Writing can be fun but the support that WillyB and The Troubador have given make it a real pleasure. If you enjoy this, then they should take a bow. If you didn't let me know so that I can improve my skills.
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Sunday morning came and went and I still hadn't got my head around what had happened. Megan was due to arrive at four and I wasn't sure what I would say or how I would react when I saw her.
Moping around the house I realized I hadn't talked to the kids since the breakup Friday night, I had a desperate need to see and hold them. They were the last remaining part of Megan's and my life together.
I was putting off the unpleasant task of telling them about our breakup, I knew it would devastate them. With Megan arriving soon and the possibility of some unattractive discussion or a messy argument I decided to leave them with my parents.
As I reached for the phone, to call mum, it burst into life with a shrill ring startling me. I took a few seconds to collect myself and answer it, my voice dull and flat just like I felt, "Yeah, Jack Wright."
"Jack? It's Sylvia, I need to talk to you."
My voice hard and unwelcoming, I answered her with the only response that sprang to mind. The hatred I felt for this woman dripped from each word, "I've got nothing to say to you bitch."
Hanging up I stared at the phone. No witty retort, not even original, but it held a depth of feeling that could only be expressed in this way.
Within seconds it rang again this time I let the answering machine take the call.
"Jack, it's Sylvia pick up the phone please, I know you're there." Nothing but the whirring of the recorder, then she spoke again this time pleading, "Please Jack I need to talk to you about Megan."
The last few words caught up with me as I closed the bathroom door.
I could feel the anger building again, that bitch had helped ruin my marriage, helped take my kids mother from them, set me up and now she expected me to talk to her. Yeah right, like that would happen this side of hell freezing over.
I needed a shower, just the thought of her made me feel dirty I wanted to scrub the very memory of her out of my life.
With all the stress of the last few weeks I felt drained and tired. Hoping to ease my weary body and mind I opted for a spa bath instead. Turning on the water to fill the tub I saw Megan's oils and salts carefully arranged along the side of the bath, waiting for her return.
Her smell was everywhere, from the subtleness of her oils and bubble bath to the more stringent odour of her mouthwash. Our, or rather my bedroom was the same, soaked in her personal scent and her perfume.
I felt desolate and lonely, missing her laughter and her smile. The closeness that we had shared for eight years was something many couples never experienced. I was at a loss now that she was gone from my life, yet the very thought of her made me angry. More anger than I can ever remember feeling at any other time in my life.
The normal everyday sounds drifted in from outside. Someone cutting their lawn, a car passed by and kids played in their yard. Steam filled the room and, as I calmed down, my senses started to register these things. I relaxed and sank into the water.
The bath eased my aching frame and my mind time shifted back to Saturday and Mary my ex girlfriend who had helped me.
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Reflections on Saturday
Friday night her administrations had satisfied my immediate needs or at least the revenge I had planned, but it was a hollow victory. Saturday had been more of the same except that the sex had been less frantic and the familiarity of her body had returned. I couldn't call it making love nor was it fucking. It was sex for the sake of it.
By noon we had both realized that it wasn't going to work. There were no fireworks, no passion and even the attraction we once held for each other had diminished with time. We were different, not the same people that we had been back then. .
Mary lay beside me on the bed, naked. Smiling she said, "Well what now? Do we shake hands and go our separate ways before things get anymore awkward?"
How do you answer a question like that?
We had lain in silence for the last 10 minutes hardly looking at each other.
Turning I faced her and in doing it I faced my reality. She lay in the crook of my arm, my hand idly brushing her blonde hair where it touched her shoulder. There was no denying that she was still beautiful. If anything she had improved with age, less awkward and more assured. Her body had filled out a little in all the right places giving her a more sensual look.
Even the drops of cum that were drying on her breasts and chin did nothing to detract from her loveliness. Only minutes before I had my cock between those breasts pumping and straining to spray my release. Mary had a thing for being titty fucked, she really got off on it. I had seen her reach orgasm while I fucked her tits without ever having touched her pussy. The very thought of it seemed to make her breasts extra sensitive.
Clearing my throat I stated the obvious, "I don't know what to say. It has been great but the old spark just isn't there. Maybe in time once I get over Megan, who knows."
Taking her chin in my hand I brought her face close to mine and placed a soft kiss on her lips. A kiss that held friendship and caring but lacked the love and passion it once held. I could taste the salty semen that I had deposited there and knew that it had been all about me.
Unlike sex with Megan which was mostly about pleasing her, my time with Mary was about self gratification. With that realization came sadness, I had used her in a way I never should have. Someone I considered a close friend, someone who was willing to help me in my time of need. I had used her and now it felt like I was casting her aside. My offer of time was nothing more than a sop to my guilty conscience. Even now I was still thinking of me rather than Mary and her feelings.
"Mary I never...."
She held her fingers to my lips silencing me. The look in her eyes held compassion and caring.
Her voice was soft, "Don't say it. I know what you are feeling because I once lost someone I loved deeply. He was taken from me and I was too weak to fight for him. I have moved on and so has he. I still love him deeply and will do anything I can to be there for him. I also know that I am not in love with him, nor he with me."
A small tear escaped her left eye running down her cheek to disappear under her chin. She made no move to wipe it away, instead she continued.
"It's time to move on. This has been special and I will always remember it as such. When we were together I wanted so many things and left you to find them. When I did, it was only to find that it wasn't what I thought it would be."
I felt her sigh as her breasts moved against my chest and the rise of her stomach pushing into my abdomen.
"I would return to you knowing that you were always there for me. You would take me back and never ask questions. Sometimes I wished that you would, but then I didn't know if I could answer them truthfully. You must have heard the rumours, yet your love for me was so strong you ignored them."
The tears were running freely now, the guilt she was expressing leaving with each tear drop.
"I betrayed that trust so many times but you never betrayed me, never let me down as I had you. Now it's my turn to repay you. To return some of that love. I know you feel guilty about last night and today. That's something I find so attractive in you. Your sense of right. Megan loved it too and she was willing to fight for you when I wasn't. You never asked what we discussed when we met that day, giving us the privacy we needed. Now I think you should know."
I didn't want this and told her so, "Mary you don't have to tell me. You have done enough for me and I appreciate what you have done and said. I feel better about us and I do love you as a very special person in my life."
"Please don't interrupt. I need to get this off my chest so I can feel better about myself," her response was quick and left no doubt as to what she wanted.
"Megan came to see me that day to warn me off. Actually she came to blackmail me into leaving you alone so that she could have you. We argued and I refused. I knew that if I asked you would take me back like you always did. Megan knew it too and decided to level the playing field a little. As it turned out she tilted it distinctly in her favour."
Mary had stopped sobbing and pulled back to look me in the eye. A look of apprehension on her face, as she braced for what was to come.
Her voice quivered as she continued, "I had tried to get Megan interested in other guys, setting her up to meet some of the guys I had dated. She never gave them a second look. It soon became obvious that she loved you and more importantly you loved her. She asked me if she gave you up would I be willing to stop my cheating."
She had started and didn't want to stop until she had said it all. It was all rapid, like bursts of machinegun fire.
Words tumbled out, "Yes that is what it was, cheating. I hesitated before answering, that was all she needed. She told me that if I had to think about it then I didn't deserve you. Megan said that she knew about my abortion and would tell you if I didn't leave you alone."
Mary's voice had gradually turned into a whisper and I'd had to listen carefully to hear the last part.
"What abortion? I never knew about any of this."
"I had fallen pregnant when we were together but didn't find out until after we had split up. I was dating a guy on the hockey team and I was afraid that if he knew I was pregnant he would dump me. I went to a clinic and had our baby aborted so that I could be with someone else. He dumped me anyway. Somehow Sylvia had found out and told Megan. I knew you would be mad and so I let her have you rather than face up to what I had done."
Mary buried her face in my chest, sobbing uncontrollably.
"Why? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
My world had become even more horrible a place. What had I done to deserve this?
Again the self-pity rose to the surface while Mary lay suffering in my arms, her body racked with sobs. The accusation in my words offended me, how must they be affecting Mary? Immediately I was sorry and needed to make amends.
I did the only thing I could do. Softly I stroked her hair and whispered in her ear.
"I understand and I forgive you. You have carried this guilt far to long. I don't know how I would have reacted then but I do know that it's in the past and should be left there. That was nine years ago, it's time to forgive yourself. Even if you don't, I won't give up on you. You are too important for me to lose your friendship."
Mary threw her arms around my neck and hugged me close, covering my face with kisses.
Her voice held an element of happiness, "I have imagined this talk for years and it always ended in you hating me and telling me you never wanted to talk to me again. That's why I couldn't tell you. I never expected you to forgive me."
Mary paused for a few moments to collect her thoughts then turned the tables on me with a lecture.
Her voice took on a strength that hadn't heard for a long time.
"Now listen to me Jack Wright, if you can forgive me just like that then you should consider applying that same compassion to the woman you really love."
