When I got home, that was another underlined diary entry. I hid the diary in its hiding place, as I didn't want my family to see my emotions.
He returned after three months, not the usual four; they'd posted him to a maintenance unit. That was normal in our service. It gave people time to get their lives sorted out before they left the service. Time to become a civilian, to start looking for jobs, houses, schools, all that sort of stuff civilians have to do. It meant I could get a job too. I'd had jobs, mostly temporary, as we moved every three or four years. Now I could settle down as well.
Those years flew by, and My Old man was offered a job by the people who made the jet he'd been working on for so long. There was always a need to fit new bits of kit to keep the aircraft updated for the different threats they were meeting and the latest systems and weapons they developed. They wanted his experience.
We settled into a lovely house not far from where he worked. We had to pay a little bit more for it because it was close to the biggest employer in the area. It stretched our finances a little, but it was close to work and we were surrounded by people who worked at the airfield. They weren't ex-servicemen, but it was almost like returning to the Air Force. Many of the people he works with now, he had worked with when he was in the service. It's a small world.
He would still go away to test the new kit, but it's only for a day or two. I got a nice job at a local solicitor four days a week. Debbie was off at university reading aeronautics, and Jack had decided he wanted to be a fighter pilot and was planning to go to Cranwell for officer training. Their dad was so proud of them, and I was too. It had been a hard slog, but we'd got through it.
I don't know how it happened, well actually I do, I suppose, the first time. The second time was more confusing. I know how, but I don't know why I did it. I had an alternative after the first time, but I didn't use it.
He'd gone away for a few days to test a new bit of kit for the aeroplane to combat against a new bad man. It was just to justify the modelling. Unfortunately, the new kit wasn't up to standard, the real life and the modelling didn't match. The team were going to have to carry out a full trial. He was going to be away for two or three weeks, depending on how the testing went, and with the writing of the test procedures and carrying out the analysis, he wouldn't be able to get home for the weekends. Although it had been a few years, we had done this sort of thing before. At least no one would be trying to kill him this time.
I went up to the hotel he was in for the first weekend, but he was in his other world, looking after the aeroplanes that took little pink bodies into harm's way.
He worked Saturday morning, but made time for me the rest of the day. We walked the coastal paths. It was a warm autumn afternoon, I was wearing a light summer wrap over dress that I knew he liked, and I was feeling frisky and hopeful, so I'd neglected to wear any knickers. We found a secluded spot, we just looked at the sea it was lovely, I was relaxing when he leaned across and kissed me, it was warm and sensual. I felt him slide his hand up my leg under my skirt it was lovely; he looked at me with a raised eyebrow when he found my lack of underwear. He gently massaged me down there, and I was breathing heavily. He kissed me again, getting quite vigorous.
I liked that, and I reached down for the belt of his trousers, "Oh no, not yet" he said, flipping me over onto my front, grabbing my wrists and pulling them behind me, then used the belt of my dress to tie my hands behind my back. He didn't tie them tightly; I could have got free, but I didn't want to. He was in charge, and I liked that. He stood up and looked around. "I can see a couple about a mile away and sheep. I hope the sheep aren't voyeurs." He lay down beside me, lifted my skirt and used his fingers to bring me almost to the edge. He slid down, lifted my skirt and buried his head between my thighs. He opened my lips and licked; I wanted him to finish. The couple couldn't be far away, and I was worried about getting caught, it was exciting. It was tempting to free my hands and drag him up to me, but I knew what he was doing, and again with his tongue, he nearly bought me to the edge; I was breathing hard. I was so close, and then I heard his belt coming undone and his trouser zip lowered. He moved on top and entered me hard. I cried out, he placed his hand over my mouth. We can't go disturbing the sheep now, can we or give ourselves away to the couple that was just over the rise, I felt him erupt, and that sent me over the edge too.
He untied my hands, and we lay there, cuddling and comfortable. We even waved to the couple who he had seen earlier walking. We made it back to the hotel in time for dinner. There was banter in the bar about grass stains on our clothes, so we left and went to bed early. He undressed me, I undressed him, and we made gentle love that evening.
We had breakfast early on Sunday, and when we'd finished, just like all those years ago, he kissed me on my cheek and walked off to his other world. I sat there feeling lonely. When I got home, the house was empty. Debbie was away at university, and Jack was away training in the Air Force. He didn't make it as a fighter pilot, so he decided to follow in his father's footsteps as a technician.
The following weekend was when it happened. It was an office party in a local hotel on the Saturday. I'd had a drink, but I wasn't drunk, I was feeling alone, and there was no one there I felt any connection with, just work colleagues; I almost wished I hadn't come. I was missing my Old Man.
I am not using this as an excuse.
I should have been stronger. I was standing in the corner when one of the partners came up to me and asked if I was okay, I told him I was a little lonely and missing my husband, and he suggested he could do something about that by just dancing with that he asked me to dance. After that, I danced with him and several other chaps from the office, even the odd woman. But the partner claimed almost every other dance and kept on bringing me drinks, most of which I didn't drink, just in case he had an ulterior motive. But I was with work colleagues I liked and trusted; what could go wrong? We had a slow dance, and it was nice to have a man's arms wrapped around me. I didn't feel so lonely; I half imagined it was my old man, he was a similar height and build.
I woke up slowly my eyes opened. Where was I? everything was fuzzy. I rolled over and clasped the man next to me. It didn't feel right; it wasn't my old man next to me. It was all wrong, the shape, the hair, all wrong.
My eyes flew open. fuck where was I? I was in the hotel. I felt sick; I rushed to the bathroom and threw up. Did I throw up because I drank too much? No, it was because I'd had sex with another man, not my husband.
God, what had I done? I quickly dressed and left, sneaking out, so nobody saw me. What the bloody hell to do. I got home, but I am not sure how. I calmed down on the drive home, it gave me time to think. As soon as he returned next weekend, I would have to tell him face to face; you couldn't do this over the phone. I'd have to throw myself on his mercy. There is no excuse for what I did. In the old days, I would have found one of the squadron wives and talked it through with them, but now there was nobody. I went to my diary. I poured my heart and soul into it. I don't know how it happened, but I would have to tell him.
I felt better now that I had a plan, just one problem I would have to stop the man I slept with from talking about it. I got to work early on Monday. I managed to catch him in his office. I said I needed to speak to him about what happened on Saturday. I explained I was a married woman and I'd made a mistake. I didn't want my family and friends to learn about it, and I didn't want to hurt my husband. I told him I would tell my husband, but he had to hear it from me. We talked about it, and he asked me to go for a drink with him on Wednesday night because he was busy up until then. That seemed like a trap to me, so I refused, but I said I would meet him for a coffee on Wednesday afternoon after work. He agreed to that and promised not to talk about it, he realised I was married and I wouldn't want it spread around, so he had told nobody and didn't think anybody had seen anything.
On Wednesday, I met him in a pub on the far side of town after work; I only had coffee.
We skirted around the issue, talking about work for a while, but then I stopped him and said we had to talk about what brought us here. He told me he never intended for it to happen. And that we seemed to be two lonely people, and it was fun.
It was the best he'd had in years. He looked at me sheepishly, "I'd like to do it again."
I looked at him in disgust and told him no, never, it made me sick, I don't remember any of it, and I won't risk my marriage.
He seemed very apologetic; he told me his ex-wife had cheated on him with a married man and that's why he was now single and looking for companionship. He missed female company; I told him not to bother, and I was not on the market even for companionship. He told me he would keep it quiet. If it got out that he had seduced one of the staff, he would look no better than his ex-wife and her married lover. That wouldn't go down well at the practice. So, we would both keep quiet about it.
