The Joe Is on You My Dear

The Joke Is On You, My Dear - A Sequel

The author

Santee110x

wrote a unique story titled

The Joke Is On You, My Dear

. I found the story well-written, but somewhat one-sided in that the wife, Sandy, appeared to exist in an echo chamber that confirmed all her own thoughts and assumptions. She was also quite brazen about telling her husband she had cheated, and now intended to tell ~90 of their friends that night. Indeed.

I contacted Santee110x via the platform for permission for this story, but received no response.

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David turned away from the grotesque piece of art, and seeing that Sandy had reached the stairs to go change clothes, he pulled out his phone and called his good friend Bill Waters, an attorney in family law.

"Hi Bill, David here. Any chance that you've not left the office yet? I need a huge favor from you, or at least some assistance from anyone you can supply this late in the day."

"Sounds serious, David. And yes, I'm still here wrapping up my notes from some late appointments. What gives?"

"Sandy just admitted to a long-term affair, and I gather that she intends to brag about it to about 90 guests at our house tonight. Being blind-sided doesn't begin to cover it, but if that's her plan for tonight, then I will be adding a second and possibly third act to her play. What I was hoping to get from you was to be able to come to your office and draft up preliminary divorce papers that I could drop on her tonight. I'm not looking for the perfect settlement at this point, but I figure divorce is not unlike business where you ask for everything and then start negotiating. We don't have kids, and she has family money, and she's admitted to adultery, so I'm not completely hosed."

"Wow, David, I'm shocked that she did that, and so casually admitted it to you. I was actually working late because Janet is visiting her family, so I can stay and help you out. I will see if any paralegals want to earn some overtime to help out. How soon can you be here?"

"That is great, Bill. I have to do some quick things here first, and should reach your office in 30 minutes or so. I'll see you then."

The call ended, and David went to the garage to collect a few tools and supplies. Returning to the bar, he opened his utility knife and carefully cut the painting out of the frame, and then sprayed "Whore" on the wall, inside the frame's outline. Returning to the garage, he sprayed the backside of the canvas with brake cleaner, and then rolled it up and hid the canvas in the garage.

His immediate tasks at home now complete, he gathered his computer bag, got in his car, and slowly backed out of the garage and drove toward Bill's office, thinking about what a crazy mess this night had turned into in just a few minutes.

David found Bill and a paralegal, Leslie, in Bill's office's greeting area. "Bill, I cannot thank you enough for helping me out like this. When the dust settles, I'm sending you and Janet away for a weekend somewhere."

"I'm still just amazed that this has happened to you. Did Sandy give any explanations as to why she had the affair or why she wants to announce it so publicly?"

"Not a reasonable one, to be sure. Her only justification was her embarrassment at some of my slight-of-hand tricks, and some off-color sexual innuendo. But the affair as revenge, and the public announcement of it is so over-the-top that I think she's simply lost her mind. I haven't had time to digest it, but the affair was clearly mean-spirited, and misplaced, revenge, and lasted quite a while, so we're done as a married couple. There's no coming back from what she's done."

"Well, David, you said you wanted divorce papers drafted, which we can do, and divorce petitions can now be filed to the court online, so if you want servable copies for tonight, we can do that. With no kids, it's much easier. And if Sandy has family money, then she may put that at risk if she tries to rake you across the coals. If you can get evidence of her affair, then I think you could argue for a 65/35 split of assets that were created since your marriage date. You each would keep whatever you brought into the marriage."

"OK, Bill, I trust your assessment. Our assets are the single house, which I would want sold, unless she wants to buy out my share, and then our cash and investment and retirement accounts. The only twist is that I paid for this damn painting that is a core piece of her affair, and I want to have our accounts reviewed to verify what else she's been making me pay for. If we find she's been sticking it to me, I want to be made whole, before the overall split of assets is done. And one other thing, can I demand that she revert to her maiden name? I don't want her to keep my family name after this betrayal."

"OK, David, that is enough detail to draft papers that would be safe to file. Leslie - could you start that process?"

"Bill, could I use a conference room to make some calls and get some computer stuff done while Leslie works up the paperwork? I'm assuming I should move some money around or do something to prevent Sandy from getting to it first?"

"Honestly, if you do too much of that type stuff, it can negatively affect the court's opinion of you being the aggrieved party here. I usually recommend paying off joint credit cards, and either remove your name or close them. As to your cash and other accounts, if you could print out the most recent statements, and a screenshot of each account's balance as of today, that would be all we need to freeze accounts. If you wanted to go further, you could just change passwords on the ones you're afraid Sandy may attempt to fiddle with. And yes, the conference room next door is yours as long as you need it."

"Excellent. My goal was to return to the house and our party tonight by 9pm. Think that is do-able?"

"Absolutely. I'll even go with and serve Sandy the papers if you wish."

"That would be great. I will be in the conference room then, until Leslie or you have a draft ready."

David set up shop in the conference room, and started calling friends that would be at the party tonight. He told eight different close friends the short version of what happened, and what was planned tonight, and asked each to listen carefully tonight for evidence or admissions of Sandy's affair. He also paid off joint credit cards and closed them. He changed passwords on the cash accounts, but decided not to worry about the longer term stuff since they'd be frozen soon.

Getting back on the phone, he called his accountant, Jeffrey White. "Jeff, I hope I'm not disturbing your family time too much, but I have an assignment for you to do next week."

"Hi David, I'm happy to help. What's on your mind?"

"Well, Sandy and I will be divorcing, and I'm concerned that she may have been moving money from our joint accounts to fund some questionable things related to her affair that she just admitted to tonight. So, I'd like you to review all our accounts and look for such transfers, and possibly any expenditures that seem out of line. It may be nothing, but I'd feel better if you reviewed that type stuff for the past 18 months."

"Wow, David. I'm sorry to hear that about you and Sandy, but I can definitely do that. Give me a couple, three days, and I should be able to report back to you by Thursday at the latest?"

"I appreciate it, Jeff. And that timing would be fine. Thanks, friend."

Shortly after hanging up, Bill and Leslie entered the conference room, and reviewed the divorce petition specifics with David. Everything was correct, so he signed them, and Leslie said the online filing usually posted immediately, so she'd be right back with confirmation.

David and Bill chatted about gathering evidence of adultery at the party.

"Essentially, if we get a few people that hear first hand from Sandy that she had the affair, and those people are willing to sign an affidavit to that effect, then we're set."

Leslie returned with confirmation that the court accepted the filing, so all three gathered up their stuff and left the offices, with Bill following David back home for the show down.

David and Bill arrived home at 8:45pm, and after walking in from where they had to park due to the number of cars, they entered through the garage where David picked up the canvas. David had shared the names of his eight friends with Bill, and Bill knew five of them, so their first goal was to find those men and see if anything had been said already.

David knew Sandy's plan for the night, but was unsure how his absence, and the missing painting, may have affected it. Part of his business expertise, however, was in making successful presentations to clients, and being able to think quickly on his feet. Some of tonight's tricks would be done on the fly, but the critical piece was that while Sandy would likely be the star of the show, David would be the emcee.

Upon entering the main house, Bill and David separated, looking for the eight men. It didn't take long for the whispers and murmurs to start.

Reaching the den, David saw a clean white sheet covering the painting, and smiled. Nice save, Sandy - it almost looks like an official unveiling would be tonight. And then, off to the right, eyes blazing, was Sandy walking directly at him, gathering steam with every step.

David seized control, stepping up in a chair. "Ladies and gentlemen! Please, may I have your attention? I am sorry for arriving so late, but something came up late today that required my fullest attention, and I've just returned. I know you're all eager to see the painting behind the shroud, so Bill, if you would be so kind to play Vanna for us, and attend to the unveiling, and then join me here in the center of the room with my loving wife."

Sandy's eyes grew wide, as she was the only person other than David that knew what lie behind her make-shift shroud. Turning, she saw Bill reach the painting, and then he looked at David, questioningly.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, from Sante Fe's most despicable art gallery, Whore!" Bill did Vanna right, and gracefully uncovered the empty frame, and the sudden intake of air from the guests was measurable.

Continuing, David addressed the guests in his full-on presentation voice, "Earlier tonight, my friends, my dear wife Sandy admitted to a month's long affair with the artiste that painted a dramatic nude that had been hanging right there. Further, she intended to tell most everyone tonight that she was the Whore, and that she had cuckolded me. She cited some statistics about cheating wives, including her certainty that at least three other wives here tonight are having active affairs, and approximately a dozen others have cheated recently. Some of you men may want to do some checking. Sandy went on to explain that I had three options: divorce, hide under a rock, or accept her betrayal. As unforgiveable as that ultimatum is by itself, she also tellingly expressed no preference on which option I might choose."

"David, HONEY, can we step upstairs for a moment? Do you think this is the best way to handle this?"

"One moment dear. I have three more tricks left to perform."

David resumed addressing the crowd, "Most of you know my penchant for slight-of-hand magic tricks. Earlier tonight, I made that painting disappear. Now, with Bill as my assistant, we will make it reappear!"

David lifted the canvas from behind his back, and started to unroll it, and working with Bill, they managed to open it and display it to the crowd.

"That's right, friends, my wife apparently posed naked for this painting, repeatedly, and I presume fucked her lover after each sitting. She told me tonight she did it as revenge for my party magic tricks that I had done that caused her embarrassment. Well, if you're going to do the time, you may as well do the crime!"

David released his half of the canvas, and stepped behind Sandy and easily ripped both shoulder straps, and the flimsy dress quickly fell away. David took the canvas from Bill, and holding it open as wide as possible, he looked back and forth between the painting and naked Sandy as she stood there covering herself with her tattered dress, finally declaring loudly, "Yep, she's the Whore, alright."

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, for my final bit of magic tonight, I will make this horrid painting disappear, permanently." Striding quickly outside to the patio, David thrust the rolled canvas into the gas firepit, where it burst into flames. Holding it downward, until it was half gone, he dropped it into the pit with show-closing fanfare.

David quickly returned to center stage, and asked Bill, "Sir, if you would now do the honors? I believe we went with option one?"

"Sandy Harrison, you are served," Bill said as he handed Sandy the hot-off-the-press divorce papers. She tried to rush away, but with the torn dress, her exit was slow and painful, as she felt the pity and scorn from each and every guest.

Epilogue

David got the affidavits needed to secure a 60/40 split, and after some initial stalling and attempts to reconcile, Sandy signed off, agreeing to sell the house, as well.

Sandy's disclosures to David about others' affairs cost Sandy many of her friends, as did her own cheating. Infidelity may be common, but it's generally not well accepted. She remained in Dallas, but her notoriety, and loss of network, dramatically changed her situation.

The accountant's review led to David recovering nearly $20,000 in expenditures that Sandy had covered from their joint assets. Viewing that as "found money" David spent it on full-page ads in the Sante Fe art circle, revealing Hector's seduction of Sandy and his role in destroying a marriage. Backlash led Hector's partners to withdraw their support, and Hector was forced to close the gallery. His second painting of Sandy became toxic to him, and was never finished.

After the requisite mourning for his lost marriage, David began dating again. One of his newly adopted relationship deal breakers, however, was that the women needed to have a sense of humor.

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Author's Notes: I pondered this sequel in my head since the original post, but fully expected this story to generate myriad endings like February Sucks, and that it would be pointless. And then I was home alone tonight, and banged it out in four hours. As encouragement to others who want to write/post here, at ~2,400 words, this initial effort is three times the minimum of 750 words, and roughly worked out to 600 words per hour, so it is possible. No time for editing, however, so it is what it is.