Jeanette's Story

My 'we've got to talk' ambush came on a Sunday evening as we were getting ready to go to bed. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised as Jeanette, my wife of four years, had been acting strange all weekend. I asked her several times if she was not feeling well. "No, I feel okay. I just have a lot on my mind."

To tell the truth, so did I. The Great Recession had dealt both of our career's setbacks and we went from having enough money to make dreams come true to barely making it. Not that any of our colleagues were doing any better.

Jeanette, however, was having a hard time accepting our financial setback. She grew up without and had gotten used to the niceties to which we availed ourselves, including an annual vacation. She never came right out and blamed me but then I could hear it in the comments that peppered any discussion of our finances.

I wrapped my arms around Jeanette and told her how much I loved her. She didn't return the sentiment. Instead she did something completely out of character; she got up and poured herself a stiff shot of Scotch. She didn't offer me one.

I immediately knew she had something big-big and bad-to tell me. And she was trying to work up the courage to start.

After dinner we watched TV in silence the rest of the evening. I have no idea what programs were on; all I could do was worry about my wife. We went upstairs without watching the news.That usually meant we were going to make love. Tonight wasn't usually. Unfortunately, neither had any night during the last three plus weeks. Our love life was a casualty of the economy.

I was finishing brushing my teeth when she walked into the bathroom and announced, "Someone at work invited me on an all expense paid ski holiday in Colorado. One of the group had to beg off and the tickets are non-refundable. We're leaving Wednesday morning and I'll be back on Monday."

I rinsed my mouth and replied, "Someone at work. Now that's a curious way to phrase it. It makes me believe it was a man who asked you."

Jeanette looked guilty as all hell.

"I think you answered my question. So what is the name of the man at work who invited you, a married woman, to go on vacation with him?" I tried to remain calm.

"You don't know him."

"I thought I knew everyone you work with."

"You do. But I don't exactly work with him."

"Now you have me confused. You said someone from work..."

"No I didn't." She protested, " I said someone at work."

"Okay Bill Clinton, cut the 'it depends on what the meaning of the word 'is is' bullshit. ' Who's the son-of-a bitch that invited you to go on vacation?"

"He's someone I met in the cafeteria at work. His office is on the fifth floor and we've had lunch together a few times. "

I tried real hard not to lose control but my voice filled the room. "How long have you been having an affair!"

Jeanette began crying. In between sobs she managed to say, "I would never cheat on you. How can you say something that hurtful?"

"Maybe because you forgot to mention you've been having lunch with another man...or that you became such good friends he invited you, a married woman, to go skiing in Colorado with him. And we haven't made love in almost a month. I think that about covers it."

"It's not like that. He's a real nice guy but his girlfriend dumped him and and he doesn't want to waste a ticket. Everything is already paid for...hotel, lift tickets. It won't cost me anything."

"Isn't that convenient. Now what is his name," I thundered.

"John."

"Does John have a last name?"

"Johnson or Jackson...something like that. You've got me so upset I can't think."

"So you want to fly across country with a man whose name you don't even know. You're either fucking him or you're an idiot."

The volume and passion of the argument exploded.

At some point I asked,"Who exactly are these friends you'll be sharing this cabin with?"

"Friends of Johns. There's two other couples."

"Two other couples...that means you're going as his date!"

"No, I keep telling you he doesn't want to waste the non-refundable ticket."

"So he asked a married woman to be his date."

"Why don't you trust me?"

"Would you trust me if I told you I met a woman in the cafeteria and she invited me to go on vacation with her?"

"Yes."

"Bull shit. Remember how jealous you got when I was explaining the infield fly rule to that beautiful woman sitting next to us at Wrigley Field last summer. You started a fight with her. The ushers threw us out of the ball park."

"That was different.You were ignoring me."

"Oh, and you're not going to be ignoring me when you're sharing a cabin with John and four total strangers."

Jeanette screamed then stormed out of the room.

That was a long, sleepless night. Jeanette and I tossed and turned until about two when we both collapsed into sleep. I was up at six and had a pot of coffee brewed. She poured a cup, took a sip, threw it in the sink, and said, "I'm going to work."

I knew when my wife dug in her heels she would rather lose an eye than admit she was wrong. She was the most stubborn person I ever met.

I spent the drive into work formulating a plan to save my marriage. I knew appealing to logic wouldn't work. This called for a good swift kick in the pants, as my grandmother would say.

About a year ago I took a chance hiring a street smart young man who served time in the county jail for robbing a convenience store. He kept reminding me that he owed me big time for taking a chance on an ex-con. "You say it boss and I'll do it." I decided to call in that marker.

"Julio, I need a favor."

"Tell me what it is and it's done."

I explained my predicament to Julio.

"You want me to mess him up?"

"Maybe later, but first I need his name and where he works." I gave him a picture of my wife and the address of her office building. "There's a cafeteria in the basement. She goes to lunch every day at noon. I need you to get a picture of John without being spotted. When he's done eating I want you to follow him upstairs and see where he goes. Get me the name of his employer."

"Got it boss."

"Then at quitting time I want you follow him and get the license plate number of his car."

"I'm your man boss."

"And Julio, don't worry, I'll take care of your time card."

I kept checking my watch. I was sure Jeanette would meet up with her boyfriend to tell him how unreasonable I was.

It was a typical Monday. I was snowed under with work but time dragged by. At 1:10 my phone rang. "Boss, it's me. I got the picture. They were talking but I couldn't get close enough to hear what. When they were done I followed him into the elevator; he acted like I wasn't even there. I got off when he got off and pretended to be looking for a room number. He ducked into 510; the sign said Anderson Metallurgy Supplies, LLC.

"Julio, you did great. But you're only half done."

"Don't worry boss, I'll follow him like a shadow."

"Send me the picture."

The moment I hung up I pulled up Google on my screen. I wasn't too optimistic as I typed

J-O-H-N J-O-H-N-S-O-N. I got a ton of name matches but none matched the photo. Next I tried typing J-A-C-K-S-O-N; no luck. The names were common as dirt.

So I tried Anderson Metallurgy Supplies, LLC and learned they were one of the largest suppliers of powdered metals to the industry. Whatever that means. They didn't have any names or pictures of employees so I called the number listed and asked for John Johnson. "There is no one here by that name."

"I'm sorry, I always get those confused, I meant John Jackson."

"There's no one here by that name either. Do you have the correct company? "

"I must have dialed wrong. Sorry to have bothered you."

I stared at the computer trying to think of a way to figure out who that son-of-a-bitch actually was when my phone rang again.

"Boss, it's me. After we hung up I ducked into the men's room to grab a smoke. Guess who followed me. Jackson Johnson. Only none of those are his real name."

"Did he see you?"

"Nah, I was in the stall getting ready to light up when he came in. I watched him through the slit between the wall and the door. He took a piss but didn't wash his hands. As he was walking out a dude my age came in and said 'Hello Mr. Jensen.' He didn't say a word so I waited until he left and said, 'hey, was that John Jackson?' He said 'like no man, he's Robert Jensen.'"

"Looks like a real prick."

"You got that right."

"He bummed a cigarette and I headed outside."

"Julio you'd make a great spy."

"Thanks boss."

Unfortunately I got called into a logistics meeting which lasted until quitting time and couldn't spend any time on research. That would have to wait until morning.

Julio called as I was backing into the garage. "He came out the elevator a few minutes before three and I followed him across the parking lot to the subway station. The train was pretty crowded so I hung out at the other end of the car with a bunch of Mexicans speaking Spanish.I think Jensen was afraid to look at us; he sat there with his briefcase in his lap like we were going to steal it. He got off at Logan Square and I followed him home. He lives in the basement apartment of a two flat about a block off the Boulevard; 2366 North Kimball Avenue. It's got burglar bars but no curtains on the windows so I could see inside. It's a real dump."

"I had nothing else to do so I hung out in the gangway next door to see if he went anywhere. About ten minutes later he brought out a stack of pizza boxes and threw 'em in the garbage cart. Then he came out with two real big garbage bags. After he went inside I grabbed them both. That's how my friends steal identities; people throw away too much good shit."

"Boss, I don't know who Jackson Johnson is but I've got a whole bunch of legal looking stuff that says his name is Robert Jensen."

"Julio, that's good work. I can't talk any more now. We'll go over everything tomorrow."

"Right boss."

What I now knew gave me an idea. I walked in and found Jeanine eating a hamburger and fries on the kitchen table. She didn't seem to have bought anything for me. I ignored the slight and sat down across from her.

"In order for us to have a rational discussion I demand several things." Jeanette started to say something but I told her to wait until I was finished; then she could talk all she wanted.

"I'm not stupid. I haven't forgotten the way your phrased your vacation announcement to make me think you were going with a woman from work. So it's time for full disclosure."

"I need John's last name, address, e-mail address, cell phone number, and where he works. Next I will need copies of the airplane tickets and address of the mountain chalet he rented. If something happened to you, God forbid, I don't want to have to tell the police I let my wife go somewhere in Colorado but I don't know where or with whom. "

"Don't get so dramatic."

I stopped her again. "I speak first, then you." It always pissed my wife off when I wouldn't let her talk over me. " I also want the names and phone numbers for the other couples. Now you may answer."

"He didn't rent the chalet. It belongs to his uncle. And John doesn't have a cell phone."

"What do you mean? Five year old kids have cell phones... everyone does."

"Well he doesn't. So if I get you all of this will you stop bullying me and let me have fun?" Her face perked up; she smiled.

"You have one day to get me everything."

"Why don't you admit you're jealous because I'm going to Colorado."

I pounded my fist on the table. "I'm not jealous! I'm pissed off because in all the time we were dating and the four plus years we've been married you never once mentioned anything about going skiing anywhere. Now come hell or high water you want to go skiing in Colorado with some strange guy you met in the cafeteria. And you wonder why I think you're having an affair."

"I swear I'm not." She screamed.

"Get me the information. If it checks out we'll talk." I was so tempted to tell her that her boyfriend gave her a fake name but wanted to see how Jensen would respond.

We slept about as far apart as a queen size mattress would permit however Jeanette actually was civil the next morning and we had coffee together.

I got to the office early and paced the floor until Julio arrived. Jeanette was leaving tomorrow and this was my last chance to save my marriage.

Julio brought a large cardboard box into work. He had gone through the bags and threw out the real garbage. The rest was stuff you should never throw out in the trash.; financial records, checking account statement, and certified mail from a lawyer's office.

"He tore the envelopes in half like that is going to stop an identity thief. I went through and taped everything back together that looked important and put them in some kind of order."

The first item he handed me was a legal size envelope sent certified mail to Robert Jensen.

"That bastard is being taken to court for not paying child support. He's got like two little kids and he hasn't paid her a dime in over a year.

The next item was a Bench Warrant for failure to appear for non-payment of child support. Julio explained, "The police are so busy they won't even go to your house to pick you up. What they do is put your name in the database. If you have any contact with the cops, even a traffic ticket, they haul your ass off to jail."

"So I guess I have to arrange for him to meet some of Chicago's finest." Julio laughed at that. "Good idea boss."

Next came a packet of overdraft notices and checks returned stamped NSF.

"He got like a dozen notices from the bank before they closed his account."

Julio saved the best for last, a printout of the airline reservations. "It's weird. His ticket is round trip but your wife's is only one way."

"That is not good."

"Boss, with the record identifier you can cancel the tickets."

I had another idea; I would separate the lovebirds by changing Jensen's seat assignment to the back of the plane and buying the newly vacated one for myself..

After we reviewed all of the documents I did a search of Chicago Tribune archives and learned why Jensen used a fake name. He was a convicted rapist. Even though the attack occurred in Denver, Jensen was a Chicagoan and all three daily papers printed the story and his mug shot. There was no doubt it was him. They didn't give too many details because there was a plea agreement to spare the victim from a trial. He plead guilty to a lesser charge of sexual assault and was sentenced to twenty-four months incarceration. While he was a guest at the gray bar hotel his wife divorced his sorry ass.

A visit to the sex offender registry confirmed his home address. It also warned he had been released after serving only fourteen months due to prison overcrowding. The first thing he did was track down his ex-wife and beat her so badly she ended up in a hospital for almost a month. Two felony convictions and my wife thinks he's a real nice guy

I took an early lunch and walked down to the courthouse to buy a copy of Jensen's Divorce Decree; it cost twenty-five cents a sheet photocopying fees. The filing included a copy of his arrest warrant from the rape. He drugged a young lady he had taken skiing and raped her.

I also researched do it yourself divorce filings at the law library. I found a great template on line and I filled it out. For grounds I claimed adultery and attached time stamped photos of them in the cafeteria, not eating but talking, for a solid hour, like two lovers would.

My last stop was the Circuit Court of Cook County Domestic Relations Division where I filed my Petition for Dissolution of Marriage. I had three copies made with the official seal and a case number stamped on them.

I told my supervisor I would need a few personal days off. He's a good guy and didn't ask a word.

Jeanette was making dinner when I walked in. It was a real dinner, not something out of a box. I guess she was trying to put me in a good mood.

I hugged her and kissed her. She responded, not as good as I would have liked but anything was better than nothing. Jeanette reached in her purse and took out a folded piece of paper. "Here, I got you everything you wanted. Like I said, John Johnson doesn't have a phone but I got you his e-mail address. And he's on Facebook."

"Where does he work?"

"He has a promotion and hasn't received his new business cards yet." I looked at her like she had two heads...and no brain in either. "And he couldn't tell you the name of his employer."

I opened my laptop and went straight to Google maps. I entered the address of the chalet. Strike one. Then I tried the official Denver zoning map. Strike two. I kept trying every map program I could find. "Honey," I called out. "There seems to be a problem. I ran the chalet's address through six different mapping programs plus the Assessor's webpage and they all agree, there is no such an address."

"He must have transposed a digit or something."

"What about the tickets?"

"He said we get those at the airport."

"No, you get the boarding pass at the airport. You know that from when we went to Maui."

Next I called the phone numbers he gave for the other two couples. Neither was a working number. I tried doing on-line searches on their names and came up blank.

I had no better luck on Facebook.

"Honey, I'm sorry to say but none of the information Johnson, if that is his real name, gave you is legit. That means there's no way in hell I'm letting you go."

Foolish me, I thought she would admit there was something fishy with Johnson. Instead, the next thing I knew my dinner, while still in the frying pan, came flying by and crashed against the wall. Too bad, it smelled good.

"You're not letting me!" She screamed. "Who the hell are you to say where I can and can't go!"

"Your husband!"

"Why are you being so unreasonable? All I'm doing is going skiing with a friend."

"With a man who has lied to you about everything. You don't even know where you're going!"

"He didn't lie. Maybe he doesn't want you causing trouble."

"Is he afraid I'll show up at your love nest and spoil his seduction?"

Jeanette lost it. Spit was flying out of her mouth as she ranted, "Stop saying that. We'll never be anything more than friends. I'm going skiing and you're not going to stop me."

"You want to go skiing fine. I'll take us skiing."

"You! With what money? We're broke, remember."

"I have two mayonnaise jars full of silver coins I've been saving since I was a teenager. I was going to spend them on a get-away for our fifth anniversary.I'll cash them in now and either spend the money on a vacation with my wife or paying a divorce attorney. It's your choice."

"Stop threatening me."

"I'm not threatening you. I am making a solemn vow...and you know I keep my word."

"I don't understand, why don't you trust me?"

"You're a beautiful woman. Johnson's proven himself to be less than a gentleman by not backing off when he learned your husband objects to his wife going on vacation with him. "

"I told you, he's only taking me because the ticket is non-refundable."

"I'll reimburse him for the ticket and still have enough left for us to go skiing."

"It's too late. We're leaving tomorrow morning and I have no way to get a hold of him."

"Jeanette, I'm not stupid. I will never be cuckold by you. Any man who would let his wife do what you want to do is not a real man. Ask yourself how you're going to explain to your parents, family, and friends why you're getting divorced. "

"Don't give me that. I told you I would come home relaxed and make it up to you."

"Please, I'm begging you. It's not too late to save our marriage."

"I told you, I can't cancel. I promised John I would go and it's too late for him to find someone else."