Author's Notes.
I had planned that this would be the last part of this story... So will Jackie and George repair their relationship. Can Jackie end the betrayal, does she want to.
***
The Road to Hell is paved with Good Intentions.
When Jackie next visited Stephen McCabe's apartment she did so with the intention of telling him they could no longer be together, she wanted to tell him how she felt she was being pulled in two different directions. Their affair had to end, but with the strong feelings she had for Stephen she wanted to tell him face to face, she owed him that - but what is it they say about the road to hell being paved with good intentions...
Jackies good intensions lasted all of five seconds. He opened the door and setting eyes on him she immediately fell into his arms; full of tears. Wrapping Jackie in his arms, he comforted her, he listened to her sobbing. She was telling him how sorry she was without saying what she was sorry for; how everything was such a mess and it was all her fault. Stephen held her tight, he was concerned for Jackie as a friend and as a lover, as well as a business partner - he didn't give a fuck about George.
Jackie rested her head on his shoulder, it was soothing, she felt safe... As for the road to hell, all it took was one soft gentle reassuring kiss for the two lovers to resume their affair with a renewed passion.
Mouths forcefully mashing together, both were eager to make up for the brief time they'd not been together. They began tugging and pulling at each other's clothes, there was an urgency about their undressing. Jackie shedding her sweater, he his shirt, she her blouse, both fumbling, she pulling at his belt, kissing one another, professing their love, their need for each other.
Something had changed, now there was a new dynamic in play, more than lust? It wasn't just sex Jackie was wanting from Stephen. That's not to say she didn't still want the sex, she wanted as much as she could get, she had missed him, but now she wanted all of him and not just his bedside manner.
That afternoon wasn't just sex, they were still wild, but now they were making love, affectionate, and energetic love. They ground their pelvis's together and she clawed and laughed with joy as he roared when planting his seed deep inside her, looking into her soul as his buttocks clenched. She felt every pulse, her eyes sparkled as she held him tight. Coming down from their sexual high they hugged, kissed, revelled in one another.
From that afternoon they were a couple, no longer just two people getting their leg over. They had that raw lust, what she had with George didn't come close, she had a palpable hunger for her lover. Jackie began to realise just how strong the emotional connect she felt for him was, it scared and excited her at the same time. She felt she had fallen in love; it was the kind of love that said 'I want to be your life and I want you to be my life'.
Over the next week Jackie's thoughts kept drifting back to George, she tried not to but couldn't help it. He was supposed to have been her life, they had a family, a granddaughter. Twenty years of marriage and shared memories, it seemed a lot to walk away from. She had to tell Stephen how she felt, she had to know if there was a future for them.
The truth was, when Jackie was with Stephen, she felt happy, at ease, and resented George for being in the way.
Stephen could see how relaxed she seemed, but he also sensed her conflicted thoughts. He felt she wanted to be with him, and if it wasn't for her marriage she would be, for his part he was thinking Jackie might be 'the one'. He knew things would go one of two ways. Way one, the time they had together would be short lived, Jackie would get back together with George. Way two, the discovery of their affair now ends Jackie's marriage - in which case he could be with her all he wanted. Was it wrong of him to want that. Regardless of outcome, he intended to make the most of what time they had.
It had started as a means to get his hands on her business - and her... But then their fun trysts had morphed into an affair. He liked taking her to bed, among the other places they fucked. It crept up on him, the way his feelings for Jackie began to differ from those he'd had for other women. With Jackie he found a genuine compatibility, she was a fun loving beautiful intelligent woman. There was nothing about Jackie he didn't like. Now, added to the mixture, he found he was wooing her because he wanted to, because he knew it made her happy, he wanted her for himself. Despite his initial motives he had developed very strong feelings for her, they had snuck up on him. Sometimes he telephoned just to hear her voice. He knew if she did ever want more, he was on board.
***
When Jackie looked at Stephen, she saw a handsome rogue of a man, her initial impression and memories of him so wrong, He had barged into her life and in doing so made her smile, made her feel good about herself. When she saw him gaze at her, she felt wanted, desired, valued. He had been there when she needed him most. But in Stephen she also felt an element of danger, and that excited her, she liked his cockiness, his arrogance, his overabundance in self-belief, his disregard for rules, and his drive. George could take a leaf out of his book.
Stephen had known she was married, it hadn't bothered him, not stopped him chasing her, taking her for himself, and she'd let him. He had awakened her, he had woken her up like a breath of fresh air filling her lungs and she liked that, he was such a good lover, she liked that. Even at her age, he was teaching her new things. In the bedroom she felt allowed to be dirrrrty and nassssty in ways she'd never been before, and without feeling bad about it. She liked that there was a dark side to their relationship, at times it felt like they were mocking her marriage and she played a willing part, she enjoyed the debauched things they'd do, alongside the Sandra Dee stuff. With Stephen she was able to say things, express thoughts, react, ask him to do things in ways she could never with George.
It wasn't as if she didn't appreciate George, up to this point in her life she had thought of him as the love of her life, she always felt settled. But now, with Stephen, she felt anything but settled. Stephen gave her goosebumps, made her feel hot and devilish, made her want to risk all to be with him. It was as if the world was suddenly up for grabs. Two different feelings from two different men.
In a perfect world she would have both. But the world wasn't perfect. At some point she knew she'd have to choose, one or the other, rogue or labrador. That in itself was telling, not so long ago there wouldn't have been a choice to make, she would have said her future was with George - but now, now she didn't know. Jackie did however fear that if she did leave George for Stephen, it might not last, Stephen had wandering cock syndrome. George was safe, then she chided herself, there had to more to George than 'he was safe'.
Although she'd had always felt loved by George and had been happy with their love life, she began to realise that she had, on some subconscious level, always practiced self-restraint. She didn't believe she could ever 'let go with George' as she did with Stephen, after all she was his wife, the mother of his daughter, not some booty call.
She was all mixed up. On one hand she aspired to be a good wife and mother - but now, thanks to Stephen, she possessed this inner whore and an urge. No longer sure if she could settle for being George's wife.
Jackie couldn't deny the genuine magnetic sexual attraction she felt for Stephen, nor could she deny a growing affection for him, the kind that made her happy to be with him. But if the price of keeping George was to lose Stephen, she didn't know if that was a price she wanted to pay, but then if the price to keep Stephen was to lose George?
***
Things with George were progressing slowly. Then came the visit, when out of the blue, George asked Jackie if she was still seeing Stephen, and not just through work. Fearing the truth would be the death nell of any chance to rescue their relationship, she hesitated and said 'No'.
George saw the tell-tale hesitation; saw the way his wife looked down to avoid eye contact; in that moment he knew. He stood and left. This left Jackie agonising and in tears.
The next visit, as they sat on a bench in the gardens, the first thing Jackie said was, "Yes, I'm still seeing him."
She could see George was upset, she had expected that, but he surprised her by saying, "Loverboy has a name, use it."
Jackie could have said 'Grow up, you use it too' but instead she collected herself.
"I'm still seeing Stephen."
Then, feeling an anger of her own she went on the offensive.
"George, I'm not going to crucify myself for wanting something other than despair."
Almost at once realising she'd said the wrong words as George blew up. He snapped, "Is that how you think of me? Despair?"
Jackie snapped back, "Don't twist my words... I'm saying I'm fed up of being sad and angry and waiting for things to get better, fed up of waiting for things to get back to how they were - wondering if they ever will." Jackie wanted to tell him how his behaviour was making it harder for her to come to visit him, it was becoming less something she wanted to do and more something she had to.
George huffed. "Do you love him?"
Jackie snapped, "He has a name - use it."
George didn't like this; felt she was making fun of him. He barked, "Do you love Stephen McCabe?"
"What kind of question is that?"
He growled, "One I'd like answering."
Jackie sighed, "Don't be ridiculous." To George she didn't sound convincing. She didn't miss her husband's snide look, she felt angry with him, for the first time wanted to say something that hurt. "Okay yes I do... Happy"
Then immediately regretting her harsh words and before he could respond she said, "Not in the same way I love you." Jackie knew she was being untrue, she knew George saw through her, she tried to mitigate her lie, make it more believable by saying, "But do I have feelings for him? Yes."
Jackie looked down, had her faux confession had worked, then with another huff George said. "You have feelings for this Loverboy?"
Jackie felt able to go on the offensive. "Please, George, can we be adult about this?"
George wanted to act childish, he was the wronged one here, he was the one who'd been cheated on... But she was right. He calmed down. "Well, do you?"
Jackie took a deep breath. "Yes, of course I do. Do you think I'd 'sleep' with someone I didn't feel something for them... I'm not a slut."
"Well, you're sure acting like one."
***
Her first instinct in hindsight should have been her last, it wasn't. "Fuck you." The accompanying slap she gave him resonated and seemed so loud.
