Sin City

We had been working up to our trip to Vegas. It was clear that what you expected of me was beyond what we had done in the past. I didn't want to disappoint you, and I wanted to see if I could push through the levels of guilt and doubt I was feeling. The feelings of intrepidness ebb and flow. I want to please you, I want to test myself, yet I am wracked with emotion. It's pleasure vs. pain fighting for space within me.

Letting go of norms, inhibitions, having dirty dark secrets and desires drives me to want to go deeper and darker. The pain of how I feel about myself, what you might think of me, what I have lowered myself into becoming starts to escalate. Being reduced to an object to be treated with little respect because all I represent is a good fuck, is almost unbearable. Wondering what you think of me as I let go when I am in those dark places, enjoying myself and letting strangers bang me like I am nothing more than a lowly whore makes my heart shudder. You push me, I want to be pushed, then I balk, I get scared, I lose confidence, it becomes almost too dramatic in my head. I hate that feeling.

It requires me to let go, trust blindly, all in the name of lascivious pleasure. There are times I hope you will call it off, there are other times I can't wait to put on those slutty clothes and be sent out to get used. I love sex, when I am in those clubs and in that state of mind, I feel like I could just go all night. My mind pushes out all negativity, and I allow myself to go to a place that few could understand, none would respect.

Playing in this underground arena is an escape, I feel like I am making up for lost time. When I walk into those clubs, I feel proud, sexy, and ready to play. It's truly an alter ego I have allowed to develop, yet one that will have limits. I justify it by telling myself that I am with likeminded people, we are all adults, there to enjoy a lifestyle that most find vulgar and repulsive. It is a place we both equally enjoy, and even though I know we handle it well, I still wonder down deep what you really think of me when I go into that state of mind where I block you out and turn into a slut.

You've always had a fantasy of me hooking up with a single guy and letting me go with him alone. I have to admit, I think it is hot, like a one night stand that you are setting up for me. Yet, I am extremely picky about who is selected, as if I should even have that privilege. Ask any guy if he wants sex, and he will say yes, it's not that I am anything special, I am just available, and I am just being put out there. That mindset is what makes me feel so incredibly humiliated, cheap, and sleazy.

When I saw Serci's picture, I have to admit, I was immediately interested. He had a great body, then when he sent me a picture of his face, I had to have him. I tried to temper my enthusiasm, but I am sure you saw through my veiled attempt. Texting him at first felt good, I was fielding texts from you and him at the same time. It was like I had competing attention, it fed my ego. But then I pulled back because the guilt took over. This shouldn't be happening, I should not be so enthusiastic to hook up with this guy, but then I justify it by saying we are building up to our trip and this is my part.

For this trip, I had to push past my own demons and get to a mental state that I knew I would not retract. Those demons are insecurities that surface when the envelope of play gets pushed. It was not easy to get to that place, but I did. Then, I was able to smile, relax and enjoy watching you have so much fun with the clothes, the ideas, the lists, and the SLS hook ups. I love seeing you so enthusiastic, it drives me to give you more, and add flavor to the buildup of the fantasies you have laid out for me.

We decided to practice for the big trip by going to a local club. I was fully in, prepped and ready to perform. There wasn't much action or many to choose from, but we made the most of it. The old guy that wanted me to suck his cock was not easy for me to do, but I just pushed it out of my mind and gave my all. I tried my best to get him up and at the same time, his wife wanted you. It really wasn't as bad once I got started, and having you next to me made it easier. I looked over and saw you with her, it made me pause for a minute because I could hear you talking to her and although there was nothing to be worried about, I still felt a sting. That was where my mind was as I had his cock in my mouth. At that point, I was just being mechanical, he didn't know that. I can put on one hell of a show. He couldn't get it up and frankly I was relieved. Fucking an old guy is dirty, it's disgusting actually, but I will do it because that is part of the game. I would have been able to let that memory go, but he had strong cologne and lingered on me, every time I caught a whiff of it, I felt like the lowest form of slut that exists.

Walking into the little room with the glory hole was a hot experience. I like the anonymity of giving a blow job to strange men. They can't see much of me and I can't see their face. It takes it down to a level of cheap that turns me on. It's like my mouth becomes a pleasure palace for any guy that wants a piece of me. They can't touch me, there is no body language, words or contact other than my mouth sucking a cock. It is a mechanical act for me, I could just keep doing it without remorse. Somehow I justify it as more acceptable. What girl hasn't given strangers blow jobs? It happens outside of the dark world. You were right there, watching me perform, listening to me suck and gag and moan, on my hands and knees, reduced down to an object. I find that scene so incredibly hot, it is a turn on knowing you are standing over me while I suck cock and looking down with pride. Proud of me because of how I can please cock, proud of me because you have me and others want what you have. It was an easy night, the guilt to pleasure ratio was bearable.

Friday night in Vegas came and the plans were made. I started to get incredibly nervous and wanted to call it off. I didn't want to meet this guy and go to the club alone. I just wanted to be with you, I wanted no part of what I was about to do. Yet, I did it anyway because the guilty pleasure of what might happened outweighed potential remorse. The dichotomy of the whole scene still baffles me. There we sit, having dinner, drinks, talking, and having a great date, like a normal couple. But at the same time, you had my outfit picked out, you were telling me what to say in a text and you sat me up to be fucked by a stranger.

This was what we wanted to do, what I wanted to do and nervousness subsided with a few drinks. I changed my clothes after a drink at the bar, came back and sat with you and we finalized the plans. I felt too excited inside, this was not right, I have everything I want in you, why do I allow myself to enjoy this? It fucks with my mind, part of the penance of having these dark desires, a penance I deserve. The moment you left, I felt so scared yet excited. This was a first for us. I wanted to know what you were thinking, part of me wanted you to call it off. Part of me wanted it to happen. I was so torn, I had to choose one path of thought. I chose desire. He was a nice looking guy and for a split second, it felt like I was meeting a date for the first time after meeting online. It was a deja vu moment. Then reality set in as he was ready to head to the club. The reality of why I was there with him; only for him to fuck me, took me from giddy to shameful.

He treated me as though we were a couple, arm around me, kissing me in the back of the cab, my hand feeling his hardness through his jeans. I will admit that I liked it and I knew I shouldn't. That feeling didn't last long because I got a text from you, then the guilt set in. I was wondering how you felt, what you were thinking. My mind was getting a good fucking as it should. Then, I pushed you out of my mind, which made me feel even worse. I was enjoying myself. We walked into the club and he held my hand as we walked around, we looked like a couple. I explained to him the different areas and I was ready to get down to business, now! We went into the big room, he laid down and I pulled his pants down as I climbed on top of him, ready to suck that hardness out of him. He seemed a little uneasy and I reassured him that we were doing just fine. He wanted to be alone, so we went to get a side room. I walked over with confidence, asked the guy for a room and led him in as we closed the door.

It is such a seedy, dirty place. The bed, the mirror, the ugly lights, old carpeting and walls that need a paint job make what is about to happen feel so horribly filthy. There I am, dressed like a slut, wet, horny, ready to let this guy fuck me. What the hell am I doing here, and why do I like it so much? He left to get a condom and he ordered me to lay down and take my clothes off. He left, I pulled off my top and hiked up my skirt, spread legs, ready for him to take my pussy. He returned, undressed in a hurry and pushed hard inside of me, there was no foreplay, no nice talk, nothing. He was relentless, banging me hard, it felt like I was being pounded all the way into my gut. Gut pounding sex, a whore at her best. He was pumping me faster and faster, I knew he wanted to cum hard. I was moaning, breathing deep and hard and begging him to fuck me harder and faster. My voice was demanding and it pushed him to where he needed to be. He grabbed my tits hard and twisted them as though they weren't even attached to me, just toys to be played with. No regard to how I might feel.

He didn't care, he just wanted a piece of pussy. As he was about ready to cum, he put his hand on my throat, I wanted to react, but didn't. Now I just wanted it over with. Then, from nowhere, he smacked my face. In that moment, I was reduced to nothing more than a low class slut that did not deserve respect. He came, I did my duty. I was full of guilt. I felt dirty, filthy and had zero respect for myself.

I let that night go, I left it behind me and we learned a good lesson. We moved on... it was time to gear up for Saturday night.

Our expectations were waning because of the clientele from Friday night. It was not a pretty crowd and it was not full. We weren't sure what was going to be waiting for us. But, I was geared up and ready to go. I loved the outfit you picked for me; black tight leather skirt, low cut black top, stockings, heels, I felt hot and sexy. It is a feeling I never want to lose. We arrived and were pleasantly surprised to see it busy and the clientele was acceptable. We wondered around a bit, and as usual, I was ready for action. You pace us well, I want to jump in and get started. I followed your lead, talked to a few people and we ended up with a crowd that was tolerable. I really didn't want idle chit chat, I wanted to fuck. I wanted to play with a girl, and I tried to make that happen. After a few rounds on the dance floor with the girls, I was bored and told you so, acting like a spoiled brat who just wanted to play. You warned me that if we went into the big room, there would be a swarm of guys wanting to get a piece of me. I believed you to a point. I should have believed you 110%.

When we walked in, there were a few guys standing along the wall, looking like they were just hanging out, killing time. What they were really doing was patiently waiting for an opportunity. I didn't realize how much they needed an opportunity. It was almost instantaneous. I was laying on my back, my mind went into full play mode and my pussy was wet and ready for fun. Within seconds, I was completely surrounded by men. It was shocking, overwhelming. Suddenly every part of my body was being touched. I couldn't separate the feelings quick enough. It was sensational overload. I felt my right hand being pulled and suddenly it was on a big black cock, my left hand was pulled in the other direction and all I felt was a condom filled cock. My pussy was being touched, my clit was being rubbed, I felt fingers and hands on my tits, my legs, my feet. It was as though I was the last girl on earth and these men were all starving for pussy.

The big black cock came closer and suddenly it was in my mouth. I couldn't begin to get it all in. It was all I could do to get my lips around the tip. You were fucking me, watching this all happen. My mouth was drooling, my hands were jerking on cocks, my pussy was being pumped, I was never so objectified. I wanted more. Guys were asking for a piece of me and you took complete charge of my pussy. No one was getting in without your permission. You let me chose who went first. I could feel the anticipation and when I pointed to the big black cock, he felt victorious. My pussy had never been so full. He pumped it hard, relentless and was feeling the carnal pleasure of that soft velvetiness. My juices started flowing the harder he fucked me and the harder he fucked, the bigger his cock felt. He came hard, within minutes, he was satisfied. I was sucking cock as he was fucking me and as he was cuming in me, another cock was cumming in my mouth. I had juices dripping out of my hole and my mouth. I had no idea I was going to get fucked in the mouth. By the time I realized what had happened, it was too late. I turned my head, tried to spit the cum out, and it dripped down my neck and into my hair. My body was being ravaged fast and furious. My mind could not keep up with all of the sensations that I felt.

Next thing I knew, there was more cum in my mouth, I spit it out again. You were fucking me, I had some strangers cum in my mouth and the guys were just begging to be next. You pulled out, and another went in, At some point, I was being fingered and all I could hear were mutterings of amazement as I soaked the sweet spot between my legs, flooding the sheets. I was getting was I wanted and then it hit me. I felt suffocated, I felt dirty, I wanted to get out, I had had enough. But I didn't quit, I let myself be used more. It was my duty. I was your dirty, nasty, filthy whore and proud of it. I was fucked more, I have no idea how much more, my mind had checked out. It was a surreal experience and I couldn't process any more. I was there to satisfy, my pussy was the center of attention, I laid there like a good slut and took it over and over. I had been gang banged. They were lined up and I took as many as I could. I didn't hold back. It was over the top for me, I wasn't sure if I could ever fully comprehend what I had just done. I knew you were pleased, I had obeyed. You fucked me good. I could tell how turned on you were. On the way back to the hotel, all I could think of was how filthy I was. Full of strangers cum, I had no idea how much I had taken.

I didn't want to know. I saw the look in your eye as you told me you weren't done with me yet. I love that look. It's the look of darkness satisfied or at least satisfied for that time, because I know there will be more to come. I felt so much shame as I walked into the hotel. I wondered if people could tell I had just been gang banged, if they could smell the cum on my breath and see it in my hair.

You are so hot when you relive those dark, dirty moments. I know how much it turns you on and all I want to do is take care of you, get dirty with you, satisfy you in every way possible. You were insatiable, so hard and ready to have me. We fucked good and hard, switching positions, me going down on you, licking your ass, fingering you, I wanted to give you the best fuck of your life. The way you ate my pussy was amazing. You wanting to drink my juices was so fucking hot. I couldn't give you enough. It was the best dirty sex ever. We were both carrying those filthy desires home, it was amazing.

I fell asleep happy that I had given you what you wanted, it makes it all worth while. The next morning, I didn't want to believe what had happened, I didn't want to deal with the bevy of emotions. I was so ashamed of myself. I wondered how you could even respect me, how you could look at me the same way again. I was so embarrassed. I had to work hard to filter all of those emotions out, I was unusually quiet. It was almost too much to process. I let it go. My reward is knowing what we can do and what we will do in the future. My punishment is living with the guilt that no one will ever know but you. I love being your dirty, filthy girl. My pussy is yours and yours only, what you do with it next will be incredible.