I walked up behind Krystal as she was standing at the mirror, doing something to her eyebrows. "If I didn't know better," I said into her ear, "I'd think you were getting ready to go out on a date."
"Well, you do know better. Clement, the new programmer you hired, is coming over for dinner. And you know I'm an old-fashioned girl: I always like to look good for a guest."
"Especially a young, attractive, male one?"
She stopped what she was doing, turned around, and looked me straight in the eye. "Well, Roger, that was a curveball. You've got some hidden agenda here?"
"Oops. Was it that obvious? Look, I'm not trying to put ideas in your head. Just do what comes naturally."
"You can't make a comment like that without putting ideas in my head. As to whether any those ideas turn into reality... I guess you'll have to wait and see." She went back to making herself beautiful, but maybe with more energy.
She had just finished when the doorbell rang.
After we'd gotten him in out of the cold, I introduced them. "Krystal, this is Clement Brown. Clement, meet my wife, Krystal."
Clement extended his hand. Krys took it in both of hers. "Welcome, Clem! Roger has told me a lot about you. But it seems that he left some things out, too."
Clement didn't miss a beat. "He hasn't told me all that much about you, my lady. I was wondering what he was holding back. Now I know."
At the dinner table, I served the gazpacho. After taking his first spoonful, Clement said "God, that's good! I guess that's something else that Roger didn't tell me about you. But wait: I shouldn't make assumptions like that. Which one of you is the soup chef?"
"Not me," I assured him. "Krystal deserves full credit for that. I can barely warm up a pizza."
"So I was right the first time. Lucky old Roger has himself a mistress of the domestic arts."
Krystal chuckled. "Are you saying that he has both a wife and a mistress? I don't think so. Not if he knows what's good for him.
"But seriously. I'll admit to taking some pride in my cooking. I have time for it, after all. I like to joke that I'm the first Bennington graduate in over twenty years to decide that, for her, being liberated meant choosing to be a homemaker."
"Is that right? And are you a 'full-service' homemaker? Do you sew? Embroider?"
This time Krystal laughed out loud. "Goodness no, Clement my dear. Cooking is the only one of my passions that you'd find in a home economics textbook. Or 'human ecology,' as the with-it colleges are calling it these days."
"
Please,
tell me more about your passions."
"They're pretty eclectic, actually, though most of them do seem to have a common thread. I love learning new ways to make life more enjoyable for the people I care about."
"Madam, I'd be grateful for any advice you could give me about how to become one of the people you care about."
While we were at the table, the conversation continued in the same vein: pretty light. On the surface, at least.
We moved into the living room, settled into seats, and I cleared my throat. "Clem, there's something I'd like to talk to you about."
"Oh yes? What might that be, Roger?"
"Well, to start with, I want to tell you, in no uncertain terms, that I consider you to be my star employee."
"My goodness, Roger, I hardly know what to say. It's an enormous compliment, obviously. And--I don't want to sound ungrateful, but--at the same time, it makes me uneasy."
"Really? Why is that?"
It took him a moment, but he had an answer. "I won't pretend that I don't know that I'm talented. But look: we're not a big company, but you do have a couple of other programmers working there; and they're competent professionals, too, and, well, what's the
point
of saying that one of us is the star?"
"It's simple. I said the 'star employee' thing out loud because I'm afraid of losing you, and I want to do all I can to prevent that."
"Oh, is
that
what this is all about? Well then, you can just stop worrying. You're paying me fairly. But there's something else keeping me in this job: something that's even more important to me. It's the fact that, ever since I started with the company, the projects I've been working on have been about the most exciting ones that I could imagine."
"Well, thank you. That's quite a compliment, too. Are you trying to butter me up?
"Don't answer that; I was joking. But I am curious about something. Do you have a theory about how I manage this feat, of consistently giving you projects that get you excited?"
"I do, actually. I don't think it's about me. I think that you pick projects,
for the company as a whole,
because they excite
you.
And I benefit from that, because... would you believe, I think it's because you and I are excited by the same sort of things? Um, the same sort of programming projects, I mean."
It was quick, but I caught it: on that last sentence, he looked over at Krystal.
I took that, and I ran with it. "Um, you know what? I just realized that we're not at work, and we've been talking about work entirely too much. Why don't you tell us about some of the other things that excite you, besides interesting programming projects?"
He looked over at Krystal again, a little longer this time. Then he looked back at me, longer still, before he said anything.
"I sure hope I'm not out of line here, boss. But you asked, so I'll give you an honest answer. I get excited when I look at a beautiful woman. Like your wife. Er, did I just get myself fired?"
I was quick to reassure him. "Not at all! To tell you the truth, hearing you say that, that gets me excited, too."
Krystal took her cue like a trouper: "That makes three of us!"
Clement shook his head. "Well, aren't you a pair! Okay, let me see if I'm understanding what's going on here. This
apparent
change of subject... is it, just maybe, not actually coming out of nowhere? Could it, just possibly, have some connection with that thing you said a little while earlier, that you were afraid of losing me? Losing me as an employee, I assume you meant?"
This time, I was openly theatrical about addressing myself to Krystal. "I told you he was smart!" Then, to Clement: "It certainly could; in fact, it absolutely does have something to do with that."
I'm pretty sure Clement expected me to go on and say more, but I stubbornly didn't. So he stopped trying to wait me out, and found something more to say.
"Okay, I get it. You want me to be the one to spell out what the one thing has to do with the other... or what I think it does. Like, so I can demonstrate even more convincingly how smart I am. And how bold. Demonstrate it to you, boss... and to
you,
sexy lady."
He paused for breath, then: "How'm I doing so far?"
"You're doing great. You're at about the ten-yard line, and it seems like the defense can't do anything to stop you. Or doesn't want to."
"So, if I can keep it up a little further, I'll score?"
"Absolutely."
"Okay, here goes. You really, really don't want me to go work somewhere else. So you were going to ask me whether there was anything else you could do to make me happy. Anything that
either
of you could do, to, ah, make life more pleasant for me."
Krystal asked, with bated breath, "And is there?"
"You're damn straight there is."
Her smile got wider. "Gee, I guess you've already become one of the people I care about, because the thought of giving you pleasure makes me feel kind of, I don't know, tingly. Tell me, please!"
So he did. "Would you like to suck my dick?"
"Is that an abstract question about what I think I might like?" she inquired coolly. "Or are you asking me to, you know, do it?"
He laughed. "I'm not an abstract sort of guy, Krystal. Except where computer programming is concerned."
"So. You're really asking me to suck your dick. Now."
"You got it, baby."
"Well see now, that's not something I could agree to on my own. I'd have to talk it over with my husband, first. Marital vows, and all that."
"Oh, yes of course. I guess I was assuming that you two already had an arrangement about such things. So look, maybe I should get out of your way, for now, so that you two can have that talk as soon as possible."
Krystal and I looked at each other. Before either of us spoke, Clement had another thought. "Oh, wait. Before I go, shall I show you my dick? You know, Roger, you're always saying: when you have to make a decision, it's always better to have as much information as possible."
I think I opened and closed my mouth several times. I know I didn't speak, and Krys didn't either. Clement could tell that our brains were out to lunch, so he took pity on us and made that decision by himself.
He stood up, pulled down his pants, and kicked them off. Then he took off his underwear, sat back down, and cradled his cock in his hand. I swear, I could see it getting firmer by the second.
Nobody spoke for what seemed like a full minute. Krystal was the one who found her voice first.
"Well now, Clement darling, that is a
lot
of information. I don't know whether I can take it in, all at one time."
Clement didn't miss a beat. "The only way to find out is to try."
Krystal blinked a time or two, then said, "My God, Clement, you are direct and to the point. And you know what else you are? You are correct, that's what. Your argument is quite convincing."
"So does that mean that you're ready to start sucking?"
"Not actually, no," she replied. "You 'convinced' me of something obvious: that I won't know if I can take it all, unless I try. And I admit, I'm quite curious about whether I can.