Getting started
After eight years of marriage, still in their early thirties, Nick and his wife Kit readily acknowledged their diminished sexual passion and pleasure. They found this deeply distressing and began to discuss what they could do to rekindle their erotic relationship, not long ago so exciting and so satisfying. As with many couples in a similar situation they promised to carve out more leisure time to spend together doing things they used to enjoy and discovering some new ones. Already comfortable financially, he as a financial consultant and she as a university administrator, they committed to lowering their emphasis on professional advancement. They also agreed to communicate more often and more openly about their sexual desires and to try to be more creative and adventuresome in meeting them. Nick and Kit both vowed to pay more attention to diet and to spend more time at the fitness center; they wanted their bodies to become more sexually desirable to one another--and to others. In one of their conversations they admitted that stimulating greater sexual attention from other men and women likely would heighten their own sexual confidence and their receptivity to new erotic experiences.
Over the next six months Nick and Kit made progress, enjoying sex more often and with increased satisfaction. That pleased them and at the same time further fueled their sexual consciousness and openness. They felt a need for something that would have a more direct and substantial erotic impact on their sexual relationship.
Late one night, after sharing a joint in their study, Nick and Kit languidly kissed and touched on the couch, each hoping to build a deeper arousal, a more insistent hunger. As they searched for the spark that would light the fire, Nick paused to make a simple suggestion. "Kit, I believe we are on the right track for more and better sex--but aren't we both looking for more than just a modest stimulus? I have been kicking around ideas in my head, searching for something new we can try. I want to suggest an idea I picked up in my reading.
"I believe we need to share our feelings even more frankly than we have about our sexual desires and to trust one another to go together wherever a deeper awareness might lead us. Couldn't we generate higher excitement by revealing our sexual needs more openly and more explicitly to one another? It must be the case we both are still withholding secrets we have been unwilling to share. Perhaps we have been afraid to put some of these into words, even to ourselves. One way we could approach this is to fantasize together--not to each carry the burden of describing directly our individual desires and needs but to create new fantasies together, to imagine sexual situations in which we are both involved and engaged, to use our imaginations to arouse ourselves. Maybe we need stronger stimulation. This will be something we can do for each other. Will you think about, it Kit?"
She paused for several long minutes, then nodded her head. "Maybe this could work, Nick. We can try. I will try. I want something different, more intense. I like the idea of sharing the responsibility to be more open and creative about sex. How would we begin?"
"I have been thinking about this for the past several weeks, Kit, so if you are ready to try, I will begin. Then you need to enrich the fantasy; you can even to take it in an entirely new direction, imagining things that seem sexy to you. Then I will try to keep the fantasy going beyond where you have left it. Maybe freeing our imaginations will inspire us to create hot sexual fantasies and share them, learning more about ourselves and each other in the process. If we each dare to do this, open ourselves, take some chances, I believe we can arouse and stimulate each other. But we both will need to embrace this and contribute to it if we are both to enjoy the results.
"Here is a start to our first fantasy, Kit. Imagine we decide to go on vacation to an exclusive couples resort on an island. We do this because we want to escape our normal routine, get outside our comfort zone, challenge one another to at least consider sexual things we each might have dreamed of but have never shared--and certainly have never done together. Maybe, to one or both of us, such erotic dreams have seemed too course or too carnal to share with the other. I hope we will not be embarrassed to share fantasies and to build on them together. I believe we need that. Fewer secrets, Kit. More daring, more sharing. I will do my part."
"Imagine then, on the first day of our vacation we head for the beach, not sure what to expect or how will feel about it--though we know it is a clothes optional beach. For a while we are sitting on our blanket, watching beautiful sexy people walk by, most of the women are not wearing a top, and some of them, and some the men, no bottom either. How would that make you feel?"
"I'm ready to imagine with you, Nick. For me, reacting to this situation would need to be gradual, getting our feet wet so to speak. But I like to think about it. I'm already picturing that situation. Should I tell you how I would want it to evolve on the first day and maybe I would take it on to our first night? Is this a way for us to start the kind fantasizing you have in mind?"
"Tell me, Kit. Don't hold back. What is in your head? What do you picture?"
"I would like to watch for awhile. See attractive men and women showing off their bodies for one another, for us in fact, noticing our eyes on them. Some of them are looking back at us as they walk by; I imagine they want to see more than we are showing. That would excite me, so soon I take my top off. I like the idea of letting other people see my breasts--especially some handsome man or men staring lustfully at me, my nipples already hard, already needing to be touched.
