Sometimes I want to bring it up but I think, or at least I hope I have learned my lesson. Me and my first wife, Amy, had been into the whole hot wife and cuckolding lifestyle. It was very exciting to be sure, hearing Amy's moans and screams as she got slammed from behind from some well-endowed black stud were a turn on. There would be those weekends she went out without me coming in late Sunday night. Her hair would be a mess, she'd smell of sweat and sometimes she would be missing her underwear. The fucking we'd have the next day would be ultra-hot.
However, what had happened was she had fallen in love with one of her lovers, for real. In retrospect it was kind of funny, her telling me the truth and me at first not understanding this was not part of the game. We tried to work it out but in the end there came the day that she handed me her apartment key followed by a goodbye kiss and left to go downstairs to his waiting SUV. In a way was this was the ultimate goal of the cuckold relationship realized. I granted her the divorce without causing her any additional pain.
Amy tried to be supportive even arranging some phone sex with me, but eventually I told her I just needed her support; the fantasies just reminded me of my loss.
A year later I started to date and three years after that I met Ruth. Small and dark haired with glasses she had that intellectual look about her, in bed she was a little bit shy, but at times, under the right stimulation she could be quite enthusiastic.
Now here is the problem: once a cuckold always a cuckold. There were times that despite my best intentions I would think things I shouldn't. I would have these images of Ruth cheating on me. Not full fantasies at least at first, just a quick image; then I'd tried to enforce a mental lock down knowing where thoughts like this could lead.
I knew that the more forbidden something was the more of a temptation it would be, so I tried to harness that power. Sometimes when I was fucking her I'd picture her getting it from one, two, three or more studs at the same time while I watched. I was so turned on I'd give it to her extra hard and long, much to her pleasure and surprise.
There are times though I feel like I am going to weaken. "Could I buy her a black dildo and would she play with it?" I'd wonder. "What about if she just told me 'stories' about her and her multiple lovers." Or I would think about how she would react if I told her it would turn me on if she just dressed up real sexy and went to a bar and flirted with guys while I watched from the side. Then I'd look in the draw at the folder with the paperwork from my divorce and I'd turn my mind onto other things.
Once Ruth had asked about what had gone on between me and my first wife, what caused us to split. I had told her that it did not work out between us and that she had met someone else she cared about more. But I knew what she meant. She wanted to know the whole story in detail. Perhaps she wanted to avoid making the same mistakes Amy did. But I am stuck, if I say anything to her it might lead to other things. So I usually brush her off when it comes to what really happened, I still feel like it is my fault.
