Law of the Heart: Consequential...ch. 02

Law of the Heart: Consequential Damages Chapter 02

As I walked through the door, I thought I was prepared for anything. I was even prepared to find them doing things that Jill and I had never tried. I expected to be shocked and saddened by what I found.

But all of my preparations were for naught. Because, there in the bedroom sat Jill and Juan Mendoza, fully clothed, sitting at a table talking.

When Jill heard the door open, she turned her head and gave me a look of relief and said, "Damn it Jake, it's about time you showed up. Where in the hell have you been?

As Jill spoke, Juan, with a small smile looked over at me. "Hi Jake", he smirked, "I don't think that I want to be in your shoes right now! Jill's been worried sick over you. She is pretty pissed!"

"That's enough, Juan." Snapped Jill glaring at Juan.

Jill stared at Juan angrily until he ducked his head and mumbled an apology to her. She then looked at him, smiled and her tone of voice softened. "Thank you Juan. I had a lot of fun today. But, its time you left. I need to talk with my husband," Jill paused for a second and shot me an intense look. "Alone."

With that, both Jill and Juan stood up. Jill walked around the table and gave Juan a short hug and kiss.

"It was my pleasure," replied Juan. "I'm just glad I finally had the opportunity to spend some time with you again. You helped me a lot that first year of law school. I still feel guilty for letting Hector talk me into stealing your law review idea."

Throughout this interchange, I just stood there gaping like a fish out of water. My mouth was open, and I was trying to talk, but nothing intelligible was coming out. My anger had vanished and I was left in shock. While I felt enormous relief that I did not find Jill in bed with Juan, I still felt uneasy.

I knew something had happened, but I didn't have the faintest clue what it was. I was more confused than I had ever been in my entire life. All I wanted was for someone to tell me what in the hell was going on.

As Juan started to walk out of the room, he stopped in front of me and looked at me with that smirk on his face that I had grown to despise during law school. "Before I go, Jake, I want to tell you something. Twelve years ago, I made some big mistakes and they cost me any chance that I might have had with Jill. I haven't found anyone that comes close to her.

"My main reason for coming to this reunion was to get her back. I know that she's your wife, but I planned to win her back from you if possible. Last night, I was able to get her to accept my apology and I let her know that I wanted her, but she shot me down. She told me that she would never run around on you behind your back.

"If I could have stolen her from you, I would have. I tried again tonight. She refused to cheat on you. For some unknown reason, she loves you and you make her happy. For now, I'm happy that she decided to accept my friendship again. But, just remember I'll be waiting for you to blow it with her.

With that comment, Juan walked by me and headed for the door. As he reached it, he turned and looked at Jill. "Thanks for the good time today Jill, I can't tell you how good it felt to kiss and touch you again. If you ever get tired of this guy, give me a call and I'll come running."

With that parting comment, Juan smirked at me again and quickly walked out into the night. I looked over at Jill and she had sat down at the table again. She was staring at the door where Juan had just walked out. From where I was standing, I couldn't get a good look at her face, but there was no disguising her body language. Jill was nervous, but she was also determined.

"Sit down, Jake", she said in a tired voice. "We need to talk."

I crossed the bedroom and fell into the chair across from her that Juan had just vacated. I was still in shock. Juan's comments to me had been another blow to my system. There was a lot of information in Juan's comments that I wasn't sure how to process.

I was gratified that Jill had rejected Juan's advances, but the way that she did it made me anxious. Why did she feel it was necessary to limit her statement to running around behind my back? What about her behavior today? Were her actions the actions of a woman that had rejected him totally, or those of a woman that still was interested in seeing what would develop?

That asshole had just told me that he wanted to steal my wife and admitted to my face that he had kissed and touched her tonight. Why had she acted like she had today and tonight? Why did she spend most of the day with him? I needed some answers or my head felt like it was going to explode.

"Can you please tell me what is happening?" I asked weakly.

Jill looked at me nervously. "Jake, before I tell you, I need to ask you something. I know you've been here since this afternoon. I saw you down at the dock. I saw you watching me at the Luau. Do you like to watch me with other guys? Were you aroused seeing me with Juan tonight? How would you feel if I took another lover?"

It took a moment to process what Jill had said. I understood the words, but I wasn't ready to accept their meaning. She had known I was there? Had she acted to consciously humiliate me? Another lover! I started to fall back into despair. I looked at Jill with an expression of horror on my face. "No. . . No. . . . Jill, how could you even think that I. . . .. Even the thought of you with someone else is enough to make me sick."

All of a sudden everything that I had seen that day seemed to click into place. "Oh my God, that is what this is all about. That's why you told him that you wouldn't run around behind my back. That's why you spent the day with him. You want Juan as your lover and you want my permission. I thought you loved me, Jill, how could you make a fool of me like this in front of my friends. How could you do this to me? How could you do this to us?" I groaned and put my head into my hands. All of my depression and fears were back in full force and I was beginning to go back into mental overload. I was convinced my marriage was over.

For what seemed forever, we just sat there in silence. Jill just sat there waiting for me as I tried to figure out what had happened to our marriage. When I finally looked at her, I was amazed to realize that she was looking happy. I could see that a lot of the nervousness had left her body.

"That's a relief," she said with relieved grin. "I have no desire to take another lover either behind your back or with your permission. You are the only man I want. But, I've been worried that was what you wanted and it has been driving me crazy. There was no way that I could accept the possibility that you wanted me to take other lovers and still respect you."

I gaped at Jill trying to comprehend what she was telling me. "How could you even think I wanted you to take a lover Jill? When have I ever told you or even hinted at anything like that. We don't even role-play you're being with someone else. Where did this come from? When has this ever been part of our fantasies?"

"I know," replied Jill with a frown, "You've never said anything, but, God damn it, your behavior has been driving me nuts. You've been sending out all types of signals that I couldn't figure out. You're always letting guys cut in on you when we are dancing. Then, you just sit there when the guy starts to maul me.

"Whenever we go to a party for your office, you take off and leave me standing in a circle of the guys you work with. I tell you someone is hitting on me and you never react. You just smile and tell me that you trust me to do the right thing.

"Ever since Jake Jr. was born, I feel like you've been forcing me on other guys. Every year it gets worse. I didn't know what to think. I had to wonder if my taking a lover was some fantasy of yours that you couldn't talk to me about."

By now, I knew what Alice felt like down the rabbit hole. Everything that I thought I knew and was familiar with was turning crazy. My mind had been through so many shocks that I was having difficulty following what Jill was saying. I was baffled.

"Jill, I have no desire now or at any time to see you with someone else. You've got it all wrong. How could you misinterpret my behavior like this?

"I haven't been trying to force you on anyone. I didn't realize it made you uncomfortable when I left you with the guys from my office. I figured that you would like the opportunity to talk to some other lawyers. Since you had Jake Jr., you've had to spend a lot of time at home with only Jake Jr. for company. I'm the only adult you get to see on a regular basis. I thought you would want to get out and talk to other adults you had something in common with. I was trying to think of you.

"I know I let guys cut in sometimes when we dance. I get to dance with you all of the time. I thought that you liked dancing with other guys. I'll admit it; I do like watching you dance, but it has nothing to do with wanting to see you with someone else. I like to watch the way you tease me when you know I am watching. Of course I like to look at you; you are so beautiful. Why didn't you talk to me? You never said anything.

"I know some guys have hit on you. But you always told me that you could take care of yourself. That is why I told you I trust you do the right thing. I trust you to handle any guy who tried something. Up until today, you never gave me any reason to think I couldn't trust you."

As I slowly worked my way through my behavior, could see Jill nodding as she digested my explanations. Slowly an expression of relief crossed her face as understood what I was saying, although she winced at my dig about trust. Jill could see that I was confused at her accusations. After a moment, the relief was replaced with an expression of annoyance. "Alright, then, if that is the case, then, what in the hell was up with your behavior today? Why have you been sneaking around spying on me?"

Although I was taken aback by the vehemence of Jill's question, I wasn't too surprised. Jill had always believed in the adage that the best defense is a good offense. I could tell that she wanted to shift the discussion away from her behavior and onto mine. She wanted to avoid talking about tonight. But this time, I wasn't going to allow it. I wasn't the one that had been all over Juan all night. Tonight, she was going to explain her behavior.

"No," I replied firmly. "Not this time. I'm not going to allow you to sidetrack me. Jill, you do this to me all of the time. I ask you a question about your behavior and you shift the discussion to me. By the time we finish discussing whatever you want to discuss, we never get back to my questions and you tell me that we will finish the conversation in the morning. Then, you spend the night thinking about how you want to respond and give me some prepared answer in the morning and cut off the discussion. It's not going to work this time Jill. I want some answers from you and I want them now!"

As I told Jill that I planned on getting answers, I watched her closely. At first, she looked annoyed that I wasn't willing to play her game and then a little guilty as I described the tactics she used to manipulate me. It never crossed her mind that I saw through her little tricks.

Normally, I let Jill get away with her attempts to manipulate me because I usually get the result that I want. I know that if I let her put me off over night, she will spend most of the night thinking and trying to come up with an answer. It works because it is one of the few ways that I have found to get her to thoroughly analyze all aspects of a situation. When I can get her to think about a problem, she is excellent at examining both sides of the issue. I know she will objectively evaluate her behavior. I might not get a full discussion of the issue that is bothering me, but more often than not, I get the results that I want.

But this time, I wasn't willing to accept this compromise. Her behavior tonight was something that needed to be fully discussed by both of us. I needed Jill to give me a full explanation for her behavior and I wanted it now!

As I looked at Jill, I could tell that she was a surprised at my insistence. She had counted on her ability to control the conversation. She finally gave me a nod of acceptance and told me to go ahead with my questions.

"Jill, I need you to tell me what has been going on since you left for Miami on Thursday."

Jill bit her lip and responded "Honey, I promise that I'll tell you everything that you want to know, but I really think that you'll understand it better if I can give you some context first. We need to talk about the last few years some more. I need you to know what I've been going through. It will help you understand what I was thinking and why I was behaving like I was."

I shook my head and told her no. "Jill, you've already given me some context. You can give me the rest later. Right now, I just want to know what has happened. Up until tonight, I have always trusted you without question. Right now, I'm wondering if I was a fool."

My response shook Jill up. While I love Jill with all of my heart, she has a tendency to act impulsively. She is so passionate that she rarely takes the time to analyze a situation fully. Rather, she relies on her intuition to come up with a solution and doesn't consider all of the potential consequences of her actions. It works for her because she is smart enough to get out of problems that develop, usually, but even when she succeeds, it drives me nuts.

I was beginning to suspect that her behavior was part of some convoluted scheme to get a reaction from me. Unfortunately, she had underestimated the visceral level of my emotional response. Now, she was beginning to understand that her scheme had consequences that she hadn't planned and she was getting worried.

"Oh my God, Jake, please don't say that!" She cried. "You have no reason not to trust me. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you or our marriage."

"Then lets deal with this piece by piece," I replied. "First, you said something when I came in that confused me. You said you knew that I was watching you today. How?"

Jill gave me a weak grin and tried to inject some humor into the discussion. "Love, you are a fine lawyer, but you'd make a terrible investigator. I've had my eye on you since this afternoon. I knew you were watching me. I called your office just before lunch to say hi and to find out how the trial was going. Bridget told me that your case had been dismissed and that you were on your way to the airport."

"So you knew I was coming down. Why didn't you leave me a note or something? Why didn't you let the hotel know? They didn't have me on the registration anywhere and wouldn't even tell me what room you were in. Hell, why did you take off on the boat all afternoon?"

Jill sighed and gnawed her lip. "When I got off the phone with Bridget, I wondered why you didn't call me to let me know. I called the front desk and found out that you hadn't left me any messages. I was hoping that you were planning on coming down early to surprise me so I decided to play along and let you. I didn't want to spoil your surprise.

"I'm sorry you couldn't get into the room. When I registered for the reunion, I let the committee know that you were stuck in a trial. They must have understood me to mean that you wouldn't make it at all and told the hotel to take your name off the registration. I never thought about that. I assumed that you were still on the hotel registration.

"I had made the plans to go out on the boat Thursday night. I didn't see how I could get out of it without spoiling your surprise. Besides, I didn't know what time you would get here. I went to lunch with Sally, Steve and Meredith and then we all went out on Juan and Hector's boat for the afternoon. It was hard not letting them know.

"I just assumed that if you got here before we got back, you would relax in the hotel room and surprise me when we got in. I thought we could surprise them all when you showed up at the Luau tonight"

I couldn't fault Jill's explanation. After all, she had guessed my intentions correctly. I had wanted to surprise her. It wasn't her fault that I had been inconvenienced by unintended consequences. But, she did have to answer for her actions with Juan.

"Tell me about last night." I said quietly. "Before he left, Juan told me that he was trying to steal you away from me. He also said that you had forgiven him and he let you know his intentions last night. Is that true?"

"I could have killed Juan when he said that." Jill retorted vehemently. "He was just getting back at me for refusing to go to bed with him by taking a cheap shot at you. That bastard can be so full of shit. He hasn't changed at all since law school. All he thinks about is getting laid. He saw I was alone last night and thought that he could hit on me. The only thing he wanted from me was sex.

"Last night Juan and Hector came over to the table where Sally and I were sitting with Meredith and Steve to introduce us to Hector's wife Maria. When Juan found out that you weren't at the reunion, he started to come on to me. He gave me some line of crap about how much he missed me. He told me that Hector had talked him into stealing the law review idea and that he was sorry for it. He asked if I could ever forgive him and agree to be his friend again.

"The funny thing is," she stated thoughtfully, "the whole law review thing was never a big deal. It wasn't even the real reason I broke up with him. It didn't bother me because I had already decided on a different topic. If anything, his stealing the idea just confirmed what I had already decided; that he was a self centered egotistical asshole.

"I never loved Juan and there were times that his arrogant attitude pissed me off so much that I didn't like him much either. There was never any chance we would stay together and we both knew it. I was just looking for the right excuse to break up gracefully. His stealing the idea gave me the excuse I needed not just to break up, but also to find some new friends like you and Steve.

"You know that Sally, Juan, Hector and I were in a study group together during first year. My dating him was just something that came out of that study group. The four of us would go out together for some laughs and he made a play for me. I wasn't seeing anyone at the time, so I decided why not. We were never in any type of serious relationship.

"We did have some fun together, but he was too wild for me. He and Hector liked to party too much. I knew that I had to break up with him and stop hanging out with him. But I wanted some way to do this without looking like a complete jerk. I needed a reason."

Jill looked down and her cheeks started to burn with embarrassment. "A reason I could tell people without being totally humiliated."

Jill looked over at me and her eyes smoldered. "I've never told you about some of the things he was into. He kept trying to push me to try things that didn't make me feel comfortable. He was used to getting his own way and would try to trick me into doing what he wanted.

"Do you want to know the real reason I broke up with him? I discovered that he and Hector liked to switch beds in the middle of the night. They would get up to go to the bathroom and they would switch girlfriends. I caught on and hit the roof. They thought it was a big joke, but for me, it was the last straw. The night I found out was the last night I slept with Juan.

"I didn't want anyone to know why we had broken up. I felt embarrassed. I had no way of knowing how many times that it had happened before. I thought that if the word got out, I would look like a fool.

"So, when I found out that he stole an idea from me for the law review, it gave me an excuse that I could use. I pretended that it really hurt me and broke off all contact with him. As another benefit, Sally stood by me and dropped out of the party crowd as well, which was good because she was hanging on by the skin of her teeth.