Porsha

This is one of two alternative endings that I had planned for Porsha's story. The other ending is half written, but I must be honest I'm very happy with this one. So I'm not too sure I'll finish the other. Whatever I invite any other author to write an alternative part two should they wish to do so?

I thank my LadyCibelle and Techsan for their patience, proof reading, editing skills and of course their encouragement. As always I must also add, that I can never leave a story alone. I will most likely add some cock-ups on my read through after they have been through it.

A door opened and Mr. White came out and asked me to step into his office. He showed me to an armchair to one side of a coffee table whilst he took the chair opposite. He picked up a folder from the table, which he opened and studied for a few moments, then without looking at me began to speak.

"At Mrs. Williams request, I've agreed to act on your behalf, Mrs. Morris. May I call you Porsha?" I nodded. "Good. You may call me Derick if you like. I assume you know I acted for Sheila in her divorce a few years back. I have taken the liberty of contacting Mason & Grant who are acting on behalf of your husband."

This was news to me, as I didn't know Jack had gone so far as engaging a solicitor. I think at this time I still thought I could talk Jack around.

"I have here a letter from Tony Mason. It appears Mr. Morris would like a divorce as soon as possible and they would prefer to settle it quietly. They are hoping you will agree to irreconcilable differences as the official reason for the divorce. Will you accept that or are you going to fight it?"

There was no way I was going to just give up on my marriage just like that. Jack was my husband, I loved him and there was no way I was going to give up that easy. I wanted to stay married to him. Now I had lost my job, I had nothing without him!

"Of course, I'm going to fight it. A divorce is the last thing I want. I would like my husband back but at the moment he won't even talk to me and I haven't the faintest idea where he is living. If he would let me talk to him, I'm sure we could work this thing out."

"Do you really think you can change his mind? From what I've heard, he appears adamant about wanting a divorce."

"I think I can. It was all a terrible misunderstanding really. I'm sure that if he would just sit down and listen to what I have to say, he will realise that I love him and want him back."

"Then we must find something to force him to have a face-to-face meeting with you. Now I've got some reports here that Sheila organised. And I have the outline of the grounds your husband is threatening to use should you contest the divorce."

"It appears that your husband is claiming you went to this Denis Walker's hotel room with the intention of, to put it mildly, breaking you marriage vows. Is that correct?"

"I don't really know how I finished up in that room. The only excuse I can come up with is that I was drunk. There is no way I would have gone there if I was half-way sober."

"Nonetheless you were there and your husband has ample evidence of that. It was one o'clock in the morning and you were so inebriated that you were incapable of driving home. Now you went to the hotel to have a meal with your husband. Is that correct?"

"Yes."

"But for some reason you left your husband sitting alone and joined four other gentlemen, one of whom was this Denis Walker, at another table."

"Yes, two of them were colleagues from my work. They were discussing a contract and they wanted my advice."

"Did your husband object to you leaving him alone?"

"No. Well, he might have. I didn't really give him a chance to object. Unless he made a scene that is."

"You mean you just abandoned him?"

"Well, not really. We were having a disagreement when my colleague came over with a question for me. I thought I would only be a couple of minutes and that would give both Jack and me a chance to cool down. But I'm afraid it took a little longer than I thought it would."

"How long, Porsha? How long did you leave your husband sitting there alone whilst you sat over the other side of the restaurant in the company of four other men?

"You are making me sound awful, like I did it on purpose or something. I thought you are supposed to be on my side?"

"I am, Porsha! I'm trying to make you understand how it's going to look to a judge. Your husband's barrister is going to ask you far more awkward questions than I have. I wouldn't be surprised if your husband doesn't claim mental cruelty. The hint that you were intending to share Walker's bed that night will be all he needs. I think your husband's angle will be that you are away on business trips quite often and his barrister will be suggesting that it is quite possible you have been drunk before. If you get the direction my mind is going in."

"Oh, my god, does he think I make a habit of getting drunk and going to strangers' rooms when I'm away?"

"From what Tony Mason has told me and he has spoken to your husband, I suspect that is exactly what he does think."

"Oh, god, how the hell am I going to convince him otherwise?"

"A good question, Porsha, but that is what you're asking us to do and I doubt that we can. As I see it if we can convince him that you didn't intend to go to that room to have sex with Walker we could be halfway there. Now there's a couple of things we could do and one of them would be to sue Denis Walker for assault. But..."

"Sue Walker for assault. On what could you base that? He didn't threaten me or hit me or anything?"

"No, but Sheila and I believe he might possibly have drugged you and that is assault. Sheila had the foresight to have a doctor take a blood sample from you. It appears there were traces of a commonly used date rape drug in your blood. Not very much, as too many hours had elapsed, there isn't enough for the police to act upon, but enough I think for a civil case. The only problem we have is there were also traces of cocaine in your blood as well. Can you explain that? Are you by any chance a regular user?"

"No, well, yes, really, I have used it now and again. But I'm not addicted to it or anything. I have used it to give myself a little boost, on occasions when I'm feeling low. And I was feeling low that day as I thought Jack was cheating on me. So I took some at lunchtime to give myself a little lift. But I don't use it very often."

"Do you think that may have affected your actions that evening?"

"I don't know. I haven't noticed it having any effect other than making me feel better in the past."

"That is a problem when people take drugs. Often they have little real idea of how much it changes their persona. Cocaine, besides giving you a high, tends to lower the inhibitions and can drastically change the way people act and the things they do. Taking any drug is dangerous, Porsha. That's why they are illegal."

"It's going to make things a little awkward, as we would have to make the blood test available to the court if we were to sue Walker. The defence will make you out to be a drug addict. It's a shame because suing Walker might have gone a long way to changing the way your husband looks at things."

"We have statements from the hotel staff. The barman was pretty sure that Walker interfered with one of your drinks. Although he never actually saw Walker put anything in it, he saw him stirring the drink for no apparent reason. The barman reported his suspicions to the hotel manager and that's why they claim they were watching you. But as you know, your husband is related to the management of that hotel. So why they really reacted as they did and how much of this will stand up in court is somewhat questionable. A good defence lawyer would probably run rings around it. But there is the point that Walker is a convicted sex offender."

"He's what?"

"Oh, yes he was convicted for rape in 1980. He served five years for it. Still that doesn't help us does it? The courts won't know of his previous conviction until after the verdict. I get the nasty feeling by then you would be branded a sex-crazed drug addict. Even if they convicted him. But the choice on going ahead with that one is up to you."

"Porsha, we are in an awkward position here. Your husband wants a divorce and you don't but unless you can talk him out of it, I'm pretty sure he's going to get what he wants. You went up to that room of your own volition. Walker was seen helping you but you were not objecting in any way. The hotel security video recordings show that.

"And there's something else; something else that is driving your husband towards a divorce! When I talked to your husband's solicitor, Tony Mason, you must understand I had to discus the results of the blood test with him. I thought that it might make Mr. Morris see things a little differently. But Tony told me he thought there was something else that your husband was upset about. Can you think what it is?"

"What, besides me being in that room with Walker?"

"Yes, have you any ideas?"

"Well, I made a pretty good job of humiliating him in the restaurant."

"It could be, but I don't think it's that. Tony Mason and I discussed your behaviour that evening. From what I've been told, your husband claims that is normal behaviour for you."

"Oh, Christ, did he say that? Oh, what a bloody stupid bitch I've been!" Derick didn't say anything in reply to my outburst. I think he must have had some sympathy for Jack. I was beginning to think this whole interview was intended to persuade me to give up and give Jack the divorce he was asking for. But I loved Jack and wanted him back where he belonged.

Derick White sat there watching me but saying nothing for a while. I could see he was thinking. "Mrs. Morris, this is not something I should say to you. But I have to advise you as to what I believe is in your best interests. It looks to me like your husband has made his mind up. If you fight this divorce I can see us coming out on the losing side. Especially when it comes to the division of the family assets! You must think of the future. You no longer have your career. From what I've learned I think your interests might best be served if we accept the divorce your husband has asked for and we concentrated our efforts on getting you a good settlement.

"No, I don't want a divorce. I want Jack."

"Porsha, I don't like to have to say it but we can't always have what we want. Sometimes we have to make the best of things. But I would hate to see you lose out financially because you won't accept the fact that you've lost your husband. Porsha, you've driven the man away!"

Now it was my turn to sit and think. Could it be that I had no chance of persuading Jack to come back to me? I realised now that I really had been a selfish bitch. I had been spoilt as a child and getting my own way was natural for me. I had obviously spent my whole life concentrating on me. My wonderful husband and my children had put up with my thoughtless behaviour for years but now their patience had come to an end. My life was a mess and it was my own fault.

"Mr. White, I have been a stupid selfish bitch to my husband and my family. I think I'm beginning to understand now. There is no point in fighting the divorce or in pursuing a case against Denis Walker; that would only stir up more trouble."

"Could you please contact or write a letter to Jack for me. Please tell him that I'm pleading for him to meet me, but only so that I can tell him how sorry I am. Tell him that I will give him the divorce he wants, if he will just meet me in private and let me apologise to him in person. Tell him I love him and that I have never cheated on our marriage vows. If he will give me the chance to apologise to him, I will give him what he wants and then I will go away and never bother him again."

I sat there crying for a while. Derick brought me a cup of tea. Then he sat patiently waiting for me to regain my composure.

"Very well, if you're sure it's what you want Mrs. Morris, I will do as you ask. To be honest I think that is your best option. I will pray that your husband will agree to meet you and that you can persuade him to change his mind."

"I think I see now that I won't change his mind. I've been a selfish fool. If I'd spent just a little time thinking about Jack instead of myself, I wouldn't be in this mess. No, I've got to let Jack go. Perhaps he can find someone who will think of him more than I did."

I left Derick's office feeling defeated. Maria was at the house when I got there. As usual she said little. She was used to me crying all the time by now. But she did try to cheer me up as best she could. That evening after Sheila arrived I thanked her for all she had done to try and help me. I told her I was accepting the fact that I had lost Jack. I thought that Sheila had all along realised I was on a loosing wicket but she hadn't known how to tell me.

That evening I called each of the children in turn, to tell them that I now realised how foolish I had been and that, although I didn't want it, I was going to give Jack the divorce he requested. Mark and Sarah appeared to have decided that was the best thing for everyone and I felt they didn't really want to talk to me. But then I called Megan.

"Megan, I've been doing a lot of thinking in the last week or so. I've never been a good mother to you children or a good wife to your father."

"No, mum, you always did your best."

"I did my best to do what I wanted, you mean. Megan, I've been a very selfish person and I'm sorry. I have always loved you and your father but I concentrated all my efforts on my career and me. I think the home and my family always took second place for me and I'm sorry. I've decided to give your father the divorce he wants and then I'm going away somewhere. I'm not going to keep the house. This house is your father's home. It's somewhere for you children to come home to. So I'll move out and Jack can move back in here. I know he loves the place.

"No, mum, you love that house as well. I don't think it will be the same without you there. Where will you go anyway?"

"I don't know, Megan. Just away. Hopefully I can find somewhere where I won't run the risk of bumping into your father. It would kill me if I see him with another woman."

"I doubt there's any danger of dad finding someone else, mum. He loves you too much for that."

"He did love me, you mean. After twenty years I think I've finally destroyed that love. I've treated him so badly for so long. He warned me some time ago that he was drifting away from me. I think he was telling me he was falling out of love with me."

"If that's how he felt, do you honestly think he would have spent all that money on the pendant? Believe me, mum, dad still loves you."

"You know about the pendant?"

"Yes, I was with dad when he ordered it. That was especially made to go with those earrings he gave you last Christmas."

"I think things have changed since he brought the pendant, Megan. Look, I'm sorry I can't talk any longer or I'm going to break down again. Please remember I love all of my children just as much as I love your father. I've just been too self-centred to show it. When I get settled I'll let you know where I am."

"I love you, mum," was the last thing she said as we hung up. When I looked over at Sheila who had been listening to my conversation with Megan I could see she was crying almost as much as I was.

"So, Porsha, you've made your mind up. Where are you going? Have you thought about that yet?"

"I haven't a clue, Sheila, but I can't stay around here. Once I've seen Jack and told him how sorry I am for how I've behaved towards him, I'm going to go on a holiday somewhere, just to get away and think for a while. I'll have to figure out where I can settle down. Maybe I'll move to the midlands, somewhere close to the children's universities for the time being. I've got a lot of making up to do to them; if I'm living nearby perhaps they will let me. It's a bit late but I want to show them that I've really seen the error of my ways and would like to be part of their lives. I know that Sarah and Mark really hate me."

"I don't think they really do. They are angry and confused at the moment. They see you as the villain who has caused the break-up of their happy home at the moment. I'm sure once the divorce is over and they're used to the idea they will come to accept it. They will soon miss their mother."

"I'm going to have my work cut out, showing them that I've changed. But that's what I'm going to do."

"In the mean time about this trip you're going on, why don't you go on a cruise? Something really nice, like the QE 2 or the Oriana? I went on a cruise after my divorce. Getting pampered and having nothing to worry about was a great way to get over things."

"I really don't want to think about it, Sheila. I'll just slip off somewhere when the time comes."

"Well, you should think about it. I know you would enjoy it."

"I don't think I'm going to be enjoying much for a long time, Sheila. I'm going to bed now, Sheila. It's been a long day; tomorrow I've got to wake up a different person. I hope I can do it."

"Oh, I somehow think you will, Porsha."

"Sheila, thanks for being here for me. I don't know how I would have survived without you."

"Don't talk silly, Porsha, You always were a survivor."

A week later I had the dreaded meeting with Jack and our respective solicitors. First we sat around a conference table and the details of the settlement were sorted out. I insisted that Jack kept the house, I would forgo any equity in it. Our savings and investments were to be divided down the middle, although Jack quietly volunteered to manage our long-term investments until such time that I needed access to the capital. I signed the relevant papers, and then the two legal eagles left us alone.

"Jack, I'm sorry," I said to him as the door closed, "I've always been a selfish bitch. Over the years I've really treated you terribly and I'm truly sorry."

"Porsha......."

"No, Jack, please let me finish before you say anything. If I start crying that will be the end of it. I was originally hoping that I could talk you around and persuade you to take me back. I love you Jack and I always will. But I've realised just how much of a self-centred bitch I've been all our married life. You were right. I should have stayed at home and looked after our children. Where was I when Little Jack got sick? Away negotiating some deal somewhere and I didn't come home until it was nearly too late. What kind of a mother stays to get the contract signed whilst her child is lying in a hospital bed dying?"

"Porsha, I've got something to say to you!"

"No, Jack, please, you've got to let me say this. I know you won't believe me but honestly I don't know how I ended up in that hotel room that night. Jack, I wouldn't knowingly cheat on you. Not matter how I behaved, I really love you and I wouldn't do that to you. But that was the straw that broke the camel's back, wasn't it, Jack? That was the step too far and I realise it now. If that Walker guy did drug me, it doesn't make any difference. I should have been with you that night. I should have gone home with you. But I was being the bitch I am!"

"Look after yourself, Jack. I've lost the only man I'll ever love. I'm going to move to the midlands to be near the children. Perhaps I can persuade them not to hate me too much. Good-bye, Jack, and thank you for being such a wonderful and tolerant husband in the past."

I stood up and made for the door. I had to get out before I broke down.

"Porsha," Jack called out. I turned and he was holding out an envelope. "This is for you; Sheila said you wanted to get away for a while. It's a three month cruise."