Friday, June 26
Early Saturday morning, June 27
We didn't have sex the rest of that night. Tammy and I lay in bed together for a long time with her finally dozing off. I lay wide awake for a long time replaying it in my mind, seeing her inside that door, another man's dick driving inside her, her screaming out her orgasm, then her screams later while I stared at his ceiling on my phone. Fear gripped me, my stomach nauseous as I remembered, the images, the sounds so fresh in my mind, my erection already hard again. I finally dozed a little before morning, then didn't wake up until after nine.
It's amazing how different the world is in the morning, how the dark of the night evaporates in the light of day, both literally and figuratively, especially after your wife wakes up, rolls over, straddles you, and lowers her pussy down over your engorged cock.
Tammy's rocking back and forth, how fucking hard my dick was, and how it was feeling inside her, can change one's perspective. Suddenly, my fears the night before seemed like exactly what I had been hoping for; instead of the nightmare of last night, hotter than hell! She hadn't done anything wrong, my only issue was the surprise, the intensity, the suddenness of it.
Suddenly, my reaction last night seemed so... I don't know, totally whacked out, groundless at best. I'd never imagined that the difference between what one wants and should want could be so fucking convoluted.
The one thing I did know, though, I wanted to see it again, this time all of it, through completely different eyes. I groaned with my cock inside my wife, feeling the intensity of a building orgasm, seeing Ian Dixon's cock thrusting into Tammy's bare pussy, and let out a blood-curdling scream as my orgasm engulfed me.
"Again," I told her after I'd recovered enough to talk, "I want you to see him again, and this time set up your phone so I can watch it all."
Tammy rolled off me and for once I don't know if she came. I was totally out of it with the fire that had deluged my senses for those minutes. It was the kind of orgasm a man could spend an entire fortune, sometimes a lifetime trying to recreate and never succeeding.
"What? You sure? You seemed pretty upset last night."
"I know. That was last night but this is now. Now, I know what to expect, my emotions just weren't ready for the magnitude. Now I'm ready and I want to see it, experience it with you, even if it is only through your phone video."
She just looked at me, those piercing eyes, not responding, "Do YOU want to?" I finally asked her, "to see him again?"
"Yes," she answered, with no more elaboration.
"Was it good for you? Last night?" I asked her. I already knew the answer, just wanted to hear her say it.
She took a deep breath, "Jason... let's not go there, okay?"
"No, I want to know, how good was it, scale of one to ten?"
"Honest answer... about a fifteen, maybe twenty. If you asked a recovered drug addict how good her hit was after several years when it was the best stuff she'd ever had, what do you think her answer would be? And how much do you think she'd want to do it again?"
"Seriously good, huh, tell me about it?" God, I was feeling almost sick with jealousy all over again. But fucking horny, too!
Tammy hesitated a long time, her eyes closed. "I can't... read my diary in a couple days, I might be able to write it, at least some of it."
"Think he's going to ask you out again?"
"He, umm, already has, next Saturday." She was looking at me, expectantly.
My heart was suddenly pounding, "And... you told him?"
"That I had to talk to my husband."
"I guess I already gave you my answer. Call him, tell him you're going to. It going to be like last night, straight to his hotel?"
She shook her head, "I don't know, he said he wants to go out, it's his last night in town, but last night was supposed to be going out, too."
"His last night? Why, what's going on?" My excitement grew, a bit of disappointment, too.
"I don't know, he didn't give me any details, just said that Sunday morning he's driving to Denver to fly out in the late afternoon - and that he wanted our last night to be 'memorable', he said."
Hell, I thought last night was pretty memorable, at least from my point of view. "He didn't elaborate?" I asked her.
She shook her head, "No, just said 'memorable'. He's never said anything like that before, so I'm really curious. Makes me a little nervous too, knowing him. But, Hon, you need to be really sure. I don't want you upset again like you were last night, with whatever happens."
God, what she was leaving unsaid! It made me shiver with anticipation.
We sat together a little longer, both of us just thinking. I was expecting her to call him. "You going to call him?" I asked, getting a little impatient.
"Have another call to make first," she answered, then got up and went upstairs. I turned Netflix on, that series Tammy and I started watching the other day, "Sexy Life", sitting transfixed and getting horny as hell. I've never seen anything quite like that on television, anywhere else, either.
It was fifteen minutes later when Tammy came back downstairs. "Okay," she started, "it's all set up, going to be a double date; Ian and me, Mia and her new boyfriend."
So, at least I know that they will be going out, at least, not just going straight to his hotel and fucking like last time.
Boyfriend? "What? I thought she was between boyfriends. It was just a few days ago she didn't have a boyfriend, now you're going on a double date with her and a boyfriend?"
She shrugged, "You know Mia, and I think this boyfriend might stick a little longer than the others."
I'll admit I was a little jealous, Mia is about the sexiest girl I know, next to Tammy of course. Seemed a little stupid to be jealous of a guy going out with my wife's friend, but where someone like Mia is involved, logic sort of takes a back seat, especially after what I'd read about her the last couple weeks. "Who's the lucky guy, anyone I know?"
"Well, you haven't exactly met him yet but you will, I'm sure." And then Tammy turned her attention to the TV. I wasn't going to get anything more out of her. Speaking of Mia, I was more than a little disappointed that nothing had become of Tammy's little fantasy. Probably it was because of her new boyfriend.
He has to be one of the two brothers she went home with a week ago. But I wonder why Tammy thinks he might stick longer. There must be something pretty special about him that she hasn't mentioned. Ah well, none of my business, just very disappointing.
I stewed the next several days over Tammy's worry, if you could call it that, over Ian's comment about 'something special', wondering what he could have meant.
She went to her mom and dad's Wednesday evening, so I took the opportunity to open her laptop and see if she'd written about Friday night.
June 28
Jason, I know you're going to read this but I'm still going to try to write it like you weren't. There might be things you don't like reading so I'm warning you. You can close my laptop now. Yeah, right, as if you'd do that. But you've been warned!
I was never so scared in my life when I discovered that Jason had been reading my private journal. I'm still a little upset that he invaded my privacy! But I can hardly fault him because I was the one that was planning on cheating in our marriage. He knew about Ian, he knew about what had happened Saturday night, he knew that I was planning to cheat, that I couldn't stop myself. I guess maybe it was a good thing he found out when he did, before I cheated. If he hadn't known and I went ahead and did it, who knows what might have happened when he did find out? And I know he would have.
The most horrible thoughts went through my mind, that he'd leave me, and I wouldn't have blamed him. I knew there was no future with Ian, except sex. He wasn't the kind of guy that makes a one-woman commitment back then and I'm pretty sure he still isn't, not that I'd even want him to be now, it's too late. He's never once told me he loved me. I know he was just using me then and still is. There were other women back then, even when we were together and no doubt there still are. I knew it and still couldn't resist him. Yeah, he has a big dick and it feels really good inside me (is that the understatement of the century, but it's so much more than that. something I can't explain, it just 'is'.
Saturday night brought back just how good it is, and everything else. Damn Mia for putting me in that position but I was glad she did. When he asked me about Friday night, there was no way I could say no. I wanted him! God, how I wanted him!
And then finding out that Jason had been reading my diary, all about Ian, about my cheating. I was sure our marriage was over and I would have rather died.
He tried to explain, but I didn't understand. I still don't. How does a man want his wife to have sex with another man? To watch, yet! He reminded me of my mom and dad, what Mom had told me that night. Is it so much different? Mom even wants to renew her relationship with a guy, sort of like me and Ian, I guess. If I stop and think about it, it's not so different than what I want for Jason and Mia.
Anyway, last Friday night with Ian. When I told him I'd meet him, it was for dinner. At least that's what I told myself. "Have dinner with me," he said. But then when he dropped me off, he made it clear, fucking. I should have canceled then, told him no, but I couldn't. I wanted it, maybe worse than anything I've wanted in my life. I knew exactly what to expect when I went into his room. It's why I took off my panties before I got there.
I guess it would have been kind of cruel, but I wanted Jason there with me, even if it was just watching. It was why I called him and left the phone on video. Have to admit I sort of forgot about it in the excitement.
