The Billy Goat Hill Pundits

The Billy Goat Hill Pundits, Ch. 3

No sex among fantasy characters under 18.

At the end of Ch. 2 - Will didn't know whether to crow or be afraid, but it was clear their meager protestations and fine-line walking were going to be inadequate from now on, assuming anyone actually watched the podcast.

They did; in fact, her subscriptions almost doubled during the week the interview was posted, and the plutocrats of Cowtown felt the heat rising.

The final chapter will be posted a week after this is published.

I should know better than to promise something like the statement above. I won't fully explain, but since I wrote that, I lost my dog, a brother-in-law, a sibling to cancer, and had a diagnosis of my own. Since then I've been running around seeing this doctor and then that one, and when I'm not in medical offices, I'm in labs or radiology getting new pictures. Looks like January and February will be a new adventure.

Sorry - you may have to go back and read the previous parts since it's been so long, but I promise I didn't plan any of that.

If you're also a fan of 'It Ain't Paranoia...' I hope to edit the next chapter this week, God willing and the creeks don't rise (again).

****

Not only did "Cheaters: The Rest of the Story" have followers, Karla Daniels was followed by others higher in the pecking order, and she sold portions of her podcast and research to TMZ, which used its enormous resources to dig deeper.

What had started as a pity party by a wronged man turned into an all-out investigation into corruption and exploitation in Podunk, Texas.

Will knew the pain down south had grown intolerable when he got served with lawsuits for slander, and defamation cease and desist orders. He laughed, called Barry, and Barry called in the shark he had placed on retainer.

The attorney asked Will to come to his firm's offices, located in one of the glass towers obstructing the formerly pristine view of the capitol, at his earliest convenience. He and Woody made an appointment, dressed in their better but wholly inadequate clothes, and Ubered downtown.

Their young lawyer, James Savage, came across as confident bordering on arrogant, but his assurance that he would simply destroy the plaintiffs' claims was convincing and confidence building. Of course, he couched that by insisting they would need to be completely honest and forthcoming in all interviews with him, to avoid embarrassing disclosures during the discovery process. He also insisted they not respond to questions from media in any form if they touched on the subjects of the lawsuits.

They agreed, and were briefed on the requirements to prove slander under of Texas law. The three tests being: "Must prove the defendant made a FALSE statement or allegation of fact to a third party; made a statement that caused the plaintiff reputational or material harm; and, acted either negligently or purposefully."

"I'm quite familiar with your lyrics, Mr. Callaghan, having been at Maggie Mae's, The Scoot Inn, and Mavericks - as you can tell, I'm a fan. I also watched both Ms. Daniel's podcast and the TMZ follow-up.

"Their legal advisor is either ignorant of the facts leading to your divorce, or has been misled. If they can somehow prove the songs are about them, that you knowingly made false statements or allegations to a third party - in this case, the world - and that those statements caused reputational or material harm to the plaintiffs, they will prevail.

"However, their problems are manifold, and begin with discovery. I assume you want me to depose any person who has facts relevant to this case. If so, I'll need the names and contact information for each. After you devise the list, I'll meet with you to get a summary of information they may have.

"Assuming the songs you wrote for the album are autobiographical, and that Ms. Daniel's research is valid, I have no doubt we will prevail at test one. By the time we go to trial we will also know what TMZ found and what we learned in discovery, which means we probably won't need to do the in-depth investigations we would otherwise have to do. Oh, we'll unleash a few investigators, but..."

"No need, Mr. Savage. I hired investigators nearly three weeks ago. My friends helped them infiltrate the community and they have been gathering information since. Their first report is coming in next week."

"You are not only a great lyricist, Mr. Callaghan, you are an excellent client! I assume you anticipated this lawsuit?"

"Yes, but more importantly, I want proof that the kangaroo court was and is corrupt, the social worker lied, and that the sheriff is as unprincipled as the judge and the other members of the Smitherman family! Most importantly, I want proof that they are neglecting my children, because I want full custody when the truth hits the fan!"

"Ahha, I see. In that case, I'll stop dilly-dallying and bring our family law witch in post haste, so we can fashion our responses to achieve those goals."

He made a call, and minutes later a striking young Latina entered.

"Will, let me introduce Drusilla Rodriguez - Dru - from our family law practice. Based on my conversation with your manager, I provided her with a bare-bones summary of your situation. She is also a fan of your music, and she's from Laredo, so she knows about and understands Cowtown. I believe she is your ideal representative.

"Woody, come next door with me; we'll get a cup of coffee and visit while they talk."

Sometimes you just connect with people, and by the time they had identified common friends and Dru shared what she knew about his hometown, they were bonded. When she brought the others back and hour later, they were best friends, and Dru, a closet crusader, had a cause for which to fight.

Dru and James convened to an adjacent room for a ten-minute huddle, after which James addressed Will.

"If I may presume, our understanding of your goals are, in priority: get the restraining order keeping you away from your kids lifted; enforce your parental right to visitation with your children; and respond to the defamation suit with due speed, since it could affect the playing of your songs."

"Those are definitely top priorities, but I have more. Can we separately sue to restore my parents' rights to see their grandchildren? They have been denied access since this mess began so long ago."

"I'm confident Mrs. Rodriguez will address this as an immediate priority!" James replied.

"In order to keep you from getting bored, Mr. Savage, would you like to counter sue for damage to MY reputation caused by their lies - especially the lies that I hurt my children and wife?

"Also, feel free to tack on anything else you think we can hurt them with. I have enough money now to do what I should have done immediately, but couldn't afford to do."

Savage had been restrained to this point, but the toothy smile and the nature of his response convinced Will and Woody he was the 'Great White Shark' Barry had claimed!

"You are making me very, very happy! You may already be my favorite client of all time, and we've only just begun!

"We can coordinate the cases, and that will make discovery even more interesting! We will include attorney fees for Dru as well, since their lies are what caused you to lose your parental rights."

In a serious voice, Drusilla warned, "You were fortunate that she filed for divorce when she did, and that the judge granted it so quickly. if what I see in this folder is correct, your financial status had changed quite significantly.

"Given the outright greed of the original petition, I'm certain they will want to reconsider the division of assets and support for your ex-wife, or at least child support."

Will bowed up. "Two things: first, I had no idea at the time that our music would find an audience, must less beget us millions in sponsorship and endorsements, the sale of merchandise, and revenue from the large venue concerts for which we are booked.

"Second, I'll do anything for and provide anything for my kids, but their mother and her lover deserve and are to get NOTHING!"

"Don't worry, Will. These people are big fish in their little pond, but we've been swimming with the sharks in Westlake and Lakeway. We will protect YOU, but THEY have no idea what's about to hit them!"

Buoyed by Drusilla's confidence and assurance he would Christmas with his children this year, Will spent another good chunk of change buying Andrew and Saralyn presents for the birthdays he missed due to the restraining order, and Christmas presents his inside sources told him his kids wanted.

****

The studio was booked two weeks out from their second album when Will made a suggestion that surprised the others. "Guys, we got a lot of notoriety from the first album, and I firmly believe we need a few songs about the human condition on every album we do. That said, I'd like to take a closer look at some Lina's blues songs and at Lila's Appalachian folk music and bluegrass. We don't need any covers, and we need to space out the 'protest' songs I've written.

"I think our second and third albums should be as authentic as the first, but more diverse. We have too many gifted musicians not to explore various genres, and I truly believe that the songwriters among us can write lyrics to fit whatever arrangements we come up with.

"I listened to Lila's audition tapes again the other night when she went to bed early, and there are some real treasures in there. That inspired me to listen more thoughtfully to those Lina gave us, and, damn! These girls are exceptional writers as well as singers and musicians!

"I had my say in our first album, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate you guys going along with me and letting me take a few shots at mine enemies. I'm not done - I have a lot more to say - but so do our ladies! I know Gary and Danny have things they want to say and play as well. Lina, Lila and I volunteer to help you say them, if you will agree to challenge us musically and make us a better band!

"As for you, Woody my friend, I think you and I need to get started on a song or two about the inanity and insanity of trying to force a soul country singer into tight jeans and hip-hop pop, and maybe another about the power of real friendship saving lost souls!"

Barry almost crapped when he got the 'somewhat revised' song list for "The BGH Pundits Unfettered," but after he and their producer listened to the last practice tapes, they enthusiastically went about getting things ready in the studio.

As before, their practice of 'practicing perfect' meant they were only in the studio for a few days. Gary, Lila, and Lina then did their thing by overlaying various instruments, and the finished products showcased the musical prowess of the Pundits as much as the lyrics.

Seeing the enthusiasm of their Grammy-winning producer as they listened to the final cut of the album was gratifying, and they listened carefully to his suggestions regarding the videos for several of their more soulful songs.

Barry's media-savvy kids were also full of ideas, of course, and the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving were as busy with video productions as the previous months had been producing the music.

****

Meanwhile, Savage and Rodriguez were bedeviling those about whom the songs in the first album had been written. After filling a petition to terminate the restraining order and a custody petition, Dru filed a motion to recuse the judge from all matters involving persons with whom he holds personal, consanguineous, or affinal relationships.

She also wrote letters to the Texas State Board of Social Worker Examiners and the Department of Human Services demanding a social worker be assigned to the case that was neither kin to or friends with the mother of the children in question, and that the new case worker immediately interview the children apart from the parents.

Concurrently, Savage filed lawsuits against Sara and Donny for slander and libel of William Andrew Callaghan, and against the sheriff and social worker for tampering with evidence and giving false testimony in a legal matter. He also filed motions to recuse the judge, due to his longstanding personal, affinal, and consanguineous relationships with the defendants.

Will had finally given his phone number to Timbo and Sierra, and they used a lot of his minutes keeping him abreast of the blowback from the lawsuits and the shit storm that followed. Until now, no one had ever dared challenge the plutocracy that ruled their little town and county, but members of that wealthy clique suddenly found themselves under heavy siege.

Based on consensus from observations and interactions, the common folk characterized Donny and his dad as annoyed to the point of infuriation; Sara and her parents as bewildered and anxious; and the other key players as concerned and troubled. Those reports made Will and Woody exultant and exuberant.

Many a beer was raised in toast to their hometown boys in Cowtown bars, and their music played non-stop on jukeboxes and in cars and pickups with the windows open and the music cranked up. The long-restrained animosity toward those who rode roughshod over the citizens came bubbling up like an oil field gusher, and suddenly, being out and about became an unpleasant experience for the Smithermans, their kin, their friends, and their sycophants.

****

The band enjoyed Thanksgiving at the ranch near Tilden, but all they had to provide was three fried turkeys and icy beer for the afternoon contests. Additional turkeys with all the trimmings, and innumerable desserts, were provided by their guests from Cowtown, who arrived en masse with their children at 10:00 am.

By noon, the turkeys were fried, anything needing to be heated up was, and the spread on the counter and stove awaited. The littlest kids went first, followed by the bigger kids and adults. Woody offered to let Lina and Lila go with the kids their size, but they declined with single-finger salutes.

Before everyone went to their seats in the dining room or the on the deck outside, Paco stood and addressed them. "As you know, I come from a very poor family. Well, most of you do too, so you'll understand our family tradition. We didn't have much, but we were thankful for what we had. So, I ask that each person name one thing - just one thing - he or she is thankful for this Thanksgiving Day, and everyone reply,

Amen

.

"We can start with the kids, and work back around the room. Julio, Mijo, you've done this many times, so you go first!"

The answers were varied and some were complex, but Will's answer was simple: "I give thanks for all the people in my life who care about me."

Cornhole and horseshoe tournaments were ongoing in the yard all afternoon, with children's, beginners, and open divisions. The TV was tuned to the Cowboy's Turkey Day game, which drew only passing attention. There were numerous complaints that the traditional Longhorns - Aggies game had disappeared with A&M's flight to the SEC... after which they disappeared into the quagmire of the western division, and Texas stumbled from coach to coach without re-emerging as the top-tier team they had been in the first decade of the new century.

The early evening meal featured turkey sandwiches on homemade bread, followed by an unplugged concert. The Pundits played all the songs on Unfettered and some of those planned for their third album, which would be released in early spring. They noted the responses of their friends to the new songs, remembering that they had been excellent predictors of future success.

Other favorites were played on request, which included every song on Human Condition, after which they engaged in a lively and humorous update on events back home.

At 10:30, the celebration came to an end by consensus. Everyone kissed everyone else goodbye, the folks from Cowtown hit the road west, and the troubadours put their instruments away and headed for a night of much needed rest.

****

Although they were early to rise, Lila and Will were the last to breakfast, and they ignored the jibes in favor of an announcement. "Lila, Lina, and I have completed three of Lila's songs and four of Lina's. My contributions, such as they were, are lyrical, but they are responsible for the heart and soul of the lyrics, and every bit of the arrangements! I do believe all y'all are going to love them!"

After the excitement died down a bit, he announced, "And I've written a few new ones I want you guys to arrange. Don't ask when I had time - these just kind of flowed out of me. They're different, but I like them... a lot."

The debuts began a little after ten, and ended a little before noon. Unanimous consensus was that all belonged on album three, and many if not all would likely become successful singles. Of course, they needed working on, and so they worked... sitting on the deck in the cool, clear November afternoon. Ultimately, they would have to take it to the practice garage, but by then only finishing touches and additional instrumentation would be required.

The band worked together exceptionally well in the fresh south Texas environment. Perhaps it was the quiet, perhaps the solitude, perhaps it was knowing they were loved and appreciated for more than their music down here in the brush. Or perhaps they just meshed better when relaxed.

Will's woes still interfered from time to time, but his attorneys were wreaking havoc seventy miles to the west. The messages of album one had been heard and understood by a much wider audience than previously thought, the Cowtown serfs were in open rebellion, and the outside world had begun to encroach on the fiefdom their hometown had become.

The instruments were put away and the first longnecks were being sipped when Will's phone buzzed. He looked at the screen, frowned, got up, and walked inside.

"What's going on, Dad?" he asked with evident concern.

"More than I can get into right now, Son, but I have three people here who want to talk to you, if you're willing. You're on speaker, so..."

"And who might that be?" he asked suspiciously.

"Your ex-wife and your ex-in-laws. I know you may not want to, but your mom and I think it would be a good idea."

"Sorry, Dad, but I can't; remember the restraining order? I've already enjoyed the hospitality of the old jail once; I don't intend to return for a second visit."

"Will, this is Al. Peggy and I aren't included in the order; will you talk to us?"

"Why should I, Boss? You two bailed on me the minute the lies started; I can't think of a good reason to do you a favor. Besides, there's nothing you can say to me that will make the past better, or change my mind about the lawsuits. We're just wasting air and minutes!"

"Son, I know..."

"Nope! No terms of endearment! You lost that privilege when you went along with your bit... with your daughter claiming I had been abusing her and my children! She outright lied, you two knew it, and you lied by omission!

"But let me say this, Al: when I get full custody of the children, I'll let you and Peggy come to Mom and Dad's house to visit them every now and then, on special occasions - which is more than you daughter has done for my parents!"

Sara cried, "Will, please, don't take my children!"

"NaNaNaNa - remember the restraining order, Al? I can't and won't speak to anyone on that list, and that voice sounded way too much like Sara!"

He could her whimpering and sobs in the background, then the voice said, "Daddy, tell him what I said, and tell him I'll get the restraining order lifted as soon as I can so we can talk, and he can see the children!"

Al asked, "Did you hear that?"

"No! I told you I cannot and will not communicate with ANYONE named in the order! You got something to say, say it! Otherwise, I'm gone!"