What have I done?
Octavia sat at her desk obsessing about the confusing, erotic sex she'd had with her husband the night before. She'd orgasmed multiple times imaging her ex, Liam, fucking her as her husband did, but then, when she climaxed again, she'd screamed out Liam's name in front of her husband, and to her surprise, it'd made him erupt with cum.
Neither of them had spoken a word to each other afterward and had fallen asleep. Russell woke up and left for work before her alarm went off, so now she sat at her desk considering whether or not to text him or to leave it. Every five minutes she checked her phone to see if she had a message notification from him. So far, nothing.
"Oh my god, this is so stressful. Okay," Octavia tried to fortify her mind, telling herself that it was nothing and that their relationship was okay. It was just one little slip up, and besides, he came right?
Just then, she received a text.
"Hey babe, hope you're having a good morning. Last night was amazing. Dinner, watching the documentary with you, and of course our amazing sex. Can't wait to see you tonight." - Russell.
What the hell did this mean? She thought. He wasn't acknowledging the elephant in the room. He knew that she'd dated Liam in college and that it was one of her first long-term relationships. He'd recognize that name, and yet, he's said nothing. Is he avoiding it?
"Octavia, could you send me the schedule for the event by noon? That'd be great, thanks!" A bubbly office worker said as she popped into Octavia's office doorway and left just as quickly.
Octavia didn't have the chance to respond, stood up, walked over to her office door and closed it.
"Okay," she said, "how do I respond?"
She must have typed out a hundred texts and deleted them before she settled on a response:
"Hey babe! I hope you're having a good morning too. Last night WAS amazing! You make the best ramen. I can't wait to see you too!" - Octavia
She figured she'd leave the "amazingness" of the night ambiguous. But then, he did mention how good the sex was! Argh, this is so frustrating, she thought. She sent the message despite regretting it. She wasn't going to come up with a better text anyway.
Octavia put her phone down and got to work on her bullshit job that required little to no effort.
***
Turn the hot knob on just a bit, and then maybe a little cold if it gets to be too much, Octavia thinks as she slips into the porcelain bathtub. Her almost-filled-to-the-brim wine glass sits on the edge of the tub, along with her phone, as she drops in a bath bomb and gets comfortable. The gurgling water sets her mind at ease as she floats into a thoughtlessness bliss.
Last night's turmoil is still present in her mind, but she is trying to block it out by relaxing. She breathes in the hot steam and feels the simmering water against her skin in an attempt to numb her fears about the sex with her husband the night before.
You absolutely loved it, but you're afraid to admit it.
The fucking voice is back, she thinks, but exhales and takes a large gulp of her cabernet. Then, her phone vibrates on the side of the bathtub. She turns her head and picks it up as bubble castles start to form around her body from the filling water.
It's from her husband, Russell.
"Hey baby, hope you're enjoying your bath. Thinking about your sexy body and our amazing sex last night. Hehe."
What do I say? She thinks.
"I am. It's so relaxing. Hehe, thanks for thinking I'm sexy..."
Do I ask why the sex was so amazing? He's said it twice now, she thinks. She adds:
"...it was amazing. Hehe. Tell me why you liked it so much." She adds a devil emoji for tone.
Dots appear on her screen, showing that he is typing. Anxiety cripples Octavia's body so much that she can't deal with it and reaches for her wine glass. She gulps more down and spills a little on her tits.
"Ah, shit," she says instinctively, when the chime of a new text message rings from her phone.
"I just think it was hot that you were being dirty and thinking of past lovers." With a winky face added.
Oh my god.
Guilt floods Octavia's body as she considers whether he is being facetious or not. There's no way. Maybe he really did think it was hot? No. It can't be. Octavia's mind is racing as she considers her response.
"Hehe, uh yeah, I'm sorry about that. I did it by accident. I didn't mean to do that."
She sees him typing a response.
"No babe, I really do think it was hot. Sometimes I imagine all the dirty things you've done with other people before I met you and I get hard and have to masturbate."
Octavia quivers in the bath. Her eyes widen as she rereads the text over and over again. After what seems like ten minutes of being in shock, she starts to type a response, but then decides she needs some more wine to bolster her confidence.
"Really? You've never told me that."
"Yeah, it's kind of embarrassing, but it really turns me on. Maybe we can roleplay sometime in bed and you can tell me your dirty stories?" Russell texts back with a devil emoji.
"It doesn't bother you that it's about other people? Isn't that kind of like cheating?"
"No babe, that's ridiculous, it's just being dirty in the bedroom. I don't actually want you to sleep with these people." Russell sends.
Her conflicted mind races.
You married him for a reason. He's into your dirty fucking fantasy of fucking your ex. Pursue this.
No way! I can't, she says to the voice in her head. Octavia doesn't respond for a few minutes as she sips her wine glass considering what to do. Her husband is giving her the permission to roleplay fucking her ex, who's she's been fantasizing about the last few days with no consequences? There's no way. No way.
"Are you sure you're not just telling me this for me? There's got to be a catch. Am I going to have to have a threesome with another woman or something?" Octavia sends him. He responds immediately,
"Hahahahaha. No babe, it's just kind of hot to imagine you with another person because I get to watch. As long as you still love me of course." Smiley emoji.
Octavia bites her lip. The steam of the bath is thick and palpable. She finishes her wine and sets it back down, empty. She types out a message on her phone and sends it before her hand wanders down her body, past her navel, and down to her already soaking pussy. The bubbles hide what she's doing to herself with her fingers as the text sends:
"Well maybe we should try something like that tonight."
