"Chris, once we do this there is no going back are you sure?"
I nodded my consent.
"Say it Chris, I need to hear the words."
"Ok, yes. Alright, fuck it yes."
We had talked about our sex life until I was sick to death of the subject, Bev was getting seriously depressed about it. I was put on a type of medication that would help save my life but with devastating side effects. I had a bad heart attack two years ago and had three stents fitted. My wife Beverly was at my bedside all week never leaving my side as I recovered. We have been married 27 years and I love her more than life itself.
Anyway the side effects are my sex drive, it is so minimal now that it is almost nil. The problem is that Bev has always had a very high sex drive, her libido on a scale of 1 to 10 is near 10. I try to please her but my heart is not in it, it shows. I try to look enthusiastic but she can tell. She says it doesn't matter but I know it does, I have overheard conversations with her sister about how I don't love her enough to satisfy her urges. We argue a lot now and it all comes back to how frustrated she is. Most of the time we are happy or at least I think we are but she gets very moody if she doesn't get laid often enough.
We used to have sex 4-5 times a week sometimes an all-dayer if the kids were out on a Sunday. She could always satisfy me but I know even if she had four orgasms she would want a fifth. Gradually over the last two years I have lost all interest in sex completely, I wouldn't care if we never did it at all. We bought her a vibrator but it is not enough, I perform oral on her but she says it feels like I just want to get it over as fast as I can. To be honest, I do.
I start with all good intentions trying to put as much love into it as I can but like I say, my heart is just not in it. Viagra helps but I can only use it very occasionally because of the heart problems. It got to a point where we argued too much and we had to find a solution. We tried porn to try to get me in the mood, all it did was get her more frustrated and I would lay beside her while she used her vibrator. Afterwards I would hear her crying by herself in the bathroom. I loved her with all my heart, I would die for her but since my attack our life had turned to shit.
It was during one of these angry exchanges that I said "I am sorry that my cock is just not good enough for you these days!" I regretted it as soon I said it.
We both knew it was not the sex act that was the problem it was my sex drive, it was non-existent now. But it did sow a seed in my brain, maybe another cock was the answer?
I tried to give her the affection that she craved, I still loved her madly. I adored the kisses and cuddles, the problem was that they didn't lead to anything. I didn't have the craving to follow up on the kisses, the worst thing was they made her more frustrated so we started to avoid the kisses.
A few days passed with us not really talking too much when over dinner Beverly said,
"Chris, really Chris, we need to do something about us. It is killing our marriage."
I looked up from my plate, "I know but I really cannot help how this medication affects me, for me the choice is sex-life or life!"
"I know love, you know I love you. I love you so much but I really need sex, not just affection. It's the way I am built."
"I do try but my brain is not the way it was, I love you, you know I do I just don't think of sex anymore. I don't want sex anymore, I don't seem to think about it."
She looked like she was about to cry again, I could see it in her face as her lip started to tremble.
"I said something out of anger the other night that had a little truth to it. about my cock."
"Chris, don't."
"Bev, listen to me. I cannot give you what you need, believe me I have tried so hard but with these meds it's out of my control. I have given this a lot of thought and seriously, I am willing to turn a blind eye if you need sex."
"Sorry?" she looked at me quizzically.
"Sex, if you need sex we can find someone."
"No! don't be so fucking stupid!"
She slid her plate across the table at me angrily "How fucking dare you be so condescending, how fucking dare you!"
She slammed the dining room door so hard on her way out it nearly came off the hinges.
I sat at the table alone wondering what I had said wrong. Five minutes later I ventured out of the room to hear her sobbing in the lounge. I entered the room warily to see her holding her head in her hands on the sofa.
"Bev?"
"Chris, I'm sorry you just really don't understand how bad this is for me, I am frustrated 24 hours a day. I love you so much but it feels like you don't want me. I feel rejected ALL the time!"
I took her in my arms as we rocked back and forth together, she was in a state her face wet with tears and snot hanging from her nose. I wiped her face and tenderly kissed her.
"The problem is Bev, we are at opposite ends of the sexual scale now and I have no idea if it is permanent. I was serious about what I said. I know you need loving as well as love. We cannot go on like this, we need to address it properly."
She gave a big sniff and kissed me, I told her "Tomorrow, we will talk properly tomorrow." We had an early night and went to bed both mentally drained.
Work the next day dragged on and on until finally it was 5pm. I got a Chinese takeaway on the way home. I got in 15 minutes before Beverly and had it all laid out on the table with a bottle of wine opened and breathing. Thinking how on earth do I put into words what I had in mind.
We both sat looking at each other willing the other to say something. I broke the awkward silence,
"Bev please let me talk without you interrupting, I need to say this. Now I know you need more than I can give you."
"Chris......"
"Stop! Let me finish."
"Ok."
"I know you need sex, we both know my head is not in the game. I have tried, god I have tried so hard but the urge is just not there anymore. Honestly I am not rejecting you, I love you. I love you so, so much. I love you enough to tell you it is ok by me for you to fuck someone, please do not fall in love it would kill me."
She got up from the table with tears streaming from her face and sat on my lap throwing her arms around my neck.
"You sweet, sweet man. I could NEVER love anyone else, you are my life, my sole-mate."
We both cried in each-other's arms, the dinner went cold and we heated it up later in the evening. We snuggled together on the sofa with hot chocolate as I tried to convince her that it was our best option for her to take a lover. Over the next four hours I convinced her and she really got into the idea, the hard thing was now how to go about it. Neither of us had ever entertained such a thing, sure we had looked at others like all red blooded people do but this was suddenly real now.
She tried to hide how excited she was by the idea but I could see she was coming around to it. That night she again tried to arouse me, she took my cock into her mouth but it did nothing for me. Again she had to resort to the vibrator. It just emphasised that this had to happen before our marriage crumbled too far.
The next weekend we had a house party to celebrate our son Michael's engagement to his girlfriend Jill, she was perfect for him. We both loved her. We had a fair sized four bedroom house in the suburbs and somehow we crammed over 100 people into it.
It was a wonderful night full of family and friends, most were Michael's university buddies and they were full of fun. Lots of drinking games, near all were very drunk by the end of the night.
Tony was Michael's dorm partner and he was a real charmer, we had met him a few times and he made constant cheeky remarks to Beverly. I didn't mind because I knew they were all in jest but this night at the party he was a little more forward with her, he was drunk and I saw Bev was enjoying the attention. She looked in my direction and raised an eyebrow nodding in Tony's direction. I raised an questioning eyebrow back and she smiled at me.
Towards the end of the evening she said to me,
"Well, what do you think?"
"About what?"
She punched me in the arm, "Tony?"
"What about Tony?"
"You know." She went all coy as she said it.
"OH.......Tony!" it became clear she was aroused by the idea.
"You know he is only 22 don't you?" I said.
She smiled back at me saying,
"Yes, but he is nice."
"Seriously? He is a kid!"
"Chris, he is a man in the prime of his life and you know he fancies me, you have often commented on it."
"I know but I was joking, he is our sons best friend."
"So its perfect, he will keep it secret. He would never tell." She said a bit too enthusiastically for my liking. I could see the cogs whirring in her mind. She was into this full throttle now.
She held my arm and pulled me close whispering "How are you going to ask him?"
"ME!"
"Yes obviously I can't can I?"
"Why is it obvious? Sorry but I am not going to ask a kid to fuck my wife!"
"This was YOUR idea Chris, YOU ask him."
Fate was against me because at that moment Tony looked in our direction and could see us looking directly at him. he wandered through the crowd to us,
"What are you two conspiring about?"
Bev said, "Chris, ask him," I was silent. "Ask him?" she punched me arm playfully looking me in the eye with one of her DO IT stares.
"Erm Tony, we have known you for a few years now and we do like you"..........
Tony seemed to sober up and interrupted me as I was speaking, "I'm not sure I like where this might be going, this sounds serious."
"Beverly wants to fuck you!" it just came out I blurted it out without thinking, one minute it was in my brain the next it was out there.
Tony just stood there in front of us almost open mouthed and stunned.
Bev was suddenly overcome with self-doubt, I could feel her beside me stiffen up and shuffle her feet. She started to stumble out words that were totally incoherent. Tony broke the silence and broke into a huge grin,
"Really?"
I gulped air into my lungs trying to breathe, it felt like I hadn't took a breath for a minute or two and I just stood there nodding like a fool.
Tony looked directly at her "Beverly?"
She stood there nodding like a fool too.
Tony was suddenly sober as a judge, he leant into me and whispered "You two are serious aren't you."
"Yes, I am afraid so Tony. We need to get together away from here and talk."
"You are really serious?"
