One Little Squirt

{This story is a mix of me and my new chubby (OW!) wife that keeps looking over my shoulder and making suggestions. So if you don't like it we can just blame her. It's a mix of fantasy and real, like always.)

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Married! Dang. I would have bet my bank account (not a real big deal but still) that this was something that would never happen to me again. Not after more than a decade of living alone, well, me and the Dog but still, mostly alone.

I met Debra by accident, she is one of those Nurse Practitioners that serve communities that are best described as remote. They are as close to being a Doctor as you can get, with the advantage of them looking at each client like they are a person instead of a name on a piece of paper.

I always preferred nurses anyway.

It took me five phone calls to even find a damn Doctor, part of the problem of living in a small coastal town. Finally after the fourth one told me they were not accepting new clients, the receptionist gave me Debra's office number.

I actually was looking for a real Doctor, but when they reluctantly said they would "squeeze me in" with the Registered Nurse I just had no choice. It was either that or drive all the way to Portland and I didn't want to.

Geriatrics, that was her specialty. Which meant us old folks, I guess.

Debra is about 5'4", a solid 150 pounds and nice and round. Some folks would take one look and say she is fat but they haven't seen her naked and I have.

Debra is not fat, she is big with a nice big butt that is soft on the outside like butter but solid as a muscle can be underneath. Nice big round set of jugs on her, too. The surprise is that even being round everywhere, her boobs don't really sag, one would think that gravity would have had some effect but it sure as hell didn't seem to.

Of course they do a little bit, but her nipples don't point straight down like happens to so many larger busted woman.

Nope, they just hang out there, looking at her sideways one would think the Swedes could fly through the air for 100 yards if they had them for a ski jump.

Hell, I could spend hours wallowing in those things, I was like a kid with a brand new toy the first time I got hold of them. Kinda nice, to be frank.

Ahead of myself here, ain't I?

53 years old, she looked like young stuff to me since I am 67. The first time I saw her she wore pants and a sweater with a cartoon character sewed on the front of it, she looked and acted nothing like any Doctor or Nurse I ever saw.

Touchie feelie is the way she acted, she even reached out and gently squeezed my bicep, her hand lingering. I almost instantly felt comfortable with her, something about her manner did that with ease.

Then those noticeably nice big boobs, they seemed to sway back and forth when she walked, I liked that. I suppose it would be nice to claim she doesn't look her age, that her body is fine just like when she was 18, the truth is that she looks about...53.

Nice and round, delicious!

Naughty as hell, once you get past the efficient Nurse plastered over the outside, all that bedside manner shit. Underneath is a hottie!

I found out that part later.

No inhibitions at all, either, not really any even in her work. When my other Doctor had to check my Prostate for example, he always got an unhappy look on his face and went through the motions.

I probably got an unhappy look on my face, too.

I think Debra liked it.

Debra had my stuff in her hands checking everything out, then next thing I knew she had her finger up my rear end and she took her sweet damn time about it and I really didn't mind one bit. I was even a little bit unhappy when she finally pulled it out.

I do remember looking at her in surprise when she then handed me a cup and steered me bare assed down the hall in a silly little gown with flowers all over it. I was thinking it was going to be pee in the cup, it was pretty small though and had a lid, I was wondering where the extra would go because once I do manage to get it started it's going to come out no matter what.

It's hell to get old, let me tell you.

Hard to get her started and just as hard to get it stopped.

I was trying to hold the damned gown together in the back with one hand while clutching the little cup with the other and not having a hell of a lot of success at that, my cheeks bright pink.

By cheeks I mean both front and rear. I was sure everyone would look at my bare ass but they just ignored me.

"Sperm sample." She said bluntly, leaving and closing the door, not waiting for a response.

Swell. I tried, I really did, but the situation wasn't exactly the most exciting thing I ever had to do. There were several charts on the wall of people that I guess they skinned so all the muscles would show, real exciting shit.

I kept trying to visualize what a bare beaver or nice set of titties looked like but my mind kept wandering off to my Dog locked in the house and it would sure as hell shit on the carpet and the fact that I had my worn out spare tire on my truck because I got a flat the day before.

If you saw my spare you would understand. Little patches of the cords showing right through the rubber, it was going to pop any second and here I sat rubbing my limp dick worrying about it.

{Blank mind. Blank mind. Let my mind go blank, start over. Got it going a little bit, now get the vision of some sweet young thing, her legs opening slowly, smiling as he looked me right in the...??....Dog hiked up taking a dump on the..}

Just fuck.

"Are you doing OK?" Debra knocked on the door about 20 minutes later.

"Not really, sorry." I managed to mumble back.

"OK. I will send in Jenny."

Jenny?

"Who in the hell is Jenny?" I called out, not getting any answer. Just then the door opened with no knock or warning and this older nurse came in, I barely got the gown down over my bare dick. She yanked it right back up, grabbed me with a latex glove covered hand and got the sample and was back out the door in sixty seconds. I swear, she didn't even change expression.

All I could do was sit there in shock. They finally had to come and get me, I was too embarrassed now to go back out. Worse, some young woman I hadn't seen before they had on staff was right with me going back down the hall, I was sure she was smirking at me.

I was also sure that everyone in the building knew that Jenny had just more or less milked me, but no one even looked up as I held the damn gown closed in the rear.

That was all part of my Welcome to Medicare physical stuff, just looking for blood, bacteria I guess. I might be old but I was healthy as a horse as it turned out.

But later on I had what I thought was a little Angina episode, ended up in the hospital. That turned out to be an Ulcer caused by something called H.pylori, whatever that is.

Anyway, I guess they meant it when they said to not chew Aspirin and take Plavex at the same time. Some silly thing about my stomach digesting my own blood supply and crapping shiny jet black stuff, hell, I felt fine.

I blamed it on some blueberries I had eaten a day or so before, since I felt just fine.

Until I didn't. I wrote about that in another story called "Teasing Nurses". That was kind of fun after I realized that I really wasn't going to die, I just needed a few gallons of blood put back in.

When I suddenly began to feel like crap, I managed to get Debra's receptionist on the phone, and when I told her what my concern was she told me to hold.

Debra picked up on the other end, asked me a few questions.

"Get to emergency, right NOW, Dan!" Her voice sounded urgent.

I didn't want to.

I convinced her to run some blood tests, she finally relented and did, ordering me to come over to her clinic, giving me the "Right NOW!" bit again.

Then she called me a "stubborn asshole" and ordered me to emergency again. I gave up and went because she sounded pissed off at me, plus the truth was that I really did feel like shit by then. It turned out to be a good thing that the emergency room was just across the street at the hospital.

By the time I got there I just wanted to go to sleep.

In no time at all they had bags of blood and some kind of clear stuff running into me.

They sent in some hairy guy to stick his finger up my rear end, he pulled it out and looked.

"Yep, blood!" He announced to the walls and left.

Then in came two cute nurses, I commented that of COURSE I got the hairy guy to check my behind, in a hospital full of cute nurses.

They just grinned at me and told me they could check some more if I really wanted them to.

I politely declined that with a grin. Then they stuffed a garden hose down my nose to check my stomach for some reason.

I hated both of them by the time there were done.

I get to cracking jokes when I am scared shitless, the nurses picked right up on that and teased back. I guess most of the time they have patients all torn up or dying, that has to be tough on them.

Then here comes a wise ass like me, it really was fun except for the damn needles. Every Nurse on the damned planet carries around needles, I swear. I ended up with four of them stuck in me.

Then they glued wires to my chest, I don't know what kind of glue they use but it doesn't come off. Maybe with gasoline but I didn't try that.

Anyway, that led to a bunch of trips to my Doctor after they sent me home. She poked and probed me and ran even more blood tests, made me take some crap called a Pres-pac and finally decided I was healthy again.

Except for that little issue of some old man's disease. Give me 15 minutes and I can pee, no problem at all. I got that finger up my fanny bit again, it was becoming a regular event.

Some of the things Debra prescribed for me were stuff that I guess the medical profession doesn't talk about very much. Debra skinned back the end of my pecker at least a half dozen times when I went in to see her, each time declaring it "looked just fine!" Then she would reach down and heft my balls, rolling them in her fingers.

"Interesting." She would mumble, then turn back to her computer screen.

She decided to have a nurse named July give me a massage, ending with an exercise intended to help my poor swollen Prostate. I had no idea what that was all about, but I found out.

I ended up giving her one of those sperm samples, too, it was a lot more fun than the last one. Paid for by Medicare, is this a great Nation or what?

Nobody believes that, but it happened. The only bad part was July decided I wasn't in bad enough shape to get any more sessions.

Darn it.

Like I said, Debra is different, unlike any Doctor I ever met. Twice in the space of just a few months some woman had their hands on my pecker, three if I counted Debra poking it and looking it over.

I was beginning to think I wouldn't need to go our chasing women, hell, all I had to do was go see my Doctor.

Not that I ever caught any women, but it was fun to think about. The ones that interested me weren't interested in me and the ones that were interested in me I wasn't interested in.

(How it that for a line? Debra told me to take it out but I decided to leave it in.)

Anyway, it's hell to get old.

Then one thing led to another, we were chatting in her office and Debra mentioned she had run across some of my stories that I post on here.

Oh, man! I turned bright pink at that one! How in the hell she figured that out I still don't know for sure.

Everything I write has a dab of truth in there somewhere so Debra finding out that I was a mildly kinky old man hidden inside my polite and outer right wing conservative attitude embarrassed the shit out of me.

I lied through my teeth for a bit but that didn't work, she had me cold.

Finally I realized that Debra acted a little bit turned on, then somehow we went out on a date. The truth is that she asked me, or closer to the truth is she herded me into suggesting it.

I think, anyway.

Not long after that we ended up in the sack, and Debra turned out to be one even more surprising female than I had thought, and she was already pretty surprising.

For one thing, my usual bit of a struggle with the old pencil seemed to not be any problem for her at all, I think all she had to do was jiggle those big boobs and snap her fingers and I was up and ready to go.

That got to the point where my pecker actually got sore as hell though. Just think of using the old thing four times in two days after about a decade of not using it at all?

Sore as a damned boil for sure.

Debra being a Doctor..I mean, a Nurse.. had some ointment that she rubbed on it for me which caused....well, you know.

Lord.

Eventually the hide on it toughened up I guess, I got over being sore.

I also got married.

What? Married? Hell, I barely knew her, she barely knew me.

We should wait, date for a couple of years, get to know each other first. That is the way it is done.

I am 67. I am supposed to wait?

Fuck that.

Debra was great in the sack, eager as it is possible to be, good enough me for at that stage of my life. When things got to the point where I went to bed thinking about her and woke up thinking about her, I guess that is when I decided.

Besides, she could also cook, as I found out one evening. She served a meat loaf that melted in my mouth, another time she came up with a pasta dish that I had seconds and then thirds and would have had fourths if there had been any left.

Off to Reno we went. The first night we spent pretty much in bed, after I got to sit and watch Debra as she showered because there was a big glass enclosed shower in the room.

Now that was fun! Watching her do that was as good as any porno movie I ever saw (not that I ever watch those..tee hee), I sat there on the edge of the bed as she came out drying herself off. She took one look at me sitting there naked with my dong sticking straight up.

"Oh, Boy!" She grinned, and we were at it some more.

Then we had to go take another shower. Afterward, I was pulling on my pants and she sprayed me down with some funny smelling perfume.

"What the hell is that stuff?" I asked her.

"Just some cologne I like." She hugged me and sniffed deeply, got a big grin on her face.

Off we went towards the elevators, holding hands like a couple of kids.

Reno, what a city. Lots of stuff going on. Debra and I wandered around looking at the sights, but that doesn't really take very long.

We had a young oriental couple take a picture of us standing in front of the big arches, how is that for a unique shot?

Then off we went back to the casino. In short order she found a jillion line penny machine and she was betting 20 pennies to the line.

I tried to do the math on how much she was betting each time she pushed that button but I gave up.

That was when I realized that very likely Debra made one heck of a lot more money than I did. I honest to God never even thought about that part. All I had was the $900 per month stipend from the government and a dab of interest from my savings.

The interest income used to be pretty good, around $1000 a month or so until rates got so low. The bank offered me just under 1% if I would let them keep it locked up for a year with a 10% penalty for taking it out early, they said that with a straight face, too.

I watched her lose a month's income for me, finally I found a dollar machine that I could understand how it worked and started to play it.

It took me a few minutes to realize it took TWO fucking dollars and not just one. I was trying to bet just $1.00 but it kept taking two of them. Then I saw that "Max bet" button that was great big with the tiny little repeat bet button over a ways.

Why didn't they just say it was a two dollar machine in the first place? Then that other little button, had to watch out for that or it was FOUR fucking dollars instead of just two as I found out by accident a couple of times. Of course they put that button smack dab in the way so I kept bumping it with my palm.

That even worked once, I hit one of those little triple thingies with a bar on each side on the four buck setting, the counter clicked quite a bit when that happened. I think that was 120 points, then I sat there trying to figure out if it was 120 dollars or 120 FOUR dollars?

There was a long period of nothing, not even a damned triple that at least gave me a dab back. I looked down at the counter and it said 20 points, thinking I should have quit when I was ahead.

Then danged if I didn't hit a bunch of those smaller triple thingies also, in no time at all I had my $20 bill run up to 400 bucks! It just kept coming up with two single bars and the triple right in the middle every once in awhile, sixty bucks every time.

Then it would line up all three of the triples in a neat little row, but it was always one line up or one line down.

That happened so often it had to be a fucking plot.

A cute cocktail waitress went by, she glanced at me and smiled. I asked for a bottle of water, she came over and handed it to me.

Then she sniffed me! I swear to God, she actually seemed to sniff me. I handed her a buck for a tip, she grinned ear to ear.

"Doing any good?" She asked, looking like she had no plans at all to leave. She bent over to say that, kinda close to my ear since the racket in the casino was beyond belief. I realized I could see all the way down the front of her tiny black outfit, there was one soft breast sitting there completely in view, capped by a great big black nipple.

"I..uhh...yea, pretty good, I won $400." I said, mildly flustered at the sudden peek at her over exposure.

"Neat!" She said, still smiling and making sure I got a real good look at her assets.

Hell, I only handed her a buck, what would happen if I gave her 5 bucks?

Finally she wandered off, I saw her across the room a couple of times, she kept glancing my way and smiling.

I checked my zipper, it wasn't that.

I had just about forgotten that, when a lady around 40 or so plopped down at the machine next to mine. She gave me a sidelong glance, then smiled sweetly.

"Hello." She said.

"Oh, hi."

"Doing any good?"

"Yea, I...." I glanced down at the counter, it read just under $200. I had gotten distracted and kept hitting the button I guess.

Fucking thing was on four bucks again, too. I pushed the button to put it back on a dollar bet.

"Up a little bit." I told her, looking over as she fed a hundred into the other machine. Then I went back to playing, the thing was doing it's job, which is to extract the cash in my pocket into their pocket.

The woman kept glancing my way, I realized she was sitting so close we were almost touching.

I was just about to get the dab of cash that was left out of my machine when it came up two of those yellow triple bars and a round triple thingie right in the middle. It took me a second to realize that was $600.00!!

The woman next to me started bouncing up and down all excited, next thing I knew she was touching my arm, then her hand dropped down and she patted my thigh.

I wasn't real sure if she was trying to pick my pocket or just rub my pecker but she missed the end of it by about an inch and I was very aware of that.

Then she sniffed me!

Damn. Twice I got myself sniffed at in the space of half an hour and I don't think I ever had a woman do that before in my life.

She leaned back, a funny look on her face. Her hand came up and lightly brushed across the front of her blouse, it looked like a reflex motion. Next she flipped her hair back with one hand, a movement that I recognized.

"Say, are you hungry? They have some really nice restaurants here." She said.

"I am here with my wife, we just got married yesterday." I told her. Her face fell.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't know."