Nineteen Hundred

NINETEEN HUNDRED: Ch 2

(OPEN COMMUNICATION)

Over the next several days, Jake and Julie rarely talked about Tony's visit. There was nothing in the way of affection; no kisses, let alone any type of sex. Julie was hurting; trying to recover. Both Julie and Jake knew if their marriage was to stay strong, they had to be open with each other.

One night after the kids were in bed, Julie sat down on the couch facing Jake with one leg under her. She grabbed the remote, shut off the TV and tossed it on the couch in front of her.

"Jake, I'm putting your fantasy behind me, now that I've made it come true for you. I need to know...I need you to be totally honest with me, okay?" she asked in a serious, but soft tone.

Jake made eye contact with her, "Okay."

"I know you took pictures the other night, right?" she said.

"Yeh," he replied.

"How many?" she asked.

"A few," he said.

"Have you looked at them since?" she asked.

"Well, yeh," he stated.

She breathed deeply. "Can I see them?" she asked, raking her fingers through her thick blonde hair, from front to back. Jake paused. "Jake, I'm your wife...please," she said again quietly looking into his eyes.

He took a deep breath and pulled his phone out of his pocket and tossed it to her. She opened his phone and started scrolling through the photos; there were more than "a few". A few were of her and Tony on the couch. The rest of the photos were dark, since the only light in the bedroom came from a lamp. However, they were vivid enough to see the images. Neither Tony's or her face were recognizable in the photos, giving her some relief.

She looked at each photo, slowly. "Oh my God, Jake...seriously?" she mumbled as she continued to view the photos. She saw there were three videos and she watched all three. "Really Jake? A video of Tony's cum running out of me?" she asked in disbelief, her voice shaking, looking at him as her eyes welled up. She breathed in deeply then exhaled slowly collecting her thoughts and next words.

"Talk to me, Jake. Please, please be honest. Obviously, it turned you on the other night. Does it still turn you on?" she paused, staring at him. "After you now know how I feel about what happened?" she quietly asked as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

His eyes looked at her and he sighed. "Well, yeh," he acknowledged.

"Have you looked at these since the other night?" she asked.

He hesitated and looked away. "Yeh," he sighed.

She paused, staring at him, afraid to ask, "Do you masturbate when you look at these?"

"C'mon, Julie," he sighed.

"Jake, please! Tell me the truth," she demanded and stared at him awaiting an answer. After a long pause, she continued, "I'm not mad. I...I just don't understand this fantasy of yours. I need to know. Please, make me understand, Jake; please," she quietly pleaded.

He took a deep breath and exhaled. "Yeh," he confessed, looking away from her eyes.

She exhaled. "Oh my God, Jake," staring at him. "How many times?"

"Julie, please."

"No, Jake. I need to know. Once? Twice? Every day since he was here?"

He paused; seeing her look into his eyes awaiting an answer. Awaiting the truth. "Twice," he admitted.

"Thank you," she sighed with relief that he was open and honest. "Thank you for being honest, Jake," Julie said as she tried to comprehend Jake's actions.

"Do you respect me, Jake?" she paused, adding, "You've just made me feel like your personal porn star." She paused again, staring at him. "I'm your wife, Jake. Do you want to jack off watching short videos of me?" she asked quietly as a tear rolled down her cheek.

Jake sighed, "Julie, please stop. I love you. You are everything to me. You are a beautiful woman. I can't explain it, but, I think, because you are a good-looking, sexy woman, I just want to watch you and another guy. I'm sorry if you're offended, but you have to understand a lot of guys have this same fantasy," he told her, pausing.

"Julie, I love you so much; of course, I respect you. I can't explain this desire, but to me, I'm thrilled knowing another guy wants you. I know, it sounds so stupid, but I can't explain it," he continued. "Julie, you are so important to me. You are the mother of my children. You are the love of my life. There's no way I'd want harm to come to you or disrespect you or any negative connotations whatsoever," he said placing his hand on her knee gently, trying to comfort her and looking into her watery eyes.

"If you love me so much, why do you want other men touching me; kissing me...sleeping with me?" she quietly asked, tilting her head slightly, as tears fell from her now puffy eyes. She sat there waiting for an answer.

Silence. Finally, "I don't know. I just know I love you with all my heart," he replied.

"Jake; look at me. For the first time ever, I've thought about getting a divorce lawyer. At the very minimum, we need to go to counseling. Do you not see how serious this has become?"

"Please, Julie, don't get a lawyer. I can't lose you," he pleaded.

"You hurt me. You damaged this marriage; badly. Like...like...like you took a knife to everything we have," she paused. "Starting right now, we need to be as honest and open as ever before."

She stared at Jake; the silence was deafening. Julie stood and went to the kitchen, returning with their laptop. She handed it to Jake. "Show me. Is there porn about this fantasy?" she asked. "I want to know about this. Is this that cuckold thing you once described?" she continued.

He looked at her; worry all over his face. "Jake, I'm being very open and honest right now. I need to know. I want to know. I'm not mad about this. No, wait, yes, I am mad it happened and I am mad I let myself go through with it...but, I just want to understand," she explained. "Honestly Jake, if our marriage is to endure, I need to know. I'm not mad anymore. It happened. It's done. It's over with. I swear. I don't understand. I just need more information," she confided.

Jake was silent, then slowly took the laptop, opened it and went to a porn website. He pulled up a homemade video of a husband filming his wife with another man and spun the laptop around to Julie.

"Here. There are hundreds of videos like this. These are homemade. Made by real people, not porn stars. This goes on all the time, Julie. I'm not saying it's right. I'm not saying it's for everyone. I'm just saying this isn't so uncommon," he said. "I'm giving you all my honesty," he stated as she stared at him. She looked down at the laptop then started the video.

Julie watched the short video with the volume turned down, slightly. She watched another short video. "Really? Wow," she said quietly, kind of to herself, but out loud. She clicked on another similar video and began to watch. She continued watching the videos, trying to understand Jake's obsession.

"Oh my God, Jake, seriously? Her husband just went down on her after the guy came in her!" she looked up in astonishment. "Geez, Jake. Doesn't that gross you out?" she asked.

He paused. "No, not really. I kind of think it's hot," he told her with a smirk.

Shocked, she stared at him for a few seconds in total disbelief. "Really Jake? Would you have gone down on me after Tony came in me the other night?" she asked looking directly into his eyes.

Jake paused.

"Jake, be honest," she demanded in a low tone.

"Probably not. Maybe. Fuck, I don't know," he stated.

Julie was stunned, trying to grasp the concept of his desires. She looked at Jake for about ten seconds in absolute bewilderment; mouth slightly open, eyes slightly squinting, before viewing another video, then another.

"Really, Jake? Would you want to go to the bad part of town and take me to a gloryhole? Would you want me to suck someone's cock, not knowing if they have herpes or whatever?" she asked with her voice shaking and a few more tears falling.

"Oh my God, Jake. Do you not see how disrespectful that is? You're supposed to protect me. Getting your rocks off watching me suck someone with the possibility of getting an STD doesn't make me feel protected or respected." She told her husband, looking at him with pain in her eyes. Jake looked away and remained silent.

She opened another tab and researched cuckold. As she read, Jake went to the kitchen for a beer. He came back and Julie was intently reading. She found another article as Jake sat there, drinking his beer.

After about ten minutes, she looked up at Jake. "Okay. I still don't understand. You say you love me, but you want another man to sleep with me while you watch. Jake, my mind can't get past the fact that we took vows. We're not supposed to break them," she explained.

Jake finished his beer and put it on the coffee table. "Julie, I know. It goes against everything we were brought up believing. But, as long as both people agree, is it really cheating? Is it really breaking vows?" he asked.

Now Julie sat in silence, her mind spinning a hundred miles an hour. "Jake, oh my God. What if the kids found out about this when they're older? Finding out their mom was a slut and dad watched her or worse yet, basically forced her to be with other men?" she asked. "No, that's not the way marriage is supposed to work," she added.

"Julie. Hear me out, please. How is it cheating if your husband is there and approves of you with another man?" he asked. "Isn't cheating when you go behind your spouse's back?" he added.

Julie sat there, thinking...looking at Jake, then at the laptop. "Because we took vows, Jake. Doesn't that mean anything to you?" raising her voice, her eyes riveted to his.

"Jake, this isn't about cheating. This is about a woman, a wife...about me...whoever...being put in an uncomfortable situation. Okay, I get it. Maybe some of these women willingly do these things for their husbands and find it exciting. Good for them, to each their own, I won't judge them, but right now, that's not me, Jake; it's not me," she explained looking into his eyes.

Jake sighed. "I just told you how much I love you. As twisted as you think this is, I am okay with you being with another man; within limits." Jake paused, then continued. "Let me ask you this, babe. Honestly, tell me you didn't have the best sex in years with Tony...seriously, be honest," he asked.

"Jake, stop. I told you it was good partly because I was drunk and he treated me like a woman, not like an object to talk dirty to," she responded.

"Physically, Julie. Just physically; how many times did you cum?" he paused.

"It doesn't matter that you were drunk. Did you not enjoy his big cock? Is his cock the biggest you've ever had?" he paused. "Do you not think it was exciting because he was a new lover and you were not with me?" he asked.

"No, Jake; no," she whispered. "Jake, his cock had nothing to do with it, seriously. I was drunk. I went with the flow. His kisses, his hands, everything had me turned on. Turned on more than you've turned me on for a long time," she confessed. A few more tears slowly ran down her face.

"Okay, you know what, Jake, yes...now that I think of it, Tony's cock is the biggest thing that's ever been in me. Does that make you happy knowing that? Yes, it felt good, but that was an added benefit. It was the way he touched me. The way he kissed me...the, the, the way he told me to undress. Jake, I haven't had that experience from you in such a long, long time," she paused in silence. "Why don't you understand? What's so hard about hearing my side of the story?" The pain in Julie's eyes was evident as Jake looked at her.

Jake paused in the silence. He collected his thoughts, then took a deep breath. "That's my point, babe. You had the best sex you've had in a very long time. You said it yourself the other day...that, that he made you feel something you haven't felt with me in a long time," he paused looking at her. "If I'm okay watching someone give you something special, something that makes you feel so good, why are you against it?"

Julie sat there; so many thoughts swirling inside her head. She thought silently for several seconds, started to speak, then thought about her response some more. She was confused.

"Is that what you want, Jake? You want to watch me break my vows over and over again? You want me to basically be a whore with different men?" A tear fell down her cheek. "Because, that's not what I want. I want to be a wife; a mom...a...a student right now." Silence again fell over them.

"Julie, stop. You're looking at this through the eyes of your morals and the values taught to you as you grew up." He paused briefly, "If you want open communication, I'm being as open as I can. I don't mind if you have a boyfriend or if you see Tony again once, twice; whenever."

Julie's tears started streaming. "You don't get it, do you? You say you love me. Sex is supposed to be something very special between a man and a woman; something sacred. I feel you've degraded my status as a wife; as your wife," she softly said as the tears kept coming. "What about Jamie and Jessica? How can you look at them wishing their mom was a slut because you want me to be?" She stared silently.

Jake stared back for several seconds, finally taking a deep breath. "Babe, it's getting late. Don't answer me tonight. Do your research, watch more of those videos if you need to get a grip on this," he told her. "I'm trying to be as open and honest as I can. I do want our marriage to last. You wanted the truth about my fantasies, now you have all you need to know. If you have any questions, just ask; I'm all in. I won't hide anything from you," he said with a tone of heartfelt honesty. Jake stood to throw his beer away and picked up his phone from the couch.

"Jake?" she asked softly. "Are you going to delete those photos?"

He looked at her, "I don't want to, but if you want me to, I will," he lamented.

She thought for a second. "Promise me you won't show them to anyone?" she asked insecurely.

"No way, babe. They're between you and me. Nobody will see them; promise," he confided.

She nodded, "Okay. I'm going to read some more on this, if you don't mind. I'll be up later," she said.

Jake came back from the kitchen and kissed Julie softly. "I love you. I'm glad we had this talk. Trust me, we'll get through this," he quietly told her.

She looked at him with watery eyes. "I hope so, because I still love you," she whispered. However, Julie was now doubting her love for Jake. The damage was done. She had to find a way to restore her marriage.

Over the next week, Jake and Julie began talking more and Julie researched more about Jake's fantasy. She had seen enough videos and read several articles on cuckolding and wife sharing. She still didn't understand it, but she accepted that married couples engage in it. Julie wasn't overly religious, but her values and beliefs were entrenched. As much as she tried, in her mind, Jake had not earned her respect back.

For the most part, the tension from Tony's visit was gone. If there was any good news for Julie, Tony's visit was a life lesson. It happened; she couldn't change it. She could only move forward. Moving forward for Julie meant seeking counseling.

One late Saturday afternoon, Julie cooked dinner. After dinner, the kids were watching TV and she cleaned the kitchen. Jake made her a fairly strong rum and coke.

"What's this for?" she asked, taking a sip. "Damn, Jake! That's pretty strong."

"Just drink it. You need it," he told her.

She continued cleaning the kitchen, as her drink waited for her on the counter. Jake came back into the kitchen.

"Hey, you need to drink that. There's another one waiting for you tonight."

"Why?"

"Because. Just drink it, Julie, please," he urged.

This was somewhat strange of Jake, as he never forced alcohol on her. However, the drink tasted good and she felt she needed to relax, so she complied. Sure enough, as she finished the first drink, Jake brought her a second drink. With the kids watching TV, she went upstairs to fetch a load of the kid's laundry and took it to the mud room next to the entry into garage. As she was sorting the laundry, Jake came in. He grabbed Julie, spun her around and kissed her deeply and pushed her against the washer. She tried to pulled back.

"Whoa, where'd that come from?" she asked.

"Fuck, Julie, are we never going to have sex again?" he asked with a mix of frustration and anger in his voice.

Julie sighed. "Oh, now the reason for the stiff drinks comes out."

"C'mon, Julie. I'm trying to get us back to normal, you know, like it was before."

"Normal? Like it was?" she looked at him. "Like it was before what, Jake? Before you let Tony fuck me in our bed? Before you tore our vows apart?" she replied, then stared in silence as her eyes began to tear up.

"Julie, c'mon, the kids might hear you."

"Let's go, Jake. Let's go upstairs. Right now. You want sex? Let's go have sex."

"C'mon, Julie...no, you're all upset now."

"Jake! You try to get me drunk thinking that's going to turn me on enough to want to have sex tonight?" she looked at him in disbelief. "You want sex, Jake? Take your phone upstairs; I'm sure you can find something that'll get you off!" Her eyes releasing tears.

Jake was silent. He knew he'd just blown any chance of romance for the night and maybe for the next few days.

"Jake. You haven't heard a word I've said over the past several conversations. Sex is supposed to be special," she paused. "The way you just tried to get me in bed makes me feel cheap...again," she paused, looking at her husband as tears ran down her cheek. "Jake, do you want to have sex with me or do you want to make love to me?" she paused.

Jake just stared at her, knowing she was right. "I want to love you, Julie. I want you to know I love you...very much," he softly replied.

"Then tell me that, Jake," she whispered. "Don't make me feel like a pick-up before closing at some cheap bar." More tears flowed as she looked at him.

"Oh, baby. I'm sorry. I love you so much. You're right. You're absolutely right. I feel totally stupid. I'm sorry."

"Jake," she said softly. "I believe you. Look, it's been very stressful for us lately. I know, I haven't touched you since before Tony was here. I don't apologize for it; I can't change the way it's affected me...but I do understand we need to somehow try to get back to normal, if not for us, for the kids."

She wiped her cheeks and gave Jake a smile. "Give me some time, Jake. That's all I ask." She leaned into Jake and kissed his lips. Then put her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. "I'm hurting, Jake. There's nothing more I want than for us to move on and put Tony behind us. Please; I need space and time."

He looked into her hurting eyes, "I know, babe. I love you very much. Sorry," he softly told her and left the laundry room for Julie to finish her task.

He sat down with the kids to watch TV with them and somehow get his mind off the trouble he keeps causing in their marriage. As he sat with his kids, it dawned on him just how much he could lose if she left him. He fought the tears as reality once again set in.

Several minutes later, Julie came back to the kitchen after starting the wash. She called Jake into the kitchen. She picked up her drink and took a swig as he approached. She gave him a deep, passionate kiss. "I love you, babe. I really do. I'm trying, okay?" she quietly told him.

He hugged her tightly, then putting his hands on her ass, kissing her passionately.

After the kiss, she looked at him. "Don't take this the wrong way, but if I keep drinking, tonight, you might get lucky."

He smiled, looking deeply into her eyes. "I want to make love to you tonight," he whispered.

She cocked her head slightly. "My, my, what a surprise," she said with a grin, followed by another passionate kiss and another swig of her drink.