AJ felt it before he opened his eyes; the new weight that had settled in his chest, caused by yet another letter. Still as heavy as it was when he regained consciousness to discover that it had not been a particularly cruel nightmare.
Debra Lynden had called her husband immediately and sat with him, tears pouring down her cheeks as he sobbed quietly beside her. Pam Thompson ran in from the cottage, her husband demanding that she go on ahead while he harangued the physiotherapist to get him to the lobby of the bed-and-breakfast as quickly as possible.
He had cried out loud when Debra, Pam and Fred helped him into Room 103, the sight of the picture of the two of them on the dressing mirror hitting him almost physically.
Debra immediately opened the unoccupied Room 101 and they carried him inside. Fred sat in the room's chair, saying nothing at first as AJ desperately tried to stop weeping.
"Let it out, John," Fred finally said, his own voice breaking as tears suddenly cascaded down his cheeks. "Please, let it out. Scream if you have to."
He had cried incessantly for a week, enervated, unable to eat beyond a couple of bites, unable to sleep for longer than thirty minutes.
Rachel Smith had immediately gotten on a plane from Qatar, the Sheikh securing a First Class seat for her within ten minutes. James had flown over as well, arriving at the airport two hours before their mother. He had waited so the two of them could share a car.
Rachel had admonished him for not immediately running to comfort his little brother, cost and convenience be damned, both of them knowing she was being unfair. So he had hugged her, and she had hugged him back, tightly, crying, before they got into the rental car for Camberley.
AJ was in a fitful sleep when she entered Room 101 to find Pam Thompson sitting vigil in the armchair, keeping her grieving son company.
Seeing the resemblance with James, the shape of eyebrows shared by her sons, Pam had recognized Rachel immediately and gotten off the chair. She said nothing as she left the room, just giving them both an encouraging squeeze of the arm.
AJ waking up to find his mother gazing at him, helpless tears in her eyes, had shattered what little was left of his reserve. He cried for a long time as she held and rocked him gently; like a child, like
her
child.
James simply sat beside them both, hand on his AJ's shoulder, teeth grinding as he watched his usually so-controlled younger brother weep. He had worked hard to conquer his bruxism, but it returned in times of high distress. The last time AJ had heard the rumbling sound coming from his older brother, it had been during their Uncle Gary's funeral.
Julianna Mancuso - Julia - brought food in for all three of them.
"You are... mother?" she asked Rachel.
"He is a good man." Julia said, visibly struggling. "She love him so much." Then she burst into tears. "He love her much... So sorry!"
Rachel, still holding her son, had reached out a hand to Julia, who clasped it tightly as she cried. Julia held out her other hand to James, who also held it, allowing her to share her grief.
"You make him eat, okay?" Julia said to Rachel before she left. "He is eating too small."
Rachel did just that, forcing AJ to finish up the bowl of soup and eat some bread. He tried to refuse at first, until both she and James told him they would not eat if he didn't.
James was given Room 102 for the night, while Rachel elected to spend the night in 101, listening to her son wake up in the night and choke down his sobs, embarrassed at his lack of control.
AJ found out that it had been Fred who had called his mother, having saved her number after he called her on his phone. His mother had called James immediately. He had been about to board a helicopter to a remote village. Instead, he immediately arranged for another doctor to take his place and ran for the airport to take the first available flight.
He was able to hold it together when he was visited by Bill. Randall came with a downcast Sarah; Randall didn't say much as expected, but his eyes were red. Mike came with Greta, who hugged AJ and cried. Jason and Kate came by with Aaron and David. The boys had gravely shaken his hand, subdued, shocked in their youth at the indifference and finality of death.
When a crying Telana had arrived with her mother, he had cried too, unable to suppress the images of them both standing on stage, anxious, nervous but so brave as they began their presentation, watching them become more comfortable as they impressed their audience.
He remembered the flush on her cheeks, the elation and relief as she came off the stage, the pride he had felt in her, in the fact that Ameia Paolini loved
him.
The messages from the rest of her team had also come in. With the exception of Telana, none of them lived in the county. Joren and Leanne were in tears in their video messages while Roly sent a very long and beautifully written message.
Ben Thompson was able to barter and trade for someone to cover for his last shifts and he arrived a few days earlier than he usually did for the holidays.
He exchanged greetings with Telana and her mother, who came that day, after being introduced to Rachel and James Smith. He learned about Telana and Ameia's presentation at the Trade and International Relations Faculty Dinner, and James's coaching them from across the world.
Ben had wrapped AJ in a big hug, tears in his eyes.
Bellie Thompson, on the other hand, never cried in front of him. But each time she came to his new room, her eyes were swollen and red. She had hugged him tightly, asking him if he had eaten before begging him to eat and get some sleep.
Then his mother had arrived to take care of him, and AJ didn't see so much of her. Lost in grief, with the new hateful weight in his chest, her absence only registered for AJ when Ben showed up and he realized he had not seen her in days.
__________________________________
Belinda Thompson was nursing another cup of tea in her room when the knock came. She flinched at the intrusion, expecting to hear her mother's voice next.
"Bellie?" It was not her mother. "Open up."
She knew he wouldn't leave like her mother would, allowing her to continue in her brooding silence. He wasn't wired that way.
Even contending with the turmoil in her right then, she felt a lightening of the heart as she got up to open the door for her brother.
He returned her hug, teasingly lifting her off her feet, childishly showing her how much bigger he was and making her squeal in protest, before stepping into her room.
"You're early," she said, sitting on the bed, folding her legs under her.
He shrugged as he sat on her dresser stool. "Mom told me what happened. I wanted to be here for John. Traded some days with the other team leads." He shook his head after a long pause, his eyes sad. "I can't believe she's gone."
She looked down at her knees. "I... I can't either. I keep thinking this can't be real..."
"Rachel and James are very... very nice." Ben offered. "Great, actually."
Bellie pressed her lips together as she nodded in agreement; she had been shocked at her reaction to meeting John's mother.
Bellie had loved Rachel Smith immediately, struck hard by the image of her sitting up on the bed in 101, her hand tenderly resting on the back of her badly hurting son's neck as he lay with his head on her lap, finally sleeping soundly.
She remembered Ameia chattering away about how elegant, warm and funny Rachel was, about how she had liked James immediately.
Ameia was already hopelessly in love with him by then, but the immediate acceptance by his mother and brother had locked her in, plunging her in even deeper.
"John asked after you." Ben said, next. "He asked if you were okay. Said he hadn't seen you in days."
And there it was, the source of it all, the reason she was hiding away in her room; John Smith. Asking after her, wondering if
she
was alright even in the depths of
his
despair.
Seeing him mourn, his devastation because of another woman, because of Ameia, had caused a surge of envy so intense that she had been disgusted at herself.
But it was another emotion that made her decide to carefully disengage and stay away.
She had made her excuses and rushed home from the school when her mother called her with the news. The students may have gone for their vacations but the teachers spent another week on planning, reports, evaluations and other administrative work.
'
Ameia?
' she'd thought, tears welling and falling from her eyes, weakness in her limbs. '
Dead?
'
Even with their regular morning runs, their friendship had been a work in progress. Her semi-conscious attempt to keep Ameia at arm's length - so she could pursue John without hesitation or... guilt if - as she had fervently hoped in the beginning - their relationship failed, was responsible for the delay in it blossoming into its full form.
But she had come home too many times to see her chatting with her mother or Debra, and 'flirting' with her Dad on his conditioning walks.
So she mourned the beautiful young woman who had captured so many hearts, including hers, crying as she drove home. She had parked beside the small white hatchback, wincing as she saw it, and ran into the bed-and-breakfast.
Everything had faded when she saw his face, the shock and pain of loss, and in the next moment, she had wrapped him in her arms, tight.
She had known then; she loved this man.
And for one awful moment, she had been... glad;
this
was her opportunity. She had failed to see a good man in pain, and in need of healing before, and another woman had taken him. Now that other woman was gone, and
she
could help him heal...
Disgust and shame had immediately roiled through her. And she had hated herself. So she backed away, believing he would be too preoccupied with his loss and surrounded by others, especially his mother and brother, to notice.
Except he had.
"Why are you staying away, Bellie?" asked Ben quietly.
"I'm not..." she tried to lie.
He snorted, reminding her that there was only one year between them, and he was remarkably perceptive for a lummox.
"I don't... I don't want him to see..." she paused, biting her lip.
"That you
care
about him... and not just as a friend?" her brother prompted.
"That I'm a fucking fraud!" Bellie bit out. "That I'm a fucking awful person!"
Ben looked genuinely confused. "Why would he think
that
? Why would he think
anything
like
that
