Have you ever wondered what it would be like being married to a nymphomaniac? I can tell you, because I am. It can be overwhelming, because everything you thought you knew about sex will most likely be wrong. If you thought you could go all day, fuck till you drop, well, I will tell you a sex-hungry housewife will fuck you under the table every day of the week and twice on Sundays.
You will get to the point where you will beg for help. You thought you could never let your wife fuck other guys? Well, I will tell you this, you will get to the point of physical exhaustion and will beg your buddies to come fuck her for you, to just give yourself a little rest.
After three months I had lost forty pounds I could not spare and I was begging for sleep. She wanted it in the morning, at noon, and two or three times in the evenings. That isn't even counting at bedtime and once or twice a night.  There have been times, and I swear this is true, when she comes and wants it again immediately afterwards. I have not even been able to get it up quick enough for her, and I threatened to call a friend just for sexual relief. She just grins at that hollow threat.
I have finally told her she is too much for me and I need help. "Well, pick up the phone and call for the reserves," she said. "Bring in the backup squad," she said with a laugh.
Finally, I did just that. I went to a coffee shop and sat down with a friend and asked him what he would do with a wife who was simply insatiable. He thought I was asking a hypothetical. He just grinned. "Is this a trick question?" he asked. I told him I wasn't shitting him. "If you could help out a body it would make me oh so happy," I said. "Look," I said, "you like fucking, right? Could you do my wife a time or two a week? It would do wonders for my health," I said.
He looked at me like I had just asked him to rob the Vatican. "You fucking with me?" he asked with the face of a Nazi. "What are you trying to trick me into?" he said. "Do you suspect me of trying to fuck your wife and you're attempting to trap me?" he said, suspicious of my every move.
"I am telling you I am married to a nymphomaniac, and I need help," I said. "It's not every man's dream. It is a nightmare.  I can get no sleep. She wants to fuck twenty-four hours a day, nonstop. You don't know what it is like not being able to get it up because it is worn to a nub.
"I am not pulling your chain. I am serious. I need reinforcements. I need the backup  team. Look, you've seen Claire, right. You know she is hot, right?"
"As hot as a recently stolen Rolls Royce," he said. "She may be the hottest woman I have ever been as close to as arms length.  She is so hot she scorches my shirt just standing close to her. Shit, yes, she is fucking hot. You telling me that this hot piece of ass would fuck this old man? That what you're saying?"
"That's what I am saying. I told her I would ask you and she dared me. Says, 'You don't have the fucking nerve to ask him to fuck your wife because you can't do it enough to keep her satisfied. That's like saying you're not man enough."
"I admit it," I said. "I ain't man enough. This woman will fuck you into the ground." He just stood looking at me, like I had just escaped from the nut house.
"So, let me get this straight. You want me to fuck your wife for you? So how do you want me to do this? Go to your house and say I am here to fuck you for your husband?"
"I don't care how you do it. It won't be that hard. You just go there. She'll open the door and probably drag you into the bedroom. She will probably undress you in the living room, or on the porch. You will have to crawl out of there. She may not letyou leave. 'Man found fucked to death,'" I said laughing.
"She once fucked me for three days straight. I hardly survived. You think I am kidding. This chick will literally 'fuck your brains out' and leave you for dead while looking for her next orgasm." He smiled, like 'oh come on', but I said it will be great the first hour, tiring the second, but it will be torture the eighteenth. You think you have fucked a sex-crazed woman? You haven't even seen a sex-crazed woman yet.
We looked at each other for a minute then he said, "Okay, I will help you out."Â I watched him drive off and thought to myself that I may never see him again.
When I got home I told her Jake had agreed to help me in the wife-fucking department. She smiled and asked me if I was serious. "As a compound fracture," I said. "He will be here tomorrow night. Better shower up," I teased. "Maybe he will want to join you under the water in the shower stall."
"That would be nice," she said. "I could wash his hard cock." I said she could wash his whole body. "What kind of a man asks his friend to fuck his wife for him?"
"A tired one," I said. "A fucked-out one. A smart one. One who is just doing his wife and a good buddy a favor. I kissed her tenderly, said to go easy on him. Then she thanked me with a hand on my scrotum.
"You are a loving husband," she said, giving me a serious hug. It wasn't for her, however, it was for me and my self-preservation.