This one is not a BTB or a RAAC, but there are no willing cuckolds.
Our Thursday evening dinner was okay, nothing special. The boys helped clear the table and then disappeared to their rooms. Jin sat on the couch, her tablet in her lap. I sat in my recliner, playing solitaire on my iPad. The TV was on, but I'm unsure which program my wife had selected to ignore this evening. I glanced up at the TV. Oh, another unrealistic home improvement show.
I turn my attention to Jin. At 39 she was still an attractive woman, not a supermodel, but definitely a solid 7. After two kids and 12 years as a stay-at-home mom, she returned to work about 4 years ago when our youngest turned 11. Now the boys are 15 and 16, so they no longer need their "mommy," except of course to cook all their meals and do their laundry and provide taxi service on demand.
I study the profile of her pretty face. Her light brown hair is swept back in a ponytail. She had removed the dangly earrings she wore to work this morning, as well as her eye makeup, and bright red lipstick. Gone too was the slim skirt and silk blouse, as well as the 4-inch heels that accentuated her shapely legs. But still, she looked good in the baggy teeshirt and leggings that were her normal "at home" clothes.
I turn my attention back to the TV and learn that with a few hundred dollars and a little effort, my home could be featured in the next issue of Architectural Digest. As the star of the show explains that to me, I couldn't help but notice the 9 guys he had working around him and the 26' trailer loaded with all the materials he would ever need and about $30,000 worth of tools. But yeah, easy, anyone could do it.
"Babe, are you okay?"
Jin seems a bit startled by my question. She looks at the TV and then over at me.
"I'm fine, why did you ask me that?"
I shrug, "I guess the better question is, are WE okay?"
"What? Of course, we are! Mike, is something wrong?"
I put down my iPad and move to sit next to her. I lean in and kiss her lightly on the lips. Her eyes were never close as she accepts the kiss with a puzzled expression.
"Jin, for the last few months it seems like we are just going through the motions. I feel like you've kind of disengaged from our marriage. Have I done something to annoy you or make you feel unappreciated?"
She took a quick breath and I was sure she was going to deny any displeasure with me or our marriage, then she slowly exhaled as a tear slid down her cheek.
"I am so sorry, I don't know what my problem is lately. You're right, it does seem like we're stuck in a rut of some kind. The days all seem to blur together, each one the same as the last. The boys have no use for me and you and I have little to say to each other. I don't know, I guess I've just got the Blahs."
I nodded my understanding. "So, I hear you saying our life is kinda boring and lately it seems that way to me too. I'm worried we are just drifting along and I'm afraid we might start to drift apart."
"Oh god No! I love you, I love the boys, I love my life here with you. I would never want to lose you!"
"But you are bored with me, the marriage, your home life?"
"Please Mike, I'm not BORED as in completely unhappy, it's just our home life is so routine and sometimes it feels as if we've both just kind of given up, or something."
"Okay, so why haven't you said anything?"
She paused, "I think, until you said something, I wasn't exactly sure what was bothering me. I knew I was unhappy but I didn't know why. Does that make any sense?"
"Yes, of course, that's why I asked if you were okay. So, do you feel that way all of the time?"
"Hmm, No. When I'm at work I feel engaged, excited to take on the next challenge. I look forward to going to the office every day. I know that sounds awful, but it's true. So what does that mean?"
"I'm not sure, but it does seem to say the problem is here, at home. You're not depressed all the time, so I'm guessing it's not clinical, but what do I know?"
She took a deep breath, "So what should we do? A counselor maybe?"
"Maybe. There's another issue we need to discuss."
She hung her head, "I know, it's been a little while since you've asked and I just haven't been in the mood, I'm sorry."
"Babe, I haven't asked because I knew you'd just turn me down again. I was afraid I would piss you off if I complained, but it's been more than "a little while," it's been four months."
"FOUR MONTHS! That's not possible! We did it the night of my company's BBG. That was just ... Shit! ... Oh Michael, I'm sorry. I promise I'll do better."
"I remember that night. I was miffed at you, but you never noticed. You spent the entire evening talking with your coworkers, or more accurately, one coworker. You even managed to wander off into the boss's gardens and disappear for half an hour while I sat and talked with your blow-hard boss."
Jin blushed a deep red. "I didn't realize I had ignored you, but it was a company function, so I had to mingle."
"Sure, but you didn't mingle, except with Ryan. Just how much did you mingle with Ryan when you two disappeared?"
"What? We were walking and we just talked. He's a very interesting guy, I like talking with him."
"And is he what makes you look forward to going to work every day? Does he put a smile on your face and a spring in your step?"
"What the fuck are you trying to imply here, Michael?"
"Oh please Jin, did you think I couldn't tell you had a big crush on this guy? I saw you together, I heard the other gals snickering as you walked off with him. I've seen the two of you enjoying your lunches at that little cafe near your office."
"What! Have you been spying on me?"
"Yes, yes I have been. You tuned me out and ignored the boys, I knew something was going on. You bought sexier clothes for work and sexy shoes, but you never wear any of those outfits when we go out together."
"I, I, I like to look nice at work, it's important that I look professional. And I DO dress up when we go out, which is seldom."
"Yes, you always look nice, very conservative, and motherly, when we go out."
"Fuck you, I do not! You're just being jealous. I haven't done anything wrong. So I've had a few lunches with a coworker, big deal!"
I shook my head slowly. "Jin, you have withdrawn from our marriage, from me, from your family. Your only joy is spending time with another man. Maybe it's not sexual - yet, but it's an affair. It's definitely an emotional affair and it's killing our marriage."
"That's crazy, I'm not having an affair! That's stupid! Just because we have lunch at a public place does not mean we're having an affair! You're being ridiculous!"
"Am I?"
I look up at the clock on our wall. It is 8:59 pm. I hold my hand up, pointer finger extended. When the clock ticks past 9:00 pm I point to her phone lying on the side table and it dings with an incoming text.
"That means he has put his daughter down and now has time to chat with his girlfriend before he joins his wife in front of the TV."
Jin does her fish face impression, "How? What? ..."
"I'm not blind, you start texting every night at nine. I'm so happy he helps you pick out your wardrobe now. Shorter skirts, higher heels, plunging necklines. Yeah, I noticed the change. Tell me Jin, does he also decide what color panties my wife wears to work each day? Does he get to check and see that you complied with his request?"
She was totally flustered. "I, we, No! No, he doesn't check the color of my panties! It's just a game, a bit of fun. I let him make wardrobe suggestions, it's just a silly thing we started a few months back. I don't always wear what he suggests. It's just a silly game."
"So if I played that silly game with my cute young PA and she mentioned it to our HR people, what do you think would happen?"
"Not the same, you're her boss, Ryan is my equal, just a coworker."
"And if your HR found out about the game?"
"Okay so it's inappropriate, but no one gets hurt, it's just foolishness, a game between friends, nothing more."
"The panties?"
"Damn it Mike, he was just being naughty, goofy! He doesn't tell me what color panties to wear each day."
"He has this week."
"How? ... Oh my god! You read my texts! You, you've been in my hamper! What the fuck, Mike?"
"Four days in a row, you wore the color he requested. Did you show them to him each day? You know, as part of the innocent little games you two play."
"You have no right to read my private texts!"
"I have EVERY RIGHT to know how my cheating wife is getting her jollies! Especially when she is denying me mine!"
"Hey, can you two keep it down, I'm trying to study up here," my elder son yelled down the stairs.
"Fuck! I hope he didn't hear all your ridiculous claims about me cheating. I have never touched another man! Never!"
"Maybe, But there's one guy you regularly show your panties to and I think that's way over the bounds of acceptability! Maybe I should call his wife and get her opinion."
"Don't! Okay, you win, it's over. It was just a naughty game. I'll tell him it's over, the whole wardrobe thing is over, okay?"