Sometimes major events result from the smallest of consequences. For want of a shoe a horse was lost. For want of a horse a kingdom was lost. Everyone knows that scenario. The situation that ensnared my wife Emily, and to a lesser extent, myself began with a trip to New York City. It was to be a day away from our suburban existence, the shops, a show, a stroll around the park. It was a late anniversary present for both of us. The weather was perfect and we had a mostly wonderful time. There were incidents late in the day. However. Someone, we never figured out who, absconded with a bracelet that my wife had borrowed from her friend, Jean. She had also borrowed a string of pearls from her. About the same time that we discovered that bracelet missing, the string broke, sending pearls everywhere. Emily and I were only able to retrieve a few but most ended up lost in a storm grate.
The loss of the valuables put a pall over our trip. We did not know what to tell Jean. Jean's husband, Rod made a pretty good living but the bracelet was worth several thousand dollars and neither of us knew the value of the pearls. I doubted that Rod could easily replace his wife's lost property. With dread I realized that even if the items were insured the policy would cover only Jean and not Emily. We were on the hook for a huge hunk of change if Jean wanted them replaced.
That was bad news because we did not currently have much in the way of savings. Both of us had been out of work for a while. We both currently had new jobs but our stint of unemployment had completely drained our bank account. Right now we were living paycheck to paycheck and would be for at least a few more months. We had struggled even to find the money for the New York trip. We hoped that Jean was not so pissed off that she dis-invited us from next month's long holiday weekend at their cabin. Emily, myself, Rod and Jean and another couple, Ed and Anna Harrison expected a relaxing three days in the mountains. If Jean was really pissed off, we would be cooling our jets for the long weekend with no where to go, except maybe a movie.
Emily, Jean, and Anna had been friends since high school. Jean was the unquestioned leader of the trio. Anna, the champion cook and baker, and my Emily who added zest with her dry humor and organizing skills. All three were quite beautiful. Jean had ebony hair, Anna was ash blonde, and my Emily has lustrous brown hair. In the gym each drove the other to stay in shape. It was almost a catty contest between them. All three wanted to keep their husbands happy by staying fit, but more importantly, they each wanted to look the best in a bikini. None of the husbands ever complained about this pissing contest between our wives.
It was fortunate that Ed and Rod and myself all liked each other. Rod was a freshly minted lawyer, Ed managed his father's bowling alley and also owned a sports bar. As for me, I was now pushing papers in a bank. It was not what I had set out to do but it would do until something better came along. The tree of us enjoyed each others company. We all liked beer and aged whiskey and although we would never admit it, we all like ogling each others wives. I was married to Emily but it was honestly a very difficult thing to select which bride was the most beautiful.
Jean clerked in her husband's office and was addicted to legal shows, she sat in rapt attention for anything that featured a robe and a bench. Anna was a caterer and event organizer with an impressive client list. My wife Emily, after a long time out of work, was now teaching school. She loved the interaction with the kids, but she was a new teacher so she got the crappiest assignments and was at the bottom of a not very tall salary totem pole.
When we got home, Emily made and urgent call to Jean. I did not hear much of the conversation but
Emily seemed relieved when the call was over.
"That was easy. She said 'Judge Jean' will handle it."
"What the hell does that mean?" I asked in response.
"Well you know how Jean always watched those legal shows? She said when we get to the cabin she is going to set up a mock court and sit in judgment of me. I have to abide by her decision and do what ever she chooses for the entire weekend."
"And You're OK with that?" I stated.
Emily laughed and said, "Sure, she'll probably exile me to the kitchen for the entire weekend to do all the dirty work. Or she might make me clean the bathroom and kitchen floors with my toothbrush while wearing my nightie, you know something sufficiently humiliating."
"What if she's really pissed off about the bracelet and the pearls? She could come up with something that you might not want to do." I warned. We husbands had often said out of earshot of our wives that there seemed more than a little antagonism in their relationship. It was more than trying to out do each other in the gym. I felt that, under the right circumstances the three women could be very nasty to each other. Ed, Rod, and I were always careful about not knocking up our wife. We knew implicitly that once one became pregnant the other two would "accidentally" forget their birth control and plunge head long into motherhood to keep up with their "friends."
We husbands also knew that it was useless to try to tell our wives that they were in a "toxic relationship" with each other. In the eyes of our women they were best friends and could never be anything else. I pushed this conversation with Emily to the recesses of my mind. I was just very happy that we were still going to the cabin. I really loved that place. The next few weeks passed in a leisurely pace and then it was time for our long weekend at Jean and Rod's cabin.
One of the things I loved about the Madison's cabin is its isolation. Without a GPS or, if you are old school, an exceptional map, the place is virtually impossible to find. If I were writing directions to a novice visitor the phrase, "take the right fork on the gravel road" would appear a bewildering number of times Emily and I packed lightly for the weekend. I brought the booze, Ed and Anna were responsible for the food, and Jean and Rod took care of everything else.
We arrived at the cabin just as the sun was setting. Rod helped me lug the beer an whiskey into the house. I had iced some of it in a chest, the rest would be cold by morning. A short time later jean asked me for my keys so she could move my car. I thought nothing of it. I was too relaxed and wrapped up in my conversation with Rod and Ed to grasp the significance of this innocuous request.
Around nine P.M. Jean entered the living room and announced "Court is is session." and led us to the cabin's rec room. Only then did I realize how seriously Jean and Anna were taking what Emily supposed would be a simple masquerade.
Jean donned what looked like an authentic judge's robe. A desk with a name plate reading "Honorable Judge Jean Madison" was prominent. I did a double take when Anna entered the room. She was dressed just like a court bailiff, complete with badge and holster. I hoped that the gun was a prop. Emily and I and the other husbands were drinking this in when Anna corralled Emily and said in an authoritative voice, "You are under arrest!"
Before Emily had time to react her hands were pinned behind her back in very real handcuffs! She steered Emily to a chair near the improvised judicial bench and then she faced the room. "Oyez oyez, the Honorable Judge Joan Madison presiding, All rise!"
The other guys and I stood up enjoying the impromptu show.. Then Joan entered the room from a side door, looking like the queen of the May.
"Be seated." she said. Rod, Ed and I thought this looked entertaining so we gripped our beers a bit tighter and sat in the row of seats provided.
"Really, Jean isn't this a bit much?" my wife asked innocently.
Jean clapped her gavel and said dispassionately, "The prisoner will remain silent!"
After pausing for effect, Jean began to speak once more, "The case before us is one of simple theft. The prisoner is accused of losing two rather valuable pieces of jewelry that also had great sentimental value. They were a gift of a late lamented grandmother and were created before World War II, they CAN NOT be replaced. The prisoner before us today was responsible for those items and was NOT a good steward. One item was stolen and one was irreparably damaged. It is the opinion of this court that the prisoners actions are no different than stealing. The prisoner has already admitted her negligence, her guilt is not in dispute. Rather then be liable for monetary reimbursement, the prisoner has agreed that I as the arbiter of this case shall dispense her punishment."
Joan got a positively evil look in her eye before she continued.
"Will the prisoner rise."
It had already dawned on me that Jean saw this very differently than my Emily did. Only now was it dawning on her that Jean was going to be very nasty. I could see the fear rising in her eyes. Between her nerves and her cuffed hands, Emily had trouble standing up with. With difficulty she found her feet.
"Emily Hartmann Cook, It is the sentence of this court that for the next seventy-two hours you be reduced to a state of abject slavery. You will own nothing and be subject to those in authority over you which means everyone else in the room. If you do not immediately comply Bailiff Anna is authorized to compel you. She is equipped with a tazer, which she is authorized to use. Short of that she has other tools at her disposal. Bailiff, Anna will you please demonstrate on the prisoner?
Anna extracted a rod shaped object from her belt, pushed a button and touched one end of it to my wife's bare arm. Emily screamed in pain. Anna smirked and announced,
"That was the low setting, dear. Disobey me and I won't hesitate to apply the maximum setting."
Emily said through tears in her eyes,
"Jean, Anna, this is ridiculous!"
"Jean rapped her gavel and said, The prisoner will address the bench as "Your Honor" my Bailiff shall be referred to as "Ma'am." Is that clear prisoner?"
Emily nodded her head. Jean said seriously. "I can't hear you."
