Nothing to Lose - Jill's Story

Author's note***This is the 3rd of 3 takes on the story of Jim and Debbie and is from the friend Jill's point of view. I believe it's written in a way that can stand on its own but feel free to read the other 2 sides.

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Jill's Story

My name is Jill and I have finally found the love I have been looking for over the last several years. I'm in my early 30's and in good shape, I've always been told that i am beautiful, but I have always struggled with confidence.

I am from a small midwestern town, where I grew up on a quiet street in a small neighborhood. My mom met and became friends with another new mom at a park in the area. She had a daughter my age and as we got older Debbie and I became as close as sisters.

All throughout our school years we were the stereotypical it girls. Most popular. Best grades. Cheerleaders. She was homecoming queen, I was prom queen. We had the best looking guys fawning over us and could do no wrong.

I fell for Steve Masters in our sophomore year. He was one of the most popular guys. He played the 3 big sports and was a star in all. He was very good looking, well built and had a great personality.

We began dating and never looked back but Debbie dated different guys each year. She didn't fall head over heels in love as I had. We both lost our virginity on the night of our senior prom though so she didn't put out; then.

After graduation we all went to the same local state college. Steve and I seemed to blossom together, while Debbie was more about partying and playing the field. Don't get me wrong, she wasn't running trains in frat houses or anything, but she never found someone to love. I don't think she was looking too hard for it though either.

Steve had tried to get me to give him blow jobs since high school but I never wanted to do it. It seemed gross to me. We were in college and we had sex a lot and I thought it was good, but Steve kept trying for different things. Things that I thought only sluts did.

Blow jobs, doggie style, anal, and sex in public were all things he wanted me to do and I always refused. Debbie told me that there is nothing wrong with those things except she wouldn't do anal. I was shocked that she did those things. As close as we were, we didn't discuss sex all that much because I just didn't feel comfortable with it.

Steve pushed and pushed but I told him that I wouldn't let him treat me like a slut.

On a particularly bad day in our junior year of college, Steve said to me "Jill, I don't think we are a good fit any more. I think we should see other people."

I was floored. I said "How can you say that? We have been together for years. We know everything about each other. I thought we would be getting engaged soon."

I began to cry and asked "Don't you love me any more?"

He said "Yes I love you, but I want to experience what my friends are experiencing."

Unreal I thought. He is dumping me for sex.

"I get it. This is about kinky sex" I said. "Love isn't about slutty sex acts. It's about sharing ourselves with each other, mind, body and soul."

Steve said "I want to try them. Can't you understand my feelings? Can't you at least try giving me a blow job one time? Would it kill you to go outside of your shell?"

I didn't want to lose him and I guess it was my desperation that broke my will, so I decided to give him a blow job.

I said "Steve, I don't want to break up. Especially not over something as silly as sex issues. If I give you a blow job will you stay together with me?"

He said "Yes, as long as you're open minded and take my feelings and desires into account, I don't want a half assed effort. You have to do your best."

I told him "I don't know how to do it".

He said "I have some porno tapes that we can watch. You can see how it's done that way".

Jesus, now I had to watch porn too? This is getting worse by the minute. "Fine" I said. "Come over after class tomorrow and we can watch your smut tapes."

"That's my girl" he said. "You won't regret it!"

The next day when Steve came over, he brought his porn and a case of beer. He said "I figured the beer would help you relax." I hoped so and thanked him.

We started the first tape. I don't remember what It was called but the girls were trashy. They wore too much make up. Were clearly faking orgasms and were bad actresses.

They did everything. Anal, blow jobs, pussy eating and all kinds of different positions.

After a while Steve said "Are you as turned on as I am?"

I lied and said that I was. He started to take his pants off. He slid down his boxers and his hard dick sprung up. He told me to do what the video girls did. I took a deep breath and put it in my mouth. I moved my head back and forth like they did on the tape.

He smelled clean, soapy I guess with a little bit of sweat so it wasn't horrible. The taste wasn't bad either so I kept going. He moaned so I guess he was enjoying it and then he started shooting cum in my mouth.

It was awful. I backed off, ran to the sink and spit as much as i could out.

He apologized saying "It felt so good I couldn't hold back."

I said "You should have warned me. That was gross."

"I'm sorry baby" he said. "It won't happen again, I promise."

I said "It better not. Or you'll never get another one."

Blow jobs became sort of normal for us after that. I just couldn't bear to lose him.

He stopped pushing for other slutty stuff so I guess that was a positive. I found out years later that he stopped asking me because he was getting those things from other girls.

We graduated, got jobs and were getting married. I was worried about his bachelor party and would he have strippers, but Debbie said "Don't worry. He won't risk losing you over a stripper." I hoped not.

"They will probably watch sports and get drunk" Debbie said. I didn't find out there was a stripper or that she screwed him until later as well. I guess I was a fool.

He tried to put it in my butt on our honeymoon and flipped out on him. I said "Are you crazy? I will not be doing that." The threat of no sex that night put a stop to any further requests.

Life went on. I work for an insurance company and he works in machine sales. He travels a lot but is always home on the weekends. I started asking about starting our family and he wanted to wait a bit longer. Shortly after that conversation, things got weird.

He was moody with me. He all but stopped making love to me. It's like we were roommates.

I spoke to Debbie about it and she said "Maybe he is cheating on you. He is gone a lot." I was shocked. There was no way he could do that to me. I tried to figure out how i could find out without making a fool of myself.

I basically set him up. I told him i was going on a shopping trip with Debbie that would keep us overnight. He seemed happy about it.

I left but I didn't go out of town. I got a hotel room and waited. I figured he would go to a bar and he usually went to the same places so I could probably find him.

And i did. His car was at the 3rd one I checked. I parked at the other end of the lot where I had a good view of his car. It was parked behind the building.

After an hour of waiting he and a girl walked to his car. I was getting ready to follow them when I saw that they didn't leave. God damn it! He was going to screw her in his car.

I walked over with my camera and saw that she was giving him a blow job. I took a picture and the flash startled him. I was so mad i didn't even cry. I ran to my car and drove to my hotel. That's when it hit me and I cried. I called Debbie and she came over immediately. She stayed all night consoling me.

I was expecting a call. I was expecting him to beg for forgiveness. I got nothing.

The next day I went home. He was packing and I said "How could you do this to me? To us? How long has it been going on? Are there others?"

He looked at me and spat back "How long? Since college. How many? A lot and it's your own fault." I screamed "My fault? How is it my fault you can't keep your dick in your pants?" I was not prepared for his answer nor the tone with which he said it.

"You are dead in bed. You do nothing but lay there like it is my honor to put it in you. You suck at the rare blow jobs you give, you won't try different positions and you act like my cum is poison. It won't kill you to let me cum in your mouth."

I couldn't believe it. I was so stunned I fell into a chair and didn't move. He just finished packing and left. I was shattered.

I called Debbie and she came over again. I told her what happened and she hugged me until I was cried out. She promised I would be ok and that she would help me through this.

I had my dad help with finding a lawyer and I filed for divorce. The bastard didn't fight for anything. He merely said "I just want out. Keep the house. Keep 60% of our money. Just give me my freedom." That gutted me.

I was a failure. I couldn't keep a man because i wasn't slutty enough. I decided that would change.

I guess I kind of snapped. I probably should have seen a therapist to help with my depression, but instead I became obsessed. Obsessed with sex.

I read everything I could about sex. I watched tons of porn. I even asked Debbie to go to a sex shop with me to get butt plugs and a vibrator. She was shocked about the butt plugs but I didn't care.

Debbie had not married yet. She had some boyfriends but was a party girl at heart. I became one too. I looked at it like practice. I let some men have me and some men I took. I was going to get experience and I did. Occasionally a man would get enough of my fancy to last for a few months but I wasn't falling in love. Not again!

After a while of slutting around, Debbie found her love. Jim was absolutely amazing. Looks, charm, honesty, a good job, he hit all of the check boxes on my list. I was jealous. Virtually every time he smiled at me my panties got wet.

I never showed it but I fell in love with him too. Over time I saw more and more of his devotion to Debbie. His love was immense. I wished I could find that. I wished he could love me that way.

I stopped clubbing when she did. I didn't want Jim to think of me as Debbie's slut friend. In fact, per Debbie's request, we never mentioned our recent histories.

There was a BBQ at Jim and Debbie's to celebrate their engagement. I must have looked down in the dumps because Jim came up to me and said "Why so glum Mary?"

I laughed and reminded him my name was Jill. He said "I know but you look like a Mary to me." After that he called me Mary every once in a while. I would bug him and Debbie to tell me why but they never would.

Life kept moving on and I was walking to a coffee shop one afternoon. I was surprised to bump into my ex Steve. He stopped me and said "Hey Jill, long time no see."

I said "Yes it has been. You're looking good". And damn did he. He was always gorgeous and the years have been kind. We talked for a bit and he asked me back to his room "To catch up properly."

I almost went, if not just to show him what he threw away but decided against it.

He kept pushing and said "Why not? You know how good I am and Debbie isn't complaining when I am balls deep in her ass." He laughed and I said "WHAT?"

He said "Oh yeah. She'll be visiting again later for another taste. So if you don't come, I'll still be cumming." Again he laughed and walked away.

I had to see if it was true. I couldn't just call her and ask. She would probably just deny it. She knows I think Jim is an amazing husband and would never approve of her betraying him as Steve did to me.

I got to my car and drove to Debbie's house. Her car was in the drive so I waited down the block. There is only one street out of her subdivision so I parked in the strip mall across the way and waited.

After a while she left and I followed. I was shocked when she pulled into a motel. It is one of those with the doors outside. She walked upstairs and went into a room. I took a picture with my phone and waited. 2 hours later the door opened. As if it were nothing, they walked out together. I took another pic of the 2 of them and left.

I went home and cried for Jim. What was I going to do? Do I tell him? He would hate me for it and I would lose his friendship I felt. Should I not tell him and just confront Debbie? Could I make her stop? I don't know. Jesus, was Debbie fucking Steve when we were married? Oh my god!

I decided to tell him. I loved him so much I had to. I would risk his hate, but I would try to be there for him. I wouldn't let him go through it alone. I knew he would divorce her. He could never stand for her betrayal. Maybe after the dust settled he would be interested in me? No, I couldn't be that lucky.

Debbie and I spoke a couple of times that weekend but I wasn't in the mood to deal with her. I was preparing to face Jim and break his heart.

I went to his office that black Monday and waited. He came in and was in such a good mood, I almost lost my nerve.

He smiled that panty wetting smile and gave me a wonderful hug. He asked his admin to get us coffee and we went into his office.

We sat down and once we had our coffee and his admin closed the door he asked me, "What's wrong Mary? How can I help?"

I smiled at my pet name and asked "Do you know what happened with my marriage?" He said "No, but I assumed he cheated on you." I confirmed that and for the first time told him the story.

Once done I told him about seeing Steve again and what he told me about Debbie.

He kind of spit up his coffee and lashed out "Debbie who? Not my Debbie. You're lying. No way; she wouldn't do that to me."

I showed him the pictures.

He broke down crying. I walked over and hugged him. It felt so good to hold him. I held him until he composed himself. He stood up and said "Excuse me for a minute. I'll be right back." He left the room.

I felt so sad for him. I was going to do whatever it took to help him. I said a silent prayer of thanks that he didn't appear to hate me.

He came back, grabbed my hands and thanked me. I started crying. I said "I was so worried this would make you hate me."

He hugged me and said "I could never hate you. Let's get out of here and think."

We grabbed our things and went to his house.

While there we started to hatch out a rough plan of his next steps. He was going for divorce. He said "I don't get it. I try to be the best husband I can be. I do everything for her. Cheating on me is bad enough, but letting him have her ass, which she has always denied me is a killer."

I gave him my attorney's number so at least I could save him time and effort of looking for one. Debbie would be home soon and I had to go. We said our goodbyes and I left him to his misery.

Debbie called me that night to chat. I was short with her. I didn't want to speak to her after what she did.

A couple days later I called him to check in. He was obviously down, so I did my best to console him as best as I could. He said "Today is the day she will be served. My attorney is going to give me a call to let me know when. The shit will hit the fan then."

I told him a little white lie, "I'm off today. Take off work and come over. I will keep you company. You shouldn't be alone."

He said "OK, be there in half an hour."

I told my boss I had an emergency and left work. He needs me and I'm going to be there for him.

He wasn't over long when his attorney called. She was going to be served within the hour. Once she was served he started getting calls. He didn't answer. I didn't listen to them but apparently they were pretty rough. He told me "I'm not going to talk to her. Let her talk to my attorney. But let's see if she responds to this text?"

It was something about the anal sex. Jim's pretty fixated on anal sex. Hmm...

Later that day his attorney called me. She remembered me and still had my numbers on file. After thanking me for Jim's referral and some small talk she said "Jill, Jim tells me that you're helping him through this. That's kind of you but might be problematic for him. If Debbie gets wind of it she might accuse you guys of having an affair. It could hurt his case."

I saw the logic in that but it broke my heart. I spoke to Jim and he said "Yeah she told me that too. I'm grateful for all you've done. Please don't forget about me. I always felt you were my friend too."

I lost it. My heart was breaking again and I couldn't do anything about it.

Debbie tried to lean on me to help her through this. She didn't lie to me but she didn't tell me everything.

Debbie told me "Jim caught me having an affair. I have to get him to see it's only him that I love."

I told her "It won't be that easy. Betrayal stings badly."

"Will you please help me?" She asked. "Your experience can provide me insight into what Jim is thinking. Will you be there for me now as I was for you?" She was referring to when she was there for me during my divorce when I was cheated on.

I said "No. I can't be there for you. You betrayed that great man. This is on you and you alone." She was shocked that I had chosen a side and it wasn't hers.

I didn't tell her I knew about Steve. I definitely didn't tell her my role in the end of her marriage. I just couldn't take the extra drama that info would have caused.

That night I went to visit my mom and Debbie's mom was over. I loved her like a second mom and called her mom too. She got a kick out of it and always harped on me to make her some grandbabies.

Like all moms do, they could tell something was bothering me. I told them about Jim filing for divorce. I probably made a mistake by telling them but oh well. That's Debbie's problem.

After she met with Jim at the attorney's office, she called me and screamed at me. I guess Jim must have told her I gave him the pictures of them at the hotel. "How dare you give him that picture. What the fuck were you doing there? Were you stalking Steve? How could you do this to me? How could you ruin my marriage?"

I said "Steve was bragging about banging your ass when I bumped into him. For all I know you were fucking him while we were married. Were you?"

She was crying and said "I love you. I could never do that to you. Steve saw me leaving a motel room with my boss. He blackmailed me into having sex with him."

I said "You were fucking your boss too?Jesus Debbie, what is the matter with you?"

She told me she was doing it in order to get promoted. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I said "Don't call me anymore". And I hung up.

That began what I call my dark time.

I was lost. I couldn't talk to Jim. I wouldn't talk to Debbie. I simply existed.

Mom said Debbie gave up her will to fight when Jim found out about her boss. Turns out Debbie got a case of the stupids and told Jim about him herself. The divorce was all but done except the waiting.

I didn't go out on dates. I couldn't risk being seen by Jim. I had convinced myself to let him know how I feel about him. I guess i could have reached out to him when Debbie stopped fighting, but I was uncomfortable with it. I wasn't sure how Jim felt and he didn't reach out to me either. So much for me helping him through that. He must have hated me I thought.

After a couple of months of misery, I walked into a coffee shop and saw Jim. My heart leapt. He asked me to join him.

We made small talk and eventually ran out of topics. I asked "All that aside, how are you really doing?"

He said "I'm fine. I've become a pet project for some of the ladies at work. They keep trying to set me up with nieces and daughters."

While my heart was breaking I asked "How is that working out?"

He said "I'm not interested in dating."

Inwardly I cheered and asked "Why not"?