It had been more than a month. At first, he ignored the hair, the baggy pants, the granny panties, the immense bras that looked like they were designed in the 50's by a structural engineer. He still hit on her. She told him no. After a couple of weeks, he stopped trying. At the one-month mark, he suggested they needed to talk.
"I guess you need to do what you need to do," she said.
"I'm only 46," he argued. It was awfully young to hang up his gun belt.
"I guess you need to do what you need to do," she repeated. "Do you get what I am saying?"
He found a photo on his phone. It was only a few months old. He had sent it to her and asked her to send one back. She sent a picture of the dog. He cropped off his head and airbrushed away his tattoo and posted the personal ad.
White Male Seeks BBW couple for discrete fun.
He met them at the bar. Tammy and Oliver. He introduced himself as Mike. It seemed even more generic than John.
"No you aren't, but that's okay," she said.
"What?"
"Your name is Tucker and you went to Westwood High in the 80's"
"Holly shit! That Tammy!"
She asked about the discrete part of his ad and he explained. She asked if he had any pictures. He scrolled through his phone and found one of her two years earlier and one of her recently. She just shook her head. She didn't give the phone back though. She played around with it for a long time.
She asked about his kids, his travel, and why he had so many pictures of restaurant receipts. Oliver was the one to explain modern expense reports.
Her second question was why he wanted a couple.
"It was the suggestion of a friend."
"Really? Gay friend?"
"No."
"Bi-sexual friend?"
"No," he said. "He and his wife are swingers. With a couple, you reduce the risk of ending up in a relationship and divorced and all of the complexities I am too old and tired to deal with."
She thought it made sense. He asked why she had replied to a BBW she wasn't heavy, not in the least.
"I am plump."
"I wouldn't say that," he said smiling at her. She had large breasts and a nice round butt. She had the belly that came with those things but she wasn't fat.
"Well, no one posts ads for pasty chicks with crooked noses."
She did have an odd nose. She had always had it, even when she was the cute little girl with black hair in the front of the classroom. It made him think about the bright red hair she had now. He told her he liked it. She smiled.
"You smoke?"
"Not anymore."
"So you will have one with me?"