and making this a better read. I really do rely on them to catch all the stupid mistakes that I make (tons), and can't seem to pick up even after several re-reads. Thank you!

Disclaimers:

(Borrowed this disclaimer idea from a much better author...) It's probably too short. I probably don't know how to spell very well. Somewhere, a story like this one has likely already been told. If for some reason you make it to the end and still don't like it, I will gladly give you a refund.

*****************************

"So, before the break, we'd just finished calling a woman and telling her that her daughter had won the lottery, but she had to come claim the winnings in the next ten minutes. What a riot!"

"I know, I thought she was going to hyper-ventilate for a minute! I'm just glad we stopped her before she got on the road and killed someone!"

"If you're just tuning in today, we here at KZOT 83.5 in Austin, are having a fun April Fools' day special. We are pranking as many people as we can during the show. Tiffany, and me, your debonair host, Jonas, are going to get our listeners as many laughs as we can."

"Jonas, I gotta tell you, this next one could be really funny. I'm looking forward to it."

"Here's the setup. Robert wants us to call his wife, and give her a hard time about a conference she recently attended. Robert, why don't you tell us a little info about your wife and this conference."

A new voice chimes in. "Thanks. So yeah, my wife, Christine, goes to a work-related off-site meeting. They do it about once a month, where all the senior management team gather and figure stuff out. She says she hates it. I'd gone with her a few times when she first got promoted, but found them very boring and haven't gone since."

"Before we call her, any last information we should know about?"

"Yeah, her official title is Director, she snores, and says that she is always bored at these things. She told me this last trip that she saw a movie and barely enjoyed it. Oh, and they always hold it at the DFW Hilton."

"Perfect! Okay, let's get Christine on the phone. Please, remember to stay quiet until we reveal that it's all a joke, okay?"

"Sure. This is gonna be great!"

It's quiet for a second, then a dial-tone is heard. Some numbers are dialed, digitally beeping, and then the phone is ringing. It's picked up on the third ring.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mrs. Christine Gordon, Director at

*bleep*

?"

"Yes, I'm Christine. Who's this? What's this about?" an obviously confused woman responds.

"My name is Seth Yellowstone, and I'm a manager at the Hilton DFW Lakes Executive Conference Center. You recently stayed with us, and I have a matter that we need to discuss."

"Yes, I was there for a work conference. Is there a problem?"

"Well, yes, there is. Unfortunately, you only paid for a single guest in your room, not two."

"Um, excuse me? Why would I have to pay for two people, when I was there alone?"

"Oh, ma'am, it's really not that hard to tell when two people have shared a room. Are you telling me that you didn't have a nice weekend with your husband?"

"NO! He was at home! What the heck are you trying to imply?"

"Ma'am, I'm afraid we have security footage of you and another person entering the room. We didn't see anyone leaving the room until the next morning, which means..."

"What the

*bleep*

are you talking about?! There was NO ONE ELSE!"

"Ma'am, please calm down. I'm just trying to work with you to get this settled. All I need to do, is work with you to get the extra occupant paid for."

"But that's what I'm trying to tell you, there wasn't anyone else in my room!"

"Mrs. Gordon, I can tell you're getting upset. Please, let's just handle this discreetly and move on. I'm sure you have a lot to do today, and we really don't want this to be any more unpleasant that it has to be."

"WHAT THE

*bleep*

IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? Are you THREATENING me?"

"Well, we also reviewed our security cameras, and saw that you and the same man were together at the pool, and the tennis courts. We have reason to believe you spent the whole weekend with..."

"You need to put your supervisor on, right NOW! I'm not talking to you anymore! This is ridiculous!"

"I can put the General Manager on, but I'm afraid he's going to tell you the same thing. He might even just decide we should call the police to get this matter taken care of."

"But I didn't break any LAWS! WHAT THE

*bleep*

IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"Oh, I should also mention that the guests in the room next to yours called the front desk, to report a loud noise from your room on one of the nights. They assumed it was just the result of loud love-making, but while on the phone with the receptionist, the noises stopped."

There was silence for a few seconds, then a deep sigh.

"How much does it cost, anyhow? It can't be that much more for a second person. I'll just pay it. Next time I'm making him pay, and we'll stay somewhere else. Those walls must be paper thin, if someone heard us. There's no way we're ever staying there again."

More silence followed, so she continued.

"Hello? I said I'll pay for him, damn it!"

"But you said you were alone..."

"What? Who was that? What the

*bleep*

is going on here?"

"Hi, Christine? This is actually Jonas, from KZOT 83.5. April Fools'! Your husband wanted to set you up, It's a prank phone call. Robert's been on the other line the whole time."

"Robert? Oh my god! Honey? That's not what I meant to say..."

A distinct click, and then dial-tone was heard, as Christine was still begging and pleading that he listen. He wasn't likely to listen to her ever again.

*****************************

So yeah, it was brief. I never meant it to be a long-winded story. I also realize that you can't have 83.5 on a normal car radio, but that's the fun of fiction. I hope you enjoyed this little break from reality. As others have said before me, LIGHTEN UP! Have a wonderful day, and please remember to vote, and comment if you want to. I read them all, positive or not.