Spars

Thank you to Black Randi and Ahazurak for hosting this event. I was thrilled to read all of the great stories on St. Patrick's day for the first Legends event. I was stunned to be asked to write one for the 4th of July event. Happy 4th of July everybody, may your day be filled with "Sparks."

*

Fuck!

"He's coming! Dad wrote back! He's coming!"

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! What do I do now!? Damn him! He was supposed to stay away. How can I let him see me like this. I've gotten fat. No need to be polite about it, you can see the rolls of "back fat" quite clearly when I wear my mother of the bride dress. Fuck. I should have bought the dress with the sleeves. I wonder if I could go buy that one and have it fitted in time to wear it instead. I could get them to rush the alterations. Fuck. Doug would kill me. We can't afford this wedding. He's already sold his precious motorcycle. I can't buy another dress. Fuck. And look at my fucking legs!! Fuck, fuck fuck! I'm so fat, you can't see where my calves end and my ankles begin. What's that Anthony called them, the little fucker? Cankles! That's it! Fuck! The little shit says I have cankles--calf-ankles. Fuck! And Pete is going to see them in all their glory.

"He's bringing his family. I didn't know he had a new family! Did you Mom?"

Fuck! Of course he does. She's probably a fucking skinny little thing with toned shoulders, a lean back and sexy ankles. She'll show up in strappy heels just to fucking show me up, while I'm waddling in wearing my clod hopper flats that are the only thing that will accommodate my fucking foot orthotics. Fuck.

"Tracy. It's been nine years since any of us have seen your father. How would I know anymore than you?"

Fuck! This dye job looks worse than the gray. You can see my fucking scalp! It wasn't so obvious between the gray hairs, but now it glares through the dark brown. Fuck! I have to go have it redone.

"Mom! Don't blame me for that! You thought it was funny filling up our schedules so we would be too busy to see him!"

Fuck! She's right. We had so many laughs at his expense. But at least it was always behind his back! Oh that sounds bad. I have to remember not to say it that way. We never said anything to make him feel bad. I mean I guess it was bad enough we all deserted him. I even won the house in the divorce, even though Doug made so much money. He had convenience stores all over the city. He was rolling in cash. But our house was so nice, and Pete...well...Pete loved it too. The judge said we could keep the kids in the family home until they were done with college. So Doug sold his house and moved in with us. Pete even had to pay the mortgage all those years. Fuck! Anthony graduates from college this spring! The judge said after the kids moved out, if Pete paid the mortgage I would have to move, and the house was his. When Anthony moves out...Fuck! That's only a month away! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

"Sweetheart, you and your brother had as much to do with alienating your father as I did. You loved Doug. You wanted to spend as much time with us as you could."

Fuck! Pete's just the kind of guy to hold a grudge. Oh double fuck. That's why he's resurfacing for Tracy's wedding. He's here for revenge. Fuck! I hope he waits until Tracy is on her honeymoon before he springs it on us, whatever it is. Fuck! I wonder if I should tell her to prepare for something awful. FUCK!"

"Well, I'm glad he is coming. I treated him really badly, and I'd like a chance to talk to him, and maybe..."

Fuck no! Don't say it baby. Don't you...

"make up with him. I do miss him. And you know, I feel badly that we joked about him so much. I mean think of it. One minute you're happy as a clam, with a wife and two kids. Your house is beautiful, in a great neighborhood, and your mortgage is almost paid. Then your wife..."

"Tracy! Stop this right now! Your father was...he was...Fuck! Why did you invite him! Tracy, this could ruin your day!"

Fuck! I didn't mean to yell at her! Oh no, she's clouding up. It's the week of her wedding and I made her cry because...because I'm scared.

"Tracy, baby...I'm a little scared here."

"Mom. I miss him."

"Baby, it's been years! You haven't..."

"He used to call me 'Peanut.'"

Fuck. I can't believe she remembers that.

"Baby,..."

"Doug had money. It was fun. Daddy always..."

"Baby, don't you call Doug 'Daddy?'"

"I know. I started when I stopped talking to Daddy. But I think my real father has to be 'Daddy.' Maybe they both can be 'Daddy.' Mom, I don't think I can be 'Peanut' unless he is 'Daddy.'"

"Baby, that's silly."

"No Mom. It's important. I've been thinking about him a lot. I said I miss him, and it's been getting worse and worse. I need my Daddy. I need to be 'Peanut' again."

''Tracy, how long have you been feeling this way? I have to say, I'm totally surprised."

"Years Mom. I've missed him for years. So many lost years with my dad. Like I was saying, Doug was fun. He spent money that Daddy didn't have. I know Daddy missed a lot, but it was because he worked so hard for us. I know you had your reasons for divorcing Daddy and marrying Doug, and it's none of my business. But this weekend...this weekend Doug is 'Doug,' and 'Daddy' is back."

"Tracy, Doug will be crushed."

"Kind of like Daddy was crushed when we all ganged up to lock him out of a marriage, a family and a home? Oh, I love Doug too. But I want my Daddy back in my life."

"Sweetheart, Doug sold everything he had to pay for the wedding. You have to let him walk you down the aisle. I don't care what else you might be thinking, you have to let Doug have that honor."

@@@@@

So here I am. Fat and ugly, with a husband who has spent every dime he had, well at least what he didn't lose when his business went belly up, on the wedding of a daughter who is talking like she's replacing him as her father, and replacing him with the father he replaced years ago, anticipating the arrival of my ex husband who I haven't seen in almost a decade, wondering how we are going to pay for it all!

My son Anthony...oh my god, Anthony. How will he take this!? I named him Peter Anthony after my ex-husband and my Uncle Tony. When his father folded up and refused to fight with me over...well over anything. I mean, he just gave up whenever we disagreed. Anthony had it when Pete gave up that night when I told him of the affair, and he got totally disgusted when Pete moved out. To be fair, I asked him to step out of my "path to happiness," and he did. But then he also caved on the property settlement, and proceeded to allow the kids to cut him out of their lives. What kind of man does that.

Ok, the kids didn't just do it. I moved them to see their dad less and less, while my new husband Doug plied them with expensive gifts, summers at great camps, and everything else they wanted.

Doug was a good lover. He was cruelly thoughtful of Pete's feelings!. Cruelly to me at least! He never came to the house when Pete was gone. He made himself scarce during family events without complaining. He never caused me to deny Pete anything.

Pete didn't do anything wrong either, In fact he did everything right! Tracy is right, he was working hard to grow a business for all of our sakes. I wonder how all those seeds he planted grew. Is he rich now? Did it all pay off? Fuck, I left Pete because he was working eighty hour weeks to build his business. Wouldn't it be ironic if he came back well off, while Doug had to sell all kinds of stuff just to pay for Tracy's wedding. Fuck! At least the kids both got fantastic scholarships to pay for college. Tracy is even going to law school on scholarships. I'm so proud.

I'm proud of her fiancé too. She picked such a fine young man. He worked his way through college. His mom couldn't afford it you see. His father left during his senior year of high school. Poor kid, he was dealing with his mom and his sister's broken hearts while putting himself through school. I just hope his college loans don't weigh them down too much. I wish we could help, but Doug's business...33 stores closed or sold to competitors over the last six years. He only has two left, and their profits barely cover the debt service Doug's business built up during its crash.

Tomorrow. The rehearsal is tomorrow, and Pete will be there. Tracy invited him for everything. He's family of course. Family. Oh that word has so many meanings, good and bad, for me tonight. I'll never get to sleep. Plus Doug is snoring like a sawmill. Look at him. Fat as me, and twice as bald. And he always smells. Why I did I go for an older guy!? Fuck! Fifty-three, and takes more pills than my seventy-five year old aunt. Oh I'll just curl up and die if Pete shows up, trim, energetic, and with hair. And if he's well off...oh fuck...and if he wife is gorgeous...FUCK! What if she is young?

@@@@@

It's here. D-day. It's a beautiful weekend for a wedding. All the i's are dotted, the t's are crossed, and we're gathering outside of the church for the rehearsal. The wedding party is all here. Look at them! They're so young and alive! I remember those days. Pete and I were like that together. Life was an open book, and we had such dreams...such beautiful dreams.

Doug and I...well we had sex. We had illicit sexual liasons. We snuck around for a year fucking while Pete was working and the kids were in school. I cheated on Pete for a year, then I threw him out, divorced him and cut him out of our lives. Fuck! What if Danny did that to Tracy? Or worse, what if some bitch did that to my Anthony...no...he's Pete Jr. No, he's not. Only his first name was Pete's. I had to insist we give him my uncle Anthony's name for his middle name. W...T...F...! My uncle never even came to see his namesake, so what the fuck was I thinking?

"Mom, its him!"

Oh Tracy, keep it down girl, you'll hurt Doug's feelings. Fuck! Like we didn't hurt Pete's feelings...this is so hard. I feel conflicted, and it's been nine years since I saw him.Holy Shit! What the fuck is he driving!? That car must be worth more than our house...Fuck. He's well off. Fuck! Look at him!"

"Daddy!"

Look at her running up to him! Fuck, his stomach is flat as a board! His hair is perfect. Fuck, fuck, fuck! He looks better than the last time I saw him. He didn't get old, he aged like wine, getting better and better. And I'm a balding whale. Fuck!

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! I'm so glad you came!"

"No place I'd rather be, 'Peanut!'"

Oh won't she be thrilled? Peanut. How's that supposed to make Doug...Oh no! Doug! Oh look at him. I've never seen his shoulders so down. Oh fuck, he's turning away. Is he crying? Oh fuck, I have to go to him...

"Mom! Anthony! Come here! It's Daddy!"

Oh Doug. I'm so sorry honey. I can't leave my daughter alone to greet her long lost Daddy. I'll make it up to you, I will. Oh fuck, he is crying. I can see his shoulders shaking. Fuck. Doug...

"Mom! C'mon!"

Sorry Dougie...I'm sorry. I wonder if Pete cried all those years ago? If he did, I never saw it. Fuck! I can't stand anyone crying, but my big strong husbands...I just thought of Pete as my husband for the first time since...I can't remember when I stopped thinking of him as a husband. It was surely before the divorce. It was...it was before I even told him about my affair.

"Mom!!"

"Yes baby, I'm coming!"

Fuck!

"Pete, Darling! It's been too long! I can't tell you how we've missed you and..."

Fuck! What is this drivel that's coming out of my mouth!? And I can't stop it! Shut up stupid bitch! Did I just call myself a bitch? It's worse than that! I've been talking for 30 seconds, after being absent in his life for nine years , and I'm gushing about his physique, his hair, his car, his boots, his sexy assed jeans (cause his ass was always so fucking sexy in tight jeans) and that dashing blue blazer that makes casual look so fucking classy...he always could do this to me when he dressed up in a sport coat...and he smells soooooo gooood. I'll bet he never needs little blue pills. Or snores. Or loses hair on the pillow. Or sweats through the sheets at night...oh Pete, just take me now. Fuck me right here in the churchyard....

"Bev! Easy Honey! We've got plenty of time to talk this weekend, and I promise we'll catch up. But right now, my Peanut is about to have the rehearsal for her wedding, and I don't want to hold that up for any reason. So if we can put Old Home Week on hold, somebody has GOT to introduce me to this fine young man who is going to take care of my baby for the rest of her life!"

Fuck! He's the center of attention already. Did I mention how good he smells? Look at him hugging Danny, my daughter's fiancé. Fuck. The kid gets all tongue tied around me, but he and Pete are like best buddies. They are moving inside. Fuck! Where's Doug? There he is. Sulking in the back of the church. Oh Doug...what have I let into your life.

"Doug...I'm sorry Honey. It'll be ok."

"No it won't Bev, it won't be ok. It won't be ok, because now I have a taste of what I did to Pete. I stole his family Bev, and we laughed about it behind his back. We laughed about him! Right now I'm feeling his pain, and I don't much like myself."

"Doug, don't do this. This weekend is going to be hard for us, but it's Tracy's weekend, and we will both just have to suck it up and be strong for our daughter."

"When you say "our daughter,"

"I mean Tracy, the girl you helped me raise! Now pull yourself together, and come inside. We have a wedding to rehearse."

I know that hand in mine. I know it like it is mine. I feel badly when I feel him tremble. He is upset, and there's Pete, all smiles. He's like sweetness and light. Doug smells like anxiety. He's sweating uncontrollably. Pete is cool and calm. Fuck, this is all wrong. Doug wasn't supposed to get fat and sweaty. He was my hero, riding in on his fine white horse to rescue me from the drudgery of marriage to...Mr. Sweetness and Light over there. Fuck, this is a mess. I'm a mess.

"Doug, it's time walk your daughter down the aisle."

Fuck this is wrong. She's beaming, carrying that silly bouquet the girls made from the bows from her bridal shower. He's sweating like a pig. Uh, it's disgusting. And look at Pete. He's not bothered at all. He's beaming at her, she's beaming at him, Doug's mopping his brow. At last, Doug can hand Tracy off to Danny, aaaannnnd he's off the nervous-hook. Until tomorrow. Oh they look so sweet together. Fuck! It's so beautiful. Til death do they part...fuck. I didn't need to hear that part. It's only til death do you part if...if...I ruined that. I couldn't wait for my Pete. I had to abandon a man on the rise for one about to crash. Fuck! What was I thinking?

"Oh Mom, stop crying! The wedding's not until tomorrow! Save some of this for then!"

"Oh Tracy Baby, there is just so much going through my head."

"I'll bet. Doug and Daddy in the same building, with a wedding going on. I can't imagine what you must be feeling. Just do me a favor. Crying at weddings is acceptable everywhere. Just remember, this is my day. It's not about your life drama."

"I know Tracy. I promise. I'll be good."

A hand slipped into mine. It was cold and fat and slimy. Ugh...Doug.

"Let's go enjoy dinner ladies. It's the one thing we don't have to pay for, and I need a scotch."

@@@@@

He's over there, talking to the groom's mother. Cheap assed bitch! She wasn't even going to have an open bar, or appetizers. Fuck, why am I thinking that way about her? What's the matter with me? I know she has it rough. Her husband ditched her years ago, and she was stuck raising four boys. Danny is the oldest, and the other three are still in school. She works as the secretary to some office manager. Ok, I can't blame her for no open bar. She's all alone, and she's worked hard as a mom. Wait a minute, what's this? The waitress just announced the bar is open! And they're pouring fancy champagne, not that cheap assed stuff like we bought for tomorrow! What gives? Fuck! They're bringing out hors d'oeuvres! Fuck, it's the good stuff too! Shrimp cocktail and crab! Oh, what next, she's going to talk...

"Hi everybody, I'm Danny's mother Karen. It's so nice to see all of my old friends and meet so many new! I'd especially like to thank Tracy's Dad Pete. Many of you know I've had a tough time financially since my husband left me, and Pete has generously offered to pick up the tab tonight. Thank you Pete. Now I'd like to take a moment to..."

Well how do you like that showboat of a husband of mine. I mean ex-husband. Fuck, I can't keep thinking like that! Every time I turn around he is charming the hell out of Danny's family. The women here are gaga over him, including all the twenty somethings. He's doing it to spite me I tell you. No. he's not. He's always been like that. We would be at a party, and he'd have women batting their eyes, and you could just smell the sexual arousal he left in his wake. But as much as he flirted and looked at them with that charming twinkle in the eye, his eyes always came back to me. Not tonight. He has barely glanced my way. I miss my twinkle.

The champagne is amazing. The shrimp scrumptious. The dinner fantastic, and everywhere I look there goes one of my husbands. Smelly Doug and twinkling Pete. I may have made a huge mistake all those years ago. Fuck he's coming this way. Fuck, fuck, fuck what am I going to say!? Oh he's so charming tonight, I can't stand it. They're asking him about his wife. They had a long drive, and the kids were beat, so they are upstairs in the hotel room. Fuck! He stayed right here. This place is posh! How can he afford a room...a suite! They're in a suite! Three bedrooms, one for his son and one for the twins. He has three kids, and he is showing pictures. They look just like him, and just like my children did at that age. Oh they're adorable. Fuck! They could have been mine. Why couldn't I have had more kids? Beautiful kids! And with a "buy one get one free" bonus with twins. BOGO kids. Doug couldn't have kids. For all the sex we had, it really didn't mean anything, did it?

He's leaving. He says he'll see everyone at breakfast. I wish I was going with him. Young girls are swooning. I wish I was going up to his luxury suite and fucking him silly on a big luxurious bed while the lights from the city below flowed through the open windows. I wish...oh Pete. I think I fucked up. I think...no I smell...Doug. Ugh. And again his slimy hand snakes into mine.

"I have to tell you something important. Let's go home so we can talk."

I follow him to his 11 year old Lexus. It was a great car once. Now it's looking a little worn, and it smells. Kind of like me. And Doug.

Ugh.

@@@@@

I dreamed of Pete last night. It's been nine years since I last saw him. It's been eleven years since we divorced. It's been twelve years since I told him about Doug and kicked him out. That means it's been twelve years since I slept with him. Yet last night I remembered everything about fucking my first husband. Even awake, lying in bed in the dark, I could feel the texture of his penis in my hand. I could feel it on my tongue, and smell his musk. I haven't been so wet...fuck.

It started in a weird way. I woke up and reached for him. I went to bed with Doug, but I woke up and reached for Pete. God he was beautiful. I ran my hands over his hard chiseled chest and perfectly defined abs. It had to be real. I remembered that body well, but I could feel him, really feel him.

I wanted him. I craved his passion, his sex, like I used to when we were so much younger. He gave it to me, just like he always did. I reached down to feel his cock, and it was harder than ever. I could feel it's core straining against the skin, and it throbbed and twitched and heated my hand with a fury. Then he kissed me. It was Pete, I know, because he smelled so good. He smelled good. I wanted him, and it was so hot, and I was so wet. Fuck!