It wasn't until the third day after admission to rehab before we were allowed to visit Linda. I had arranged for both of our children to be there. Until now, all they knew was that their mom and I were working through some problems. When they got the message that Mom was in drug rehab, they knew it was much more significant than ordinary bumps of a marriage.
From the time I picked them up at the airport, they began with the questions. It was a couple of hours between the different planes landing. I wanted to tell them the truth, but I didn't want to destroy the love they had for their mom.
Once at home I opened up. "Okay, kids, I will tell you what I think I know. But reserve judgment until Mom can tell you her side. And remember, what I am going to tell you has nothing to do with you, it is just between your mother and me, and there is plenty of blame to go around.
It started with that big case. I put everything I had into the case. Almost every day was an 18-hour day, and days and days would go by when your mom and I barely saw each other. After a while your mom got very lonely. Eventually, it developed into depression, and she started to desperately reach out for a way to feel alive. I was blind. I was so busy with my case that I neglected your mom, and I missed all the signs that she needed help. Unfortunately, she found that help in the arms of another man."
At that my daughter gasped. "Mom had an affair? Mom cheated on you?"
"Please, sweetie, telling this is very painful for me. Let me finish this and then ask your questions. There is much more to come."
I continued. "It is actually worse than that. Mom's boyfriend turned out to be something of a drug dealer. A low level one for sure, but he was selling Mom all the cocaine she wanted, and at twice the street value, I am told. He was also married, had two kids and was the househusband for his wife, a doctor. And he had other girlfriends. I'm probably not too far off calling the guy a slug."
"Geezus" said my daughter.
My son grunted disgust.
"And the whole neighborhood knows. They carried out this affair in our home while I was at work. This strange car was seen parked outside our house on most mornings. And Loverboy was seen going in and out. The neighbors that didn't notice this, heard about on the gossip circuit. Turns out I was the last one in the neighborhood to find out about it."
"Mom really fell for this guy. Her plans were to divorce me, take half of what we owned, and live happily ever after with him. I got my private investigator on it, he got the dirt on this fellow, and when I finally confronted her on all this, she was unaffected until I showed her the other girlfriend that Loverboy was seeing while he was seeing her. That crushed her. She cried. She didn't cry when I told her I knew she was cheating. She cried when she found out that he was cheating.
Eventually she called her boyfriend, he admitted to having another girlfriend and he then told your mom that he was not running off with her, he was staying with his wife.
A last wrinkle, your mom had forgotten about a prenup that grandpa made her sign when he gave us our house. The prenup says she gets virtually nothing if she ever cheats. So her plan of living off of me was over as was her plan for living with lover boy.
I have cancelled her credit cards, and closed our joint accounts, and told her I would give her an allowance to live on until we figured out what we were going to do. But before she even got her allowance, she ran out and bought some drugs, went to a cheap motel, snorted too much coke and ended up in jail, where I bailed her out. Finally, I bullied her into this drug rehab and you are more or less up to date.
There was silence in the car for the rest of the drive home. I could hear my daughter sniffling, but nothing else was said.
At home we unpacked and once settled we met again at the dining room table and I made the coffee.
"I have a plan. It is a stupid plan and has virtually no chance of succeeding, but I want your help anyway. I have been honest with your Mom, I want her back. I have conditions to that, which are that I want my old wife back, not the women she has become. I have told her that I will only work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, and I will take long and frequent vacations with her if I can have my old wife back. So far she has not said yes, and it is unlikely she ever will. She thinks I abandoned her, and she hates me for it. On that note, she is pretty much correct. I never thought I was abandoning her in favor of my work but that is what I did."
"But she hasn't said no," asked my daughter.
Yeah, well, I've told her saying no means she is on the street" I answered.
"So, this is what I am suggesting you do tomorrow on our visit. Tell her you both love her very much and want her to get better. No matter where she leads the conversation, say that she is your mom, and that you love her very much. If she says I am a bum, don't argue, and say Mom, all we care about today is you and no one else. You must get better.
"You see, she has buried her old self, we must remind her that she is a mother who is loved. I am trying to remind her she is a wife who is loved.
"And you don't think that will work?" Asked my son.
"No, I don't. Right now, I am the bastard that abandoned her, and I am the bastard that ruined her plan to run away with her lover and live happily ever after. And she is right."
The next day we all rode out to the rehab facility together. Visiting hours started at one, and we were twenty minutes early. I could tell both kids were nervous. I was nervous, but I thought I was doing a good job of hiding it until my daughter held my hand, and whispered to me not worry, everything will work out. My son heard that and smiled at me, also trying to reassure me. I then got up, told her that I would be outside, she won't want to see me, but tell her I'm here and if she does want to see me, to just call me.
Linda didn't show until ten after. The visit did not go well.
My daughter hugged her, and she hugged her back. She also went over and hugged my son. They sat down and started off using my script, assuring her that they both loved her and wanted her to get better. Linda started off asking what their father had told them. My daughter answered that that he told them that I had a boyfriend and that he sold you drugs. Linda then said that I was accusing her of it being all her fault. My son broke in and said, no, he said he neglected you working on his cases, and that you felt abandoned.
