So much of what makes us who we are boils down to our subjective beliefs, preferences, turn-ons, turn-offs, etc.... Whenever asked about MY personal "core" values, one of the very first things you will hear me talk about is "jealousy". Nothing immediately kills my attraction towards someone quite like discovering they are the "jealous type". Jealousy is never cute or endearing.
While I would love to brag about NEVER feeling jealous of anyone, particularly my friends, I have to be honest with myself. A few years ago I found myself green with envy over my friend's girlfriend.
One of my oldest and best friends ("Brian") somehow lucked into dating the absolute sexiest girlfriend ("DD") on Earth. Now, my subjective opinion might be debatable, my constant thinking, fantasizing, and dreaming about her was not! While somehow monopolizing my brain, DD impacted my life in countless ways. Between struggling to concentrate at work, always trying to mask my true feelings around her, and constantly struggling to get to sleep, it's really amazing that no one had discovered my secret all that time...
Needing to jerk off (at LEAST once), while fantasizing about someone, just to MAYBE fall asleep, is even uncommon for horny teenagers! That is NOT something men in their 30s experience.... But whenever I closed my eyes, there was DD, breasts bouncing slowly up & down, in perfect detail, from head to toe ...
Neither the "tall and lean", Victoria's Secret model type, nor the "tiny waist with massive breasts" (Baywatch) type, DD was simply the INCREDIBLY SEXY TYPE!
Though obviously impossible (without wearing heels!), she always "claimed" to be 5'3. No one ever called her out on it, but whenever she'd say it, everybody quietly giggle to themselves, this attention causing her to rise on tippy toes and twirl like a ballerina. There are plenty of women around both her height and her weight (approximately 125 lbs?), but no woman was ever so PERFECTLY PROPORTIONED!
All these years later, I still can visualize those toned arms, shapely legs, the small of her back, and perky, yes,...small'ish yet perky and firm breasts, beautiful long blonde hair, and curves that just shouted "SEXY!". However, if I HAD to pick DD's "best" physical feature? To say it was her round, full, firm and fabulous ass wouldn't fetch much debate. Let's just say that she never had to ask if a pair of jeans made her ass look good. DD's ass made anything look amazing on her backside - always causing my front side to bulge and salute.
Anything that might give her ass some competition (if even possible) in the "what makes DD so damn sexy???" department, definitely it would be her personality. So confident, so persuasive - 100% comfortable in her own skin, you NEVER heard DD complaining or venting, wishing that she looked like any other woman on the planet.
Her gratitude for, and confidence in, all that she DID possess left no room for insecurity. And really, there's no trait more attractive than confidence. Much like the cassic "sexy librarian cliché", DD could instantly transform from "girl next door" to "sexy godess" with nothing more than a little smile, a flip of her hair, and a sexy pose, sticking out those perfect hips and (of course) that magnificent ass...
When a single guy, like I was back then, spends as much time with his "couple friends", as I did with Brian and DD, most people would eventually feeling like a "third wheel". Not US - I can honestly say that was never the case! We were just three inseparable friends having one exciting adventure after another.
Now don't get me wrong, I can't tell you how many times I heard about how "perfect" it would be if I found the right girlfriend, turning our trio into foursome. To their dismay, the "right girlfriend" never came along, but only I knew the true reason why...
They were both convinced that I was simply "too picky" when it came to women. I went along with the "too picky" theory, even though I genuinely hated being dishonest with my friends. Between the two options, I decided "picky" was a better excuse than "I only want DD". I still can't believe they couldn't read it all over my face half the time. Looking back, there were SO many moments where it took everything in me to mask my overwhelming desire and raw passion for her.
Guilt ridden, I couldn't keep this up much longer. Imagine the consequences, Damn. But This? Fantasying and jerking, the flowing hair and jerking more, that swaying and perfectly shaped ass - every stroke of my throbbing manhood wanting her more and more.This was no way to live, I told myself while blasting another load in her honor. I needed to make a decision regarding my "confession strategy".
After considering to tell her and Brian too, I just couldn't risk making DD either uncomfortable, or awkward around me, or causing tension with Brian. I decided to keep it simple. The final plan only included revealing the truth to Brian.
He would take it well, or, wait.....shit, would he? Never appearing jealous or possessive, at least as far as I'd seen...yah, I bet he takes this as a compliment. After playing this scenario over and over in my head, I honestly had no clue how he might respond. The only thing I was at all confident in as the idea that after all this time "pondering", I must have imagined every possible "Brian reaction", so I prepared for them all...or so I thought. In fact, I could not have been more wrong! The ACTUAL Brian reaction lead up to the biggest surprise of my life...
One particularly hot and humid July evening, a group of eight or nine friends, including Brian, DD, and myself, met up at a local downtown bar. Rarely seen consuming even ONE drink throughout the night, after witnessing me toss back my third shot of whiskey, DD whispered in my ear, "wanna talk about it?" I uncomfortably giggled asking, "talk about what?"
The alcohol was already making me a little woozy, but tonight I required liquid courage. Unable to endure the tension and anxiety, that was undoubtedly painted all over my face, for one moment longer, it was time...
With a little shoulder tap, an "over there" hand motion, and an "I need to talk to you", Brian and I made our way to a quieter corner of the bar. As I had rehearsed my words in front of my bathroom mirror for several days leading up, I mostly remained "on script".
"Brian, you know our friendship means everything to me, right? So often when one friend gets in a relationship and the other remains single, they hardly get to see each other anymore, but the fact that you and DD still like hanging out with a third wheel means more to me than I can explain! I hope you'd agree that one of the best parts of our friendship has always been that we can share anything with each other. We truly do share everything with each other, or.....uh, at least we always DID until recently."
"Uh-oh, this sounds ominous...."
"Well...for the first time, I've been dealing with feelings and emotions that I didn't want to share with you. But it's not YOU. Well, I guess it KINDA involves you...in a way.... DAMN, I've rehearsed this speech so many times and now I'm not sure how get this out."
"Well, how about you just be the good friend you told me you are and spit it out???"
"Yep, that's what you deserve.... Ok, here goes. You know how I never really like any of the women you set me up with? I've let you and DD believe this whole "he's too picky" story because it was easier than letting you know the truth. I've been keeping a really big secret from you."
"Bro... You're really THIS nervous about coming out of the closet to me? That's the last thing in the world you need to wor...."
"NO! That's not it. I'm not gay. The reason I don't get excited when I meet other women is because they can't ever compare or live up to someone I have VERY strong feelings for. She is pretty much perfect as far as I'm concerned. Well....ALMOST perfect. Let's say she's perfect in every way, except one little "hurdle". That hurdle is of course being the fact that she's in a relationship with my friend Brian...who I am having a conversation with at the moment.."
He got a big smile on his face, gave me a hug, and told me it was totally cool. "who would understand being crazy about DD more than me?! There are so many reasons that I love being your friend. So many people would be plotting and scheming ways to steal her or sabotage our relationship, YOU have been all angst ridden over telling me about it. You're like, the best bro ever! Nothing to worry about my friend....BUT....oh yah, there's a BUT. I really need you to do something for me and, let's just say it's nonnegotiable..."
My brain just...froze. Nothing that might perhaps pass for a cohesive thought, much less verbal communication, was remotely possible in that moment. A blank stare proved to be all that Brian
received back from me, in response... And then my brain switched back on.
"What do I have to do? Brian, wait! No don't tell h....wait! PLEASE...ah shit..."
He called DD over and said "So it appears that our dear friend here has a confession to announce. Now go ahead, bro! Just rip it off like a Band-Aid! We can't have secrets amongst friends..."
"Thanks...REALLY appreciate that..."
As if I wasn't quite mortified enough.
"So yah....um, DD...here's the thing. I've had a bit of a ....eh, crush on you for, oh since the very first moment I met you. You're not just stunningly beautiful. You are SO attractive, inside and out, in every way imaginable. Maybe I should've kept this to all myself, but you guys mean SO much to me and I just don't like keeping my feelings from you, even really embarrassing ones like this. Please understand, I mean all of this in the most respectful way possible. I would never disrespect either of you or your relationship. Please don't be weirded out! It's totally harmless, and I hope you take it as the compliment it is meant to be."
"Weirded out?!? I am SO flattered! You just boosted my self-esteem more than you'll ever know! Thank you for saying all of those things. That was so sweet of you. I NEVER want you to keep your feelings to yourself."
She then (metaphorically) "shoved" me back into my "friend zone cage" using the most effective of platonic weapons, the "peck on the cheek"...
I felt like I wanted to go crawl UNDER the dance floor and somehow just...evaporate. The rest of the evening was rather uneventful and, surprisingly enough, the topic wasn't brought up for another month or so.
Actually I know EXACTLY the next time it was discussed because it was the day before my birthday. Brian had texted me that he REALLY needed me to come over at 8 PM (sharp). He's never on time for ANYTHING, so that was strange, but apparently he needed my help with something? When I got there, I quickly realized I was NOT there to "help him with something"... sporting an almost evil grin, Brian sat me down on the couch.
"Ok birthday boy, I need to explain something to you, so listen up. You know you mean the world to us, right? We both really do love you, and we hope that we can make this your best birthday ever!"
"We?" (DD yelled out from their bedroom)
"Hey!! I helped with the planning! Anyway, sorry about the interruption. Where was I? Oh, right ... just so there's no confusion or "weirdness", this will be a one time thing, so let's make the most of it!
You see, for a few weeks now, DD and I keep trying to figure out the perfect birthday present for you. ... Then it dawned on us! Why are we making this so difficult? You already told us your greatest desire!
We seriously thought about it, and neither of us remembered ever hearing you once mention any fantasies of yours. Until last month anyway! What kind of friends would we be if we knew that we could make your fantasy become a reality, and didn't even try?? So... for the next 20 or 30 minutes, we want you to just sit on the couch and do as you are fucking told, birthday boy. Think you can manage that??"
