Julie Tries It Out

Julie was one of the last holdouts. I'm sure it was partly because she knew it would hurt and humiliate me. I think it was also due to a lifetime of avoiding guys who bragged about their oversized dicks. She just didn't like them, and didn't like the idea that she might give in to one of them.

But times had changed. All of her friends had tried it. The new practice of "alpha-chasing" or "alpha-mating" or one of another dozen names it went by. The internet brought a lot of good things, but for us smaller, beta types, it also brought some changes that were not welcome. Women had much more opportunity to see more and bigger dicks, to meet up with them, to discuss their real feelings in safe online chatrooms and to hear more about what they might be missing.

Eventually this led to more and more women willing to admit their curiosity about, or even craving for, the guys who could, as one newscaster finally put it live on air -- in the moment widely acknowledged as lifting the veil on the change going on in bedrooms across the country -- "fuck our brains out and piledrive us into a quivering puddle of orgasm."

Julie's friends had given in one by one. Some preferred bigger guys and made no secret about it from the beginning. But even her more demure, married friends eventually began to explore the idea and try it out.

And of course, once it became more widely accepted as a practice, sites and apps sprang up everywhere to cater to the new need to connect women and well-endowed guys. "AlphaChat," "AlphaMatch," "AlphaBate", "AlphaFinder" and others too many to name flooded the market.

Julie's curiosity finally got the better of her and she was exploring the apps. Anonymously at first, she wouldn't admit to herself that she was sliding down the slippery slope. But eventually she had picked out a username, blurred her face from a photo and set up an account just to see what kind of interest she might get.

As anyone could predict, she got a lot of interest very quickly. She still kept it a secret for a while, promising herself that it was just idle chat and a little harmless fun. But she could feel herself being drawn in, getting more and more turned on by the thought of actually making it happen. So she finally texted me at work one day that she wanted to talk to me about something that night. She said she was worried it would hurt my feelings, but she felt she needed to tell me. Of course I knew what it was likely going to be. It was a topic we avoided, but as it became clear she was one of the last holdouts, the inevitability of it happening was clear to me.

She was so nervous. She had several classes of wine before I got home from work, and she sat me down on the couch immediately, not wanting to let herself chicken out.

"Kevin, you know I love you, right?" she had asked, holding my hands and looking into my eyes.

"Yes, sweetie, of course," I answered, becoming as nervous as she was. "What is it? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

She cleared her throat and looked down. "Yes, honey," she answered. "I'm fine, it's nothing like that. It's just that.... well... ummm... I don't really know how to say this, so I'm just going to put it out there, okay?"

"Of course, sweetie," I said, having a very good idea of what was coming.

"Well, you know how all my friends... everybody really... has been on those apps -- you know, like AlphaMatch..." she paused and looked into my eyes to see the effect.

My heart sank, I breathed deeply and looked down. She barreled ahead.

"I... well I just wanted to see... I guess I just wanted to know what was out there, not that I..., well you know, we.... I mean... I guess I just wanted to see what it was like since all my friends are talking about it."

I nodded sadly, not quite able to speak.

"Oh honey," she said, "don't look so sad. I haven't done anything, well... I mean, I've been chatting a little, but nothing... nothing real. I just have an account, that's all. And a few friends online."

That was it. I knew where this was headed, without any possibility of avoiding it. I had known I was foolish to hope that she might never give in, but I couldn't help hoping. Now that was gone.

"Listen," she said. "If you say no, then I won't do anything more, okay? I don't want to make you this sad, I really don't. But since so many of our friends have done it, and it seems okay, I was thinking that maybe...."

I didn't have the heart to tell her no. I suspected that if I did she would resent me and, most likely, would eventually try it anyway. Although she was nervous and trying to hide it, I could sense her excitement. She was almost giddy in fact, now that she had broached the subject.

"Of course, sweetie, I understand," I said, squeezing her hand. I tried to hide that I was scared and devastated.

"Really?!" she said, excitedly. "Oh honey, you're the best. I love you so much!"

She leaned forward, kissing me all over my face and neck. "Thank you! I promise it will be okay!"

We sat in silence a few minutes, not knowing how to continue from there. I could tell her mind was racing with possibilities. Finally, she offered "Do you want to see my account? I don't mind, and it might make you feel more... at ease or something. At least to know what is going on."

I shook my head. "No sweetie, thank you. That's nice of you, but I don't think I will yet. Maybe later, okay?"

"Okay, honey," she said, grabbing my hands and squeezing them tightly.

I could tell her mind was elsewhere and I didn't want to keep her there, pitying me. "Why don't you go on and get online? I'll make myself some dinner."

"Really? You don't mind?" Julie said, practically jumping up from the couch.

"Yes, sweetie, you go ahead."

She kissed me once more before heading to the bedroom, where her laptop was waiting or her on our bed. She seemed very excited to let her online friends know that she was considering carrying things forward.