Of All People

No burnt bitches.

There is a reconciliation of sorts.

Just a family in crisis.

Plenty of people won't like the ending but my ultimate goal in my stories is a happy ending for the male protagonist, and that is what I have achieved as far as I am concerned.

*****

OF ALL PEOPLE

How could she do that to me?

*****

It started benignly enough. Christie and Hannah had gone out on a Friday night as they had a number of times before and I ended up going out with a couple of friends from work. I was perfectly sober, having finished off only 1 beer over a couple of hours. I never was much of a drinker.

Around 11:00pm I got a text from Christie that she was tired and had a little too much to drink so she was going to crash at Hannah's little one-bedroom apartment. I responded that it was no problem and I was glad she was being safe. I told her I loved her and wished her good night.

I was surprised the next morning when Christie got home around 10:00 with Hannah in tow. Christie had driven her car to Hannah's so I had expected her to simply drive herself home. Now one of us would have to give Hannah a ride home. It wasn't a big deal but it seemed like unnecessary driving.

They came in the front door talking in whispers to each other and neither was smiling. I greeted them as I always did: a kiss on the lips for Christie and a kiss on the cheek for Hannah. There was something in their eyes that told me something was going on, so I wasn't surprised when Christie asked if we could sit and talk for a minute.

We sat around the kitchen table and they were having a conversation mostly with their eyes. Finally, Christie started.

"Henry, this isn't going to be easy to tell you, but last night I didn't just crash at Hannah's place. I mean, we were at Hannah's place but...damn it, this is hard. The thing is, well, Hannah and I, we...we didn't just sleep."

I was really trying to follow where it was they were leading me but I was having trouble making sense of things. I tried to clarify.

"So, you played board games? Did your nails? Made prank phone calls? What are you trying to tell me?"

"Henry, Hannah and I, well, the thing is...we had sex last night."

I leaped to my feet.

"What the hell! With who?"

They glanced back at each other. It looked like they hadn't expected that question. Hannah spoke for the first time.

"With each other, Henry."

Now that I hadn't expected; I mean, I know Hannah is a lesbian so I expect her to have sex with other women, obviously, but I hadn't expected it to be with my wife. Christie had never expressed any kind of interest in being with another woman. But I was actually relieved that they hadn't...well, that Christie hadn't picked up a man and had sex with him. I wasn't exactly happy with this news, but I allowed that two close friends that had been out drinking a bit too much might have something like this happen, so I was prepared to get past it with no problems.

"Is that all? Hey, you know, these things happen. It's no big deal. But I think once is enough, okay?"

I even laughed a little as I said this last thing. I really wanted them to know that a one-time indiscretion didn't hurt anything and nothing would change. Boy was I wrong.

"Henry, there's more," said Christie.

"Oh, okay. I suppose now you're going to tell me that Hannah wants to try a man on for size."

I laughed a bit knowing how ridiculous that was because Hannah had zero interest in the male gender. But neither of the ladies even broke a smile.

"Henry, the thing is..." Christie was really struggling here. "...Hannah and I have...fallen in love. I'm sorry but I'm going to file for divorce."

I was in shock. I was looking back and forth between them while waiting for the punch line but none was coming, and the stupid smile on my face slowly faded as I realized they were completely serious. I got very angry all of a sudden.

"Are you fucking kidding me?! Did you forget that you're not a lesbian, Christie?"

"Actually, I've always felt a little out of sorts, even growing up, but I couldn't put a finger on it until I started spending time with Hannah. At some point I realized that she's who I'm meant to be with."

"We didn't mean for it to happen, Henry," Hannah contributed. "We were just spending time together as friends and it just happened."

"Well that makes me feel a whole lot fucking better! At least I can cling to the fact that my wife and sister didn't mean to destroy my whole fucking life!"

"Henry, I know this is upsetting..."

"Do you, Hannah? Do you know this is upsetting? And you know this from the last time I stole someone from you, right? Fuck you, Hannah. Get the fuck out of my apartment and don't ever speak to me again. As far as I'm concerned I no longer have a sister. And take your God damn slut with you."

I took the coffee cup that I had managed not to touch during this entire ordeal and flung it against the kitchen wall. It shattered into a million pieces, ceramic and coffee flying everywhere, and scared the crap out of Hannah and Christie.

"Henry, please, we need to talk this out. You'll see this is..."

"Was I not fucking clear when I said to get the fuck out of here?"

"Don't do this. It doesn't have to be this way."

"GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!"

*****

I met Christie in college at the beginning of our junior year. She was petite and athletic, with straight brown hair that hung to the middle of her back and small, perky breasts. I had seen her on campus before but we had never shared any classes nor run into each other in social situations. I recognized her as familiar when I saw her and that was about it.

That changed, as I said, in our junior year. We shared a management class and were randomly assigned to the same group for a project. From there our romance blossomed and we married shortly after graduation.

We had been married for 3 years and together for 5 when my twin sister, Hannah, came back to town. She had gone out of state for college, wanting to make her own identity after 18 years as the other half of Henry and Hannah. She spent her first 3 years after graduation working her tail off and moving up in her company, rarely taking time off and never coming back home to visit. She didn't even make my wedding because she was in France at the time and couldn't get away and therefore had never met Christie.

Growing up, Hannah and I were inseparable. Obviously we weren't identical since I was male and she was female, but we were alike in every other conceivable way. We were rarely apart for any length of time (mostly when she went away to girl scout camp or I went to boy scout camp or something similar). We could finish each others thoughts and sentences. Her going away to college was very difficult for both of us but I think it gave each of us some much needed individual identity.

With Hannah's promotion/transfer back to our hometown, I felt complete again. Christie and I had her and her girlfriends over frequently. Her sexual orientation never bothered me. We just figured it was another way we were alike: we both liked girls.

None of those relationships lasted very long and I felt bad that she was having so much trouble finding someone, especially since she was such a loving person.

Since she had so much trouble finding Miss Right she often relied on Christie and I for her social life. She spent a lot of time at our apartment and often came along with us when we went out for dinner, drinks, and dancing. And of course on holidays we all congregated at our parents' house.

Mom and dad had been amazing parents, though I may be biased, and were still madly in love as they entered their 60's, having had Hannah and I later in life. They didn't even bat an eye when Hannah came out and have even turned into part-time activists for gay rights.

As time went on Hannah and Christie started going out a little bit more on their own; that is, without me. The theory was that I was scaring off any prospective dates that might be interested in Hannah because by being there with a man everyone assumed she was straight. It wasn't a lot; usually not more than once a week and sometimes not at all, though they did on occasion go out a couple times a week if there was something special going on. At some point apparently this became an opportunity to go out on dates alone.

I realize that the 'girls night out' is often the source of inappropriate behavior and has caused a divorce or two in its time, but I had no such worries because my wife was out with my twin sister, my best friend of all time, and I knew she'd have my back.

And as it turned out she did have my back, but only so she could stab me in it.

*****

"GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!"

I just kept screaming over and over again at this point. I couldn't understand why they insisted on talking instead of getting the hell out of there. Finally they accepted that nothing productive was going to happen that day and they finally left.

I was absolutely livid. My own twin sister was stealing my wife! It was a Lifetime movie come to life. I wanted to destroy everything in that entire apartment but instead I just walked out the front door and went for a walk. I didn't think about the fact that my cell phone was sitting on the kitchen counter but I likely would have left it behind anyway if it had occurred to me.

I paid no attention to where I was walking and ended up being gone for nearly 4 hours by the time I got back to my apartment. I went to unlock the door and found it was unlocked and my father was sitting at the kitchen table.

"There you are. We've been worried sick. You didn't answer your phone and when I got here there was no one home and the front door was unlocked."

"Why so worried, pops?"

As if I didn't know.

"Look Henry, we know what's going on. Hannah and Christie came over right after they left here and told us. We tried calling to see how you were and we couldn't reach you so mom made me drive over here. Hang on and let me report in."

He pulled out his phone and called mom. I saw her picture pop up on his screen.

"Yeah, he's here now. He just walked in."

"I don't know. We haven't really talked about it. I just wanted to let you know he was back and safe."

"I will. I'll be home when I can."

He clicked off the call and stuck the phone in his pocket.

"Mom thought you were going to 'do something foolish' so she sent me over here. How are you doing, son?"

"Just great, dad. How should I be?"

"I'm not going to pretend I know how you feel but obviously this was quite a shock, and I hoped that you've had time to calm down and we could all talk about this."

"All who?"

You, your mother and I, Christie, and your sister."

"Not possible, dad, since I no longer have a sister, and I have no desire to speak to Christie. She wants out, fuck her, she can get out. Just have her send me the papers and promise never to talk to me again and there won't be any problems."

"I know you're upset and I know you don't mean that about your sister..."

"I completely mean it, dad. I don't blame you for being okay with this. You're in a tough spot and I don't want you in the middle anymore than necessary, but make sure it's clear to both of them that I'm done with them."

"C'mon son. Besides your mother and me, Hannah is the only family you've got. You don't seriously intend to turn your back on her for the rest of your life, do you?"

"That's absolutely what I intend. If that's a problem for her she should have thought of that before choosing to steal my wife. I'm done with her, dad; I'm done with both of them."

"All right son. At least I know you're safe and maybe we can readdress this when you've had more time to calm down."

"That won't be necessary, dad. My decision is final. Tell mom I love her."

I checked my phone and found dozens of calls and texts, which gradually went from 'give us a call so we can talk' to 'at least let us know you're safe'. I spent the rest of that Saturday watching TV in a fog and fell asleep right there in my recliner.

*****

The next day it seemed like I was waking from a bad dream but with no sign of Christie in the apartment I knew it was all too real. I had some coffee but wasn't at all hungry and prepared for another day in front of the idiot box.

That plan was delayed when I answered a knock on the door to find my ex-sister and her whore on the other side. I tried to close the door but Hannah stuck her foot into it to hold it open.

"Henry, we're only here to work out some logistics. That's all."

"Fine. Get her shit out of here and never set foot in here again. How's that for logistics?"

"Can we please come in?"

I opened the door and let them in. I was halfway down the outside staircase before they realized I had left and I took off running. I assumed they followed me and couldn't find me but I wandered again for a couple of hours before heading back to the apartment to find I had wasted those hours because they just went back and waited for me.

Resigned to the inevitable I walked in and found them making lunch. Oh well, I guess I could eat.

Christie put a sandwich down in front of me made just the way I liked it and then they sat down at the table as well. Hannah started.

"Henry, again we're sorry this happened. We tried not to but we couldn't help it."

"Sure you could. You just walk the fuck away from each other and that's the end of it."

"I tried to do that. I realized I was having feelings for her and tried to tell her we needed to stop spending so much time together. Christie asked why and I told her I was getting busy at work and wouldn't have time, but she knew it was bullshit. I finally confessed my feelings for her and was surprised when she said she had them for me as well. Like we said, it just happened."

"Think about it, Henry. She's just like you but a woman," Christie chimed in. "I fell for her like I fell for you. I knew there was something missing in our marriage, and even in my life, and I realized I found it when Hannah and I finally, well, you know."

"That's just great. Good luck and good riddance. So what the hell do you want, anyway? Let's get this done so I can be done with the both of you."

I think they wanted to say more but were just frustrated at this point. Apparently they thought, or at least hoped, that I would just be happy they had found each other and would somehow be okay with this. They decided to move on to business. Christie and I didn't have much to split and there was little of sentimental value, at least as far as I was concerned. She seemed hurt that I didn't want any of the wedding pictures.

"They mean less than nothing to me now. Do what you want with them. I'd suggest a cozy fire."

This all led up to the big question of the day: who was living where? Christie and I shared a two-bedroom apartment that was decently sized. Obviously that would not continue. Hannah was living in a small 1-bedroom place a few miles away.

"We were thinking that it wouldn't make much sense for you to live in this big place by yourself and we stuff ourselves in my little place, so we thought it would be better if I moved in here and you took my apartment, at least until the lease ends."

"So first you take my wife and now you want my apartment. That's just great. Just evict me from my life and move right in. Maybe you can find someone to Photoshop you in my place in the wedding pictures! Hey, you want my fucking job, too? Let me introduce you to my friends so you can steal them, too."

I knew I was being overly dramatic but I was hurt and I was pissed, and that's a bad combination.

"Henry, we're just trying to be practical."

"You know what, I don't care anymore. Take the fucking place and all the tainted memories I have of it now. You can move in tomorrow night. I'll call off work tomorrow and get my stuff out of here and then I can finally be done with the both of you backstabbing bitches. Now get your asses out of here so I can get started."

Their primary mission accomplished, they quietly left my...their apartment. I think they had also hoped for some easing of tensions but could see I wasn't ready for that. I packed up everything I wanted, including the really overpriced cookware Christie 'just had to have'. In the morning I rented a truck and hauled everything over to my friend's place. I thought about taking it to mom and dads but I may have run into the traitors so decided against it.

I crashed with my buddy for a couple of days while Hannah and Christie packed up Hannah's apartment and moved everything to their new - my old - apartment. I didn't like the idea of living in Hannah's old place but I didn't have much choice. I couldn't afford to pay for a new apartment and half of my old one, and Hannah couldn't afford her old apartment and half of my old one, so we just exchanged rents this way. It sucked but was really the only solution.

A week later I received the divorce papers calling for a simple 50-50 split. I had them signed and notarized and sent them back. In 60 days it would be over.

*****

Over the next few months I resisted several requests for us to sit down and talk and them asking me to forgive them. They came at me from all sides: Hannah, Christie, mom, and dad. I ignored them all.

That was the hardest part. This whole thing had the effect of separating me from my parents as well. It wasn't intended that way, but every time I tried to see them either at some point they would start talking about Hannah and Christie and try to get me to talk to them, or Hannah and Christie would come over hoping to talk to me, and nothing I said seemed to be able to get them to stop. So I basically stopped going over there. Phone calls were the same way.

Right on schedule I received my copy of the divorce decree and not long after that I received a wedding invitation in the mail. I ran it through the shredder and got drunk for only the second time in my life. (The first time was in college and wasn't pretty, which is why I rarely drink anymore.)

Of course, this led to the pressure being applied for me to attend the wedding. She's my only sister...we need to put this behind us...see how happy they are...it was meant to be...blah blah blah. Phone calls, letters, text messages, and emails hit my in-box at an alarming rate. I ignored the phone calls but read all of the written stuff. It all expressed the same basic thing: please come to the wedding, I can't imagine getting married without my brother/best friend there, etc. The pleas were sometimes so absurd it was entertaining.

*****

I knew the wedding date by heart (Lord knows it had been told to me enough times) and I made it a point to turn off my cell phone, knowing I'd get hit with last minute calls begging me to be there.

That night (it was a Saturday) I went out with a couple of the guys from work. I tried to get into the spirit of things but I just couldn't manage it. They spent a good amount of time on the dance floor but I just kept myself in the booth sipping my drinks. I ordered a variety of things but they were all non-alcoholic.

We had been there for a couple of hours when an older lady (by older I mean older than me, probably mid-30's) appeared in front of my table while the other guys were on the dance floor. She was short, maybe 5'0", with shoulder-length brown hair. She wore a tight black dress that ended mid-thigh. She had decent sized breasts and a little bit of a belly but she carried it pretty well. If I were still alive I would have thought she was fairly sexy if not traditionally beautiful.