The hypnotist evening at the local working men's club whilst we were on holiday looked like good fun, and I duly bought two tickets, one for myself and one for my wife.
When we arrived that evening we were met with strange stares. Not me in particular, but my wife, Jan. It soon became apparent that not only were we the only couple there but indeed Jan was the only woman. Although feeling a little uncomfortable we decided to stay and enjoy the show.
It was the usual sort of thing, people sitting on chairs and leaping up because they were hot, but all good mannered and fun.
Until, that is, the hypnotist picked Jan to go up on stage. To begin with it was the usual sort of stuff, amusing and harmless, but then with Jan being the only woman in the audience the theme of the show turned markedly sexual.
"When you hear the theme to The Stripper," the hypnotist was saying, "you will feel the uncontrollable urge to take all your clothes off and dance to the music. In fact you will want to put on a real show for everyone here tonight, because you will think you are the most sexiest woman in the world. You will wake up on the count of three. One. Two. Three. Awake!"
The hypnotist engaged Jan with small talk on the stage whilst everyone waited with bated breath for the music to start playing. No, not waiting, but willing it to start.
There was a deadly silence, you could almost see the air of anticipation of the men in the audience.
I sat quietly in my seat with a pint in my hand and my heart pounding away in my stomach. Although I knew that surely the hypnotist would stop Jan before she embarrassed herself too much, I took little comfort in the men surrounding me
drooling over the thought of my wife stripping for them.
Then suddenly the music started, it was like some weird out of body experience as I sat and numbly watched my wife get up from her seat and started cavorting across the stage, unbuttoning her blouse button by button. The crowd erupted in spontaneous cheers and a chorus of "get 'em off, get 'em off, get 'em off," resounded throughout
the hall. And then before I knew it the blouse was off and thrown into the arms of an appreciative spectator.
This was far too much, I stood up from my seat with the intention of getting my wife back from the jaws of indecency, but to my surprise was forced back down again. It was two huge gorillas of bouncers, one either side of me with a hand on each of my shoulders. They spoke once and only once. They did not have to say any more. It
was perfectly clear - cause a scene and I would get thrown out and have my legs broken - it was as simple as that. There was no arguing with that - I was resigned to the fact that I had to sit and watch my wife strip for a jeering drunken mob.
I looked back to the stage, Jan had removed her skirt and shoes and was now dancing around in nothing more than her bra and knickers.
Then as suddenly as it started the music stopped. "Sleep," the hypnotist ordered.
I breathed a sigh of relief. It had stopped.
