Sex Lies and Videotape

Ch.04 One step back, two steps forward.

By OlympusMons90

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Taylor moved back in yesterday, Saturday. We had dinner together last night at home before cuddling on the couch watching TV. When it came time for bed, I let her know I wasn't ready yet to be intimate with her. That I needed some time to adjust, whatever that means.

The real reason was that I had my own concerns swirling around in my head still, I couldn't help but think about the videos and all the things she did in them. Even the ones in her final year with Ben where she may not have enjoyed it, but she still did them. Even though I was intimate with my wife after I'd watched the videos before we split, now my concern was that a part of me enjoyed watching her in those videos with other guys, I was now finding it hard to come to terms with that. I felt guilty for having watched them, having masturbated to them.

Yes, it all happened before we even met, but that doesn't help to stop me from getting those damn images in my head. For two out of those three years she enjoyed everything she did. She enjoyed having sex with different guys, sometimes more than one at a time. She enjoyed playing it up for Ben, ridiculing him, teasing him, having him clean her afterwards. How do you not think about that?

If our relationship was going to work, I needed to find a way to be okay with what I'd seen, with what she did. It's not like I could undo what has happened, I either have to find a way to accept it and move on or it'll drive me crazy and end any chance we have at being happy together.

After breakfast I went out into the back yard, I had some work to do around the place starting with mowing the lawn. As lunchtime approached, Taylor brought out a pitcher of iced water with some sandwiches for us to share on the outdoor table overlooking our freshly manicured lawn and garden.

"I love being out here, you should spend more time out here yourself, other than just doing the lawn."

"I don't think the neighbors want to see me out here sunbathing topless like they enjoy watching you."

"They don't really spy on me sunbathing, do they? You'd have told me if they did."

"Nah, but if I was them, I would've been watching you every time."

"But that's because you like watching me, and I like it when you do. It makes me feel special."

"Well, I have hours of videos I can watch now to make you feel special."

"Roger, I can't believe you'd bring that up. Talk about how to ruin a moment."

Taylor was shaking her head while frowning at me, I wasn't sure if it was a mock frown or a real one. But if we were to truly get back together, we needed to talk about the elephant in the room, to figure out how we could deal with it.

"I know all the videos were done before we met, but I can't undo what I've seen. And the worst part, is that sometimes I don't want to."

Taylor watched me as she took a bite out of her sandwich, continuing to look at me as she chewed. She was thinking, if I could see the cogs in her head they would be churning right now.

"So, what's your issue exactly? I know why I'm not happy with those videos, that they remind me of my relationship with him. But it's okay if you want to enjoy watching them, I won't get angry with you for that."

"Are you kidding? You're my wife, I shouldn't enjoy watching videos of you fucking other guys. What sort of husband does that make me?"

"I don't know, I'd say the normal kind."

I looked at Taylor with an expression that read 'what the fuck?'

"Look, do you find me attractive? Do you think I'm sexy?"

"Of course I do. You know very well that I think you're sexy as fuck."

"Then what do you find so bad about watching me in those videos?"

"Well, it's not that I'm watching you, it's that I'm watching you getting fucked by other guys."

"If they were all of me having sex with you, would you then be okay with that then?"

"I'm not sure I'd want to watch myself having sex, but I'd feel less guilty about having enjoyed watching them if it wasn't you having sex with them."

"But I didn't know you then, I did that stuff with my boyfriend at the time, and yes, I regret some of it now. I regret letting Ben video it, that's for sure. But it's done, the videos exist. You can delete them but you're right, you can't unsee them. But, if it turns you on when you watch them, when you watch me, where's the harm now? I'm just saying that it's up to you what you do with them, get rid of them or watch them, I'm okay with either choice. I only care about being with you no matter what you decide to do."

"How can you be so calm about this? You were petrified when you found out I'd seen your videos before."

"That's because you didn't know the context, the history behind them. I was worried you'd think that's who I was. That I was just a slut that enjoyed fucking other guys while humiliating her boyfriend. Okay, I did enjoy fucking other guys while humiliating my boyfriend, but you know what I mean. He was the one behind it all, pushing for us to do all of that, not me."

"You still haven't explained how it really happened. How did you find the guys you wanted to fuck? Where did you go to film it? Did you do more than the once-a-month hook-ups or was what got filmed all there was?"

"Okay, that's a lot of questions. Do you really care how we organized it? Why does that interest you?"

"I think I need to understand it from start to finish. At the moment, all I have is you being videoed usually having terrific sex with guys that aren't me. Maybe if I understand how you arranged it all, it might make it seem less erotic or something."

"Okay, I get that. Umm, where to start. So, I was the one that found the guys. I wasn't going to just fuck someone I'd never spoken to before or didn't like. We used social media and swinger's websites to initially make contact with most of the guys. Our rule was to not include anyone we already knew, or who might know people we knew. So, that ruled out meeting guys that lived in Atlanta, we purposefully avoided local guys."

"A lot of the videos seemed to be done in the same hotels. Where they here in Atlanta?"

"No, we used to travel mainly to Texas and Florida for those weekends. We would book a hotel for two nights, Friday and Saturday night usually. We had to get Friday off work for the ones in Texas, the weekends in Florida we just tried to leave work a little early. Sunday we would spend most of the day driving home."

"How did you decide which guys you wanted to hook-up with? I'd assume there would've been a heap of guys lining up to fuck you."

"I had a screening process I used to find the right guys. You'd be surprised how difficult it was to even end up with a guy. They all had to pass Ben's expectations of what he wanted to see. They would have to be fit and buff and over six feet tall, that already rules out a good chunk of guys. Ben also wanted them to all be bigger downstairs than he was, although that wasn't too hard, everyone passed that criteria."

I let out a chuckle, I couldn't help it. I let Taylor continue.

"I'd message them first asking if they were interested in meeting up for recorded sex sessions with my boyfriend present. Again, a lot of guys didn't want that either so that rules out another chunk of eligible guys. But if all good, I would then always chat with them on the phone for a while to get a sense of who they and to explain the situation before I would then cam with them for a bit to make sure they weren't fakers. They all had to have current tests done as well. So, once they passed all of that we would arrange to meet up. Some of the guys we'd then arrange to meet with multiple times after we knew they were okay because of how hard it can be to find suitable new guys. You probably saw the same guy's a on a number of the videos."

"Yeah, you seemed to have three guys that were more regular than the others. The blonde guy Gary, the white dude with the chest tattoos, and Jay."

"Gary lives in Dallas, he's a sweet guy. Tony is the guy with the chest tattoos, he lives in Houston. Jay is from Florida, Jacksonville originally. He's the one I feel the worst for because of all of this."

"Because he's in jail? Ben told me what happened, I saw the last video."

"Yeah, he's such an asshole."

"Of all the guys I watched you with, Jay seemed to be the one you seemed closest to. Did you love him?"

"Maybe, I did fall for him but it's hard to say if I was in love with him, maybe I was for a while but it never would have worked. He's the one that helped me to realize what Ben was doing to me. When I started to fall for Jay, it was easier to see what a controlling asshole Ben actually was. Jay would talk with me about leaving Ben, moving to Jacksonville with him. Then eventually he moved to Atlanta to be with me when I found it hard to leave Ben."

"So, did you meet up with him outside of the hook-up sessions you did with Ben?"

"Yeah, a couple of times during the last few months that I was with Ben. I loved how Jay made me feel, not just the sex, but that I felt normal again when I was with him. Like I was his girlfriend, that what I did with Ben wasn't normal and felt more like having a bad job you couldn't afford to quit."

"So, what happens when he's served his time and comes back here to see you?"

"I apologize to him again for what happened and wish him the best. That's it."

"You don't still have feelings for him? I know you really enjoyed the sex you had with him."

"No. When I met you, I was able to move on. I still feel a bit guilty for what happened to him though, if I wasn't with Ben he'd never have gone to jail. If only I had the strength to have left Ben when I should've, he'd never have moved to Atlanta either. There's a lot about that I feel responsible for."

"But not enough that you'd want to fuck him again if he comes back?"

"No Roger. You can put your mind at ease, I don't secretly want to meet up with any of the guys I had sex with before, not even Jay."

"Alright, tell me something though, why were they all jacked up? I know you said it's what Ben wanted, by why? Every guy in those videos looked like they walked out of a gym, like they're all pro football players."

"That was because of Ben and his fantasies from college. He wanted them all to look like big football jocks like the players I used to date. I think he wanted them to be the big alpha males, it was part of making him feel small and pathetic. It fed his insecurities which turned him on."

"He really is messed up. You said in one of the videos that you like your guys to fuck you hard with big cocks. What was it, 'the bigger and harder the better'? Was that for real or just for Ben?"

"Honestly, a bit of both. Ben loved hearing that stuff, so I'd tell him what he wanted to hear. But I did love the sex more when I was getting fucked hard. You know I'd be lying to you if I said otherwise. You know us, and you've seen the videos."

"But what about the size? I got to admit that I felt a bit intimidated when I watched you fucking Jay. He's got a big schlong on him and that's the guy you seemed to enjoy fucking the most, you even fell for him and hooked up outside of the video sessions."

"Are all you guys the same? Worried about who has the biggest dick?"

"Come on, just answer the question. You're the one that said that Gary was too small for you and that you liked the bigger ones."

"Alright, fine. Yes, generally speaking, I enjoyed the bigger ones a bit more than the smaller ones. Crucify me. But that doesn't mean that all the guys who were bigger were all good and that the smaller guys were all bad. Not all of the bigger guys could fuck like Jay could. Some of those guys I didn't want to meet up with again because they just didn't fuck me very well, no matter how big their dicks were. Gary and Tony were both just average, and I really enjoyed having sex with them. I was mainly playing on the whole size thing with Ben when I said Gary wasn't big enough, it fed into his fantasies."

"Okay, I just wanted you to be honest with me. I don't think there's any reason for us to be keeping anything from each other at this point."

"Yeah, I agree. But by the way, you're just as big or bigger than some of the guys I met up with. You don't need to be worrying about your size or if I'm happy with it, not ever I swear. Ben on the other hand, he had a good reason to be insecure."

Taylor's comment made me smile, not just about me, but about Ben.

"Can you answer me one thing though, and I want the honest truth from you?"

"Of course. What is it?"

"Do you miss the sex sessions with those other guys? Do you wish that you could experience those again?"

"That's two questions, not one."

"Taylor."

"Okay. Do I miss them? You want me to be totally honest, right? Well, yes, sometimes. It was exciting and fun, at least until towards the end. But do I want to have them again, no. I think some of them are good as memories, but I would never want to risk our marriage by being a part of that again. Not ever."

"Is that the only reason you wouldn't want to do it again? That you don't want to risk our marriage?"

"That's a pretty good reason, Roger. Seriously, no amount of sexual fun is even close to being worth it if it means hurting us. Look at the hurt I caused you after I just kissed a guy."

"So, you're saying that I don't give you sexual fun, then huh?" I replied with a cheeky grin.

"Stop twisting my words, Roger." As Taylor began to laugh at me.

We finished our lunch then headed inside so I could take a shower. As soon as I had stepped under the cool water, the door opened, and a naked Taylor stepped in with me.

"What are you doing? You know I said last night that I wasn't ready yet."

"We're not going to have sex, I'm just here to have a shower, I promise." Replied Taylor with a cheeky smirk across her face. One that told me that I shouldn't believe her.

I continued to wash myself down when Taylor took the soapy washcloth from me.

"Let me scrub you down, then you can do me, okay?"

"Fine, but no playing with my cock this time like you usually do. Please."

"It needs to be washed too, you know."

"I'm sure I can manage to wash my own dick, thanks."

Taylor didn't respond, she just kept washing my back, my ass and my legs.

"Turn around please."

I did as I was asked, looking at Taylor as she started to wash down my front. It's been weeks since I've felt her touch or that I've seen her naked. I was telling myself I wasn't ready to be intimate with her just yet, but my body had other ideas.

Taylor glanced down at my quickly growing erection, then looked back up into my eyes. I swear I could see a sexy little smirk forming across her face again, she knew exactly what she was doing to me. As soon as I was completely hard, a smile broke out across her face.

"I thought you said you weren't ready?"

"I'm not."

"Roger, I love you. I mean it. I love you more than I've loved anyone and always will. So, you're going to have to forgive me for what I'm about to do."

As soon as those words left her mouth she slid down to her knees and took my cock into her moth in one smooth action. Oh my god, did I miss her. And now she was reminding me of just how good she was at giving me a blowjob. Damn you woman, but please don't you dare stop.

It took all of two minutes for me to start cumming, Taylor sensed when I was close and pulled my cock out of her mouth just in time so that I sprayed all over her beautiful tits, looking up into my eyes with a huge smile on her face as I ejaculated. It was like I had been saving all that for weeks and couldn't hold out.

"Oh god, why do you have to be so good at that?"

Taylor just giggled as she stood up and grabbed the washcloth and added some soap. She then turned to me with that smile of hers.

"Your turn to wash me now. And I expect you to return the favor, okay?"

I nodded back as I took the washcloth and started to rub her body down. Those smooth shapely legs, that perfect round ass, her lovely smooth back. When she turned around to face me, I stared into her pale green eyes as I washed her shoulders and down to her breasts. Then over her flat tummy and down to her smoothly waxed pussy.

My god, every inch of her was perfect in my eyes. I then moved down onto my knees so I could wash her legs, then her feet. I looked back up at my wife, looking into her eyes. She didn't have a smile or a smirk, there was just a lust filled look in her eyes. I lifted one of her legs onto my shoulder as I moved my mouth to her pussy. I love the way she tastes, always have and today was no different.

My tongue probed inside her as I sucked on her clit, already I could hear Taylor moaning above me. Her moans spurred me on as I began to tongue and suck and lick her with more intensity. Within a few minutes her moans reached a crescendo until she released, shaking violently on my mouth. I gripped her tightly so that she didn't fall. She always has trouble staying upright when she climaxes.

I stood up, both of us standing together under the cool water raining down on us. We both leaned in and kissed each other. It was a slow long kiss, full of emotion and love. It was good to have my wife again, to feel connected with her once more.

Later that night we connected even more, enjoying sex together. Just like the kiss in the shower, it was long and slow and filled with emotion and love. When we were embracing after, I was glad that all this was now behind us. Her ex-boyfriend, the videos, the guy she kissed at the bar. From now on I was hopeful that we would get our normal happy lives back. But really? Could we ever go back to where we were before? A big part of me wanted to, but also another part of me didn't want that. Maybe this was just a part of us growing together. Maybe it was for the best.

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It's been two weeks since Taylor came home and with it being a Friday night, we were going out together for a meal and then some dancing. Just the two of us, no friends, no distractions, this was just about us.

Taylor didn't work this afternoon, so she had all the time to get ready, and wow, she looked fantastic when I met her outside the restaurant in downtown Atlanta. We enjoyed our meal, some wine and some good conversation. I was back to laughing at her comments, her observations, the way she can state the obvious while using a bit of cheeky humor. She was always better at conversation than myself, I guess if you specialize in Communications, you better be good at communicating.

While Taylor isn't afraid to speak her mind and seems to always know just what to say, she also loves my quieter understated way of discussing things. I always tried to think before I spoke, unless I get emotional or angry, then I tend to let it all out at once.

After out meal, we headed into the club next door for a bit of fun. The club we went to wasn't that big, but there were quite a few people in there drinking and dancing. We were lucky to find a tall table for two, halfway between the bar and the dance floor, it was standing only as these tables had no chairs due to the compact nature of the place.

I left Taylor to mind the table while I went to the bar, while standing there waiting to get served I looked back at her to see a guy already trying to chat her up. This isn't something unexpected, this always happens with Taylor every time we go out to a place like this, and I mean it happens every time. She's beautiful and the unfortunate thing about being with someone that's beautiful is that every other guy also wants to be with her too.

Generally, it's only the players who will have a go at the very first opportunity though. Some guys will try it on with every attractive girl in a club just hoping that one of them will show an interest. Tonight, wasn't going to be his night with Taylor though, after a just a few words from her, he was on his way.