You thought, "I never knew he'd find out. I thought I'd have my fling. He'd wouldn't ever know, and after it was over, I'd make it up to him."
He knows.
Husbands always find out. Always. They'll notice it when you begin to act differently. It's the little things in the beginning. Working late or taking unexpected overnight business trips, if you have a job. Unexplained nights out with the girls. Housework not done, beds not made. Dirty dishes, soaking in the sink, piled high. Phone calls, abruptly cut off. Extra mileage on the car. Lots of little things.
First, you'll slight him in some little ways. Compare him unfavorably with a former boyfriend. Start little arguments. Have fights, so you can cry and run off to 'be alone.' Do some small things you know he doesn't like.
You always have a precise, well-thought-out timeline of lies to cover your tracks.
Your lover is making you feel sexy. Your husband obviously didn't make you feel so sexy, otherwise, your lover wouldn't have gotten to you the way he did.
Pretty soon you're so caught upon your affair you can't see what you're doing to your loving man. You didn't see it because you were caught up in your deceptions and mind-games.
He knew. He felt it over time. He dug up the facts.
He didn't need to hire a private investigator or wire the house for sound and video cameras. Just followed you as you went to the motel to meet your lover. Checked your pills or purse. Looked at your mail or e-mail. Announced another trip that he didn't really go on, to watch your lover walk into your house and stay all night.
That's the problem with cheating. At first you're trying to hide everything, so you act differently than you would. What if your man discovers you have another man's leaving inside you? So you shower in the middle of the day or afternoon, but your hair is damp. Refuse him oral sex or risk giving him sloppy-seconds? Maybe leave some of his cologne on your body but try to pass it off as a new perfume.
You always have an excuse for time away from your man.
Later, you begin to feel some kind of power, in that you're getting away with it, so you relax. To ease your guilt, you begin to give more and more sex to your man, maybe doing more kinky things that he never got from you before. Start to wear sexier clothes that he never saw on you. Becoming more vocal and using dirty talk. Carrying condoms around in your purse.
Later, you start to feel like your husband must be less than an man because you're fooling him so easily and he doesn't have a clue. Maybe you start cutting him off for sex so your lover can get more and more of your willing body. Maybe you start doing your sex inside your home, in your bed, because, after all, he's such a clueless wimp. Forgetting about covering up your lover's bite marks on your breasts or thighs.
But, by this time, your man has it figured out, way before you know.
He loved and trusted you, with all your joys and faults. But, now he can't ever trust you and your impulsive, lying decisions again.
You are alone now (as far as trust goes, even if not physically), as he is likely to be unwilling to rescue you from your own future stupid, impulsive decisions.
He may confront you, risking denial or faked-rage. He may have photos or a video. Or he may just leave—with or without a note—knowing you already have your 'mess of pottage.' Knowing that your actions show that you don't want/need him any more.
If he stays, you will likely feel you can re-win your man with showers of sexual favors, seductions, and "I'm so sorry" protestations of "It will never happen again."
But, of course, given this first time, you will be strongly tempted to cheat with another big, hard, male penis again, because, of course, you can. You'll do it:
In 4 or 5 months
Then, a month or so sooner
Then again, within a few weeks
A longer 'fling' involving 2-3 cocks
Next, 'pulling a train' of men
Finally, regular gang-fucks on a weekly or even daily basis.
All completely rationalized, justified and excused, of course.
No thanks, he doesn't want the near-certainty of a gang-banging slut 'hot-wife', making constant excuses while screwing her way through his 'post-fling' life. Nor does he want a constant stream of random men parading and fucking through your home and future love-making.
Being a cheating sex-fucking lover is far easier than being a committed husband:
Sex providers don't have to take care of 'honey-do' lists.
They don't have to go off to work, attend meetings and listen to bosses, commute, work overtime, get dirty or travel for business.
Lovers don't have to show boredom or tiredness with the routine of everyday life.
They don't have to do home repairs or cut the grass.
They don't have to hold their spouse's hands or cuddle them when they are blue.
They don't have to swallow their own pride when their spouse 'goes off' for no apparent reason.
Lovers don't have to suffer through days or weeks of 'freeze-out' for spouse-imagined slights and insults.
All a cheating sex-fucker has to have is a bigger-than-average hard cock, a smooth line of talk and a willingness to take advantage of a married woman's moments of weakness.
All the married woman has to do—after she 'decided' to have an affair or a fling—is show off her tits, spread open her legs, fuck back at her sex-lover with her drooling wet cunt.
Plus lie and lie when she gets back to what was once her man.
Over and over.
All people lie. Children, men and women.
But—and this is the most dangerous to sexual and marriage-based relationships—WOMEN LIE TO THEMSELVES.
Just renaming the lies as:
Rationalizing
Justifications
Exceptions to the rule
Crying & pretended anger or rage
Blaming 'him,' then seeking a false revenge
Making carefully-thought-out plans, maybe with trusted girlfriends
Making excuses.
These are all ways to dress-up an emotional, impulsive decision as a rationalized, justified, intellectual one.
Eventually, a woman learns to lie about the lies she lied about and the trust between two married partners becomes utterly lost.
LOVE is abstract, which, without trust, affection and self-control, is just empty breath:
I love you
I love only you
You are my life
I would gladly give my life for you, if only you would love me
