Slut Wife - One Woman's Guide

The slut wife/cuckold relationship is a variation of non-monogamy which for me has little in common with the internet/porn portrayal. To each her own but I do not relate to the idea of forcing your man into cuckoldry or finding a better man (aside from role play).

For me the sexual aspect of the hot wife/cuckold (I know many are more comfortable with the term hot wife so I'll stick to that) relationship is built on a more complete perspective of female sexuality than is recognized by much of society. It requires a solid love and committed marriage to embrace this knowledge together. And since the wife's sexual activity is a central theme she needs to to take a leadership role with her husband to help him understand and make it worthwhile for him to take this embrace this approach.

Relationships and sex are fraught with opinions and assumptions that have been imposed upon us by society. Many of the things we see as truths or norms are just strongly held opinions, bias and dogma that have been repeated many times and actively enforced by society. To see beyond these ingrained assumptions takes a conscious and ongoing effort to seek a more open and honest exploration of sex, love and relationships. It is especially important for those contemplating a hot wife/cuckold marriage to expand their understanding.

To me the description hot wife/cuckold relationship means I have sex with other men and I limit and control my husband's sexual activity. There are obviously other aspects to our relationship. But in its simplest form the terminolgy doesn't imply anything about why I have sex with other men, how I choose those men, what kind of relationships I have with them, how I regard my husband, how he feels about it or the quality of our sex life.

I don't claim that my description is correct. My point is to encourage the reader to start with the basics so that you can explore needs and desires independent of any other assumptions, implications or labels.

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Testing some of our basic assumptions about human sexuality and relationships is a good place to start. The following personal views are just food for thought and good topics for discussion and contemplation before leading your husband to cuckoldry.

Monogamy may be the most appropriate relationship model for most people but it is not a universal "correct" or "natural" way. Those who argue otherwise often site the prevalence of monogamy as proof of its universality. I reject the notion that I must do something because it is what everyone else is doing. But to the extent that we do want to observe precedent as a way of understanding we need to look deeper. There are many examples of non-monogamous societies and relationships. Hundreds of millions of people live in nominally monogamous societies where extra-marital sexual activity is prevalent and tacitly accepted. And the vast majority of current and past monogamous societies enforce the practice through religious and societal judgment, varying levels of exclusion from society and legal prohibition and punishment. The presence of enforcement makes it logically absurd to suggest that compliance equals agreement and begs the question "if it is so natural why must we work so hard to enforce it?" In spite of all the conditioning and dogma some portion of every society that liberalizes almost immediately reject monogamy.

All relationships involve trade-offs. Even if you view the benefits of forsaking all others to be with your one true love as overwhelmingly positive that statement includes the word "forsake" which implicitly acknowledges that there is something that you are giving up. Likewise some people forsake sexual exclusivity in exchange for other benefits and they find that trade-off worthwhile. The value of the things we get and the things we give up is personal to each of us.

Women enjoy sex just as much as men. Our approach to it is different than men because for us it comes with more baggage, different societal pressures and expectations, more risk and lower probability of enjoyment (men have a "happy ending" much more frequently than women).

Women are able to appreciate sexual variety at least as much as men. And like men we can appreciate different sexual partners without necessarily ranking them all as better or worse than the others. For me it is more like food. I like many dishes and while some are preferred over others I couldn't rank the top 20 if I tried. And there is no one that is so perfect I'd never want to sample another.

Women do seem to have a better sexual experience if they have some kind of personal connection to their sexual partner (and I am not sure men are so different), but that can take many forms other than romantic love. Likewise women with experience and perspective are not going to fall in love with a man just because he fucks her well any more so than because they have a pleasant conversation together. It is only by virtue of being sheltered and conditioned to have low expectations of their sexual experiences that a naive woman might confuse a positive sexual experience with love.

Size matters. It's not the only thing or the most important thing and there is such a thing as too big. Many women respond to the cock size question by saying "what matters most is the man it is attached to it" or "what you do with it matters most". They are being honest. But they are also not answering the question. The fact that other factors are more important doesn't mean size is utterly irrelevant. I sincerely prefer an average to above average cock most of the time but do occasionally enjoy an extra large.

Women do not get ruined or become diseased or dirty as a result of having sex any more so than men do. That is nonsense built into the shame model used to control our sexual activity. Ironically it is by virtue of their expectation that they will see these markers that many men hung-up on being with a "pure" woman can easily be fooled.

A woman's vagina doesn't get permanently stretched by a big cock. It is made up of remarkably elastic muscle tissue that can expand and extend to accommodate a large cock but will return to its regular size and shape thereafter. Its not immediate so if you fuck a woman who has just had a much larger cock inside her she will genuinely feel less tight. But depending upon her fitness level she will likely be back to normal within hours. The idea that a woman who has a few big cocks and gets so stretched out that she doesn't regain her form and is "ruined" for smaller men is absurd male fantasy - again part of the shame model that discourages us from experimenting for fear of being "damaged" and judged ineligible for future relationships.

In the last few decades society has gone from seeing sex as being primarily for procreation to accepting sex purely for pleasure as healthy. In the prior context men were viewed as having more sexual capacity since they could produce more babies (because women carry 99.99% of the burden). There was a basic logic to men having concubines or multiple wives. With modern society's acceptance of sex for pleasure the circumstance is reversed and it is women who have the greater capacity. One might even say that the hot wife/cuckold marriage is simply an updated version of the type of asymmetrical relationship that has existed all throughout history.

With the acceptance of sex for pleasure we can easily observe that a women's sexual activity is limited only by her interest (assuming a willing and available partner). Her capacity is effectively unlimited. Every man who ever said "I fucked her until she couldn't take it any more" is deluding himself (unless he was being abusive). Maybe her needs were sated or she got tired or bored or sore, but with a pee break and some lube she could have drained him dry then done all his friends. The world is full of brothels where women get fucked all day long by men of all sizes. There is nothing physically unique about those women - they represent the sexual capacity of every woman. Meanwhile, a man's sexual activity is limited by his physical capacity. Most men are doing well to satisfy a single woman and all lose virility with age. Some have substantially greater stamina and may be able to provide sexual pleasure to more than one woman at a time in their prime. But none rise to the level of being able to outlast even a single woman. A woman may indulge the delusion but she does so to keep the peace and so she can get on her with her day. Far more frequently she would like to continue but he is unable.

I don't believe that men are more inclined than women to cheat, but each gender seems to approach it differently. Guys can be callous in that they accept that their cheating is a betrayal but do it anyways. Women are just as callous but need to believe otherwise so we cheat with a superficial rationalization. Guy friends may turn a blind eye or congratulate the cheater but the "you go girl you deserve it" validation of such deceptive behaviour is largely exclusive to women.

When I have talked to men about infidelity I usually find that they are bothered as much by being taken for a fool as they are the actual sex. They are implicitly distinguishing between deceit and sex. Nobody is entitled to dictate acceptable sexual behaviour to me or force me to make a commitment. But I am not entitled to violate a commitment I've made because it isn't convenient for me or I have a good excuse.

A monogamous couple make commitments to one another and it is up to them and them alone to respect those commitments. If your spouse cheats, get mad at them not the person they cheated with. You may regard that other person as bad or immoral or selfish which is your judgment of their character. It may be valid but that doesn't change the fact that they did not have any obligation to you.

Alphas (leaders) and betas (followers) are not inherently gender based roles. At most 10% of either gender are alphas and it has more to do with leadership qualities than strength. You can't bench press your way to becoming and alpha and a big truck (or dick) won't do it either. Mature Alphas tend not to use aggression or impose their will any more than necessary - each has their own view of "necessary" but most recognize that being an Alpha does not mean license to be an asshole. Most people are betas and that doesn't mean weak. Civilization was built by strong betas following orders. Wrong presumptions about how men and women fit these roles is at the root of a lot of confusion and conflict.

Many people who occupy real positions of power and authority are not anxious to exercise it. And those anxious to be in charge are frequently the ones who have no authority and think it means just doing whatever you want. The CEO who is in charge all day often doesn't want to make all the decisions in her personal life. It is often the guy stacking boxes all day that wants to order people around. Don't confuse desire for power with the capacity to wield it. Only the young aspiring Alpha wants to fight everyone and swing his dick around. The established Alpha wants to lead in peace and harmony.

Betas are most drawn to Alphas. For women being with the Alpha confers status within the group so we take any opportunity to do so and expect it to be on his terms. Being with a Beta - who are of lower status - happens on our terms which usually includes some benefit to us. Of course humans aren't wolves and there are many other things at play but the underlying social dynamic exists. We sometimes feel like we are treated unfairly by the opposite sex because we assume the rules should be the same for everyone. But they aren't. We apply different rules to Alphas whether we admit it or not.

Women are just as capable of leadership roles as men but those who would take up the challenge need to assume the responsibilities as well as the right of leadership. Leaders are called upon to exercise their authority in a manner that is fair, unbiased and empathetic. Nice is good but not at the expense of other key leadership criteria. You must see things for what they are. A good leader learns to empathize without feeling compelled to agree and she recognizes that agreeing just to make someone feel better can be counter-productive to all parties.

Women seem to have a greater propensity to sugar coat things to avoid confrontation. We come by this naturally. It can be a positive when we use it to smooth out conflict but very negative when we use it to avoid things that need to be faced. When dealing with an intelligent man who doesn't wish to be deluded on a point of importance to him we aren't fooling anyone and the attempt to do so raises suspicion. Yes that guy at the bar was hitting on you - everyone in the room knows it and by pretending otherwise you are portraying yourself as naive and gullible or having something to hide.

Every woman has the potential to be independent, free and equal. But as for any person it is not automatic. Taking direction from women instead of men or a black man instead of a white man does not make you more independent. Being equal involves making your own decisions, owning them and holding yourself to the same standard as those to whom you want to be equal.

If you want men to respect you, make your own decisions and own them. When men use a term like slut in a derogatory way they are thinking of the stereotype of a woman who fucks guys hoping to receive approval, is easily manipulated or utterly non-discriminating. It's the stupidity more so than the sex that they disrespect. There are those for whom the sex itself is the issue. If this is the case ask yourself - is this a core belief system, in which case he would hold himself and others to the same standard or is it just garden variety misogyny and insecurity whereby he wants you to be his sexually virtuous possession? If the latter then he is starting from a place of not respecting women regardless of their sexual habits.

We all seek "fair" treatment in our own lives but frequently do not undertake to be fair to others. Women say we want sensitive understanding men then promptly expel them to the friend zone and give our sex to the more authoritative man. Likewise men say they want sexual women but toss them aside after sex and give their commitment and support to a more "virtuous" woman.

The degree to which women invest themselves in our sexual relationships contrasts notably with the level of romance and effort we expect men to invest to earn our sex. We often take it as a given that there is little onus on us other than look nice and show up. A woman who sets herself apart by understanding and responding to a man's needs is rare and highly valued. This is a useful perspective for an aspiring hot wife.

Appreciating a woman's sex appeal and the beauty of her body does not automatically equate to misogyny or objectification. Sometimes it does, but we aren't living in the 1950's. Lots of men have the capacity to be sexually attracted to a woman yet still see her whole person without any other negative presumptions. How they express that appreciation needs to be respectful but too often we expect it to be sanitized and idealized to the point that we are asking them to suppress their fundamental nature and lie to us. That won't lead to good relationships and if you need that delusion then you aren't equal not because of your gender but because of your lack of maturity and willingness to see the world for what it is rather than what your mommy told you it was supposed to be.

All or most men want you to do "dirty things". That is different than expecting it. If you think that letting a guy treat you like his bitch is going to lead to anything other than being treated like a bitch you are stupid. But it is selfish, narrow-minded and immature to be unable to distinguish between that scenario and indulging the desires of a proven and trusted lover.

Jealousy is rooted in relative expectations regarding social status, personal commitment etc. Why does one man lose his mind because his wife went outside and a strange man saw her uncovered face while another man has no problem with his wife frolicking in front of others in a bikini? If a woman takes a lover who falls in love with her why is he less jealous of her husband than her husband is of him? Why does a stereotypical macho male date a woman who strips for a living (including lap dances) but gets mad when other guys hit on her? In each case the jealousy comes about as a response to circumstances relative to expectations as opposed to some universal standard. Your man is jealous of you having sex with another man because he has been conditioned to expect otherwise. Its not like men in polyandrous society's are all humiliated and jealous.

Men want to please as much as be pleased as a matter of generosity and reinforcement of their manhood. For any given man his jealousy and intolerance of your relationship with other men is inversely proportional to the degree to which he believes he is able to please you sexually. In my observation the men who are open to sharing their partner are the ones that are very confident in their manhood.

Men are also just as capable as women of deriving psychological pleasure from servicing his sexual partner in a somewhat submissive way (as opposed to wanting to provide her with orgasms). Especially men who are suitable for cuckolding will crave the simple approval of following instructions.

One of the biggest mistakes we make with men as a society is to try to teach them that certain aspects of their sexuality are dirty or wrong. Even very sexually adventurous women often view the limits of their sexual appetites as being the outer limit beyond which all else can be dismissed as wrong and deviant. It hasn't changed men for thousands of years and its not going to. We should never accept bad behaviour from men, but denigrating their sexuality is more a source of bad behaviour than antidote.

Harassment of women is not justifiable no matter what she wears or how she looks, but it is a reality that we must manage. The guys who do this are usually coming from a place of weakness and they are looking for a woman who is unlikely to push back in a meaningful way. Most women try to avoid this situation by dialing down their sexuality. But it is equally effective to dial up the confidence. The meatheads who harass women are afraid of truly confident women and this comes across in the way you carry yourself - clothes, demeanour, stride, everything. They aren't the least bit afraid of a woman who will give them a feminist lecture and induce other women to pass judgment on them - they are already showing their disrespect for women and they will just find this entertaining. But they are very afraid of a woman who will cut them down in their own language and embarrass them in front of their male friends. If you look like the type of woman who would do that you will almost never have to do it.

Balance and fairness in relationships doesn't mean sameness. We each have our own interests and aptitudes. Most couples take individual personal time to do things they enjoy that are not the same. And where they share an interest they may no be equal in their abilities. I don't expect my expert skier husband to spend his whole day on the beginner's hill with me. Likewise when we sit down to a meal we do not serve every person the same portion. Nor do we constrain everyone to the same portion as the person with the least consumptive capacity, then call that fairness. Yet the traditional paradigms around sexuality have focussed on sameness or even more favourable rules for men. The result has been a reduced level of enjoyment for women. Ironically that has also led to a lower level of engagement among women which in turn leads to reduce sexual activity and satisfaction for men. In many ways male obsession with sameness and equal sexual outcomes is unfair to women and detrimental to men.