Author's Note:
This story is based on the premise of the movie Groundhog Day. Some comments have expressed worry that this series could go on forever. It won't. This is part 4 of 6. The story should end in less than two weeks. I was going to split this part up, but decided against it. I shortened it a little instead. I have read the comments and have taken some suggestions into account, but there is no way I can cover all the various paths this story could go down. I encourage anyone who is interested to do their own Groundhog Day take on the genre.
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Friday July 15
th
, 2016 Day 132
"What is love? Baby don't hurt me....don't hurt me....no more"
Finding out that the woman you love has betrayed you can lead a man into dark places. The grind of everyday life can help mask the pain with ritual. Even so, it could be weeks, months, or even years before you feel "whole" again. There a lot of factors to determine the length of time it takes for a man to really put a disastrous relationship behind him.
My circumstances were unique.
I'm not sure if I sped up my healing process, or prolonged it.
I would call my behavior self-destructive, but that doesn't really fit. I came to find out I was more or less indestructible.
My descent into drugs lasted several months.
I won't bore you with the details, even if I could remember most of them.
I had a lot of bad drug reactions. I couldn't build up any tolerance to anything. I snorted, smoked, and shot up all sorts of shit. Half the time I have no memory of what happened next. I would just wake up in the guest room.
I suspect that I probably OD'd several times, but have no way of knowing. I didn't think of it at the time, which doesn't say much for my intelligence. I had a blind-spot. The time loop had made me feel invincible. Had I stopped to think about the actual consequences of
dying
in the time loop, I would have slowed my roll.
Death is final. I had no desire to test that.
But as my drug phase wrapped up, I would get definitive proof that I could die and come back.
I was looking for adrenochrome.
It was in Fear and Loathing, but as a square, I had thought it sounded made up. I googled it and it was real, but I was having a hell of a time getting my hands on any.
I finally got a line on a dealer who supposedly sold it. First I went to the guy I got my cocaine from. He never remembered me of course, so I had to drop a tab of ecstasy to prove I wasn't a cop (and pay for it).
He sent me to a Filipino in queens, who sent me to dealer named "Smoke" in Long Island.
I thought Smoke was a pretty sweet name for a drug dealer. Most of them were just "Bill," or "Tyrone," or something ordinary. I was expecting a lean black guy or a dreadlocked white guy.
Smoke was a 400 pound Jewish woman. So much for my stereotyping.
We started doing the dance I had gotten used to. I looked like what I was, a mid-twenties professional. Nobody had a problem selling me weed or cocaine, but when I asked for less recreational drugs they started itching. I usually offered to do a drug right there to alieve their suspicion.
I had already done ecstasy for the coke guy, but Smoke wanted to see for herself. I had learned not to try smoking anything. Every day I woke up with virgin lungs, so every time I smoked something I would have a coughing fit. So I did some speed she supplied.
When she was satisfied that I wasn't a cop, she sold me the adrenochrome. It came in a small bottle that I put in my pocket.
I was turning towards the door when the police broke it down.
"Get down! Down! Everybody on the ground!"
By now, getting arrested was old hat. I had been busted several times buying from an undercover cop, but I had gotten better at spotting them. I would always take my drug buys to a hotel. Some of them made me go a little crazy, and I'd had hotel managers call the police on me a few times.
I was also a little wired from the ecstasy and speed.
So I didn't get down on the ground like they said. Instead I reached into my pocket to get the adrenochrome. In my addled brain I was just getting it out to hand over to the police.
But they didn't know what I was reaching for.
BANG!
What was...?
I felt...strange. I looked down and saw a hole in my shirt. No blood at first. I touched it with my fingertip. I must have had a very confused look on my face.
Then I was looking up at the ceiling. Still no pain. I felt hollow somehow. I could hear my breath rasping in and out fast, but it seemed like it was coming from someone else.
The ceiling was drawing down into a point.
...
Friday July 15
th
, 2016 Day 132
"What is love? Baby don't hurt me....don't hurt me....no more"
I had died. No doubt about it.
If you had asked me whether I thought that I could die and wake up again the next day... With what I had seen of how the time loop worked, logic would say yes, I would wake up. But I sure as hell wouldn't have wanted to test that theory.
Well, now I knew.
That was the end of my drug binge. Not because it was dangerous. I had proven to myself that it wasn't, so long as I was in the loop.
No, dying in a drug raid made me stop and look at what I was doing. I didn't like what I was becoming.
My wife had ripped out my heart and shit on my manhood. She made me question whether any woman could respect and be happy with me. I tried to play off my lack of skill in bed as a problem that was in my rear view mirror. Yes, I used to be bad, but I got better.
I didn't fully believe it.
I knew Julie started cheating to find sexual satisfaction. In the later years of our marriage she had nothing but positive things to say about me as a lover...
But she didn't stop cheating. So was I still not good enough to keep a woman from straying?