After an amazing, very romantic, and very educational night, Chad woke up thanking me over and over again. He told me that when I asked Roxanne to marry me and she said yes, he thought his chances of getting to be with her, sexually, were gone.
I asked Chad if sex with Roxanne was all he'd hoped it would be. Chad told me that Roxanne was incredible. Chad reminded me that when Roxanne went down on him that he had to stop her three times because he didn't want to cum in her mouth, he instead wanted to cum inside of her.
Chad told me that he felt that Roxanne seeing all the sex on set had really helped, because, although she had never gone down on a guy before, she was damn good at it. Chad asked me if I knew how good it felt to have a woman worship my cock. I shook my head.
I have to say that watching Roxanne lavish so much attention and time on Chad's cock was enlightening. And seeing his smile and hearing Chad praise Roxanne showed and taught me how to better love Roxanne.
When Roxanne got down on her knees and seemed to be enamored by Chad's cock, I knew that allowing her to give of herself to Chad in this way was the right thing to do.
Roxanne wasn't just going down on Chad to please him. She made sure that I had a good view and could see how happy it made her to be able to do it. Roxanne knew that had she married anyone else, other than Chad or me, she more than likely would never have been able to be with Chad.
The whole time that Roxanne was down on Chad, she kept eye contact with me as much as she could. This told me that although she had Chad's cock in her mouth, I was still a priority to her. She wanted to make sure that I knew how happy I had made her by being so understanding and for loving her as I was.
When Roxanne had me guide Chad's cock into her, I have to say that was an experience. Of course, I'd held my cock before, but I had never touched another man's cock. And Chad's was firm and thick.
As I gently grasped Chad's cock and guided the head into Roxanne, I felt that I was loving her in a way that no other man had or could.
I'd seen hundreds of sex scenes performed on set, and none of the scenes were realistic to me. When I saw Chad and Roxanne together, it was real. It was romantic. I could tell that Chad wasn't just fucking Roxanne, he was making love to her.
My mother taught me one thing, "It's okay for other people, but not for you. You're better than that." But now that meant something different to me. It wasn't that I was better than Chad because I didn't have sex with my wife on our wedding night, I was a better man because I was able to follow my own beliefs.
The world may say that low self-esteem causes many problems, but I don't see it that way. I don't have low self-esteem, I, instead, have an especially low level of concern about my worth, skills, achievements, status, or entitlements. There's a difference.
You would think that pride and arrogance would be seen as a problem, but, instead, people see a problem when a person is humble. I never saw myself as being lower than anyone else, or anyone better than me. I just knew that to be my true self, a Christian that wanted more than anything to be Christ-like, that my biggest concern couldn't be my worth, skills, achievements, status, or entitlements.
Even though Roxanne gave Chad the gift of her virginity and Chad consummated our marriage for us, that didn't change the fact that Roxanne is married to me. My status didn't change because of what Chad or Roxanne had done. I was still Roxanne's husband. And just because Chad graciously received Roxanne's virginity and consummated our marriage, that didn't mean that he was a better lover than I could be.
As far as my achievements, I asked Roxanne to marry me and she accepted. Chad never did propose to Roxanne, and, therefore, must live with the fact that because he didn't ask for Roxanne's hand in marriage she is now married to me because he failed to act as I had.
As far as entitlement goes, the world says that I have the right as a husband to say, "I am her husband; she should. . ." I disagree. Yes, in Biblical times, a woman was her husband's property. I do not see Roxanne as my property. I do not own her. She is my wife. She is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
To understand entitlement, you have to understand that the word "title" is the part of entitlement that carries the most weight. Whenever we make a demand based on our title, we operate from an entitlement perspective. You have to realize that a title is no guarantee of specific behaviors.
I have always believed that preferences for and about our spouse should be based on love, preferring the good and welfare of our spouse. Instead of conceptualizing our expectations in terms of entitlement, we should frame them as an invitation that others may accept to help themselves.
Instead of demanding that a wife perform her marital duties to and for her husband, I believe a more measured and ultimately more constructive approach is to step aside from entitlement and the demanding expectations it engenders and focusing on desirable expectations.
I take to heart that God takes pleasure in our efforts to humble ourselves, and he loves to bless and exalt the humble. I believe that humility is one of the most essential things that characterizes true Christianity. I do not claim to be humble, but I do put forth humility as my main objective as a Christian husband.
My mother always saw, and still sees me, as a child. I had to be by her side at all times. In a way, I was her best friend, as well as her husband. My father and mother weren't loving each other. They lived in the same house, but that was about it.
Rarely did I ever see my parents kiss. And sex was out of the question because my father was rougher in bed than my mother liked. And that was why she taught me the things that she did about sex.
I remember when I was five years old and my mother stayed home from church. When my Sunday school teacher asked me why my mother wasn't at church, I stated matter of factly that my mother was on her period. This brought up a lot of questions from the other children in my class. Yet, it should have also shown that my relationship with my mother was more than a mother-child relationship.
I grew up without friends. At the age of five, I was trusted enough by my mother to walk to the corner store to buy her pads, but she didn't trust me enough to play with other children. And my mother didn't trust other parents, either
I grew up in Lennox, California, fifteen miles from downtown Los Angeles. A neighbor boy and his mother were going to go to Los Angeles, and they asked me if I wanted to go with them. My mother said that would be too dangerous. She said no because she didn't want me to get hurt.
Another time, when I was ten years old, neighbors who lived across the street were riding their go-kart in the vacant lot next to the church. The parents were going to let me drive their go-kart, but, again, my mother said no. I could get hurt. This was also the reason my mother wouldn't let me get into cub scouts or boy scouts. But she felt that me knowing about periods and seeing her bloody pads was okay.
Because of an ability I have to this day, I can't remember how many times I put my hands on my mother to help relieve her menstrual pains. It was then that I learned about sex. My mother would tell me that her intense menstrual pains were less painful than having sex with my father. It has occurred to me that when I felt that I was healing her, my mother was seeing it as not only pain relief, but as pleasurable. In a way, I was her non-sexual sexual partner.
This is not why I am okay with my wife giving her virginity to another man and consummating our marriage with him on our wedding night. The reason that I am okay with it is that I can love someone without having sex with them. I know that I can provide pain relief as well as pleasure by not being sexual. Yet, Roxanne wanted to experience sexual pleasure by having sex. So, because I love Roxanne, I wanted her to have what she needed from me, even if that meant her having sex and receiving pleasure from another man.
I can't fault Roxanne for wanting sex, as I hoped she would forgive me for not being able to have sex with her. I find Roxanne physically attractive. She's beautiful. She does have a great body. If I were any other man, I would probably have sex with her without even thinking about it. The problem is what's going on in my mind, I have my upbringing from my mother as well as my church.
My mother taught me that sexual pleasure can come from a non-sexual source, and the church taught me that I am to put other's wants and needs before my own. And now both are in play. I am giving my wife sexual pleasure by not having sex with her. And yet, I am not denying her sex.
I have to say that I truly appreciate Chad, more than he'll ever know because he stepped in. He did what I couldn't bring myself to do. He gave Roxanne what I couldn't give her. And I feel that all three of us are blessed because of one another.
Although Saint Nicholas isn't Biblical, his nature and character always made an impression on me. I am not much for receiving gifts, but I very much like giving them. And on my wedding night, I gave Chad and Roxanne both incredible gifts that only they could give each other.
What I received by giving Roxanne and Chad the gift of each other on my wedding night was a feeling of support from Chad, and a sense, from seeing Roxanne with Chad, that I had done the right thing for all three of us.
If you've never actually watched a couple making love, I can tell you that it's a beautiful thing to behold. You can watch porn and see people fuck, but you just don't see people making love. And there's a difference.
What people fail to understand is the best sex is more than just getting turned on and/or sexually excited. Sex is the salve that heals the hurtful words we say and the offenses we commit against one another. And the marriage bed is where all the healing happens.
When I couldn't have sex with Roxanne, she understood. And she allowed Chad to make love to her in my stead because she needed me and I couldn't be there for her. This showed me that she wasn't going to push me, but, yet, she wasn't going to deny herself what I couldn't give, either. This showed me that she could not only care for me, she also saw herself as worthy of receiving what I could not give her.
When I watched Chad make love to Roxanne, it was magical. I had never seen two people exude so much positive energy and love. Chad and Roxanne kissed nearly the entire time they made love. To anyone watching, there was no doubt that Chad and Roxanne weren't just having sex, they were emanating and creating love on a very high level.
Because Chad wanted to extend his and Roxanne's lovemaking, he allowed Roxanne to massage the most intimate part of his body with her lips and tongue. And he returned the favor.
We all knew there would be a day when I would join Chad and Roxanne, and by showing me the way that it should be done, Chad and Roxanne were helping me to be a better lover by loving each other.
