Secrets and Betrayals

Gary closed his eyes as he hung his head and said, "The reason I came home ready to take you back was because I remembered my affair with Kathleen. I'm sorry Alicia. I hoped time had buried that foolishness so you'd never have to face the pain of what I did."

"We did Gary, not just you, it's what we did." Alicia turned around to see where the third voice had come from. Kat was standing in the doorway of the house, tears running down her face. Kat wouldn't look at her older sister, as she closed the front door behind her.

Alicia stood and walked over to her younger sibling, "Come here." The older woman grabbed Kat who sunk into her sister's arms sobbing.

"I'm so sorry Alicia, I was young and stupid, and I made sure he couldn't say no to me, forgive me. Please!" Her voice was a soft pleading.

Gary couldn't hear what Alicia said to Kat, but the younger woman seemed calmer. Alicia turned and walked her little sister over to where Gary was sitting.

Kat hugged Gary then sat on the other side of the couch across from Alicia who quietly settled next to her husband. Alicia said, "I've been so angry at the two of you for quite a while now. I wasn't sure what I would do when I confronted the two of you tonight."

Gary and Kat could see Alicia was getting angry, her eyes were alight with an inner fire and she was unconsciously posturing. Finally, she said, "That's why I had you come into town Kat, so I could sit down and talk with both of you tonight. I made sure the kids were staying over night at the Murray's our next door neighbor's until Sunday morning. I didn't want to upset either of our babies they didn't do anything wrong.

I love my husband too much and I want to try to save my marriage. Funny as that sounds, considering what Gary confronted me with this afternoon."

"What do you mean Alicia? What did Gary do to you today?" Kat asked in a voice so low she was almost whispering.

Looking up at her husband, shame coloring her face Alicia explained what Gary had showed her earlier that afternoon. Both women were crying by the time Alicia was finished.

Alicia stopped crying, trying to get control of herself. She looked at Kat for a long time then over at her husband, her eyes had a feral quality. Then reaching her breaking point Alicia began to snarl, damn near screaming.

"Gary," her voice high pitched and with an out of control slurring, "How were you able to keep the facade intact all these years? How could you go have sex with her?" the words poured out with venom.

"How could you do that then turn around and come home to me? Is your conscience that numb that you can play for four years and still have the guts to come home to hold the kids and me?"

Turning on her sister she exploded, "Kat how can you just chat on the phone or just so comfortably chitchat when we get together, knowing you've already been with or are about to be with my husband?"

Gary looked at his wife shaking his head in obvious confusion, "Alicia, what do mean four years! Who..." Alicia uncharacteristically ignored the comment and continued.

Grief stricken, Alicia's whole body shaking she poured her whole being into her next question; her whole future now hanging in the balance.

"Gary you need to make up your mind, it's going to be either me or it's going to be her, the older sister or the younger one. I won't have this go on for another minute. Choose! Who is it going to be?"

Kat looked at her sister; realization dawning as she blurted out, "My god, Gary, she thinks we're still involved."

Gary looked at Kat then at Alicia, he understood his sister-in-law was correct, "Alicia is that what you think?"

Alicia's eyes were wild as she stood looking down at her husband, "Gary I stopped being stupid about four months ago when I first found out. What do you think? That once enlightened I would go blind again? Think again buster, my eyes are wide open now." She was so angry she spat as she said the words.

Kat suddenly stood and yelled, "Alicia! No! Stop it! The affair only lasted about two months; we were only together five different times. Alicia, we both chose you. We chose not to hurt you any more than we already had. That was over four years ago. We loved you too much to continue. As stupid and heartless as it was to start the tryst in the first place, Gary loved you enough to stop it after a few weeks, because he was in love with you, only you."

Alicia sank into a chair behind her; it was as if her sister had landed a physical blow. Gary watched his wife. Her hands covered her face and torrents of tears poured down her cheeks as she looked at him.

"Look at me," she wailed, "Is that true? Is what she said true?"

Nodding, Gary hung his head, "Yes, it lasted nine weeks; we were together five different times. The morning after the fifth time, we ended it."

Alicia's arms slowly wrapped around her stomach her as she began to rhythmically rock back and forth, staring at the ground in front of her. "Oh god! No, please no, what have I done, I thought... " her sobs accentuating her words.

Gary moved quickly over to his wife, his mate, and kneeling in front of her, he took her in his arms.

Alicia tried to push him away, but Gary was too strong. She finally resigned herself to his embrace and slumped into his shoulder.

"How can you stand to touch me? I'm so sorry, please, please forgive me." Her body shook as she cried out her pain.

Gary held on tightly to his wife, whispering, "I do forgive you baby, if I hadn't been so foolish back then this would have never happened. I need you to forgive me too."

Alicia just nodded her head, speaking in a little girls voice, the force and anger from earlier gone, "You'll stay with me? You won't throw me away like the others?"

"I love you and you alone Alicia. You are my wife, and mate, the mother of my children, and my best friend, I could never leave you," Gary's voice was soothing and very calm. He wondered about the idea of throwing her away? Where it had come from?

Alicia mumbled something and Gary asked her, "Honey what did you say, I didn't hear you? Something about throwing you away, I don't understand."

Alicia looked first at Gary then at Kit before turning her head to look out the window she became very still, then began speaking, her voice barely above a whisper. "When I was in high school I dated a guy named Brian."

Gary could see she was trembling but didn't understand why. He looked at Kit who was nodding, "I remember him not much taller than you Alicia, short curly brown hair."

Alicia replied, Yes that was him. We dated for about fifteen months and after twelve months of him trying I finally caved in and gave him my cherry. We weren't active often but it was intense and the newness made it so special. But within a few weeks of me letting him have me I began noticing subtle changes, making excuses to break dates, wanting to just go out and screw instead of taking me out places first.

I was beginning to get pissed then my best friend told me she had something to show me one night about three weeks before my senior prom. She picked me up and brought me to a restaurant about twenty minutes later in walks Brian with one of the band girls. She was a cute little redheaded sophomore and it was very obvious they were a couple. As a matter of fact she was wearing his ring he had asked me to give back to him so he could get it cleaned.

I was so damn mad and at the same time so stunned I didn't say a word I just sat there and quietly cried. My friend told me she had heard about them through another of her friends in the band and needed to find out. She also told me that his newest conquest had also just given him her virginity. He had been dating her for almost seven months.

The next night he came to the house to pick me up and I unloaded on him but right in the middle of my tirade he shrugged and said, "Well I was through with you anyway and Bessie is a much better lover so see ya around."

I stood on the front porch slack jawed as he walked casually to the car. Just as he got in he looked up at me and said, "You know the guys at school consider any guy who gets five virgins an 'Ace.' You were my number five notch Alicia, Thanks."

I ended up going to prom with a foreign exchange student; it was an ok night only because I found out from Brian's best friend that my ex couldn't take his current steady. It seemed her mom had caught them in the act and had taken Bessie to the doctor for birth control only to find out she was pregnant." Alicia giggled, then continued, "Brian had an eventful spring as he graduated high school, got married and joined the Army in about six weeks time. I never heard from him again."

Alicia turned back towards the window staring into the gathering darkness. Taking a deep breath she continued, "Gary when I met you I told you I had dated four or five guys and had not been with anyone since my last boyfriend broke up with me."

Gary answered, "Yes I remember, the last guy, Kyle, I think you had been with for about a year," he raised his hands and shrugged his shoulders hoping he was right.

Alicia said, "Thank you for listening to me, you're right his name was Kyle. We dated for about a school year. It was during that year I became involved with The Middleboro homeless shelter. I organized a couple's dinner as a fundraising event. I came home to my apartment early about ten days before the dinner and found Kyle and my then best friend Jeanette screwing on the couch. He was pounding her doggie style and she was just screaming out in passion. Kyle noticed me about the time he finished, and nudged Jeanette after he filled her up.

He looked at me and said, "Well you were going to find out sooner or later so instead of a messy breakup you can see I'm a much better fit with Jeanette. So go away and leave us alone we are kind of busy right now."

Jeanette gave me this empty-headed giggle and said, "Sorry Alicia but he was just too good to pass up."

I went down to my car and cried. Then I waited for them to leave, packed my things and went back to the dorms. I ended up going to the dinner stag. It was so humiliating because I was the person who put it together, and there at the head table were Kyle and Jeanette. I left after the awards portions?? and cried myself to sleep for weeks.

Don't you see Gary? I am so scared. Every guy I've had sex with has cheated on me..." Alicia began to sob, her voice cracking as she pressed on with her story. "Then, after cheating, they just threw me away... I was so scared Gary. I just knew you were going to do the same thing..... I'm sorry." Wrapping her arms around her stomach she rocked her self back and forth, and her body seeming to convulse with each new anguished sob.

Gary went over and held his wife, allowing her to work through her grief and despair until she calmed down. He looked her in the eyes and said, "Yes, I cheated on you a long time ago but I will never throw you away Alicia. I stopped the affair because I understood I love you, I had been so heartless and so wrong. I want only you - I can't live without you baby." Gary kissed her face and hands, Alicia grabbed him and held her man.

For most of the rest of the evening Alicia was either sitting on, or straddling Gary's lap, his arms locked tightly around her.

After Alicia calmed down Kat asked, "I don't understand Alicia, why now? How did you find out about us? Why did you have the affair?" Kat's eyes were big, almost beseeching, as she tried to make sense of her sister's actions.

Brooding for a minute Alicia, sat up in Gary's lap brushed the hair out of her face and with a tone of determination began to tell her story.

Alicia's Story

"When I sent Gary up to help you pack out almost four years ago," Alicia stopped and looked at both of them. "That's when it started. Correct?"

Gary and Kat both nodded. Alicia just lowered her head and shook it, "I knew something had happened when Gary came home. I just couldn't bring myself to admit my gut feelings were right. God, if I had acted on that feeling this whole episode would have never happened."

Alicia explained how strangely Gary had acted over the next few weeks and especially any time he was around Kat. She'd been pleasantly surprised that Gary found a romantic streak during that time, taking her out more, being much more attentive, bringing home little gifts and cards. Shortly after that, she became pregnant with Emily.

"Fairly recently my photographs had been getting more and more attention because the bureau chief is the type of person who feels praise should go to the people who do the work. I felt like I was on top of the world six months ago; two great children, a husband who was now a partner in his firm, a great marriage.

My boss gave me a new assignment about five months ago. The field office she worked out of had just received a special digital photo enhancement processor and her boss wanted the two of us to learn how to operate it.

The machine, based on satellite photo technology, is so precise and accurate that it lets you see the label on a pack of cigarettes from 25 miles up in space. The machine the local office received can't do nearly as good, but it is amazing. It also uses a computer to digitalize and sort images, so what first appears as a blur can be washed and the most likely option given as to what the blur might be.

The processor is another great tool. It has a 'search and find' mode which looks for specified objects, colors or material within a photo or negative."

Looking at Gary and Kat to see if she had lost them when she described the photo processor, and satisfied she hadn't, Alicia continued, "The second week I was working with the machine we decided to have a few people bring in photos from home to see how it would work, real world.

Different photo labs have different controls, so the colors can vary, so we wanted to test the computer. I was working through lunch when I found something interesting on one of the photos I brought in. The computer had latched onto a distant portion of one of the family reunion photos from four years ago.

After about a dozen washes I had a shot of a man's butt, his red shorts down, and a girl's legs wrapped around his waist, a purple and white top was evident on his right side. They were in the woods about seventy to a hundred yards out. The digital enhancement was cool, but I couldn't get the focus any clearer so I gave up. I remember giggling because I felt I had caught one of Uncle Gerry's boys pumping his girlfriend.

I was putting my pictures up to leave for home when the words 'color match 99.7%' caught my eye. I looked over at the table and, laying on top, where the input lens scans for specifics, was a picture of seven people at my family's last reunion four years ago. Two people specifically, you Kathleen, wearing white skin tight hot pants and a daisy duke tie top, purple with white polka dots; the other was Gary in red shorts and an off white tee shirt. I was trembling as I looked over to see what color the machine had matched, it was the purple and red from the picture sweep I had just completed.

I slumped down in my chair as a wave of nausea swept over me. I felt the bile rising in my throat and ran to the restroom and lost my lunch. I put on my best face, collected the pictures, erased the file I made and went home.

For the next week, all I could think of was my little sister and my husband having an affair. I have never cried so hard in my whole life. I was in emotional pain so intense I ended up with a migraine headache, which covered my tearful outbursts rather well.

God, I wanted to die! My lover, my partner, the father of my children, the only man I had ever loved, had betrayed me with my sister! Was I too old looking, or too fat? I had put on a few pounds with the kids. But this started before the kids, it doesn't make sense. Wasn't I sexy to him anymore? Didn't he love me? Did he want a divorce? What was I going to do without my Gary? I vacillated between hopelessness, fear, and finally despair. Did he love her? Did she love him? Would he throw me away? I couldn't eat for two weeks and lost about 15 pounds."

Alicia took a deep breath before continuing, "I think I was looking at everything concerning you two with an almost paranoid reaction. I read into every piece of information as a clue that you two were still seeing each other. If Gary was out of his office and I couldn't get Kat at work or at home, you were meeting. Never mind that you both had a dozen people around you and were physically separated by a hundred miles. I didn't see how silly it was at the time. I would also read into anything that could be taken out of context on e-mail. '

Hope to see you

soon

,' was the key word for 'meet with me this week'. I know now all of this was silly, but I kept finding reasons to feel victimized, and then responded to the paranoia those feelings invoked. I'm so sorry Gary."

Gary cuddled Alicia tighter and replied, "No baby, if I hadn't of strayed you wouldn't have been so vulnerable to all this turmoil I caused within you.

Alicia sat back for a second to catch her breath; she was shaking and felt weak. Kat got up and poured a cup of water for her sister then sat back down.

Alicia said, "Thank you," and continued after taking a sip and placing the water on the end table

.

"For the next few weeks I was determined to show Gary I was the one who loved him. I initiated love making more often, and when we did make love I threw myself into it. I was determined to make sure he would be too sore to touch 'little sister' or anyone else for that matter. I was able to piece together many things about the affair, or more specifically what I convinced myself about the affair, over the next few weeks. I have a locked file on the computer. It covers the whole time period I thought you were active, if you really want to see it."

Both Kat and Gary shook their heads.

Alicia moistened her lips with her tongue as if to continue, only to exhale deeply and become very quiet.

Kat asked, "Alicia, when you found out about us, why didn't you just get us together to talk?"

"I wouldn't have known where to start, or how to explain how I was feeling, and I was afraid of your response. I suppose, like Gary, I wanted ammunition before I started firing."

Letting out a big sigh Gary said, "I've known about your affair for about four weeks, and you're right I didn't say a thing until I had everything I needed to confront you and see if I could stop the foolishness."

Kat nodded, "Alicia how did you get involved with this other guy? Was it retaliation? or what?"

Kat and Gary could see Alicia trying to think through her answer. After a few moments she said, "I don't want to think it was retaliation Kat, although that thought could have been buried somewhere in my mind. It's so confusing to me, everything I did and why I did it all seems jumbled up in my mind. Maybe I was striking out at you? Or just trying to prove I was still desirable? I don't know."

Alicia sat down, her head bowed - she didn't want to have to look either of them in the eye - and started pouring out her soul. "I normally go to either Book-A-Million or Barnes and Nobles on my mom's night out. I have a flavored coffee or tea and read a book or magazine. The night I met Rory was about three weeks after I found out about the two of you. It had been a tough day and the pressure from the affair was rapidly pushing me towards the edge. I honestly felt so lost, I didn't feel worth anything as a person, and with you banging my sister, I had no self worth. I didn't feel sexy at all, I was sure I wasn't wanted. My god, Gary can you see why I wasn't sure about you? About us? Or our marriage?"