The Glimpse!

Changes.

Our plane touched down at the airstrip in St. Louis and we went home. I ordered Chinese food to be delivered and we had dinner while I began doing my laundry. She seemed insistent that she would take care of hers at home. Soon it became clear why.

After dinner she held my hand across the dining room table.

"Joe, we need to talk."

"Sure baby, What is it?" I asked, concerned, there was something deep on her mind.

"Joe, where do you see us going?"

"I don't know. I haven't thought about it lately, to be honest. I know that I love you and I really want you with me. As far as anything beyond that, who knows? Why?"

"Can you see us with a future?" She asked.

"Sure, if I really think about it. Is that what you have been thinking about?"

"Well...yeah, sort of. Joe, we have been seeing each other for almost a year and it has been so great being with you. I know we started as friends with benefits and we never officially changed that status, but I don't want anyone but you and I know you haven't seen anyone else either. The next thing I know is I am in Florida, I'm accepted as family by yours, and I realize that I love you. My heart bursting with brightness and bliss when I realize this for the first time. You know what I mean?"

"Yes I do, Trish. I love you, too. I didn't lie when I told you that. You have been so good to me. You're my best friend and a wonderful lover. Do you want to take this to the next level?"

"Not so fast, Joe. After I realized this there are some things I plainly seen that I just couldn't ignore, and neither should you. You have some issues, Joe. I think you will be so much happier when you come to grips with them."

"Trish, of course I have issues. My father just died and I feel bad because I feel I neglected him of precious time. There is so much I wish I would have done with him and it sucks that I didn't. You understand that don't you?"

"I do, honey, but that's not what I am talking about."

"Then what?" What was this woman getting at?

"Lisa!"

"Huh? What about her?" Where did that come from?

She just looked at me like there was something there I wasn't seeing or getting.

"Please, Joe, isn't it obvious? You are still in love with her." She said calmly.

"What the hell are you talking about? Where are you getting this?" I started getting pissed.

"Joe, I seen you happy. We had a wonderful run of things. I know we weren't rushing into things, and now I am thankful of that. But I first saw it at the funeral. The way this blonde woman I didn't know was looking at us. I saw the pain in her eyes and I knew that had to be Lisa. The way she looked at you, I knew something was still there in her, but after what you told me happened between you I just chalked it off to guilt and sorrow, not to mention her father-in-law passing away."

"Trish, look, I..." She interrupted. "Let me finish, Joe!"

"So, I left you alone with her while I tended to your mother, figuring she wanted to apologize and say good-bye. Maybe get some sort of closure, and I hoped you realized that you really loved me and was over her. Then I saw the look in your eyes when she was with you, holding you, kissing you. I have never seen that look in you before. It was then that I got real jealous and hoped it was a final parting. Then, she smiled, like she achieved some sort of victory and she looked at me and winked. I wondered 'what the hell is that all about?' but I let it go. It was a funeral and people get emotional. Then, at Mark and Pam's house, when I saw that picture of you and her together...I've never seen you that happy before. You looked so much in love. You both did! So young, with your whole lives ahead of you and I remembered that you spent 8 years with her. Oh God, how deep that love must go! Then, just last night, when you made love to me, I didn't feel the love from you I was hoping to feel. I felt some, yes. I know you care and are appreciative of me and don't get me wrong, I will always be there when you need me...but you're not in love with me, are you. Not like with Lisa, are you?" It sounded more like a statement than a question.

"Trish, I DO love you. Lisa ruined what we have. Well, we both did. It's over with her. I told you that! I'm sorry, but after Lisa I put a wall around me. I don't want to hurt like that again."

"Joe, it may be over, on paper. But it's so plain to see it's not over with her...or you. I know you love me, sweetheart, but I am selfish. I want all of your love and heart and I refuse to share it."

"Baby, you aren't sharing it and never will! It's yours!"

"No, Joe. I have been sharing it since we started all of this. That love you had for her is still alive as much as you try to hide it. I know it. I can see it and you can make yourself really happy once you admit it. But what this trip showed me is that you can never give me the love that I want. The love I deserve. The love you have for her deep inside, locked away. I can't go on like that...hoping that one day you will love me like that."

I hung my head. I did still love her and she's right. All I did was try to lock her away from me. I never really got over her, did I? Father, why isn't there a little switch inside us that turns feelings like this off, It would make things a lot easier, wouldn't it? But you never said life would be easy, did you?

"So, I think we need to stop this before things get more complicated than they already are. I will be your friend and I will always treasure you, but I need to move on and hopefully find my true love."

I sadly looked at her and nodded in agreement. She deserved to be happy and I know she will make someone a terrific wife. I certainly loved her enough to let her go and pursue her own happiness.

We hugged each other and finally I had to let her go. She took her things and said she would see me in class if I still wanted to, but I knew that wouldn't happen anymore either. How could it?

When she left, I got up and grabbed a bottle of Jim Beam and took a big swig. Then another. I went and sat in my chair next to the couch where Trisha and I made love so many times and I started crying. I was a mutt full of emotions. Sadness. Grief. Guilt. Anger. Love. Hatred. I felt the buzz coming on and I continued pouring the bottle down my throat. I craved a cigarette. So, I walked down to the gas station around the corner of my apartment and bought a pack and returned home. I sat back in my chair and took in some more Jim Beam and lit a cigarette and anger took hold. I looked up at the ceiling.

"Is this some kind of sick fucking joke to you? You are an asshole, did you know that? Ya having fun? Huh? Pulling peoples strings like some twisted puppeteer? Huh? What did I ever do to deserve this? You brought love to my life twice and robbed me of both of them!" I growled. Then thought for a second.

"Ok, touché! I fucked up, too on the first one. Thank you for allowing her to stomp my heart to pieces, you sorry motherfucker! 'What the Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away.' Well, that's what you are good at, isn't it? Take! Take! Take! First Lisa! Then my spirit! Then I figured 'cool! You gave me Trisha!' then you take my dad, then if that wasn't enough, you take Trisha from me. What the fuck did I ever do to you? I try do be good and lead a positive life but you treat me like some redheaded stepchild. Why didn't you go ahead and take my life too? What am I, your fucking experiment? Well you know what, God? To hell with it all. I'll do it without you!"

I got up and went to bed, seething.

The next few days I did a lot of thinking. What Dad had said about no regrets, be happy, and live my life. He also said to think about Lisa. "Sorry, Dad! That shit ain't happening!" I also spent more time in the gym now that I had 2 days free again. I am going to miss Trisha's company, but I hope she finds what she deserves. She is a phenomenal lady. Did I get what I deserve? Joe, don't even go there!

One thing is for certain. I am done with this love thing. Now, it's going to be about me. I am going to have fun. Maybe be 'bad' for a change. Who knows?

Well, soon it came easy to find something else to do. For a few months I was in the gym everyday for a few hours a day. My body was getting ripped! Not quite Sly Stallone in 'The Specialist', more like 'Stone Cold Steve Austin' without that much mass. I loved being able to look good while flexing in the mirror. But that came to a halt one afternoon while pushing myself on squats. My hamstring pulled and the sports doctor said to lay off of it for at least six weeks. That sucked. Now what was I going to do? That means I can't fly either. The boss isn't going to be happy about that. Oh, well. It's just a job.

I checked the mail a week later and noticed an advertisement for a motorcycle rider course. A two-day event that would use up one Saturday and Sunday and take the state required test for a motorcycle endorsement. Sounded ok to me. What else did I have to do? I signed up, took the course and passed. Then I went shopping for a bike.

I went at first looking at choppers. I have always loved those. I found a Big Dawg shop and fell in love with those sleek styles; those big fat tires, that deafening rumble. I swear my dick got hard! Then I saw the price tag for a new one. OK, lets go somewhere else.

That's when I met Matt. He was a rugged looking salesman for Harley-Davidson. I told him what I was looking for and he sat me on a Softtail Classic. As stock, it looked kind of bland but the possibilities were endless and it was much cheaper, to me, than those Big Dawgs. Plus, what if I wanted to have some 'squeeze' ride with me? I'm sure it's better on a Harley than the Dawgs I seen. I agreed and bought it with certain accessories chromed out, engine guards (Hey, I'm a beginning rider, gotta protect this beautiful machine.), saddlebags, short sissy bar, and legal 'ape hangers'. It cost a few thousand extra but man was it worth it! When they rode it out of the garage an hour later I was in awe! My bike! My 'scooter'! I was psyched. I spent the rest of the week just riding around, enjoying the freedom. The feeling was incredible.

I met up with Matt a month later to go riding. He had commented on me not really personalizing my bike yet. "The bike should be a unique reflection of you, Brudder!" I thought about that as we rode. Who am I? When I look in the mirror now I hardly recognize myself. My hair is longer than it always has been, coming down below my neck. I had to keep it decent for work, but it was different that the typical navy haircuts I have always had until Trisha left. I was shocked to see that I added about 30 pounds of muscle and had to by new clothes. I grew out my goatee and mustache. Who the hell am I? I'm a stranger now to everybody I ever knew and a stranger to myself, but only familiar to Matt and his little clique. Is this who I really am? I don't know, but I like it so far.

And to be honest? I was still everything I was before. I realized I am still a jet pilot, a veteran, and ex-husband, a son, and a prideful man. Now I enjoy my new biker friends. I don't consider myself a biker in the usual sense of the word, but I enjoy riding with my new 'brudders'. Then I had an idea about what to do with my bike. I waved bye to Matt and took it down to the office.

I got up with some acquaintances on the floor. You'll be surprised what a couple of hundred bucks can get you! I decided to have my engine guards, a carburetor cover and a few small accessories gold plated. Then, I had the paint shop paint the tank and fenders gloss black and put a bald eagle on the tank and Navy wings on the fenders. I took the naval officers' crest of my old uniform hat and had it fixed to the gas cap. Not necessarily the most 'bitchin' look, but it was me. 100%

I continued to ride with Matt and his gang. We had a blast, making runs for charity, raiding small bars, rallies. We did Sturgis, Daytona, Myrtle Beach, etc. And not to mention the pussy thrown at us. It was like a dream come true. Freedom, baby! I even had a few women offer pussy just for a ride around the block in Daytona. It was crazy! What do you think? Did I turn them down?

Anyway, the E/F program was in its final stages of the prototype and my duties were dwindling and slowly diverting to a new army helicopter program. My role in this one would of course be administrative, as I was not a helicopter pilot. That was fine with me. It didn't matter anymore. My life wasn't about flying anymore. The last year and some odd months that I had been riding with the fella's, I felt a change in myself. I didn't think about the past anymore. I lived in the here and now. I still worked out 3 times a week but not so much for bulk as it was to just maintain.

As far as living in the moment goes, the women coming in and out of my apartment was amazing. The night I remember most was last week when I brought Debbie and Beth home for a romp. They sat me down on the couch and started giving me a lap dance. They put on some Skynard and went to town. They tore my shirt off me and Debbie rubbed her body up and down my chest while Beth lip-locked me. All of a sudden I felt teeth squeeze my hard cock through my jeans. Now I knew that they wanted it rough and wild. That's what I'm talking about! Debbie and Beth both worked my jeans off of me and they took turns sucking my cock with vigor. They may not be good at anything else but they could give head.

I had a really strong attraction to Beth so I pulled her up and had her stand on the couch and squat down so I could lick her ass and pussy. The most delicious looking ass I ever seen. I held her hips to support her as my tongue attacked her holes. She smelled so good, her juice smeared into my face. I darted my tongue into her and she started slamming her pussy into my face. I soon had to stop her because she was suffocating me. I felt good, though. Making her cum before she got off my face.

When she moved, Debbie sat down on my cock and ground her hips into mine. My cock tickled her cervix and caused her to grind faster and start screaming. Beth sat on the chair and went to work pinching her nipples in one hand and slamming 3 fingers into her snatch. These broads are something else. I held on to Debbie's hips and pushed her down onto my cock harder to try and get deeper. Her cunt clamped down on my cock and I could feel her cum spray my cock and balls. I never felt that before. It was pretty cool having a squirter for once.

She slowed down to ease her senses and Beth said it was her turn. I lifted her off and went over to Beth. She had draped her legs over the arms of the chair and I lowered myself between her legs. This bitch was hot!

"Fuck me hard, Twinkle! Fuck ME!"

Twinkle was a name affectionately given to me by Matt while we were in Myrtle Beach. Quite simply...I danced a lot. How many bikers do you see dancing? When I had my buzz going I noticed a woman that climbed up on the bar and started dancing. I felt like dancing too so I climbed up there and we bumped and grind all over the bar. Then I was dancing with other women. I danced my ass off that night so Matt called me Twinkle-Toes and it got shortened from there. And by the way...I banged that woman, too!

I started slamming my cock into her. She looked incredible in the throws of passion. I hoped this wasn't the last time I was fucking her. She wrapped her arms around me for the ride of her life and deeply drug her nails into me and raked them across my back. It hurt, which caused me to fuck her harder. I felt her abdomen violently contracting and her eyes rolled back in her head when she came, but I fucked her hard and fast to drive her insane. After a few minutes Debbie complained that she was being left out.

So I got off of Beth and lay down on the floor and Debbie straddled me and I called Beth to sit on my face again. This had turned out to be an incredible night. My balls were starting to stir with Debbie bouncing like a ball on my cock and Beth grinding her ass in my face. From the sounds of things they were kissing each other and the thought of that sent me over the top. The force of which I exploded I thought I would shoot Debbie's petite body right off my cock. I had Beth's pussy juice all over my face and flowing past my ears. One hell of a night! I laid there with a woman in each arm cuddling when there was a knock at the door. I didn't really care that we were naked on the floor, and neither did they based on the fact that the knock didn't startle them and send them flurrying. "It's open!"

I looked up and my heart stopped!

"Trisha!"

Apparently she didn't recognize me. She hadn't seen me since she left a year and a half ago. I had changed quite a bit since then.

"Joe? Oh shit! I'm sorry, I didn't know you had company. And what are you doing with these bimbo's? Why aren't you with Lisa where you belong? Oh my God, you disgust me!" She turned and walked out.

I got a bit miffed at that, so I put my pants on and ran after her. I caught her on the street and grabbed her arm.

"Wait a second!" I ordered.

When I turned her around, she landed her right hand across my cheek. "Get your fucking hands off of me! Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"Me? Who the fuck do you think you are, telling me where I should be and judging me? You left me, remember?"

"I left you thinking that you would go back to Lisa, jerk-off! Not turn in to this heathen and fuck around with whores!" She barked.

"What the fuck do you care what I do? Why are you even here? You haven't been around the past year. Why now? Like I really need this shit right now."

"I came to tell you that I am getting married! I came to talk to my 'friend' about it and this is what I find?"

"Hey, damn it; don't give me that friend shit! You weren't here when I needed one. I haven't seen you since you left. Truly, if you're getting married, and he is what you want and will give you what you want, then I'm happy for you! But if this is what you came to tell me, then save your breath. You weren't here for me this past year so why bother now? Just get the fuck out of here."

She looked at me in shock and slowly backed away, heading towards her car.

My head felt like it was going to explode! All of the old feelings came slamming into me, all at once. I felt an adrenaline-filled rage! I headed back upstairs and told the broads to get out. I grabbed a bottle and gulped down almost a quarter of the bottle. I couldn't seem to settle down so I got dressed and took a ride. I went by Matt's house and found he wasn't home so I headed to the bar we frequent and there he and some of the gang were.

"Hey Matt. How's it hangin'?"

"Low and mean, Twinkle. What's up with you tonight? The sisters told me you almost went berserk and you kicked them out. What happened?"

"I ain't getting into it right now, brother. Get me a beer. I got to hit the head." I went to the bathroom. When I came out this longhaired friend of Jesus came up to me asking if I was saved and have I found Jesus. I walked past him telling him to back off. I didn't need this shit.

"Hey man, I'm just trying to save your soul by telling you the wonders of God and His Son Jesus."

I snapped. I turned around and gave him a thunderous right hook and laid him out. I stood there over his limp body and looked at his friends. "Don't you ever mention God or Jesus to me again! Ever!" I growled.

"Damn, Twinkle. You put it on his ass pretty good." Matt said, rubbing his chin.

I sat down and had a drink. It didn't take the sheriff deputies long to get there and arrest me for assault. They kept me in jail for a few days until my court date. Because it was my first offense and for my military record I was sentenced to time already served and ordered to pay a $10,000 fine. So, I got off easy. With the courts anyway. My boss was notified and because I was AWOL my boss said that I could get terminated for this embarrassing behavior or keep my job and see a therapist and go through anger management because, by his ideas, I was on a downward spiral out of control. It would have been different had I not been pissed still, but hey; the fact is I WAS pissed. I told him he could shove this job up his ass!