The Joke Is On You My Dear

The couple came in the front door of the Santa Fe art gallery on a late Friday afternoon. Their entrance was accompanied by a blast of chilly air. Inside they were greeted by a warm, cheery atmosphere filled with the joyful sounds of seasonal Christmas carols. Christmas was only two weeks away.

Hector Sanchez, the part-owner of the art gallery and resident artist, examined the couple happily. They were an obviously well-heeled pair who might add to the already solid Christmas season profits. The man was a big fellow in an expensive grey Italian Brunello Cucinelli winter coat. The lady was a delightful sight, laughing brightly as she brushed snow from her long, curly blond tresses. She was attired in a vibrant, red Gucci wool coat whose price no doubt matched that of her husband's coat. The lovely woman looked to be in her late twenties and certainly must be a trophy wife as her husband appeared to be a good fifteen or twenty years her senior. Oh yes, these two were welcome customers, indeed.

"Feliz Navidad, my friends!" Hector boomed cheerfully. "Come in, come in out of the cold. Let me help you out of your coats and come have some Christmas egg nog with us."

The couple accepted the hospitality gratefully. Maria, Hector's sister and other part-owner of the gallery, joined them. Quickly, the couple's coats were hanging on a rack behind the cash register, and they all had a mug of warm rum-laced egg nog in hand. Fragrant nutmeg and joyful music wafted around the group as introductions were made all around.

The couple were David and Sandy Harrison of Dallas. He was in big-time finance and was in town for a Monday meeting. Neither Sandy nor David had been to Santa Fe before so they decided to enjoy a weekend holiday before the meeting touring and Christmas shopping.

Sandy had graduated from the University of Texas in journalism and worked for a Dallas newspaper for a few years before marrying David. She was now mostly a lady of leisure. However, she did keep her hand in the writing business with some nonfiction and fiction contributions to various outlets.

Hector and Maria were beaming happily at the prospect of these well-to-do customers coming to their art gallery to look for Christmas presents. Hopefully they had big families and many friends who needed presents.

Hector asked pleasantly, "So how can we help you, my friends? Maria creates delightful modern and traditional jewelry. I do a variety of graphic arts in different media including my favorite, oil paintings. Our brother, Ferdinand, is a professor of fine arts down at the University of New Mexico in Albuquerque. We get him to come down out of the academic clouds from time to time to turn out some truly exquisite pottery. Santa Fe is something of a regional art Mecca so we also represent quite a number of other local artists from around New Mexico, Colorado, and Arizona. I am sure we have something here that will interest you."

David nodded saying cheerfully, "Wonderful, wonderful. I am looking for something very special in the jewelry department for my lovely bride for her Christmas present. Sandy, here, is searching for a painting for the house. Do you think you can help us?"

"Oh, by all means! David, why don't you go with Maria, and she can help you with some jewelry choices. I'll take Sandy under wing, and we will see what paintings we have that might interest her.

Maria smiled, "Come on David, I have some great things to show you."

As Maria turned to lead David over to the jewelry counters, David frowned and said, "Wait! What's this?"

He reached over behind Maria's ear and plucked out a four-inch tall angel Christmas ornament. He held it up for all to see. Maria gasped, reached up to feel her ear, and stuttered "What? Where did that come from?"

Then everyone realized it was a skillful sleight-of-hand trick by David. They all laughed. David presented the angel to Maria with a bow and laughed "Here, for your Christmas tree." Maria and David ambled toward the jewelry counter laughing and talking amiably.

Hector smiled at Sandy, "David is good. He fooled me."

Sandy replied with amusement in her voice, "Oh yes, he is. Sometimes I don't think he ever grew up and is a perpetual ten-year old imp. He is forever playing tricks on everyone, especially on me. Nobody is safe."

Hector arched his eyebrows up, "That could prove interesting."

Sandy laughed cynically, "That's an understatement. It's funny except for when I want to kill him!" She shook her head ruefully and then said brightly, " Let's go see if you have a painting for me."

As Hector and Sandy made their way to the back of the gallery where rows of paintings hung, Sandy explained what she was looking for. "We added a large den to the house this fall. We use it to entertain, watch TV, and the like. We have a bar opposite the pool side that seats three couples, and I am looking for something to hang behind the bar."

Hector nodded as he listened. "It sounds like we need a rather large painting. What are you trying to say with this painting; what impact do you want?"

"I want it to be original and eye-catching. Something provocative that generates conversation among guests. Shocking might even be good. I had thought about a modern art piece. But I spent the last month looking at galleries in Dallas and Ft. Worth, and nothing spoke to me. I am back at square one just casting about. Here in Santa Fe I thought I might find something with a southwestern motif, which would fit fine in Dallas."

Sandy and Hector examined a variety of paintings as they moved down the aisles. All were interesting with different themes: a monstrous storm sweeping across the desert, a gaunt old man in old-town Santa Fe, fiery sunsets, a Hopi shaman ceremony, a haunting picture of the Chaco Canyon ruins with an ominous stormy sky, some modernistic depictions with southwestern elements ... But nothing quite worked for Sandy.

Hector pursed his lips thoughtfully and asked, ""What about a nude?"

"A nude?" replied a doubtful Sandy. "Isn't that rather passe?"

Hector laughed as he answered, "The nude is a constant in art. Art must tell about our human experience. Certainly sex is an elemental and very fundamental part of that experience. Consequently, art must also present the erotic side of human life, if it is to be germane. Nudes fell out of fashion for a spell recently but are certainly coming back strong again. I have sold four or five by different artists this last year to customers from New York to LA. If you find the right piece, it can certainly generate quite a buzz."

"Really? I hadn't thought about a nude. Do you have anything to see now."

"Yes, I believe I have three at the moment. Let's take a look."

Hector led Sandy to the next aisle where three paintings hung. One showed a nude, buxom woman sprawled on a rumpled bed and smiling provocatively at the viewer. She was a real woman and not some idealized nymph. The woman was middle-aged, a tad shy of forty, and showing the wrinkles and bumps of life. She was slightly plump but certainly attractive, even though not a raving Hollywood beauty. An average woman so to speak. But she exuded an earthy, fecund, sexual vitality that seemed to leap off the canvas. In the second painting, a woman, who may have been the same model, peered out of a curtained window with her back three-fourths turned to the viewer. The third painting used a more modern, minimalist setting. It showed the legs, shapely buttocks and lower back of a slim woman facing away from the viewer in an otherwise bare room. She wore only a pair of cowboy boots and clasped a riding crop in both hands behind her back.

Sandy studied the paintings thoughtfully and observed, "Interesting. I see what you mean about something like these causing a buzz. That is quite a difference between the first two paintings and the third."

Hector replied, "Ah yes. The first two I did. The third is by an artist from up at Taos. His model is my ex-wife, Monica. She sleeps with him and models for him from time to time. Monica did the same when we were married."

Sandy suppressed a surprised giggle and gasped out, "I know artists have an avant garde reputation but that seems a little strange even for you artists. Do you sleep with all of your models too?"

Hector grinned, "Most. But maybe not quite all."

Sandy was intrigued and waved at the first two paintings, "What about her?"

Hector laughed, "Oh yes. That is my brother Ferdinand's wife, Kristin. She's from Iceland and has a rather liberal view about sex. My brother can be a bit of an academic prig, and Kristin, as you see, is a lovely and lusty woman. She comes by to visit every few months and lets her hair down, so to speak."

"Doesn't your brother object? You know, to his brother screwing his wife and then hanging the naked picture of your conquest up in public for sale?"

Hector shrugged, "Kristin doesn't give him any choice in the matter. He is besotted by her so he just lets her do as she pleases. It works for them, I guess. It certainly works for me."

Sandy shook her head in wonderment at the arrangement and then shifted the discussion back to the paintings, "Well, any of these paintings would certainly spark conversation and fit the shocking classification. They would actually do what I want. I just don't know if any of our crowd is ready for anything quite this provocative though. I live in Dallas, not LA. And David! He would throw a conniption; he can be a little old-fashioned."

Hector laughed, "Sandy, if you want to rattle some cages with your painting, a nude will certainly do that. You haven't found anything else yet. Be bold!"

Sandy smiled as she pursed her lips and nodded her head thoughtfully, "I'll have to think on that some more. May I have your card?"

Hector reached into his pocket and handed Sandy a business card. He studied her carefully while she put the card in her purse. Then he said quietly, "You know Sandy, you should let me paint you. You should be the painting."

Sandy stared at Hector with a shocked look of surprise. She spluttered, "What? Me? Surely you don't mean with no clothes on."

Hector continued to study her with interest, smiling and nodding his head, "Oh yes, yes indeed. Very definitely naked. We could do something really striking for your bar painting."

Sandy blew out her breath and regained her composure. "Oh no, I don't think so. That, my husband would definitely not go for. He is not like your brother."

Hector laughed easily, "Too bad. You are truly a gorgeous woman; it would be a great painting. Ah, I see your husband and Maria are back at the cash register. From the smile on Maria's face, I think you are going to be getting a magnificent Christmas present."

As they walked to the front of the shop, Hector asked, "When will you be back in Santa Fe? I will see if we can't come up with some more choices for you to look at."

"We are enjoying Santa Fe so we might bop over again sometime after the first of the year. David will be having quarterly meetings with his new client so we will certainly be back again by the spring. I am in no rush on the painting. I am looking for just the right thing."

DALLAS, WEDNESDAY MORNING, EIGHT WEEKS LATER

David and Sandy were finishing up breakfast at the kitchen table. Sandy fixed David with an angry gaze and said quietly, "David, I am still furious with you about last night."

David looked up in surprise. "Furious at me, why?"

Sandy let out a sigh of exasperation. "Damn it, you embarrassed me in front of your boss and everyone we know. You know very well what I mean."

Last night they had been to a Mardi Gras party at David's boss's home. In true Texas style, David's boss had a sprawling mansion with a huge patio and pool and extensive gardens. The outside was lit up with portable lights and heaters allowing the several hundred guests to eat, drink, and dance to the two bands inside and out. It was a real Mardi Gras shindig.

Toward the end of the evening when everyone was well lit, Sandy stood by the pool chatting with the boss, his wife, and another couple; she thought she remembered he was some bigwig in electronics or something. Maybe a couple of dozen or so other folks were scattered around them in small groups happily drinking and talking. One couple was visible in the distance on a garden bench ardently smooching.

Sandy had dressed for a Mardi Gras party. She wore a purple sequin dress that clung tightly to her hourglass figure. The dress hem ended well shy of mid thigh, and with a low scalloped neck and a plunging back, Sandy's feminine charms were up for public admiration. In her yellow high heels, she looked like she was the Mardi Gras embodiment of laissez les bons temps rouler!

David sidled up behind her and called out loudly, "And what is this, honey?"

Of course, everyone stopped their conversations and looked at David. Sandy turned her head in surprise to look over her shoulder at David.

As she watched in horror, David used his sleight-of-hand skills to appear to pull first a string of six condom packets and then a pair of panties from the plunging back of Sandy's dress. And not just any panties either. The panties were her bright red, lacy "come-hither big boy" thong for special bedroom occasions. He must have palmed them at home when they were getting dressed.

David held up the treasures for all to see and exclaimed, "Well, well, my dear, you are certainly in the Mardi Gras spirit!"

Everyone knew of David's tricks and had a good laugh at David's skillful, if tasteless, prank. There were a few male cheers, masculine laughs, feminine tittering, and a cry of "Whoo Hoo Sandy!"

An utterly mortified Sandy snatched the offending material from David's hands and stomped off in a righteous, feminine rage.

Now at the table being called to task for his prank, David put on his little-boy hurt-face. "Oh baby, it was just a joke. A simple magic trick. It was a Mardi Gras party. You are supposed to be a little crazy at Mardi Gras. I certainly didn't mean to embarrass you."

Sandy shook her head angrily. "You certainly implied to everyone that I had been up to some hanky panky in the bushes."

David answered quickly, suppressing a guilty smirk, "No, no, Sandy. Everyone knew it was just a joke, just a prank. Nobody thought you were really doing the hanky panky, as you say."

A teasing smile blossomed on David's face as he asked innocently, "You weren't were you?"

Sandy gazed at David for a minute and then sighed. It was hard to stay mad at David, and it did no good anyway. He was always good-natured and easy going. He never really meant any harm. But he refused to grow up. Sandy wanted to turn David over her knee and tan his bottom; that's what he really needed.

A horn honked outside. Sandy said quietly, "Your cab to the airport is here."

As they walked to the door and David grabbed his bag, Sandy said, "One day your practical jokes are going to backfire on you, David. Well, have a good trip."

Sandy gave him a kiss and watched as he got into the cab and headed to the airport. He was off on a ten-day trip to Montreal and Ottawa. He had invited her along, but she had declined. Who in their right mind went voluntarily to Canada in February?

Sandy poured herself another cup of coffee and went to her office overlooking the pool in the back. She settled herself down behind the computer and cut it on. While the computer whirred to life, Sandy sipped her coffee. That damn husband of hers! God, she was angry with him. And he didn't have a clue. Somebody really needed to show the spoiled little brat that his stupid pranks hurt people.

Sandy scanned the emails. Nothing critical. A couple of invitations to parties in the coming weeks. Gina asking her if she wanted to play tennis at the country club tomorrow. She'd answer all of these later. A lot of spam junk of course. There was also a note from the travel magazine reminding her that her article on Santa Fe would be featured in the July edition so they would need the final version by 1 June.

A note from her mother brought her up-to-date on the family news from the ranch. Sandy had grown up on the sprawling family cattle ranch west of Pecos, Texas. She learned to ride horses and herd their Black Angus cattle from a young age. She barrel raced up until college, but then Sandy decided the ranch life was not for her. Her father and brother loved it though, and according to Mom, last year had been a very good year for the ranch. Sandy's mom also let her know the January oil payment had come in, and Sandy's share was in her account now.

Oil had been discovered on the ranch when Sandy's grandfather ran the place. They actually were well off financially, regardless of how the ranch did. Unlike most trophy wives, Sandy was not dependent on her husband; she had her own wealth. She was with David because she wanted to be, not because she had to be.

She sighed, Oh well, it's time to get to work on the Santa Fe article for the travel magazine. Sandy pulled a thick manila file folder from the desk drawer. The folder held a collection of notes and reference material she had picked up on their trip before Christmas.

Sandy opened the Santa Fe Word file on the computer. She had been making good progress on the piece about Santa Fe as a travel destination. Let's see, she was ready to discuss restaurants. Goodness knows, they certainly found some excellent choices in Santa Fe. She flipped open her file folder to get the correct spelling of the restaurant where she and David ate the really exceptional trout and elk. Sandy wanted to add the owner's name to the piece. He and his wife had been charming.

The front flap of the manila file folder had business cards stapled to it in alphabetical order for easy reference. Her eyes stopped on a business card: "Aztec Art Gallery, Hector Sanchez, artist and proprietor, Fine Art and Jewelry, 119 West Palace Ave."

Sandy smiled. Oh that Hector. He sure had surprised her. Really! The idea of asking her to pose nude for him! Well, it did give her goose bumps in a scary, exciting sort-of-way. And Hector certainly had that smooth Latin machismo that stirred a woman's loins. He looked to be about midway between her and David's age.

Sandy had about decided Hector was right that a nude was the way to go for her painting to hang behind the bar. It would cause quite a stir among their friends for sure. That would be fun. Oh, David would resist the idea, but she had him wrapped around her little finger. She could get him to give in, if she persisted.

She needed to give Hector a call and see if he had found an interesting paintings for her yet, nude or otherwise.

SANTA FE, FRIDAY AFTERNOON, SEVEN WEEKS LATER

Hector gave a cheery, "Welcome my friends, please come in," as David and Sandy entered the art gallery front door.

Maria looked up from the jewelry counter where she was helping a customer and called, "Sandy, how did you like that set of necklace, earrings, and bracelets for Christmas?"

Sandy laughed and replied, "Oh my God Maria, they are magnificent. Thank you so much for helping David."

Maria nodded happily and returned to her customer.

Hector retrieved a bottle of wine from a cabinet refrigerator and poured three glasses of white wine as Sandy and David approached. "It is good to see you again, amigos. Try some New Mexico Sauvignon Blanc. So David, business brings you back to Santa Fe again. Welcome."

David nodded enthusiastically, saying, "Yes, indeed. We enjoyed Santa Fe so much last time we came early again. My meeting is not until Monday afternoon. Thank you for the wine. I did not know New Mexico produced wine."

Hector replied, "Oh, we have been making wine here since the days of the Spanish missions back in the 1600s. Most people just don't know about it. We keep the good stuff for ourselves"