My life felt perfect a week ago but now it was falling to pieces.
I was pregnant and expecting my first child with my husband. It was an arranged marriage but it was everything I always thought I wanted. I always knew that my parents would arrange my marriage and I was never allowed to date.
I secretly had crushes on boys and there would be boys who would ask me out but it never went past some teenage flirting and giggling. I knew anything more serious would be the end of me.
I was raised in Delhi which is a large city but my parents were conservative. My mother was slightly more relaxed but my father was really strict. He had traditional ideas about women and their roles.
My hair was silky black and I grew it long to my low back. I was proud of my hair and I hoped it would please my husband.
My marriage was functional and we were both overjoyed at the news of my pregnancy. But I had to admit I was disappointed with our sex life. I would hear stories from my friends of their exploits and before my marriage they would get me excited and wet. They would tell me of the different positions such as the dog position and cow position. They would tell me how their husbands would spank them playfully.
There was an occasion when Samera my friend told me, "Meera I have to tell you this. When I was pregnant I would always be in the mood, you know. It is the hormones yaar. It was the morning and I was restless. He was sleeping in his pyjamas and he had an erection. You know men just wake up and it is already hard. I always find that sexy. Anyway I was 8 months pregnant and my hormones were everywhere. I pulled down his pyjamas and boxers and began to take his dirty thing into my mouth. I don't know why but I just had to do it. He began to moan in his sleep. He woke up with the biggest smile on his face. He tried to control it but I loved making him lose control. I even let it cum in my mouth. It tasted strange but you know what, I love doing it now."
Her stories would turn me on so much. That night I humped my pillow and sucked on my thumb as I imaged doing such abhorable things.
As it turned out after marriage my sex life was rather disappointing. My husband would only have sex in the missionary position. I was afraid to suggest other things as he may think I was a slut. It was the man who suggested these things. He married a good girl and I was not going to disappoint him.
My husband was often glued to his phone as he was an important person in the civil service. I always let him be busy and I knew my role as his wife.
I was always interested in having a career as a young woman but I had only started in my job at the bank when I was married and my husband wanted me to focus on being a good wife. I was brought up with a sense of family duty and knew the importance of this.
One day he left his laptop at home and out of curiosity I began to read his emails. They were mundane work emails but I found them interesting as I was unsatisfied in my domestic life.
There were a lot of emails he exchanged with Sonia. He had never mentioned her from work. Their emails very rarely commented on work matters and they were often arranging lunch meetings and staying late.
I turned up at the office one evening when he told me he was working late. I stood at the back peering into his office. I could see the silhouette of two people in his office but I was too far away to see anything else. I creeped closer trying to ensure I was not seen. As I got closer I could hear sounds from the office. But I could not see as he had the blinds closed. If I could not see them then they should not be able to see me in the dark office, I thought. I crept closer until I was at the door, the sounds were unmistakable. I hoped it was not him, I hoped they were straining to move the desks or cabinets. But as I peeked between a gaps I could see my husband behind a woman, who was probably Sonia, bent over a desk while he was ramming into her. The sex was aggressive and visceral. He had a fist of her hair in his hand as he was ramming into her from behind.
It shook me to my core and despite the fact that my husband was defiling our marriage with another woman I could not help but begin to touch myself underneath my clothing.
I came as I watched him shoot inside her and say, "You fuck like a real woman. Not like my holy wife."
I came while I was being insulted. I rushed out of the office and went home. I was shaking with rage as I collapsed on my bed. I could not face my lying pig of a husband. He had not touched me since I was pregnant but now he was having depraved sex with his colleagues.
I knew I could not go to my parents as my father would not approve of any decision I made and he would push me to take my husband back.
Samera was the only one I could talk to. She invited me to stay with her. I had nowhere else to turn to and I went to live with her. She lived in small apartment in Delhi. There was no air conditioning. I felt really uncomfortable. Also the way her husband looked at me made me uncomfortable. My husband then cancelled the credit cards.
One day Samera had to pick up the children from school. I was at their home alone. Then her husband returned from work early. He was just making amiable chat when all of a sudden he said, "You must be horny in your state. If you need someone to take care of your needs, I am happy to."
He placed his hand on my stomach as he said this. I was angry at my husband and my emotions were all over the place. A part of me wanted to take revenge but I could not do this to Samera.
I calmly but also strongly removed his hand and in no uncertain terms made my feelings known. After that day his attitude changed and I began to hear complaints he was making about my presence in their home.
I needed a way out. I relented and spoke to my husband. He was incredulous in his attitude. He said he would take me back if I apologised for leaving the home. This only made me angrier. He cheated on me and instead of apologising he was ordering me to apologise.
I was causing problems in Samera's home and that was not something I wanted.
I was able to look after myself before I was married. I had to find a job but I was 7 months pregnant. No one was going to hire me in this condition. My old manager, Veeru, was a friend on Facebook. He always had a fondness for me and he was the first to congratulate me on my pregnancy when I posted it on Facebook.
I needed an alternative urgently and I messaged him saying I was looking for a job. He replied back shortly after expressing surprise due to my condition but asked me to come around at 4.00pm the next day for an interview.
I borrowed Samera's old office clothes from when she was pregnant. I was wearing a blue knee length skirt with pantyhose and a white blouse. I did my make up lightly.
I was nervous. It had been some time since I had seen Veeru. He was in his late 50's and I always had an affection towards him.
His secretary let him know I had arrived and he came to the door to invite me in. He usually let his secretary show people in so this made me feel special already.
He held my stomach and asked how far along I was. His touch was different to that of Samera's husband and it seemed with genuine interest rather than in a lecherous way.
We just caught up for an hour and talked about general things. His secretary then came in and asked if she could leave. He excused her and we continued talking.
I fell into easy conversation with him and I missed talking to him. He came around the desk and held my hand. This took me by surprise but he had genuine empathy when he did this, "Meera, I want to help you but you need to be honest with me. You are 7 months pregnant, your husband is successful and rich. You do not need to work. Tell me what has happened and I promise to help."
I explained the history of my husband cheating and my reason for leaving my home. I also explained the problem with Samera's husband. My self-esteem was low because my own husband did not find me sexually attractive and he was cheating on me. I was so in need of a boost that even the attentions of Samera's husband had tempted me.
I confided in Veeru my feelings of being unattractive in my state. He let me talk and listened intently.
He seemed shocked, "I will struggle to get you approved but I can help you find somewhere to stay. You have always been attractive but seeing you pregnant you are a lot more attractive now. I do not know how a man can refuse a woman like you. I don't mean to speak out of turn. But I can only imagine how your body looks under those clothes. I don't mean to offend you but your body will never be sexier than it is now."
I should have been offended but the attention was flattering.
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