Jealousy and How I Overcome It

I'll start by telling you a bit about Nicole, and myself, we've been together 11 years now, I'm 33 and she's 31 with a couple of kids. She's a lovely woman, 5'3 petite with small 32b breasts, good looking and the perfect wife and mum.

If I'm honest our sex life isn't up to much, I work a hard physical day job and she works hard as a stay at home mum, juggling the kids and housework amongst other things and by the time we get the kids to bed of an evening its often relax on the sofa time watching a bit of TV then to bed...and most nights without sex.

I've got a lot higher sex drive than Nicole and find it very frustrating, she's also not very adventurous, will not try anything new and bulks at any of my suggestions. She doesn't give oral, she no longer lets me go down on her and often turns her head when I try to kiss. She doesn't masturbate and has no sex toys.

Its basically a quick rub of each other until she's ready then I hop on until were both done and then off to sleep. As frustrating as it is I just couldn't bring myself to ever cheat on her because I love her dearly and only want her.

I've forever been trying to get to the bottom of why she's like this, is it because she's tired from her daily routines, so I started to help out a lot more round the house which she'd appreciate and I did think it made a slight improvement in her willingness to have sex but it was still the same routine motion sex.

Started to wonder if she could be possibly seeing someone else but that's a definite 100% no, she's just not that type, never has been and has always been dead against cheating.

But now basically I just don't think I'm doing enough for her sexually, and this just brings on this long time fantasy of mine for her to have sex with another man.

Let me tell you years ago when we first got together, she was 19 and I was 21, I was extremely jealous of other males around her, she was gorgeous, slim with a bubbly personality and would often get looks and attention from other men which I found incredibly hard to deal with, in fact I hated it and made things bloody hard for her.

We constantly argued about it and after these rows I knew id been an arse because I knew she loved me and wouldn't cheat.

We moved in together after two years and the jealousy became worse, I would dread her nights out with friends because id sit at home with my mind going in to overtime thinking up all these scenarios of her chatting with other men, id constantly be ringing her, abusing her down the phone and when she come home would have a go at her again, through all this time she stayed with me which put my mind at rest coming to the conclusion she must've really loved me even though I was acting a total prick so I thought id try hard to overcome this and the only way I knew how was to realise that although Id hate the thought of her around other men id often fantasise and masturbate thinking about her cheating on me, weird how the mind works!

So I played on this, I would get on the pc when I was free and read up on threesomes and cheating wife's and come across the term cuckolding, and I've got to say it completely changed my attitude towards her, I started to speak to other men who were in to the same thing, chatting with men who called themselves bulls that would be ever so willing to use my wife and I loved it, from hating her going out I now looked forward to it so id have time to get back on the pc and play with myself wishing she was up to no good with another man but knowing exactly what she was doing, drinking and having fun with her friends.

I can honestly say hand on heart that the whole cuckolding scene had near enough completely cured me of my jealousy, and we were getting of brilliantly, the sex improved, especially when she'd return home and even sometimes it would be me who wasn't up to it because my dick was worn out from the wanking!

She'd defiantly noticed the change in me but obviously I couldn't tell her how id managed it, id often talked to her about threesome but she'd always say no. But a couple of years later on her 23rd birthday we went out for a meal and a drink in a bar after, and Id wound myself up all day that I would confess my fantasy to her and I did, she was shocked, but despite my embarrassment the alcohol helped me push it further and she gradually started asking questions --

How can you love me and want me to have sex with another man? Told her I don't know the answer to that but what I do know is that I love you more than I can imagine.

Is it because you want to sleep with other women? No that couldn't be further from the truth, I have no intention of shagging any other women.

Next was -- I think your just trying to trick me and if I said I would you'd go mad,

I assured her this was defiantly not mind games and that id thought about it for a long time and it was actually what helped me overcome being jealous.

She never agreed to it and although she was acting like she was dead against it she started to say some things that got me excited and gave me hope.

I asked her (knowing that she only had two brief encounters with other men when she was 18) wouldn't you just like to go wild for once and have one more man before we settle down, she replied hesitantly that maybe yes she would, but she loves me too much to do that.

At one point I said I rather her go with another women but knew she wouldn't do that and she even hit me back straight away with 'well what if I wanted a to meet a couple', said that id love that even more, would be all my dreams come true.

She also said that if she did ever do it she'd have to do it alone because she couldn't have sex with me watching, I agreed as the thought of her doing it alone while I suffered somewhere else also really got me going.

I said to her if we ever did do it then if either one of us has regret after we would never do it again,

'but that's the trouble, I cant talk for you but what if I end up loving it so much I wouldn't be able to stop it and would want more even if you are full of regret' was her reply, I didn't know what to say to that, I didn't have an answer but the cuckold thing came in to my head and I suddenly thought well then id be a proper cuck if she decided to carry it on even if I didn't want her to, but I didn't bring this up, I figured telling her I wanted her to shag another man was quite enough without scaring her off totally with the cuckold/hotwife lifestyle.

Anyway we went home that night and had brilliant sex, but afterwards and with both of us sobering up I was hit with embarrassment and told her not to listen to me I was drunk and was just talking in fantasy land and wouldn't want it to become reality.

Nicole said she'd figured that, also looking a little embarrassed.

I was thinking during that day and going over the conversation we'd had the night before and was really worried by her eventual answers, id hate to lose her and what if by her going with a well hung man who's fantastic in bed opened her eyes and she ended up leaving me, id be distraught. So I decided not to mention it again and try to put it to the back of my mind, which I did...for a while.

We got married, had a couple of kids and was enjoying life but suddenly out of boredom and the same nearly non existent sex life it all started flooding back but this time it wasn't me who tried to talk or push her in to anything...to be continued.