The Internet Is a Big Place

I was on a business trip to San Francisco three weeks ago, and I was bored and lonely and a little bit drunk, so I paid the $14.99 for high speed internet, opened up an incognito window, and typed in xhamster.com.

I have this weird habit of, when I miss my girlfriend, trying to find girls who look like her on porn sites. I'll type in "redhead" and "ginger" and "pale", but I'm usually disappointed. I have to wade through Russian blondes who've dyed their hair a nasty fake orange, or girls who look like the real deal until you notice the black pubic hair.

And even when I find someone with real red hair, and pale skin (who isn't a sixty-year-old housewife), they usually aren't into the sex that much. They don't seem to enjoy being stroked or licked or fucked. One of the reasons my girlfriend (whose name is Jenny, by the way) turns me on is how horny she gets, and how obvious it is that she's having an awesome time.

The closest I've seen is Chloe B from AbbyWinters.com. Here's a compilation video of her touching herself. She's a little bit chubbier, with breasts at least twice the size of my girlfriend's. Which is actually a bit of a turn-off — for some reason I always associate big breasts with being insensitive, like she wouldn't be able to feel as much beneath all that flesh (I know this is irrational, but it's not like you can rationally convince yourself to get turned on by particular things.)

Chloe B is even Australian, in a bizarre coincidence. Although maybe that's the reason she seems so similar to Jenny — the casualness mixed with unabashed enjoyment. She looks like she's not ashamed to be lying there, fiddling with another girl.

But the thing about Chloe B is that she only ever appears in videos (as far as I can see) alone or with another girl. Which is okay, but I really enjoy seeing a girl get fucked. I like to put myself in the position of the guy taking her, I imagine that it's my cock sliding in and out of her cunt, my hands grabbing at her tits. I can get myself into a kinda meditative state where I can almost feel a wet snatch wrapped around me.

I started out with Chloe, but I knew I could do better. I started looking for other girls. The internet's a big place, and there's bound to be someone out there in front of a camera who reminds me of Jenny, and makes this hotel room feel a little less lonely.

I was feeling particularly adventurous that night (or maybe just bored), so I decide to actively click on categories and search for things I normally wouldn't. I look at matures, then tried upskirts, and even "Old+Young", which just grosses me out. When I'm a seventy old man fantasising about fucking a 16-year-old, please shoot me.

But then I clicked on webcams. These people look like genuine amateurs, so I knew I was on the right track. I can't stand fake porn. I watched a girl sucking off her boyfriend in a college dorm, giggling and apparently having almost as good a time as her man, who's moaning like crazy. One of the things I like about amateur porn is that the guys have roughly normal-sized cocks (I mean, there is a selection effect where guys who are better hung are more likely to film themselves, but whatever).

I could've come from watching that, but I had nothing else to do that night, so I wanted to savour it. I watched a nerdy girl with glasses and tats fuck herself hard with a dildo. I watch a girl get spanked, enough to leave deep red marks on her arse.

When I got to page three, I saw a flash of pale skin that jumped out at me from the page. The thumbnail showed a girl on her knees facing away from the camera, with what looks like emerald green silken panties. The video was entitled "A special request for johnc45". I clicked, ready to be disappointed.

The video was really short, only about a minute long. I couldn't see anything of the girl except her beautiful, pale bum, and her fingers, which she ran slowly all over her skin. The quality was a little poor, but I had the volume turned up high enough so that when she let out a little moan of excitement, I could hear it. She looked like she was about to start touching herself through her panties.

Sure enough, her index and middle finger started rubbing her clit through the green fabric. It was only then that I noticed a pale wisp of red curls at the end of her panties. I almost came right there, thinking about the way Jenny plays with her hair down there. I wondered where the video could possibly be going in the twenty seconds remaining.

This girl stopped playing with her clit, and and pressed her fingers right up against the entrance to her cunt. She took them away, and moved her bottom closer to the camera. There were wet marks. She'd soaked through her panties, just by lightly playing with her clit. I came, hard, for longer than I ever do when I just touch myself. I wasn't even trying — it just happened uncontrollably.

Usually when I come, I close the browser window straight away, and feel a little dirty and ashamed. But that night, I wanted to know who this girl was. I wanted to bookmark that obscure video. I wanted more.

I was intrigued by the title. "A special request for johnc45". She must be a cam girl. I wonder if there's a way I can find her, if she's still active, if I can pay to see more. I've never paid for porn in my life, let alone wanted to seek out a particular girl. I felt like a total creep. But I was lonely, and bored, and more turned on than I've ever been sitting by myself in a hotel room.

I put on my internet detective hat.

(To be continued!)