Slut Wife - One Woman's Guide

Cuckold is a word that seems to have many definitions and illicit a lot of emotion. I think that at its root it simply means a man whose wife has sex with other men. Why the wife has sex with other men, how the husband feels about it, the nature of the marital sex life, the nature of her relationship with other men, the husband's sexual adequacy, the assumptions made by others, etc. have nothing to do with it.

Some believe the term only applies if he is being betrayed by his wife. If he is aware and accepting of the situation he is a wittol. I think of that as being a narrower as opposed to unique definition...but substitute that word if you prefer.

A hot wife is a wife who has sex with other men.

It is not clear to me that either term - cuckold or hot wife - addresses the husband's sexual activity. But as a practical matter it seems to be used independent of the open marriage concept. So for this purpose there is the added implication that while she has sex with other men, he does not have sex with other women or is more constrained. Call that my made up version if you like. This guide is intended to augment my earlier work by adding some perspective for the cuckold in a hotwife/cuckold marriage.

Concept 1 - Take care of yourself

Neither monogamy nor equal non-monogamy are pre-conditions to a good relationship. But love and caring are necessary ingredients. You deserve to be in a relationship that works for you. Being a cuckold is not about accepting disrespect or abusive relationship circumstances. You have to decide what that means for you and whether the choice you make is consistent with your values and what you want in a relationship.

There is nothing wrong with wanting your wife to be sexually exclusive. The problems begin when you need to believe your wife could never want another (could be true but probably not) or turn a desire for exclusivity into a need for self delusion. The result is dysfunctional behaviour and a suppression of your sexual desire for one another.

Likewise there is nothing wrong with a man choosing to accept the extra-marital sexual activities of a genuinely loving and attentive wife. But the man who comes from a place of weakness and accepts an abusive wife fucking other guys against his will is not investing in a positive relationship.

Abusive dynamics can exist in any kind of relationship and you deserve better. I am not arguing to embrace non-monogamy. I am arguing to not be force fed monogamy and make the distinctions yourself based upon an open-minded view of sexuality.

Concept 2 - Take Care of your Partner

Whether your wife chooses to be non-monogamous needs to be a reflection of her needs and desires. There is a fine line between helping her get in touch with her true self and pushing her to be something you want her to be. Most women have the potential to be attracted to other men but many do not want to act on that desire for their own unique reasons. Don't ask her to compromise herself for your fetish desires.

Concept 3 - Unconditional Acceptance

Any person in a non-monogamous relationship will likely need to deal with feelings of jealousy, insecurity, inadequacy and possible even humiliation. I strongly suggest facing these feelings head on. If you simply cannot accept the reality of your wife fucking other guys, then any non-monogamous relationship is not for you.

Do not try to avoid that reality with a set of conditions. It won't work.

Two things we hear of often are reciprocal rights or putting certain constraints on the non-monogamous partner's activities and relations with others. The right to fuck other women isn't going to make it easier to deal with the fact that your wife is fucking other guys and it may even make you more jealous once you realize that outcomes are not equal. Likewise it is not realistic to try to pre-ordain how she will feel towards other men or what experiences she will want to have with them. Trying to do so will lead to her feeling guilty and pressured to mislead you about her true desires. That will lead to resentment towards some or all of the constraints and perhaps towards you.

By all means pursue a reciprocal arrangement if that is what works for your marriage. The husband is entitled to the same "opportunities" or "rights" as the wife. Likewise, it makes sense to discuss and agree on the parameters and conditions with which you are both comfortable. Just don't count on those things to be the antidote for jealousy or insecurity or expect to predetermine how either of you will feel towards your other partners.

Concept 4 - Putting Your Partner First

When we talk about marriage we often make reference to putting our partner first or being willing to do anything for our partner. But sometimes that simplistic concept taken to its logical conclusion results in a deadlock like that old cartoon with the two chipmunks each saying "after you", "no after you". Ultimately harmony is achieved by one partner being willing to be the beneficiary of the other's compromise. And frequently being the one to make the compromise is what one or both partners want.

Society tries to help us bridge this cognitive dissonance by telling us what outcomes we should want and expect. If your wife wants to be taken out to dinner and you want to stay home and watch the ballgame, society tells you that she is right and you are wrong. Likewise society tells us that if one partner wishes to be monogamous and the other does not, monogamy is the right choice.

But both of those scenarios are based upon stereotypes and assumptions that may not be applicable at all. Maybe the husband who wants to stay home has already taken his wife out three times that week and had planned to watch his alma mater's football game with a dear old college friend. Maybe the wife truly prefers to facilitate that reunion even though there is nothing in it for her except her husband's pleasure. Maybe the partner who prefers monogamy (for themselves) has very limited sexual interest or capacity and wants to see the needs of a sexually dynamic partner fulfilled.

Whether accepting your wife's sexual activity with other men is the appropriate thing for your relationship is entirely up to you. There isn't one right answer. Just remember that the stereotype of the disdainful and selfish woman is not more valid than that of a loving wife who simply wants more than her husband can (or wants to) provide.

Concept 5 - She wants more than what you can provide sexually

For many people, monogamous and otherwise, their spouse does not satisfy all of their sexual desires. This is natural and commonplace.

It may be a matter of wanting variety or a different experience or one of performance or adequacy. But sex isn't a sport and what is "not enough" for one partner may be just right for another. Whether any of us acts on these desires is a function of many factors. Chances are it has more to do with perspective and opportunities and spousal openness than issues of adequacy.

If you talk to women who have outside lovers, most appreciate something specific in that lover that their husband doesn't offer. But they are augmenting their sex life, not seeking to trade up. In fact, many are clear that they wouldn't want to be with that man all the time. Maybe he is the big dick stud. Or maybe he is the music aficionado who shares her love of opera. Or maybe he has a dominant streak that she likes to indulge but only occasionally. He frequently isn't "more" or "better" just different and new.

There is nothing wrong with insisting on or preferring monogamy for a variety of reasons. But wives who choose to remain monogamous are doing so for reasons particular to them and their perspective on relationships as opposed to whether or not their husband satisfies all of their desires. Most of us think about experiencing different men and the sexual performance of our own husband is well down the list of reasons why we do or don't act on that desire.

Concept 6 - Reasonable Expectations

Your wife will enjoy sex with other men. They will offer her things that you cannot and there will be times when she prefers them. She will also likely want to have an emotional connection with them. It may not be love or it may be, but it probably isn't indifference.

But neither love or sex are finite resources. What she gives to them does not take away from you and in fact may add to the totality she has for you.

Concept 7 - She is Sexually Superior to You

Accept this reality. She can have more sex for longer. She can attract and manage sexual partners better. She doesn't get ruined or diminished by her sexual experiences. She is less likely to get emotionally tied to a sex partner if she goes into that relationship with an open mindset. You couldn't keep up if you tried.

Don't be confused by the fact that more men express desire for extra-marital sex. Desire and capacity are not the same thing.

Not all women want more, but all have the potential. Not all that do want more seek to fulfill that potential. She may choose not to for any number of reasons including preferring to be with you in monogamy rather than without you.

But don't fool yourself. Metaphorically she is the expert skier and you are the beginner. The fact that she chooses to stay on the gentle hill with you doesn't make you equal or mean that she could never want more. Pretending otherwise is taking away from her without adding to you other than your delusions.

Concept 8 - Reasons for Asymmetry

Many non-exclusive couples choose an asymmetrical arrangement for a variety of reasons. It may be that either partner simply has a higher desire for sex than the other is willing or able to satisfy. Although the wife's constraint will almost certainly be interest/desire as opposed to capacity whereas as the husband's constraint could be either.

It is a profoundly loving and generous thing to facilitate and support your partner in achieving the sexual satisfaction that they desire. Often that means both spouses have the freedom to pursue others but only one chooses to do so. Sometimes it is actually agreed that only one has the freedom for a variety of reasons.

Many men in an open marriage will be competitive. And most will have much less "success" with casual sex than their wife if she chooses to pursue it. This has more to do with the nature of other men than anything else. But the ongoing defeat and humiliation can become a big negative in the relationship. By taking him off the market in return for something else in the relationship this negative cycle can be broken.

In other cases it may be that the man isn't that interested in having sex with other women either as a starting premise or because it isn't working out for him. Chasing casual relationships with women who want more may be unappealing compared to have a vibrant sex life with his vixen wife. Again by offering some other trade-offs (sexual or otherwise) a hot wife can help her husband settle into the situation. And by actually constraining his sexual exploits she validates the trade-off and demonstrates that she values his compromise rather than patronizing him because he 'can't get laid'.

Similar to my last point, sexual freedom and experience may be something that she values whereas he values other things. It need not be any more complicated than a couple where one likes golf and the others likes tennis.

For some guys watching their wives have sex with other men or knowing it is happening is the height of stimulation. This desire may be far stronger than any desire he has for other women. The premise that he is jealous and/or wants reciprocity isn't a universal truth. Sharing his wife's sexual appetite may be part of a broad range of fetish interests that bare no relationship to a traditional desire to fuck as many women as he can.

Concept 9 - Support Her

Your wife wants to know that you support her seeking of sexual fulfillment. However, she wants it to be for her pleasure and she wants to know that it does not diminish her in your eyes. She is wary of it being a fetish for you because the stereotype in that scenario is reductive of her and she is concerned that you will feel differently when the moments of excitement pass.

Concept 10 - Expect Her to Support You

Compromise is part of all relationships (even those who claim otherwise are foregoing something through their choices) and it is a two-way street. You have every right to expect your wife to support your needs and desires.

That doesn't mean she should do whatever you want because you are ok with her fucking other guys (just like you aren't compelled to accept her fucking other guys). It just means that acceptance of her non-monogamy is not synonymous with diminishing your importance in the relationship.

It is fairly common for the hot wife to play a "dominant" role in the relationship which of course casts the cuckold as "submissive". But using that D's vernacular we know that most people in that lifestyle don't equate dominance with lack of support or caring. Quite the opposite most regard a positive D's relationship as being one in which the Dom is very caring, just not in a conventional way.

Where a Sub may thoroughly enjoy a spanking a submissive cuckold may thoroughly enjoy a cream pie or watching his wife get fucked. It is not his prerogative to expect that or any other given activity. But it is reasonable that he seek to be in a relationship where his desires are supported.

Concept 11 - Embrace sexual exploration

Opening the door to your wife's sexual liberation often reflects a profoundly contemplative and open attitude towards sex. The man who chooses this route is usually himself very sexually adventurous with that being his defining characteristic more so than any stereotype of the beaten down wimp.

Society may confuse his openness and lack of macho bravado as weakness but he is usually quite confident in his own sexual identity. He needs that to embrace this alternative approach.

If that is you, then talk to your wife and seek her support in facilitating your exploration. Chances are you have some strong interests yourself. Don't let anyone tell you what a cuckold is "supposed" to be, but sample some ideas.

Concept 12 - Embrace your own liberation

Once you have been with a true naughty girl you will never want anyone else. Many men suppress their own marital sexual experience by putting up a false front and guarding their own insecurities. They close themselves off from possibilities and drain their wife's desire.

Even if you stay monogamous you will do your sex life a world of good by letting go of all those silly notions about your own prowess and your wife's perfect satisfaction. Accept that she could readily and easily take a lover and thoroughly enjoy the experience, whether she actually does so or not.

Once you stop needing to believe your own manufactured, male reinforcing idea of female sexuality you will find it to be a great liberation from your own delusions.

Concept 13 - Expect an Adjustment Period

No matter how much you think you are ready to be a cuckold it will likely come as a shock. You are trained and conditioned to see it as "wrong" and those sentiments will rise to the surface. Whatever you have prepared yourself for is likely to be quite different from the reality.

Most new cuckolds have a very male-centric view in their mind of what will happen. She will pick up some big cock stud in a bar or some porn scene like that. When it turns out that her co-worker takes her for a museum tour when they are away on business and that is what gets him into her panties the personal connection can be much more jarring than you expect. Or vice-versa...maybe you think she will have a gentle fling with a quite co-worker and she will end up being spanked and fucked but some arrogant stud.

Whatever you are expecting is likely wrong so prepare yourself.

Concept 14 - Let her lead the way

It isn't absolutely necessary that a cuckold be submissive. But it is generally healthier for a hot wife to pursue her own sexual liberation on her terms. She needs a fully honest perspective and that is best gleaned by having complete latitude to explore and express what she feels and desires free of pressure or expectations from her cuckold.

Submitting to her authority usually helps the cuckold accept his role. Especially at the beginning your thinking will be clouded and conflicted. You must not project that onto your hot wife. And you will be more at peace if you are able to reconcile yourself to simple obedience. It will often turn out to be a source of great pleasure as well.

Conclusion

The hot wife/cuckold marriage does put a substantial emphasis on the hot wife's sexual liberation. But that doesn't mean it is all about her. If it is right for you as the cuckold you will find it to be a rewarding and liberating experience in many ways. Not only will you realize the satisfaction of facilitating your wife's pleasure, but you will liberate your own mind, explore your own deepest desires and be more at peace with yourself, your wife and your marriage. Good luck cuckolding!