I answered my phone using Bluetooth, "What do you want, Andi."
"Derek, listen! You've got it all wrong."
"Andi, you hang on a second. Let me tell you what I know and what I think and then you tell me what I have wrong, okay?"
"Okay."
"Good. First, we were set up to meet by your sister who told you I was a good guy but let women walk all over me, correct?"
"Not exactly those words but correct."
"Second, you're idea of getting to know me was to see how easily I could be pushed around, correct?"
"Well, not exactly, I was testing you."
"Right. You wanted to see if you could have me rubbing your feet before the end of the evening. My potato salad incident interrupted that."
She didn't respond. She knew she had no leg to stand on.
"Next, you hide the fact that you have a wonderful little son from me. I still can't figure out how you were gonna spring him on me, but whatever."
"I explained that to you. I've had..."
"Yes, yes, all men suck because we hate kids so we should be lied to. Got it."
"Derek..."
"Hang on now. Lastly, when I surprised you today and found Jim leaving your house, you said nothing was going on between you. Is that correct?"
"Yes. I didn't lie to you. Nothing is going on. We're just friends with benefits. Derek, he's not..."
"You see, Andi? That right there is why I'm not interested in going out with you."
"What? We never talked about commitments or..."
"No, not that you slept with him. I don't care about that. It's that you think your sleeping with him is nothing going on. That means sex isn't special to you. That means you're no different than my ex-wife. Having a sexual relationship with someone means that something is going on. How you can be so casual about that, is scaring me away from you."
"Derek, I didn't lie to you. He doesn't mean..."
"You see? There it is. Sex with him doesn't mean anything. So what happens in six months when we're committed and exclusive? I go out of town for work and old Jim needs to get his rocks off. You figure, what the hell? It's only sex. It doesn't mean anything."
"Derek, give me a chance. I told you how I feel about cheaters."
"Yeah, you did. Unfortunately, your attitude about sex is the door opener to becoming one. I'm sorry, Andi. I really am. I felt a strong connection with you and wanted to see where it could go, but we're on two different wavelengths about important things like honesty and sex."
"I'm sorry Derek. I really like you, I can't explain why this hurts so much. Please give me a chance."
"I can't. I just can't. Goodbye."
I ended the call and never called her back. A few years later, I ran into her, Jim, and their two kids. They were married, but I didn't see happiness in their eyes.
****
So, life goes on. Ob La Di, Ob La Da, as the song goes. I buried myself with work and kept on trying to figure life out.
I had to have something wrong with me that made me either fall for the wrong kind of woman or attract them. I was a good-looking, clean-cut, rich young guy. There had to be something wrong with me, didn't there? Why couldn't I find the right girl?
I drifted along, getting by doing one-night-stands and all the set-ups my friends could throw at me for about a year after Andi. Then, I had a pop-in visit from a sales rep from a company that sold cleaning supplies and fell head over heels in love at first sight. Again...
She was a tall blonde who looked like she walked off of a runway. Her skirt was professional, but I could make out all the curves and had a good view of her perfect legs when she crossed them after she sat in my office.
When we made eye contact I felt my heart rate increase. I hadn't felt like that since Andi.
"Mister..."
I cut her off immediately. "Whoa! Mister nothing. Call me Derek, please." I gave her a wide smile as I sat behind my desk.
She smiled a sexy dick-hardening smile back.
"Alright, Derek."
She flipped her long hair over her shoulder and crossed her legs the other way allowing her skirt to ride higher. All of a sudden, I was disgusted that she would do those little flirty things to get a sale. She was shut down in my mind before she had a chance. I was done being manipulated by women.
I let her give her spiel, which took a half-hour of my time, and gruffly said, "Well, Miss Carnes..."
She smiled and said, "Call me Erin, please."
"Okay,
Erin
. As I was saying, I appreciate you stopping by and if I decide I require your products in the future I'll let you know."
She looked at me oddly and asked, "I'm sorry, did I upset you? I didn't mean to..."
"No. I'm not upset. I just don't like your tactics. Thank you for stopping in."
"Wait!" She demanded. "My tactics?"
I sighed, "The hair flipping, the crossing and uncrossing of your legs without adjusting your skirt down, the sly smiles and the way your eyebrow raised when you mentioned the size of the hose nozzle being large but not too large to fit."
She looked at me as if I were an idiot and said, "Forget the sales pitch. When we met I thought we shared a moment. You know one of
those
moments? Where a boy and a girl like each other so their eyes smile at each other along with their lips."
She was angry with me. I realized I may have overreacted.
"I
was
flirting with you and it was not to get a sale from you. Jesus! I'm the number three rep in our division and it has nothing to do with my looks, asshole. I bust my ass. I know more about my line of products than anyone in the company. I..."
Okay. I'm an idiot. I cut her off, "Are you free for lunch?"
"What?" She shrieked.
"Lunch. The meal you eat after breakfast but before dinner."
"I...uh..."
"Look, Erin. A boy met a girl and he like likes her. That boy is now asking that girl to have lunch with him."
She calmed down, well her face wasn't red and the vein in her forehead wasn't popping out anymore. Then she smiled again.
"Sure. I'd love to," she said with charm.
****
"Someone hurt you badly, huh?" She asked after we ordered.
I laughed and said, "Just about every girl I've ever met, actually."
"Well, I guess I'll just have to carry the weight of my gender on my shoulders as I marry you and have your babies."
I spit the water out of my mouth and stammered as I cleaned the mess.
"Don't worry. I'll have to earn it first, but there's just something about you that tells me I found my soul mate."