The lodger, Mick and I where sitting in the garden watching the sun disappear over the horizon as we continued drinking our cans of ice cold lager.
"Don't you think it's romantic watching the sunset," I blurted out in between sips.
Mick burst out laughing a spray of lager erupting from his mouth and just missing me, "sorry it seemed weird a bloke saying that to me."
"I didn't mean it that way, what I mean is that it is romantic, nope I mean if you were sitting here with the girl of your dreams it would be romantic," I said trying hard to explain exactly what I meant. Are you with someone at the moment?" I asked as I had not seen or heard him speak of having a current relationship.
"No there is no one at the moment, it's very difficult when you rent a room to develop any relationships as you can never bring them home. I'm not moaning, renting a room suits me at the moment," Mick said as he thoughtfully looked towards the heavens.
"We don't have a problem if you wanted to bring someone home, it's just Sandy would get annoyed if you were having relationships in your room," I said almost apologetically.
Once again Mick burst out laughing, "you make it sound so proper, what you mean is that there is to be no shagging in the room."
I looked towards Mick, this was probably the first time we had ever sat and chatted for so long and I had never heard him be course before.
"She is a prude I'm afraid, she still thinks that cunnilingus is an Irish Airline," I said with a little titter at my attempt at humour. "So it's been a while since you've done it, don't you get frustrated?"
I wished I hadn't asked as soon as I said it, it was none of my business but maybe it was the drink talking.
"A little, but a good wank usually sorts that out," he replied without blinking an eyelid. "But if I could shag any woman in the world right now, I know who it would be.
I waited to find out who it was and whether I knew them, "well who?" I asked to break the silence.
"I'd rather not say if you don't mind," he said and I thought I saw him blush slightly.
"Come on I won't say anything, who is it?" I asked now getting very curious.
"Okay I'll tell you, but don't hit me, it's Sandy, I'd love to shag her," said Mick as he leant back in his chair just in case I did try to hit him.
"Sandy, you'd like to shag my wife Sandy," I asked not really believing he had said it.
We both took a swig of our beer at the same time to fill the uncomfortable silence that had sneaked up on us.
"Are you offended? Are you going to kick me out or what?" Mick asked, "I can't help it if I fantasise about fucking your wife."
I didn't know how I felt at first, but when he said he dreamt about fucking Sandy I felt a twinge in my trousers, it was something I had fantasised about watching another man between her legs, but it wasn't something I could ever talk to her about, she would kill me.
"Mick, would you like to, I mean really or is it just because we've been drinking, I wouldn't mind as long as I could watch or even join in."
"Let's do it now, go and ask her if she's up for it," urged Mick.
"She won't go for it, I wouldn't dare ask her, but we could try and get her drunk and see what happens," I said as my heart beat increased. "You go and ask her if she would like to join us, she'll be less likely to say no if you ask."
Mick got up and a few minutes later he returned with Sandy in tow a bottle of wine and three glasses, which he swiftly filled. An hour later we were on our third bottle of wine and Sandy was slurring her speech while I was trying to come up with a way to introduce sex into the conversation. Sandy suddenly jumped up and ran into the house, we could hear her barfing way up in the bathroom.
"Well that's put a damper on that," I said despondently, "maybe we should try grass next time, can you get any?" I asked Mick trying to raise his spirits.
Sandy never returned and I found her much later sleeping like a baby in bed, drink was obviously not the answer to our perverted plan.
The weekend was upon us once more and Mick had managed to get hold of some grass and set about rolling some joints as we once more sat in the garden.
"What are you doing?" enquired Sandy as she stuck her head around the back door.
"You want to try some?" asked Mick, "It'll make you feel pretty good and relaxed."
To my surprise and delight Sandy agreed to join us for a smoke and as soon as the first one had burnt out she wanted more, in all we got through three joints and Sandy had become giggly.
Mick took the initiative this time and said, "Sandy I was with this girl the other week and she said she had never fantasised in her life, have you any fantasies?"
"Yes, I'd like to win the lottery and travel around the world for the next few years and enjoy life," she replied as her elbow slipped off the edge of the table causing her to start giggling again.
"I don't mean those sort of fantasies, I mean sexual fantasies," Mick said as he rested his elbows on the table so as not to miss the reply.
"I don't know, I suppose I must have. Yes I'd like to be made love to by Sean Connery, he has such a sexy voice and personality." She said not noticing our despondent looks.
She rested her head on her arms, while Mick and I looked at each other trying to find ways to progress it in the direction we wanted.
"Sandy do you ever masturbate? Sandy are you with us?" Mick said with a raised voice.
Smoking the pot had put her to sleep, another plan had gone down the tubes.
"You better give me a hand getting her upstairs to bed," I said to Mick as we both shifted our chairs backward.
Between us we struggled to get her up the stairs and dropped her on the bed. I began undressing her while Mick stood and watched, he was glued to the spot as with great difficulty I got her down to her bra and panties and started to pull the covers over her.
"Hold on, shouldn't you remove the rest of her clothes, she'd be more comfortable," he said with a twinkle in his eye, "I'll leave if you want?" he said, obviously hoping he didn't have to.
I looked from Sandy to Mick and back again, "you do it," I said bravely.