Melissa and I were engaged within a few weeks after we declared our love for each other, and were married just three months later. After that, we made love often, so we were not surprised at all when Melissa became pregnant with our daughter, Kaley, just a few months into our marriage.
Melissa didn't go to the gym in the last months of her pregnancy, so I didn't go as often, either. But after giving birth, Melissa wanted to get back into her pre-pregnancy shape, so we worked out a schedule that allowed us both to go. She went on Mondays and Wednesdays while I stayed home with Kaley, and then on Tuesdays and Thursdays I would go while she stayed home. Our whole lives quickly fell into a steady rhythm, so we were easily able to keep that same gym schedule for the next couple of years.
Life was good. Kaley was healthy, beautiful, curious, and happy. Melissa and I were both healthy and happy, too. We both felt secure at our jobs, we earned enough money that we didn't have to worry about it, and we had friends and family we would visit on the weekends. All the feelings of jealousy related to old college girlfriends that had plagued me for years had all but vanished, and I had every bit of trust in Melissa that I imagined any man could have in his wife. It felt good to be normal again, especially after all those years of cynicism, loneliness, and perverted masturbation.
Then one day I realized that something felt different, and had been different for a couple months. It took a few more days of thinking before I realized what it was that was different: Since the time we were dating, Melissa and I were fairly balanced in who would initiate our lovemaking, but in the last two months at least, I had been the only one initiating sex. That's all; everything else between us was the same. By all appearances Melissa was just as happy as I was in all respects, including our love life.
But after becoming conscious of that difference, it was impossible to get it out of my mind. I went so far as to review the contents of my calendar to see if I missed some event, like a birthday or anniversary, and to see if the calendar could help me to remember any conversations Melissa and I had that might have been consequential. I went back five months before something caught my eye. It was a Friday night dinner with Melissa's friend, Emily, and her husband Jacob. Immediately I remembered something Melissa said that night at the restaurant.
The topic of sexually-transmitted diseases had come up in conversation, as odd as that was. Emily, being a close and longtime friend of Melissa, and therefore knowing that Melissa had been a virgin until our marriage, made an offhand remark about solving the problem by avoiding premarital sex.
"Right, Melissa?" asked a smiling Emily, speaking into the wine glass she was raising to her lips.
Jacob looked at Emily and then at Melissa with a slightly surprised look upon his face, having understood Emily's meaning and having just learned something new about Melissa. His expression wasn't lost on Melissa, who felt compelled to respond.
"No doubt avoiding sex also avoids STDs, but that's not why I saved myself for marriage," said Melissa. But before Melissa could speak her next sentence, which might have been spoken to express any offense she took at Emily's comment, Jacob interrupted.
"I, for one, find it admirable that you saved yourself for marriage, especially in this day and age. I would think that it's nearly impossible, really, the way people are."
Emily's face quickly became apologetic, and Melissa just as quickly understood and forgave.
"Honestly, saving myself for marriage was originally my conservative mother's idea, which I adopted from her. But in hindsight, I probably made too much of a big deal over it. And I've come to feel that sex and a happy marriage aren't as interconnected as I thought back then, before marriage."
Melissa looked at me with a soft smile and loving eyes as she spoke that last sentence. At the time, most of what I heard her say was "happy marriage," and it caused me to smile back at her. Only while reviewing my calendar and recalling the conversation did her statement sound different in my ears. It was the first and only time she had ever expressed any sort of doubt over her decision to remain a virgin until marriage.
But that was nothing, right? Of course. I was overthinking it. She probably said it just to be agreeable in conversation with Emily and Jacob. If she meant anything beyond the fact that we were in a happy marriage, it was only that she wished we had begun having sex sooner. And I couldn't help but agree with that. Those months of our engagement, during which we engaged often in "no-sex sex," did get frustrating for me. It felt like endless foreplay despite how many orgasms we gave each other. I remain amazed that I was able to repeatedly abstain from trying to get my dick in her in the heat of the moment.
I slowly flipped forward through my calendar, again reviewing the events and tasks it contained. That's when I noticed a Tuesday task from a couple months ago, which read simply, "7:30 pickup." I remembered what it meant. Melissa had gone to a two-day conference for speech pathologists. Her mom had taken her to the airport on Sunday afternoon to fly out, and I picked her up from the airport Tuesday evening. It was the first time Melissa and I had been apart for more than a day since Kaley was born.
But again, that was nothing. I took those same days off from work and stayed at home with Kaley rather than sending her off to daycare, because it would've been too much of a hassle otherwise. What I remember most about those two days was Melissa calling on the phone every couple of hours to check on our daughter and me. We hated being apart, that's for sure.
Nothing else in the calendar offered any clues, so I closed it, and soon my thoughts turned to other matters. It would be a few more weeks before my mind returned to the topic.
"Mike!" Melissa called as she entered the front door.
"Yeah?" I answered from upstairs.
"Can you give us a hand?"
I bounded down the steps and took the bags of groceries from the hands of Melissa and her friend, Lisa, then gave Melissa a kiss on the lips and Lisa a kiss on the cheek.
"How are you doing, Lisa?"
"Good, Mike! What about you?"
"Good also. Nice to see you."
I took the bags of groceries into the kitchen, set them on the breakfast table there, and began unpacking them. As I pulled out two bottles of wine, Melissa entered the kitchen and, seeing me reading the bottles, addressed them.
"Lisa's staying for dinner tonight."