Here is an entry to the April Fool's contest. Just a quick light one that I hope people enjoy -- and not take it too seriously.
*
Jonah was relaxing in the basement on early Sunday afternoon, while Rhonda, his wife of five years, was vacuuming upstairs. Ronnie, their two-year-old son was spending the weekend at her parents because Jonah was expecting to become an uncle at any moment. His sister-in-law was admitted Friday with a planned C-Section that day if things didn't happen naturally. He teased Teagan a fair bit considering the baby was coming just short of nine months before the wedding -- even though his twenty-four-year-old younger brother lived with his new bride for two years before tying the knot. She was his high school sweetheart, just like Rhonda was Jonah's. They were also the best man and maid of honor at each other's weddings. To say the two couples were really close was an understatement.
Being kid free even for a few days was quite a thrill; Jonah forgot how erotic his twenty-six-year-old wife could be when she wasn't worrying about waking a toddler. They'd already had spontaneous sex eight times the last two days in various places in the house. On the washing machine while it was spinning was his favorite so far. He was planning to jump Rhonda again as soon as he heard the vacuum stopping.
As he was waiting for that to happen, Jonah saw he had a call from Teagan. Before answering, he yelled up to his wife, "Babe, it's the call..."
He excitedly answered, "Hey bro!"
"Hi Jonah," said Teagan in a tone that didn't sound like someone just becoming a father for this first time, "It's a girl."
"Congratulations..." Jonah said, "Hey, something's wrong. Is the baby all right? Is Kayla?"
There was an awkward pause and breathing, which make Jonah worry even more.
"Listen, Jonah," said Teagan, "mother and baby are fine. It's just... it's not mine."
Jonah half-chuckled. "Come on, what do you mean it's not yours?" He looked up and saw Rhonda standing in front of him looking worried.
"She's really dark-skinned with black curly hair and brown eyes -- like her father," Teagan said in a tone that sounded more defeated than angry.
Jonah and Teagan were both very fair blondes from their father's Swedish roots. Kayla was an even fairer freckled ginger.
"How?" was all Jonah could say.
"Look, this is partly your fault as much as theirs," Teagan said bitterly, "Baby actually came a couple hours ago, and I needed time to think. Ma and Pa don't know. Shit, what the fuck will dad say?"
"Calm down, what do you mean my fault?" Jonah said.
"Remember your big idea of sending them a picture of us getting lap dances at my Bachelor party while they were at Kayla's Bachelorette Party?"
Jonah did remember. It did seem like a funny thing to do at the time -- being fall down drunk didn't help. Unfortunately, the girls didn't find it too funny. The following day, Rhonda was more than a little cold to him. He figured they'd also have a stripper or strippers and didn't see the big deal. Wasn't like Rhonda was really that mad, anyway.
"Well, apparently, the girls were more than a little drunk by then and assumed we were getting more than lap dances..." Teagan took a deep breath. "Don't do anything you'll regret... but Rhonda and Kayla both fucked the stripper, and he got Kayla pregnant."
"What!" Jonah said standing up and glared at his wife, who wouldn't look at him.
"Hey, it was one stupid mistake," Teagan said, "Don't let it ruin your marriage... At least the kid involved in yours is definitely is yours. And good call for pissing the women off for a laugh... bye."
Jonah's mouth was opened as he hung up and looked at his wife, who had her hands up defensively.
"Please, honey... Let me explain... we screwed up so bad," Rhonda said, "I fucked up beyond belief. Please just let me talk and tell you absolutely everything. I'll go with whatever you decide after that. I love you and don't want to lose you..."
"Kayla got pregnant by her stripper before marrying my brother," said Jonah feeling the blood rush to his face, and clenching his fist.
"Please sit, let me talk first. Once I'm done, you can yell or whatever, please," said Rhonda, who looked sad but calm.
"Fine," Jonah said sitting down, "Tell me why the fuck I shouldn't just get into my car and drive to a lawyer..."
"Because of all the great years we have together and you know I love you," Rhonda said, "It's just... you picked the worse fucking time to mess with us. I admit I fucked up way worse than you, but... we weren't just drinking, there was some... drugs... It was a private suite and Kayla's one friend, Meg, was really wild. We were wasted out of our minds, turned on by the gorgeous ebony stripper we got. He was even taller than you and looked like that guy on Black Panther. And then you sent that text...
"I was so sure you were cheating at that moment, we pulled the guy into the bedroom -- Kayla and I -- and told him we were going to dance for him. Next thing I know, I was just in my panties while he was sitting on the bed, and doing exactly what that slut was doing to you -- except he was in his g-string.
"I was grinding with my back to him, and he started cupping my breasts in those huge hands of his. Both of us were getting really turned on -- as was Kayla who was rubbing herself as she watched. His cock was so huge, when it got hard it popped out of his thong. I was grinding on this massive cock -- at least three inches longer than you -- with only the tiny fabric of my lacy panties between it and my pussy. I knew he would be able to feel how wet I was, but I was also starting to feel guilty about what I was doing. I started to stand up and stop things there, but he took that as an invitation to pull down my panties and then grabbed my hips. I'm sorry, but I gave in. He pulled me down, and I'm surprised it didn't hurt like hell, but it slid right inside me.
"He didn't come in me and I definitely didn't orgasm; it was like ten pumps in me, then Kayla, who was fully naked by this time, jumped on. She climbed off and it looked like she went on her hands and knees for doggy. She told me later she stumbled forward because she was drunk. I didn't think anything of it as the guy banged her from behind. Kayla loved it, but yelled at him to pull out and he said it was too late."
Jonah felt sick to his stomach. He crossed his arms and chose his words carefully. As furious as he was, he loved Rhonda more than anything. He spat out, "For being so wasted, you sure as fuck remember a lot of detail."
Rhonda looked down at her feet. "There's a reason for that. There's a video that Meg took. I initially just remembered being angry and giving a lap dance -- maybe a blowjob first before the filming started, I don't know. It's still a little fuzzy. I told you what I remembered after watching what happened. You can tell I'm loaded, but I look like I was really into it... I wanted to keep it from you, and didn't want you to catch anything."
