Jasmin: Splitting Up

Jasmin: Splitting Up?

© LIPrulz June 2008

(6th in the sequence of Jasmin)

(Haven't written in a while as a lot has happened since the last instalment. One day I'll write about it. For now I will keep events chronological and there is much to relay from the past before coming to the now.

Readers of prior entries will know that events have been largely told from Jasmin's perspective; taken from her regular diary and a secret one she kept later, one she never meant to show me. For now I'll separate her diaries with what I know and what I have learned into individual accounts, with the emphasis still on Jasmin.

And yes, these events are truthful as far as she has admitted and from what I know. Of course names and places are different but in keeping with what occurred. Speculation only arises when exploring what other people were thinking.

This narrative covers the period before we were married when we were separated by distance. It also deals with the successful interference of Jasmin's mother. I leave it in the Loving Wives section though as we were engaged even if nobody else knew that. Our commitment at the time to each other was also real enough.)

Damien's Words

It was only a short while after Jasmin turned 19 that I was transferred from Sydney to the Lower Hunter. The 150 kilometres between us of course placed a strain on our relationship. Thankfully, in the 90s fuel did not cost what it does now.

I was 24 and had been with Jasmin for over a year so surely distance would not break us up. Now about Jasmin:

Jasmin is half Australian, half Japanese and her appearance largely favours the Aussie genes. Her Japanese half just makes her exotic and perhaps keeps her slim. She is about 5'5" with an expressive high cheek boned face, lovely long eye lashes which add to her mystique and a wide smile from typically Asian full pouty lips. Her black hair was long even then to the middle of her back. Jasmin's measurements then were about 34-24-35 with a B cup holding very perky breasts. She always padded her bras, both to hide her long nipples and limit the friction on them as they are very sensitive. I think the main reason though when she was younger was because she was too self-conscious.

At 19 Jasmin was still going to TAFE (college), was finished studying nursing but while looking for work had begun studying aged care.

Jasmin's mother, Lorelle (divorced from Jasmin's dad when Jasmin was very young), had liked me at first purely because I was a policeman. When she found out we had had sex though that all changed and she was constantly nagging Jasmin to, "Find someone better. He's just using you." I wasn't though, I genuinely loved her daughter and somehow Lorelle could never believe that. I thought at first Lorelle was just being an overprotective single parent but she soon went well beyond that. I was always polite to Lorelle and gave only respect to her, to her sons and of course, to Jasmin.

Lorelle argued constantly that pressuring Jasmin for sex (I didn't, the yen was mutual), showed how little regard I had for Jasmin. Such was not the case and I protested strongly that nothing in the world was more important to me. Lorelle told Jasmin that I would not hang around after the restrictions she placed on us; chaperoned by her younger brother on dates; seated on separate chairs in the lounge room. I thought Lorelle was trying to make me call it quits because she was being such a bitch. I knew though early in the relationship with Jasmin that she was special. And more recently of course, Jasmin had agreed without hesitation to marry me. So there was no question for me that I would jump through whatever hoops Lorelle set me. As she was such a bitch I began to wonder how she could possibly be Jasmin's mother. They were nothing alike, excepting their stubbornness.

Lorelle was remarkably different to Jasmin in appearance and I still can't fathom it. Lorelle was quite overweight (unkindly I'd say intensely fugly) while her daughter was less than half her weight and had an unblemished complexion. Her father (whom I have never met) was obviously chiefly responsible for Jasmin's beauty. Seeing her with Jasmin you wouldn't believe she is her biological mother.

Lorelle was a volunteer worker in the State Emergency Service and the guy she was trying to foist onto her daughter was Graham, a fiery (NSW Fire brigade) who also did volunteer work with the SES.

Jasmin had resisted all of her mother's machinations for the better part of a year. She and I were very sure of our 'rock solid' relationship so I was not worried at all about her mother. Even with our time together being cut back to my days off coinciding with weekends that she was free did not appear to make any difference to us. We were still together and still in love. But her mother, Lorelle, had taken matters and planning further with Graham than I ever thought she would.

There came a long period that was then two months where Jasmin's mother managed to keep us from seeing each other. The stronger our relationship was just seemed to spur her on to greater efforts of interference.

Due to the "breach of trust," I had shown her mother by "having no respect for Jasmin," Lorelle had abruptly decided not to allow my phone calls through. I found out later that she was keeping my letters from Jasmin as well. Bear in mind that mobile phones were still uncommon at this time and Windows 95 hadn't been thrust upon us yet.

This was an attempt from Lorelle to convince Jasmin that I had lost interest in her, that, "Sydney is too far for him to travel just for sex."

Now Jasmin is very strong willed but who would know her better than her mother? So eventually the constant haranguing had to start wearing on her. Finally, I managed to get a phone call through on a Tuesday night. I was a little naughty in using the work phone for that but I had suspected Lorelle was finding out what shifts I was on to help her prevent me contacting Jasmin. When Jasmin answered the phone it seemed my suspicions were correct.

I knew the Tuesday nights were the SES meeting nights. Lorelle had not been going to any so that she could intercept my calls but for some reason she went to this one - likely she was plotting with Graham and thought that there was nothing I could do to interfere with her plans at this late date so she went to the SES meeting.

I was so surprised when Jasmin answered the phone. Jasmin was so happy to hear from me, she actually cried a couple of times while we were talking. She said we should only talk a short time because her mother would phone to check up on her but I persuaded her to stay on the line.

I asked her if she had sent me a letter this week because the last one had been about three weeks previous. Jasmin said she hadn't received any letters from me since the party so she wasn't sure where we stood. I understood then why the few letters I did have from her never mentioned my letters. When she knew what her mother had done, Jasmin was so angry. I could imagine her almond eyes becoming narrow slits as she raged against her mother's interference.

Jasmin asked me then to come to a 21st birthday party with her that Friday. I was on afternoon shift then but I had days off on the weekend so Jasmin promised she would be home and not stay at the SES depot.

That comment pricked my ears up. "SES depot?" I asked. "Who is the party for?"

"Ah, you remember Graham, don't you? Are you sure you can't get out of work and come with me?" Jasmin sounded oddly desperate.

I didn't really understand how hard the last two months had been for her so I didn't put two and two together then. Jasmin was subconsciously reaching out, trying to avoid the Graham trap she was coming to accept as fated.

"Are you going there with anyone?" I asked her. I knew her mother was trying to split us up with this Graham character and only then did I start to imagine that a bit of planning by Lorelle may have taken place.

"No," she answered. "Linda and Gloria don't like me anymore. That's why I haven't mentioned going out in any letters. I haven't seen them or gone anywhere except tech." I could tell Jasmin was upset then and I thought it was because she was fighting with her best friends and was so bored at home. But the real reason I didn't find out until 2007.

"You must have other girlfriends that can go with you, Jazz. What about Louise? She's an old school friend isn't she. You said you were still pretty close."

"Louise is heavily into this guy at the moment and hasn't had time for anyone else for a while. I'm just going to the party with mum. But I'll come home early. We can go out all day Saturday. It'll be so good to see you. Damien, I've missed you sooo much. It's been way too long."

For some unknown reason I developed an ache inside. I guess I began to feel jealous of Graham. At the time I tried to dismiss the feeling as irrational but it kept nagging at me. Graham was in Sydney and Jasmin's mother was all in favour of him dating her daughter. I had met him once and was sure his only feelings for Jasmin consisted of getting into her pants. So how he convinced Jasmin's mother of, "He is far more honourable than Damien," I have no idea about.

I asked Jasmin why Linda and Gloria were fighting with her. Shortly after meeting Jasmin I had thought the three girls were inseparable.

"Ohh..." was Jasmin's response. She was quiet then for a little while. When she didn't answer me I imagined all sorts of things. Was I asking too many questions, did she think I was interrogating her, that I didn't trust her, was Jasmin hiding something from me? The last thought was on the money but I didn't know that and had no idea how her former friends had tried to destroy her.

Jasmin spoke then, saying, "At that party their boyfriends tried dancing with me, tried to kiss me and you know... other things. Don't worry though, nothing happened,” she lied. “Both Linda and Gloria didn't believe me when I said that they came onto me. So I told them both to get stuffed and left early. We haven't spoken since."

"I'm sorry about that, Jasmin. What about that old guy that was there then? He seemed ok. I thought he was there as some kind of monitor. What was his name? Ah yeah, Carl. Did Carl take you home like he promised?"

Again Jasmin was quiet for a while. I was trying to figure out if something was wrong and what it was when she said. "Carl was a creep, Damien. He tried to have sex with me at the party."

"Christ! Jasmin, what happened there?” That had really thrown me. “Did Carl do something to you? I'm coming down tonight."

Jasmin really cried then and I really did just want to leave work and drive straight down to Sydney for her. I knew something must have happened for her to be so upset but I waited for her to stop sobbing, just reassuring her that everything would be all right.

It wasn't all right though and Jasmin had no intention of telling me what had really happened at that party, maybe too afraid of what my reaction would be. She was genuinely upset about it though and I tried to wait patiently for her. I remember thinking that 'tried' meant Carl had not succeeded but that in the trying Jasmin had obviously been traumatised.

Jasmin eventually calmed down enough to talk. "Don't come down now, Damien. It was two months ago after all."

I took a breath to collect my thoughts. One of the senior detectives I knew had said once that taking a breath when you were angry or excited often helped to find the right method, the right words to get on the same wavelength to someone. "Jazz, its ok now. You can tell me what happened? Your letters don't say anything about the party. You can tell me, I would never be angry with you for anything that might have happened."

"I miss you," was Jasmin's response. She was calmer but obviously still reluctant to say any more. But Jasmin must have decided I needed to be further reassured that she was ok because she said, "Carl said he'd take me home when I wanted to leave. But I wasn't sure about him so we talked a bit in the hallway. After a bit I knew he wanted to take me to his home. When I walked away, Carl trapped me against the wall and... and he felt me up."

Then it was my turn to be quiet for a while. I wanted to kill the old bastard for sure. I took a couple of breaths this time.

Jasmin knew me pretty well though and I guess that was one of the reasons why she hadn't defied her mother and phoned me. She knew I might do something I would regret later.

"Getting yourself sacked Damien won't help me. Worse, you could go to gaol." Jasmin sounded determined now but I still hoped she would do something official about it.

"Jazz, he's indecently assaulted you at the least. You can talk to a female police officer about it. I can line it up for you. It could stop-"

"No!" she almost shrieked down the phone line. "If I can handle it then you can also." Left unsaid was that she hadn't talked to anyone at all about it.

"Whoa, Jazz, ok, ok. I was just trying to help.” Obviously the shame she felt was too much to discuss it with anyone. I counted myself fairly privileged that she had opened up to me so much about it. Jasmin's Japanese heritage and shyness over despicable acts was obviously influencing her. “It's your decision Jazz. Seriously though, do you want me to come down tonight?"

"Damien, you know I'd love that, but you can't. I don't want mum finding out about the party, you know she'd lose it. You'd get the blame for the whole thing cause you left me there."

"Oh." I had no idea what to say or think. I was wondering if Jasmin was in part blaming me for Carl's attack. But I had to make myself keep in mind that this was about Jasmin and the turmoil she was in partly due to her heritage and no being able to talk to anyone. It was not about me or any hurt feelings of mine. I was kicking myself for not being in contact with her sooner. She had told me a little bit so for certain she needed me there to talk to. But I had to be invited. To come down otherwise would just cause her to clam up.

"Ok," I said. "What about Friday night then? Are you sure you don't want me to come down until Saturday?"

"I'm alright, Damien. Really," Jasmin claimed. "Just let mum think she's got it over us. I'll tell her I'm sick and leave early with her when she comes back home. I can't wait to see you but come Saturday and surprise us."

I had an idea then how I could get letters through to her. I was still getting hers of course but her mother had been keeping mine, burning them apparently as Jasmin said she had seen her mother burning some papers at odd times. "Jazz, about future letters; I know your mother keeps most of your austudy allowance for rent, electricity, food, etcetera, so how about I get a post-box, say at Burwood or wherever you think would be better? There's no way that the post office will burn any letters. You'll have the key and be able to get them yourself. Your mother will be happier because she'll think I stopped writing to you."

"Yes!" she said, her voice noticeably happier. "I don't know what you really mean about a post-box but it sounds good. Tell me about it on Saturday."

We hung up soon after that and Jasmin seemed to be in much better spirits. I was much happier as well apart from hearing about her ordeal at the party. Not seeing her for two months had been really hard. About Carl's assault on her I would just take it slow with Jasmin and try and gently coax her into talking about it over the weekend. Then hopefully she could decide on the course she needed to take.

Jasmin's Words

I was so happy after talking with Damien. How I felt told me just how miserable I had been the last two months after those guys raped me at the party. If I had told Damien about that I know he would've come that night. Telling him about Carl had been difficult enough and even then I didn't tell him about what Carl did to me. I realised how close I truly felt with Damien and I was so happy he had asked me to marry him. I couldn't imagine telling anyone else about that stuff.

Mum rang then. It hadn't been more than a minute since I hung up from Damien. Mum was in a filthy mood. She knew who I had been talking with and said I couldn't be trusted so she would have to stay home with me in the future.

We had a big argument. I was so mad that she had been burning Damien's letters and letting me believe he wasn't writing. But I didn't tell her then that I had guessed what she had done with his letters. Even so, mum knew she lost some of her hold over me then because I hadn't argued with her like that since before that party.

After she hung up, saying she would be home in ten minutes (liar, I know it takes about fifteen from the SES depot), I thought a bit more clearly about what had happened at the party. I knew for sure then that it hadn't really been any fault of Damien's. Sick or not when I was in the bathroom, I should have run out of the house after him.

In the last couple of months I had almost bought into what mum had been saying about Damien. I felt so guilty, I hadn't written a letter to him in more than three weeks because I began to believe what mum said about him.

I decided then that I wouldn't go to Graham's 21st at all, I didn't really like him that much anyway. Mum came home in about twelve minutes. I went outside to the carport to ask about Damien's letters and I could smell a burning. My brother David said later that the smell was probably the brakes on the van from speeding.

I was even angrier than mum was, really chopping into her about keeping Damien's letters. Then she admitted she had burned them. I couldn't believe how spiteful she was being and told her, "No way am I going to that party on Friday."

Mum said she would stay home with me on Friday then and we could watch a movie together. Urrgh, that's the last thing I wanted to do. I almost let slip that Damien would be coming on Saturday but managed to keep it to myself.

The next day I wrote a letter to Damien while I was at TAFE. I didn't tell him anything new and certainly nothing more about that party. I couldn't bring myself to tell him any more and I was still surprised that I had shared as much as I did. So I just told him the boring day to day stuff that was going on with my life and about the stupid teachers at TAFE. But I knew he would be able to tell how happy I was now from what I wrote to him.

Friday morning before I went to TAFE, mum asked what videos she should pick up from Video Ezy for our night at home. I was determined to beat her at her own game so I thought why not go to the party? I could always come back early. If I did that then mum would finally realise that I was never going to be interested in Graham and she would give up.

Mum smiled when I said, "Ok, I'll go to the party." It was nice to see her smile even if it was only because she thought she had won.

That evening when I came downstairs ready to go, mum frowned at what I was wearing. I had on a pair of black jeans and a top over my blouse. On my feet I had the black shoes I bought when I did my student nursing. It was pretty much what I wore to TAFE any day.

Mum was wearing this floral dress and a pair of low heels. I hardly ever saw her in heels because of her bad hip and she had always said even low ones could be dangerous.

She convinced me to change into a skirt and heels. I know she wanted me to look good for Graham. But I suppose she is proud of me and how pretty she says I am. So when she suggested a dress, because I knew I would come back early with her I thought it would be nice to look good with my mother.