Dawson
My name is Dawson Harmon. I'm a 34-year-old account executive with a local bank. I'm married to my lovely wife Mandy and have two adorable children Bobby 8 and Jenny 6. My wife is a stay at home mother and with two young children sometimes the flames of passion are more like embers. Our sex life was robust before the children averaging 5 to 6 days a week and sometimes two or more times each day. Now we are lucky to get twice a week devoted to lovemaking.
This is due to something called family life. Our jobs, yes, I say our jobs because running a house is a full-time multitasking position that is executive, financier, care giver, chef, chauffeur, launderer, housecleaner and many more all in one. I have the utmost respect and admiration for what my wife takes on daily. The responsibilities of and the wear and tear of life with children make that unsustainable and no, we are not an exception to the rule.
Gradually the white-hot heat of burning magnesium that was our sex life cooled to what is now the flickering orange of a dwindling campfire. We averaged twice to three times per week for the most part although unforeseen circumstances sometimes intervene. Sniffles, nightmares, and occasional travel for training can interrupt the norm. While my job is demanding and at times stressful it's nothing in comparison to what she does. So, when she says she's too tired or not in the mood I don't press her for sex.
I do try to keep some romance going. A bouquet of flowers and some of her favorite chocolates out of the blue, a foot rub or massage with a glass of wine after the kids are asleep followed by some cuddling without expecting sex when I can tell she had a tough day. Giving her some "me time" by drawing a bath and taking the kids out for fast food or ice cream or giving her time to go shopping with friends or see a movie.
If I gave the impression that I'm a perfect husband let me dispel that notion right away. I do make a concerted effort in our marriage but I know sometimes I could do more. I could help more with the housework but I come home tired and after taking kids to activities, helping with homework and doing the lawn, car maintenance, and fixing things around the house I'm whipped. Sometimes I get short and complain when I think Mandy should have done some chore though I try not to.
Six months ago, Mandy made a new friend named Crissy at the supermarket. So, when Mandy asked to attend girls' nights on Fridays with her new friend I couldn't object since I usually played golf most Sunday's in the warm weather months not that she needed or was looking for my permission. So shortly after we discussed it Mandy started going out with a group of Crissy's friends on Friday evenings. That was early in February. By the first of April I noticed a significant change in Mandy's attitude. Before April Mandy always appreciated my efforts to keep the spark alive and with our homelife. The change in Mandy was gradual and coincided with her newfound friendship with Crissy and increased as she started her girls' nights out with Crissy and her crowd.
By March, it was Friday and every other Saturday night and the changes that had been taking place over time became more pronounced. She seemed distant and irritable. Some weekends it would be shopping all day with Crissy and out for the evening as well. She was terse and often would blame me for inconsequential things I hadn't done or didn't do intentionally. She was becoming resentful, unreasonable, and even disrespectful without rhyme or reason. It took less and less to set her off in a snit that would last for hours and occasionally days at a time.
The nights she was out, grew progressively longer over time. At first it would be from 7-10pm. A week later it was from 7-11pm. By the beginning of March, she was out routinely until midnight, sometimes 1 am twice a week. Now going into April, it's 2-3am. She was hungover, sleeping late, and missing outings with the kids.
She would "shop" all day Saturday with Crissy but left me to get the groceries by myself with the kids in tow. I had to stop playing golf on Sunday afternoon because she was either unwilling or unable to care for the kids and told me that it was selfish of me to expect her to watch the kids after having them all week long.
Our lovemaking ceased to exist. The myriad excuses, the outright rejections and the lacuna in her argument that she was too tired due to taking care of the kids or some foible of mine that left her angry or disinterested was wearing thin. I continued trying my level best to be supportive, understanding, and loving but my efforts were, according to Mandy, was me being narcissistic, jealous, and mistrustful.
However, the gaping distance between us, dissonance created by her relationship with Crissy and the increase in frequency and length of her nights out and the reduction of her involvement with me and our children was becoming intolerable. A wife and a mother shouldn't be out to the wee hours of the morning at all let alone several times weekly.
I began to suspect the possibility that she had cheated on one or more occasions and as time went on seemed more and more probable. The depth of trouble within our marriage was revealed this past weekend and later I discovered my concern was justified.
I had hoped to try and right the ship and have the chance to talk with Mandy. Suddenly a lyric from the
Cheer's
theme popped into my mind.
Making your way in the world today takes everything you got.
Taking a break from all your worries, it sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?